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Part 16 - Unbreakable Walls...
I couldn't sleep the night Squall left me. I stared up at my ceiling until the early dawn light drifted in through my dorm room window. All I could think about was Squall and what he said to me.
~ Who's the whore now? ~
What the hell was he talking about? Was he calling me a whore? Why the hell am I a whore? Sure, I slept with a lot of people, but...
...I guess I am a whore, huh?
I chuckled darkly to myself.
I was sitting in the Balamb diner, where I forced myself to eat a plain salad. The people around me looked at me strangely, before they returned to their newspapers and tried to ignore me. It must have been hard because I was smirking bitterly at my plate and laughing at myself. It was my own fault for not recognizing my feelings earlier, but I never thought Squall would revert to himself like _that_; he seemed so much colder than usual.
~ Did you like that? ~
I should've known something was wrong. I'd never seen Squall act so dominant and seductive before. When he was being seductive, it was an innocent seduction, inexperienced and tentative. The Squall from last night was all about control and dominance. What happened to him? What happened to the Squall that blushed a deep red when I first told him to finger himself?
I shook my head and pushed my plate away from me. How the hell did Squall eat this garbage anyway? It tastes like shit.
"--and Squall believed you?" someone said from behind me.
I froze when I heard the mention of Squall's name. I didn't recognize the person's voice, but I was certain that the person wasn't talking to me.
"Of course," another voice said.
I'd know his voice anywhere.
"Squall is so gullible. He'd believe you if you told him the sky was falling," Nida chuckled. "You'd just have to enforce it a little."
Nida's companion laughed. "You should've seen the look on his face when I told him Seifer didn't love him," he said. "He looked like he just witnessed a puppy being slain."
"And now he's being the little whore that he is," Nida said in a pleasant tone. "I heard he and Ryuichi are quite the little sex bunnies."
"Are you serious?" Nida's companion asked.
"I don't know...I wouldn't be surprised," Nida said. "But the whole Garden believes my story."
"You are the King of Bullshit, you know that?"
The two of them laughed.
I was seconds away from ripping their heads off.
"The King of Bullshit, eh?" I said from my booth. Obviously, the two idiots didn't realize I was in the diner. Nida's eyes grew impossibly wide, while his companion shrank back in fear. "So, Nida, tell me: what the fuck did you tell Squall? Or rather: what the fuck did you make him think?" I stepped around their booth and sat down beside Nida. I wrapped an arm around his shoulders, casually; to onlookers, it looked like a friendly hug; to Nida, he could feel the unrestrained anger that threatened to break his neck. I gave them a pleasant smile, which seemed to unnerve them. I chuckled and tightened my hold around Nida. "Well, Nida? Cough it up."
"I-I didn't tell him anything," Nida told me weakly.
It's too bad I didn't believe him.
"Now, now, Nida," I said casually, "there's no reason to lie to me, right? Either way, I'm going to kill you."
I felt a rush of power when Nida began to tremble. He looked over at his companion for help, but his 'friend' looked about ready to flee.
"Oh! How rude of me!" I exclaimed sarcastically. "I haven't introduced myself: I'm Seifer Almasy. You are...?"
His face seemed to drain of all its color. "C-Chris."
"Chris," I said, testing the name out. "I heard you say you hurt my Squall."
Chris seemed to grow even paler, if that was possible.
"Iie," he said weakly.
"What was that?" I said. "I don't speak Japanese."
"N-No," he said, shrinking back against his chair.
I sighed and shook my head. "What did you tell Squall?" I asked. "You have about three seconds before I shove my foot up your ass."
"I-I--" Chris slumped his shoulders in defeat. He mumbled something, but I didn't quite catch it.
"What?" I said.
"I said I told Squall you didn't love him," he muttered.
"What else did you tell him?" I demanded through narrowed eyes.
"I asked him if you had kissed him yet," he sighed. "And I told him you didn't love him...I told him you were in love with Nida."
I could feel the heat of my anger surging through my veins. I turned my head to the side, looking at Nida. Out of the corner of my eye, Chris shot out of his chair and ran out of the diner. I would have chased after him, but I was about five seconds away from breaking Nida's neck.
"You made Squall think I was in love with you, huh?" I glared at Nida angrily, nearly spitting fire out of my eyes. "What else did you make him think?"
"W-Why should I tell you?" He trembled. "Y-Y-You're just going to kill me anyway."
I chuckled at him darkly. "Nida, Nida," I said with a shake of my head. "There are a lot of different ways to kill someone. I can make your death fast and painless.........or I can make it slow and torturous."
I wouldn't kill him of course; someone needed to pilot the Garden. Of course that didn't mean I wouldn't give him a severe beating instead.
"Well?" I pressed, resisting the urge to brandish my gunblade and slide it across Nida's throat.
"I told him he was just a whore to you," he trembled. "I made him think we were together, and I made him think he was just a toy to you."
~ Who's the whore now? ~
Now it all made sense to me. This was Squall's payback for hurting him. He thought I saw him as only a sex object; to an extent that was true. But I really did care for him. He wanted me to suffer the same way I made him suffer.
Ever heard the saying: "What goes around comes around?"
It's a curse, I tell you.
"You told Squall I thought he was a whore?" I growled. "What else did you make him think?"
Nida began to weep with fright. "I-I made him think we were in love..."
I threw my head back and laughed insanely. "Are you out of your fucking mind, Nida?!" Jesus Christ! "What the hell have you been smoking?" I was aware of the people who began to look at us in annoyance. I didn't care. I was too pissed to care. "Why the fuck would you do something like that?!?!?"
"Because I love you!" Nida cried.
"So what?! You didn't have to treat Squall like that!" I shouted, growing angrier and angrier. "You know Squall! His self-esteem has been shot to shit! What the fuck were you thinking?!?!?"
Nida buried his face in his hands and wept like a little schoolgirl. "He deserved to feel the same way I felt!" he said. "He didn't think about my feelings when he stole you away from me!"
"There was nothing between you and me!" I shouted. "Squall didn't steal shit away! I wasn't yours to begin with!"
"Hey! You two over there! Take it outside!" An old man shouted at us.
I turned in my chair and shot him my deadliest glare. He backed up and hid himself behind the counter.
"You're going to explain everything to Squall," I growled as I pulled Nida out of the booth and out of the restaurant. "After you confess, you're going to beg for mercy and forgiveness."
"I will not!" Nida protested like a five-year-old child. "He deserves to be miserable!"
That did it.
"What the fuck is your problem, Nida?!" I shouted at him angrily. Rage seemed to be the only thing I was capable of feeling. I slammed him against the nearest wall and threatened to punch his lights out with a raised fist. "Squall has every right to be fucking happy! You know how he is! If he loves someone, he really loves them! It's not a fucking infatuation, Nida! You can't fuck with Squall's head like that! He's too na´ve!" I let out a deep breath and glared for all I was worth. "Fucking hell, Nida. Squall tries to keep everyone out to avoid being hurt. He fucking opened himself up and you just helped me crap all over him!"
"It's not fair!" Nida sobbed.
I glared. "Life's not fair, Nida. Fucking deal with it."
I pulled him away from the wall and forced him to follow me back to the Garden. Every so often, I heard Nida sniffle. That annoying thing called your 'conscience' started tugging at the side of my head, telling me I should try and make Nida feel better.
Then the other part of my brain reminded me that Nida hurt Squall far worse than how Nida was hurting now.
Nida deserved it.
When I got to Squall's office, Rinoa was standing outside his door talking to Ryuichi.
"Seifer!" Rinoa exclaimed in shock. "What are you..." she trailed when her eyes settled on Nida, who was standing behind me. Then she narrowed her eyes and glared at me. "I told you to stay away from Squall," she said.
"Do I ever listen to what people tell me to do?" I asked. I pushed Nida in front of me and said, "There's something he wants to tell Squall."
Rinoa's head looked like it was about to explode. Ryuichi had that confused expression on his face again. And Nida looked like he was trying to disappear into the ground.
"Seifer," Rinoa growled. "I won't allow you to hurt Squall anymore."
"I'm not," I said as evenly as I could. "Nida here decided to twist things around."
Coffee-colored eyes immediately flew to the sulking Nida.
I wanted to laugh, but I didn't want to become the target of an enraged woman's wrath.
"What?" she growled.
Ryuichi didn't seem to be interested in the conversation: he sat down on the floor and pulled out a coloring book.
Meanwhile, Nida was confessing his 'sins' to Sister Rinoa. I could see her growing more pissed off by the second. Any second now, smoke would come billowing out of her ears.
When Nida was done explaining, Rinoa took a moment to gather herself. Then she spoke in the sweetest voice I'd ever heard.
"Sakuma-san?" she asked the brown-haired boy who was scribbling in his coloring book. "Is Mr. K still here?" 
Ryuichi looked up and nodded his head.
"Good," she said. "I'll be right back." She looked at Nida. "You, come with me."
Then they left.
"Uh..." I said, confused for the moment.
"Pika-pika," came a sing-song voice from the floor.
I looked down and saw Ryuichi still scribbling in his coloring book.
"Uh..." I said again, feeling really uncomfortable.
Ryuichi looked up and smiled at me. "Squall-chan inside his office working," he said in a cheery, slightly accented voice. "You make happy."
He didn't seem like the same guy who was feeling Squall up on the dance floor last night. He seemed like a person who was on too many happy pills.
I admitted to myself, reluctantly, that he was actually quite adorable.
"I go tell Squall," he said, jumping to his feet and dropping all his crayons. He pushed open Squall's door and said: "Squallll!!! Pika-pika! Someone see you!"
Did this guy realize that I was here to take Squall away from him?
"I'm busy," came Squall's familiar monotone.
"He make you happy, you see," Ryuichi said. "No hide anymore."
I could imagine a bright smile on Ryuichi's face when he said that.
Then Ryuichi bounced out of Squall's office and smiled at me. "No mess up again, okay?"
That's when I realized this was probably all planned. Knowing Rinoa, she probably convinced Ryuichi to cheer up Squall, in fear of Squall reverting back to his old self completely.
She probably knew I'd get jealous as hell.
I could hear Ryuichi's sing-song voice as he disappeared down the hall. I swallowed and took a tentative step towards Squall's office, feeling as though I was entering a snake pit.
A pissed off Squall...
I cleared my throat when I entered Squall's office, swallowing hard.
"Squall...?" I said, tentatively.
At the sound of my voice, Squall stopped what he was doing to pin me with a death glare.
"Get out," he said curtly.
"Look, I know I fucked up," I began, before he cut me off with another one of those glares.
"Get out before I throw you out, Seifer." He spat my name out like it was venom.
"--I don't want to hear it," he said sharply. "If you don't get out now, I'll throw you out the window."
I know I didn't have the right to get mad, but Squall was pissing me off!
I stalked forward and slammed my hands on his desk. "You don't fucking get it, do you? Nida was fucking with your head the whole time! He said all those things because he wanted you to stay away from me! I love you, you fucking bastard! Yeah, I didn't realize it before. But don't tell me you got into this whole 'relationship' for a relationship! It was all about sex for you too!" I shouted, angered by the blank expression on Squall's face. "I never thought of you as a whore, Squall. I wasn't just using you for sex. I cared about you--I still care about you. When you first told me you loved me, I was just scared to lose you! I didn't realize that I was loving you!" I didn't care how fucking corny I sounded. I'd have to beat the truth into Squall's head with a sledgehammer. "You know I'll only kiss the one I love," I said in a softer tone. Squall still seemed to be vulnerable to the feelings he had for me, because I could feel some of the ice melting.
"You kissed Nida," he accused.
"What?!?!" I exclaimed incredulously.
"I saw you!" he said, narrowing his eyes at me.
I growled low in my throat. "What are you talking about, Squall?"
"You and Nida were kissing in the hallway," he said in a hurt tone.
Inwardly, I smiled.
Squall still loved me.
"What are you talking about, baby?"
Then it hit me.
"Nida threw himself on me," I said in a gentle tone. "I punched him in the gut for that little stunt."
He seemed to be struggling with his emotions. I could see his desire to accept what I was telling him, but there was another part of him that seemed to remain guarded.
"Squall..." I said tentatively, wanting to take him into my arms. "It's all, somewhat, of a misunderstanding. I was stupid for not returning your affections in the beginning, but now I know better." I offered him a rare smile. "I love you, Squall."
When the hell did I become such a sap?
"Will you give me another chance?" I asked him hopefully.
His beautiful features softened and I could see the love in his storm-colored eyes. I leaned forward, across his desk, and captured the bottom of his chin in my hand. Pulling his face forward, I could feel his walls crumbling. Our lips hovered mere millimeters from each other's: warm breath tickling against my tingling lips...
Then he pulled away, eyes closed in concentration. I looked at him in surprise, confused by his actions. He took in a shuddering breath and said, "I can't." A visible tremble swept through his body, mimicking my own tremble that made my heart stop. When he opened his eyes, he seemed to be resolved. "I can't do this anymore, Seifer. Please leave."
The only word I could come up with was: "Why?"
To be continued...
 Mr. K is from Gravitation too. If you're wondering about what happened to Nida, you'll find out in the next chapter. If you have seen the anime, you probably have a general idea of what could happen. ^__^ I'm open to suggestions, though. I have no idea what to do with Nida. ^^;;AN: Sinc
e ff.net will no longer host NC-17 fics, I will no longer update this fic here. If you would like to see new chapters, you can find it at: http://www.mediaminer.org/ under the pen name: Rain Camui
Or the SeiferxSquall ML and/or the FF8Yaoi ML.
OR (^^;;) my website at: http://www.geocities.com/agonyswhisper/
Thanks so much for all of your encouraging reviews! I really, really, really appreciated it! Hopefully, NC-17 will be able to stay. If not, thanks again for all of your encouraging support!
~ Rain ~
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