The Lion's Tears

Chapter 3 - Controlling Ones Own Life

By Redrum

When Zell finally woke up he found himself cold and alone. He looked around the dark room not finding anything out of the ordinary except a faint beam of light coming from underneath the bathroom door.

Fearing the worst, he rushed to the door turning the knob sharply to find his best friend sitting in the corner of the room sobbing. Zell searched the room for any indication of blood or sharp objects, seeing none in reach of the boy he crouched down in front of the sobbing brunette.

"Squall, what happened?" Placing a hand on Squall's shoulder he waited for his friend to console in him.

"I... I want so.." Breath taking sobs over took his voice, making the rest of his sentence inaudible. Zell picked the boy up, straining against the weight, he carried Squall to the disleveled bed. He gently sat them both down, leaning against the headboard he waited for Squall to continue.

"..I.. don't.. think I can.. control it anymore. I.. have to do it, if I don't..."

Squall's voice trailed off as he nestled his head in the crook of Zell's neck crying softly.

"What do ya think will happen if ya don't do it Squall?" Zell waited patiently for his friend to start talking again as he rubbed small circles onto Squall's back, trying to bring his quite sobs to a minimum.

"If I don't do it... I can't control anything anymore..." Zell waited for Squall to complete his confession, but only finding silence he took the brunettes face in his, red rimmed eyes staring into his own clear.

"What won't you control anymore? I think ya lost me." Zell smiled as he saw his friend frown slightly, thinking of what to say to answer his question.

"If I don't... cut myself.. I won't be able to control something. All these years I've had people mold me into what they want, taking my silence to mean so many things. So... a couple of years ago I thought if I did this, then I could finally be able to control something in my life again. Even if I am making myself into a human tic-tack-toe board, I still feel like I've accomplished something every time I cut myself. And I know that sounds incredibly stupid but that's how I always felt." Squall searched his friend's face for some kind of reaction, baffled he found Zell smiling slightly.

"Its not stupid baby. Many people feel the same way, but they chose to express those feelings other ways. Some people end up being anorexic, bulimic. Or sometimes they take less drastic measures, like... sometimes you see people that seem like control freaks. And that's exactly why they do it, they think that they control something in their lives. When really their so unsure of themselves they don't know what the hell their doing. But cutting yourself up... into a human 'tic-tack-toe board' as you called it, shouldn't be an option. You can control things in your life without damaging yourself to do it. Next time you feel someone is trying to control your life just tell them... to go to hell! Or something like that!"

Zell's booming laughter filled the room's silence. Squall chuckled slightly, but his smile faded as he thought over what Zell had said. //So maybe he could control things in his life... Zell did, he was definitely no pushover. But could he? Maybe if he spoke up more when he felt that someone was pressuring him into something he didn't want to do, or went against his morals... then he could just decline. How did Zell make it look so easy? Was there some kind of secret to it? Why the hell was he thinking so much?// Zell's laughter interrupted him from his train of thought.

"What?" Squall tilted his head slightly, a lock of brown hair falling over his eyes as he looked at the blonde.

"Ya just looked so serious all of a sudden. Like ya were really thinking over what I said, as though ya might actually plan on doing it." Zell smiled as he tucked Squall's hair behind his ear, his knuckle grazing Squall's smooth skin.

"And I hope ya do... Hey! If anyone gives ya any trouble ya come straight to me and I'll get them good!" Squall chuckled as he saw his friend almost go into his 'swatting flies' position, nearly making them both fall onto the floor.

"Well.. you know what I mean.." Zell blushed as he noticed his friend laughing at him.

"But you'll try to do that right? I mean, taking control of your life without hurting your self." Zell's face turned serious as he waited for his friend to answer. Now it was Squall's turn to laugh as he saw his friend frown slightly.

"Definitely. Maybe some day I won't be as much of a pushover as you." Squall smiled as he saw Zell's face go slack.

"I am not a pushover!" Zell jumped up, forgetting that Squall was sitting on his lap he lost his balance as he and the brunette fell to the floor.

Zell saw his friend hunch over with laughter, as he too soon joined him. Both laughing at his outburst.

When their laughter had subsided, they finally managed to sit up straight, looking into each others faces again, they smiled. Squall found that he finally had a close friend that would be behind him all the way, to save him if he decided to harm again, and to make him laugh if he didn't. Zell found that he had finally managed to make 'The Lion' laugh, and had saved someone from themselves. Both their futures held promise as they burst into laughter again, their happiness filling the air, until people outside the dorm found themselves wanting to smile too.

Return to Archive | next | previous