Author's Notes: Ok, this is my futile attempt to hopefully write an at least “somewhat” humorous Shounen-ai fic. I honestly can’t believe I wrote this, because it will most likely make me look extremely stupid. I doubt it’s very well written either. But hey, I tried…. This is also a last warning to anyone who is in anyway offended by Shounen-ai or yaoi themes. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!!! ^_^
DISCLAIMER: No, I don't own any of the characters....
Where Did All the Guys Go?
Chapter 2 - Stay Outta The Storage Closet!
~At this time, it was now six o’ clock, and the fighters were beginning to arrive at the Zaibatsu for the dance.
Heihachi had attempted to make everything look all fancy. The main area inside of the Zaibatsu had been decorated to the extreme, with a live orchestra… There were also photographers present to take pictures for the area newspapers, as well as a wide, red satin carpet that led all the way from the glass entry doors, to the street up front.
A few of the fighters were already there.
Julia and Xiaoyu were seated on one of the exquisite benches outside as they awaited none other than Jin and Hwoarang.
Xiaoyu was dressed in an expensive, shining pink dress while Julia was wearing a fancy gown which was different shades of green.
“Yes, Ling?” Julia had noticed that Xiaoyu had a slight sound of concern in her voice.
“Why do you think we’ve had such a hard time getting in touch with Jin and Hwoarang lately? It’s like they’re never home, or they always have some excuse?”
“Oh yeah?” Julia replied. “Well, you know how Hwoarang moved several months ago and all. Well the thing is, I still haven’t figured out where to!”
Just then, a long black limo pulled up in front of the end of the red, carpeted path. A driver got out and headed over to open the passenger door facing the Zaibatsu in the back, but when he tried, he found it to be locked. “You guys ok in there?” The driver asked as he knocked on the shaded window. Just then, he heard the automatic doors unlock, and so he tried opening the door once more.
It was none other than Kazuya Mishima who stepped out, followed closely by the exquisite Lee Chaolan.
“Was everything alright in there? I could have sworn I heard a cry or something of the sort…” The driver asked, arching a brow in suspicion.
Kazuya narrowed his in response. “You’re fired!” a second after he said this, however, Lee elbowed him from behind.
“Uuh, fine. You’re not.”
The retarded driver then began to laugh. “Ah, an April Fools joke, I see!”
“Of course…” Lee replied in one of those ‘riiiggghhtt’ voices.
A moment later, a crappy old convertible began to pull up behind the limo. It was Hwoarang who stepped out of the driver’s side on the right, as Jin did from the passenger’s side.
Lee and Kazuya both shook there heads as they looked at each other.
“Why wont he just go a head and take the damn money from us, already?...” Lee sighed.
“He said he wanted to do things on his own, remember?” Kazuya declared in a ‘proud father’ tone of voice.
A thought then crossed Lee’s mind. “Hey, with that crappy job Jin has, how does he ever manage paying all the bills on his own?”
Kazuya shrugged as he slipped on his sunglasses. “Beats me.”
“Oh well.” Lee replied before also slipping on his sunglasses as they now both heading into the Zaibatsu/hell.
Jin was now attempting to shut the door to the…car without breaking it off in the process. Hwoarang shook his head as he took a closer look at the vehicle from the outside. “Jin, I seriously think you should just go a head and take the damn money from your father and uncle already! Hell, look at this…thing!”
Jin sighed for the hundredth time. “Hwoarang, I’m 21 years old. I can’t just keep depending off my family for the rest of my life.”
“Jin, you never did depend on them for anything in the first place!”
Right at this moment, a man came over and attempted to enter the crap car.
“Hey! What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” Hwoarang exclaimed as he grabbed the man at the neckline and pushed him against the side of the car, ready to punch him.
“Hwoarang! He’s just here to park our car for us!” Jin stated.
“Oh..” Hwoarang then released his grip on the man, and also noticed that a photograph had been taken of him as he was about to punch the crap outta the driver. “Hey hey, NO pictures!”
Jin grinned and shook his head. “Oh, come on Hwoarang. Let’s just go in and get this over with…”
They then began to walk side by side over to the carpet which led to the entrance. “Jin, I look like hell in the tux…”
“No you don’t, you look great. I have to admit I never though I’d see the day though.”
Hwoarang frowned slightly. “Jin, with my hair slicked back like this, I look like Steve Fox…”
Jin sighed. “It’s looks fine.”
Hwoarang looked up. “Oh, so you’re saying that I do look like Steve Fox then!!!”
Jin sweatdropped. “Uh, no, no, of course not!”
They both looked up.
At this time, a police car drove up.
It was Bryan who stepped out of the driver’s side. He seemed extremely calm. Lei, however, who stepped out of the passenger’s side, was gasping and wide-eyed.
“Why, whatever is the problem, Lei?” Bryan smiled evilly.
“What the fuck were you trying to do back there?! Get us killed?! I knew I shouldn’t have let you drive!! You barely missed hitting at least four cars and seven light poles!!”
“And the bus.”
“And the bus!!”
“OK then!.. Wait…”
Bryan slammed the door and then looked back up at Lei’s still wide eyes. “Arrest me then, honey.” He laughed.
Also at this time, a Chinese food delivery truck pulled up.
Marshal Law stepped out of the driver’s seat up front, while Paul and Forest both exited from the back of the delivery truck.
Marshal was now in a very pissed-off mood. He had lost just lost his restaurant, and been sued by at least four people.
“Uh, sorry again about the peppered beef, dad…” stated Forest.
“Son, the food was great. The problem is, these people just don’t know good food these days.”
Paul then put his left arm around Forest’s neck. “Don’t worry pal, you know how much I love your Chinese food!” Forest blushed as he said this.
Marshal sighed. “Nah, it’s ok. I’m just going to reopen the restaurant into a dojo now.”
~20 Minutes later…
At this time, all of the fighters had arrived and were now suffering the wrath of Heihachi’s choice of music….
“I can’t take much more of this shit…” Eddy sighed.
Christie did the same. “I like, hate this so, and stuff.”
“I NEED to do some real danc’n man!”
“Hmm.” Christie thought. “Hey, I’ve got, like, an idea!”
Kazuya was sitting all alone at a table, until Nina Williams walked over and joined him. “Hey Kazuya.” She said in an ‘attempted’ sexy voice.
“Uuhh. What do you want?”
“Well, have you seen Lee anywhere?” She asked.
Kazuya arched a brow in response. “What are you getting at?”
“Well… You see.. fine, I’ll just tell you. You see, Anna and I both want to fuck Lee.”
Kazuya, who was drinking champagne as she said this, spit it all right out…
“Yea, and I can’t let that slut-sister of mine get to him first! Lee is MINE!”
And as Kazuya now heard this, he broke the champagne glass he had been holding into pieces as he clenched his fist around it…
“Kazuya? Are you… ok?”
Hwoarang was now dancing with Julia, as Jin was with Xiaoyu to the terrible music…
“Ouch. Uh, Ling?...Ouch!”
“Could you at least try not to step on my feet?....”
Xiaoyu now looked like she was going to cry. “Oh, I’m so sorry Jinny! I swear I didn’t mean to make you hate me!”
Jin was, well, freaked…
“Calm down, calm down. I’m not mad at you. I’m the one here who sucks at dancing. Thank god the music has been slow so far….”
“Don’t you just love dancing, Hwoarang?” Julia asked.
“Oh… yes. Though I must say that this opera shit aint my style.”
Julia shook her head. “Oh Hwoarang, you must feel the music, and listen to the spirits voices.”
Steve Fox was dancing with Miharu, while Lei danced with Michelle.
“That asshole Hwoarang is copying my way-cool hair style!” Steve stated.
“You do have to admit that he is awfully hot though?” Miharu replied.
“Yea…. I mean, hell no!”
“Lei, why ever do you think that Bryan Fury keeps giving us those dirty mean looks from across the room?” Michelle asked.
Lei looked over her shoulder, gesturing for Bryan to ‘cut it out’. “Well, uh, we are rivals, ya know.”
“Ah, I see. Just trying to show his real feelings for you.”
“I guess you could say that.”
Michelle then glanced over to where Hwoarang and Julia were dancing. “How sweet that they’re dancing together. I know how much my little Julia wants that redhead.
It looks like he can’t stand her.... Hmm, Bryan is still looking at me. How sweet, I just love to make him jealous. Heh heh!
Kazuya was now looking for Lee. For two reasons. One was because he didn’t want him messing around with the William sluts. And two, he was stiff……
He then couldn’t help but hear Yoshimitsu talking to King.
“Hey, do you think Chaolan will go for it, Yoshi?”
“Yeah, it looks like Anna is about to get him good…”
After hearing this, Kazuya quickly ran into the halls where King and Yoshimitsu had just come from, to see Anna attempting to hand Lee some kind of drink. Kazuya knew it had to have been spiked with something.
“Here Lee, have a drink baby.”
“Um, I don’t know Anna.”
Just then, Lee watched in shock as Anna was suddenly zapped with a laser of some sort. He then looked down the hall to see Kazuya.
“That slut!” Kazuya shouted down the hall.
Lee looked down at Anna’s fallen body. “I think she died.”
“Good. Now, what do you say we have a little ‘fun’ in the main storage closet?”
Lee thought about this for a moment. They were at a dance, they could easily be busted, and not to mention that this was the Zaibatsu they were talking about, so Heihachi most likely had cameras set up everywhere.
“Sure, why not?”
Forest and Paul were over by the punch bowl and buffet table, as they watched Ganryu devourer practically the whole damn thing, the table along with it….
“Dayum!” Exclaimed Paul.
“You know what?” asked Forest.
“This dance sux ass!”
Then, a thought crossed Paul’s mind. “Hey, I have an idea!”
“What do you say we go do some ‘stuff’ in that storage closet over there?”
Hwoarang and Jin had finally been given a break from dancing with Julia and Xiaoyu, but they were to be back soon….
“Jin, I, I can’t take it anymore!!”
Jin shook his head. “Me neither. But hey, I have an idea babe?”
Jin then whispered something in Hwoarang’s ear.
Lei had just finished dancing with Michelle, who was now being stalked by Ganryu. He was heading over to the punch bowl, when suddenly, he felt a grip on his arm.
“Wulong, this dance sucks!”
“Hey, but I have an ‘idea’.” Bryan replied with his good ol’ smirky smile.
(You know what it is….)
Kazuya and Lee were now walking back into the main room where the dance was.
“Ok Lee, I just have to go to the restroom first. You go ahead and wait in the storage closet over there in the back.”
“Ok, I’ll be looking forward to your arrival in the meantime.”
“Oh shit, Jin! I think they saw us!”
Jin sighed. Hwoarang was right… “You go ahead and wait in the closet, and I’ll be there after I take care of the girls.” He smiled evilly.
“Jin, you don’t get too evil very often, but when you do…… I love it!”
Christie and Eddy had just returned with a huge stereo system, after killing all of the instrumentals…. They couldn’t take anymore of the shit music.
“Are you ready Eddy? Hey! Like, that totally rhymed!”
“Yeah babe, let’s turn on the REAL music now!” Eddy declared before plugging in the stereo, as the song “Lose Yourself” came on.
Everyone in the room started cheering for them shortly afterwards.
Suddenly, Nina walked in looking very confused…
“Hey, my sister… She’s….dead…”
Steve walked up to her. “My, Aunt Anna’s dead?”
Lee was all alone, in the dark storage closet. It was actually pretty big at that. Until he heard the door swiftly open, and then shut.
Hmm, that was pretty fast...
Lee was about to say something, but he heard a “Sshhh.”
Ok, now that didn’t sound like Kazuya’s ‘Sshhh.’ Oh well, he’s probably just trying to pull that mind-fuck stuff again.
He then felt himself being forcefully pushed back of against the wall, but he just ‘knew’ it had to be his lover…
Kazuya had now re-entered the main room and was on his way to, well, you know…. He looked around to make sure that no one saw him heading back toward the storage closet, but then saw that his son Jin apparently had the same idea.
“Jin, what the hell are you doing going into that closet?!”
Jin swiftly turned around. “Uuhh, uuhh, nothing dad… Why were you apparently about to do the same thing though?!”
“Uuhh, hey! I’m your father, and it’s your job to answer me first!”
“Well, you see, um, Ling, Julia, Hwoarang, and me are playing a game of hide-and-seek. Yeah, it was Ling’s idea, of course. And I think that Hwoarang, is ‘hiding’ in here. Just ‘hiding’. Yeah.”
Suddenly, a moan was heard from within the closet…
Kazuya now had a look on his face that said nothing short of “DAMN!” Jin had of course heard this too, so he and Kazuya both swiftly attempted to open the door, until they flung it open so damn hard, that it nearly broke off. Kazuya then reached for the light switch and….
“WHAT THE FUCK?!!”
They had walked in to see Hwoarang deep-throating Lee in a big kiss who was now pinned up against the wall, and had apparently had his shirt ripped off in the process….
“HWOARANG??!!” Lee spoke all freaked out…
Hwoarang looked like he was about to faint…
Just then, the closet door opened once more as Bryan dragged Lei by his hand into the storage room… They realized shortly afterwards that it was already somewhat occupied…
“Uuh, it’s not what it looks like!” Lei exclaimed.
“Yea!” Agreed Bryan. “I brought him back here to fu- kick his ass!”
No one else in the closet bought this, of course…
“Hey?” Lei asked. “What the hell’s going on in here anyway? And why the fuck has Lee’s shirt been torn off?” Then, a bad thought crossed Lei’s mind. He then gave a series a dirty looks to Kazuya, Jin, and Hwoarang. “Christ you guys are sick!!”
No less than two seconds later, the closet door flung open once more as Paul and Forest ran in, holding hands. They were then quite shocked to see the closet was full themselves.
After finally catching his breath, Lee went to the center of the closet. “You know what?”
“Us Chinese are never the dominant ones….”
Hwoarang looked up. “Hey, I’m not Chinese!”
(In a camera room)
Heihachi had seen it all, and he now lay dead on the floor, with a gun in hand….
Outside, the music had really started, but everyone had noticed the lack in hot guys…
“Julia?” Xiaoyu asked in a concerned tone of voice.
“Where did all the guys go?!!”
A/N Ok, yes, this is definitely the most retarded and weird thing I have ever written. It was actually a dare to write this too, but of course I went a head and did. Anyway, I hope you found this at least a little funny, and I hope you’ll review! Just plz, plz, don’t flame me…… T_T (Goes to shoot myself again…)
Return to Archive | next | previous