Disclaimer: Not mine...anyone want to give them to me?
Feedback: Yes, please!
Part 17 - Love and Trust...
"Why?" Seifer asked, looking at me with wide emerald eyes.
I swallowed and turned my head away in shame--or perhaps it was fear. I'm not sure. All I knew was: I didn't want to get hurt again. The past few weeks have been a painful reminder of what could happen if you opened yourself up. I.........don't want to feel that way again. It hurts too much.
"Why Squall?" Seifer demanded. "Is it because of that guy Ryuichi?"
Ryuichi had nothing to do with it. He and I had an understanding. It was just sex between the two of us. He couldn't get hurt and I couldn't get hurt.
Seifer could hurt me...
I love him.
"Please leave," I said in a stronger voice.
I wouldn't give in. Seifer would just hurt me again.
Go away, Seifer, please.
"Squall," he said, grasping my chin again. He forced me to look at him: emerald green eyes blazing with fury. He was angry with me...? Why?
"Tell me why and I'll leave you alone," he said.
I turned my head away and looked at my lap. I didn't want to tell him why. I didn't want him to know anything. I just wanted him to leave me alone. Is that so hard to understand? He has walked away from me before. Why can't he do it now when I want him to?
"Squall," he said again. "Tell me why."
I said the first thing that came to mind: "I don't love you anymore."
It was a simple lie covering up the truth. I love him too much, that's why I can't be with him. I needed to get out of this now, before I sank any deeper.
I don't want to be left alone again.
"That's not true," he said, forcing me to look at him. "Tell me, Squall."
I nibbled on my lower lip, darting my eyes back and forth.
'Leave me alone,' I thought, pleading with him silently. 'I don't want you to hurt me again.'
"Just tell me and I promise I won't bother you anymore."
Seifer can be so nice when he wants to be. Why does he have to act this way now? It's making it harder for me to push him away.
"I love you, Squall," he whispered to me softly. "Just tell me, please."
I could feel myself tremble as my walls began caving in. If I let him know why, he'll leave me alone for good...
"You promise?" I asked, lifting my eyes to meet his gaze.
"Promise," he whispered.
I bit my lower lip again and said in a soft voice: "I don't want you to hurt me anymore."
His eyes slid shut in what appeared to be pain. Then he reopened them and smiled at me: a warm, tender smile that made my body shiver.
"I'll never hurt you again, Squall," he whispered to me gently. "I'll prove it to you, sweetie. I'll make you trust me again." He leaned forward and captured my lips in a short kiss. Much to my dismay, I responded to him slowly. Then he pulled away and smiled, tapping my nose with his index finger. "You'll see," he smiled. The warmth in his eyes almost made me believe him. I'd never seen him so open and honest before. Could he have been telling the truth?
I forced the question out of my mind; there was no point in thinking about it. All that mattered now was: Seifer would leave me alone. I could go back to the way my life was before we...started fooling around. I wouldn't let him hurt me, no matter how much my heart was aching to be with him. This heartache was far less painful then when I realized he didn't love me.
I'd be able to deal with it.
But the look in Seifer's eyes told me he wasn't about to give up so easily...
I forced myself not to think about it.
~ Seifer ~
"He better not be crying, Seifer."
I looked up and saw Rinoa standing right in front of me. Her raven- colored hair was slightly disheveled, and her small hands were placed on her hips.
Nida was nowhere to be found.
"He's not," I said with a sigh. "He doesn't trust me anymore."
"Can you blame him?" Rinoa almost spat. "You _hurt_ him."
Gee, just rub some salt in my wounds.
"I'm going to make it up to him," I said more to myself, rather than Rinoa. "I just have to figure out _how_ to do that."
"You can start by apologizing to him every day," Rinoa said unexpectedly.
I blinked at her for a few moments in disbelief.
Rinoa smiled. "I knew there was still a tender side to you," she said. "You were in love with Squall this whole time. It just took awhile for that to get through your thick head."
I glared at her. "If you knew that, why didn't you tell me?"
Rinoa rolled her eyes. "Would you have listened?"
"That's not the point."
"Besides," she said. "Aside from you hurting Squall so badly," she poked me lightly against the chest, "it was fun watching your green eyes grow even greener. Sakuma-san was worried that you were going to rip his head off."
"What's the deal with that Ryuichi guy anyway?" I raised an eyebrow at the grin on Rinoa's face.
"Squall needed someone to offer him comfort," she said. "You know him. If I left him alone, he would have reverted back to his old self, where nothing and no one could hurt him."
I frowned when I pictured Ryuichi touching _my_ Squall. No one should've had the satisfaction of touching Squall's milky-white skin except me; he's mine!
"Did it have to be sexual comfort?" I scowled.
"What other comfort would Squall have accepted? There was only so much I could offer him," she said. "But if it makes you feel any better, Squall and Sakuma didn't have _sex_, sex."
Is that supposed to make me feel better? It doesn't matter if they didn't have _sex_; the point was, Ryuichi _touched_ MY Squall!
"Anyway." Rinoa waved her hand in dismissal. "What are you going to do to start making everything up to Squall?"
I frowned a little and looked at the floor. I had no idea what I could do to start apologizing. I broke Squall's trust, and it'll be damn near impossible to gain it all back.
"Don't try any sexual advances, Seifer," Rinoa warned me.
I rolled my eyes in a 'duh' expression. "I'm not a fucking idiot, Rin."
"Could've fooled me," she muttered.
"You'd better do something nice for him," she said. "Which means: no more being selfish."
"You just a kick a man when he's down, don't you?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.
She smiled sweetly. "Only you, Seifer." Then she stepped forward and kissed my cheek. "Now, you'd better turn into Squall's prince charming, or else I'll carry out the promise I made Squall."
"I'll run you over with my train." She smiled at me again, and then she headed towards the elevator.
It's times like these when I wonder why I care for Rinoa; she's like a cross between a caring mother and a dominatrix.
I shook my head and snickered a little.
Now, I mused to myself quietly, what can I do to gain Squall's trust back?
I headed towards the elevator and took the lift down. It would be hard to gain Squall's trust back, but his love for me could help a lot. My eyebrows drew together in concentration, trying to think up a plan. Then I heard someone calling my name.
I turned around and saw Ryuichi waving at me frantically. A tall blond man stood to his side, wearing dark sunglasses and a casual business suit. I frowned a little and waited for them to come to me. I wasn't about to walk all the way over there.
"You are Seifer Almasy?" The blond man asked me. At my nod, he said, "I'm K, Bad Lucks Manager. I have a favor to ask of you."
"Excuse me?" I raised an eyebrow at him. "I don't do favors."
He smiled. "You and your lover were having problems because of Nida, right?"
"I have some photos you might enjoy." K fished into his pocket and pulled out several polaroid's. "Is there someplace I can post this?"
When I got a glimpse of the pictures, I smiled.
I like this guy.
~ Squall ~
The morning after Seifer left me, I sat in my office drinking a cup of coffee. I had spent most of yesterday hiding inside of my office. I didn't want to run into Seifer, or anyone else for that matter. If I could fall back into routine, everything would be okay again. I would be able to forget about Seifer and the feelings he stirred inside of me.
"SQUALL!" Selphie burst through my office doors with a huge grin plastered on her face. "You've got to see this!"
I tossed her an annoyed look when she slammed the Garden Newsletter on my desk.
"Everyone's talking it about it," she said excitedly. She sat down in the chair across from my desk and watched me expectantly. I took another sip of my coffee and looked at the front page--spitting everything out, all over my desk and the newsletter.
"What _is_ this?" My head shot up and I stared at Selphie with wide eyes. "Who did this?"
"Isn't it obvious?" She leaned forward in the chair and pointed at the headline right above a picture. "Seifer's not so bad after all, eh?"
I looked back down at the paper incredulously. On the front page, a large picture of Nida had been blown up. He was dressed in nothing but his boxers; his hands were bound and tied above his head; and he had what appeared to be a dildo in his mouth. The headline read: Revenge is Sweet. Forgive me Squall.
I didn't know what to think. The gesture was thoughtful, the picture wasn't so bad, but the Under Classmen had access to the Garden Newsletter. What was that idiot thinking?
"How many of these have been passed out?" I asked as I stood from my chair quickly.
Selphie shrugged. "It was placed in front of everyone's dorm room."
"I need you to collect each and every copy of this newsletter," I told Selphie firmly. "Especially from the Under Classmen. Have Zell and the others help you out."
"But why?!?!" Selphie exclaimed. "This is hilarious! And this was obviously Seifer's attempt to apologize to you."
I rubbed my temples, trying to ward off my impending headache. "That's an order, Selphie."
It's not that I didn't appreciate Seifer's attempt to apologize to me. Inwardly, I felt...pleased at Seifer's actions to seek revenge on Nida. I'm not sure how I felt about Nida manipulating me, but I did find some satisfaction in Nida's embarrassment. However, as Commander, I couldn't allow obscene pictures like this to circulate. Seifer needed to be punished. If I don't take care of this before the headmaster finds out, Seifer could possibly be forced out of Garden.
Selphie left my office and I followed her out the door. The last thing I wanted to do was see Seifer again, but he needed to be punished for printing such a picture, along with the journalism committee who published the picture.
~ Seifer ~
I was in the Training Center when Squall came stalking through the double doors, looking pissed. A part of me was expecting this, while the other part hoped he was able to forgive me. The only reason why I decided to print that picture was in hopes of getting Squall to forgive me. I wanted to let him know that Nida didn't matter to me, along with the fact that Nida deserved to be embarrassed. And hey, what's the harm in having fun at someone else's expense?
"What were you thinking?" Squall growled almost immediately.
I slung my gunblade over my shoulder, grinning. "Did you like it?"
Squall scowled, but I detected the slightest hint of amusement in his storm-colored eyes. "The headmaster isn't going to be pleased by what he hears."
I shrugged and took a step towards him. "It was worth it. Nida deserves what he got." When I got close enough to touch him, I trailed one of my fingers down the side of Squall's cheek. A slight tremble swept through him at the touch, causing me to grin. "But you didn't answer my question," I said. "Did you like it?"
He scowled at me again and crossed his arms over his chest. "The Under Classmen were exposed to those obscene pictures."
"Awww, c'mon. Those virgin minds won't be so virgin in a few years," I said. "Besides, these kids are being trained to _kill_. Where's the harm in seeing a little bondage photo?"
"That's not the point, Seifer," he said. "And you know it."
I sighed and lowered my gunblade to the ground. "I did it for you," I mumbled in irritation. I hated to admit that for some reason.
Silence descended on us for a few minutes. Then, I said, "I really am sorry, you know."
"I know you're sorry," he replied. "But it doesn't matter, Seifer..."
I could almost hear him say, "I don't want you to hurt me anymore."
I can't decide whether or not reading Squall's mind is a good or bad thing.
The truth hurts.
"I..." I was at a lost for words. So instead of speaking, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him towards me. He, of course, resisted at first, but I held him tight, holding him close. I could smell the sweet scent of his shampoo: strawberries. When he began to melt into my embrace, I lowered my face and brushed my lips against his.
Electricity seemed to crackle between us. I could feel the barriers he surrounded himself with start to crumble. All I wanted to do was lower him to the floor, strip him of all his clothes, and take him right then and there. I had a feeling I'd be able to, too.
But...even if he was willing now...I hadn't gained his trust back. His love was still there, but I needed his trust.
"Have dinner with me tonight," I whispered against his lips. "Just dinner, I promise."
His stormy-gray eyes were clouded with desire. As much as I knew he wanted to resist me, his heart was outweighing his mind. After a few minutes of gazing at me, he nodded his head and reluctantly pulled away.
"I have to go," he said huskily.
"Be ready at eight o'clock." I offered him a soft smile, and his own smile tugged at his lips.
"Report to Quistis in fifteen minutes," he said before he left the training center. "Your punishment for that picture is one hundred hours of volunteer work."
I thought I'd be able to get away with it.
I should've known Squall wouldn't forget something like that.
Oh well. It beat shoveling Grat shit.
_And_ I had a date with Squall tonight.
A real date.
I was determined to gain Squall's trust back.
To be continued...
NEWS: I created a mailing list if anyone is interested in being notified of when my stories are updated. You can find it at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/raincamui/
AN: The angst has finally ended. *sniffles* Now...if only Squally can trust Seifer again...I'm trying to figure out a way to work in another lemon. ^^;; I'm sorry if this chapter was disappointing. I didn't know what I could do to Nida, and the idea I came up with really sucks. >_< I hope it wasn't too bad, though. ^^;;
~ Rain ~
Return to Archive | next | previous