Notes: Ok, I'm running out of ideas at the moment. That's what happens when you write two or more chapters right after another, you don't get time to imagine and create. Oh well, I'm gonna go rest a bit, thinking about how I wanna approach this. Ok I'm back.

Terminal Recovery

Chapter Nine - Confusion

By Tori Singer

I was almost afraid to open my eyes. I could still hear the music, it was pounding into my skull, threatening to break my already fragile mind. I could feel cool air being blown on my face, like someone was fanning me with a piece of paper. I crack open an eye, seeing nothing but dancing bodies.

"Ugh." I moan, closing my eyes. The fanning stops.

"Zell? You awake yet?" I hear Squall's voice. I open my eyes fully now. I glance up at Squall, who was sitting next to me in a booth. I smile weakly at him.

"Yeah, unfortunatly." I confess, looking around. We were sitting in a booth in the back, away from most of the crowd. I couldn't see Matt and David anywhere nearby. Errr, David..

"I'm gonna kill that long haired bastard." I threaten, popping the kinks out of my neck. I hear Squall chuckle darkly.

"Yeah, we all about had a heart attack when you just....fainted." He said the last word softly, trying to stifle his laughing. I glared at him and blushed. It wasn't my fault that I had an extreme case of stage fright when it came to dancing or performing. I cross my arms over my chest in an attempt to ward off the teasing. He relents and stops laughing.

"Well, you lasted longer than I would've. I probably would've started running as soon as I heard my name being called." I smile slightly at that. Squall sure was getting better at cheering people up. I did have Rinoa to thank for that, as much as I hated to admit it. I look around once more, looking for our friends.

"Where are they?" I ask, sliding over toward my best friend. Squall wraps an arm around my shoulder as I lean on his chest.

"I don't know." Squall tells me. I'm not surprised, they are always up to something. I sigh and snuggle into the warm, hard shoulder. I never wanted the moment to end. I looked up at Squall's face. He seemed to be distracted by something. I followed his gaze to a man strolling up to the DJ booth. My jaw clenches as I recognize Matt. Now what were they up to?

Squall stands, causing me to fall back a bit. I grab his wrist.

"What's up?" I ask, confused by his sudden lack of attention. He looks down at me before frowning.

"I'm going to get us some drinks." He states before pulling away from me. I'm hurt a bit, but I try to get over it. I watch as Matt says something to the DJ. I follow him with my eyes as he strolls back to where David was sitting at the bar. I notice Squall standing next to David, looking him up and down. I frown as they engage in conversation. Damn that long haired brat.

I freeze, though, when a familiar song starts to play. I don't even breathe.

"Love me tender, love me true."

I clench my hand into a fist as I listen to the song. I know it has some importance in all this, I just know it. I watch as Matt pulls David away from Squall, much to his disappointment. I bite my lip, tasting blood. Why is Squall so interested in David all of a sudden? I can't help but feel jealous, even if he is my friend.

I watch as couples pair up, slowly swinging to the music. But I focus all my attention on the couple in the center of the room. I watch Matt stare down at David as he smoothly sways to the song. Suddenly I'm staring at a bedroom; it had blue wallpaper and beautiful hardflooring. The club fades away as this vision takes place. Matt turns into a younger version of himself, losing some of the experience and gaining a bit of boyish charm.

I glance at his partner and gasp. Matt was dancing with Joey! Joey was giggling, swinging around the bedroom in Matt's arms.

"Mikey's not gonna like this..." The boy whispers before singing along with the song. Then it was gone. I blink rapidly, still staring at Matt and David. Mikey? I lean back in my seat, shaking all over. The last few notes of the song drift away, and I felt empty inside. Then, Squall's sitting next to me.

"Here." I take the mug of beer he hands me. I chug it in less than fifteen seconds. I lick my lips as I set the glass down. He sips his and frowns at me.

"I hope you don't expect me to go all the way back over there to get you another one." I shake my head, trying to clear the cobwebs. Did Matt and Joey know eachother? If so, then how did Joey die? And who the hell was Mikey? Maybe I should ask Matt about it.

It wasn't long before I stood, needing another drink. I ignore Squall's confused stare as I make my way to the bar. I just wanted to forget everything that has happened tonight. But, I can't get the image out of my head. Joey had looked the same age as I'd seen him. But, Matt looked to be at least three or four years younger. What the hell....

"Go! Go! Go!" I listen to the cheers as I down my mug of beer. I slam my empty glass down, much to the excitement of the crowd. I shift in my position on the bar. Many men had their chairs scooted around me. I had quite the audience. They were all throwing money at me to get more drinks. I ordered another beer and downed it just as fast. This drove them all wild.

I needed to stop though. I was already having trouble seeing straight. I focused on the shot glass of something in my hand. When did that get there? I shrug and I bring it to my lips. My eyes catch Squall's, he's sitting in a chair a way from me. He has an disappointed look on his face. I didn't know what his problem was and I didn't care. I kept eye contact the whole time as I downed the shot.

More cheers erupted, making me grin. I worked the crowd, showing off my muscles and my curvy ass. I knew they liked that. Yeah, you guys like that, don't you? I stand on the bar, common sense out the window. I let my fun side kick in. I start thrusting my hips to and fro to the upbeat song playing.

I strut my way to the end of the bar and back again, much to the barkeeps annoyance. Fuck him. I wiggle my hips in front of a few of the guys' faces. I hear many whistles, which of course eggs me on. I picked up each glass I came to, emptying the contents that were left in there. I stumbled a little as I tried to bend back up. I needed to stop. But I was having so much fun!

"Zell!" I heard my name being called but I didn't care. I started pulling my shirt off, it was so hot in here! I get on my hands and knees, banging my head to the song. I threw my shirt god knows where and started unbuttoning my pants. I'm interuppted by strong arms snaking around my waist. I'm hauled off the counter rather quickly.

The whole room spins as I'm thrown over someone's shoulder. I lose all other thought as I stare at the man's ass. He was wearing tight pants, that's all I can think about. I watched his backside all the way out of the club. I felt the cold air bite my bare chest as we emerged outside. All the sidewalks and lights ran together.

"Ugh." I mutter, closing my eyes. I could still feel everything spinning, though. I could hear voices. They sounded amused. I recognized one of them as David's. Oh, and I think Matt was there too.

"Where?" I tried to ask them where we were going but I could just hear a bunch of laughter.

"Wuz so fuuunny?" I try to defend myself. Suddenly, I'm laid in the backseat of a car. Squall was leanin' over me. Did he wanna fuck me?

"C'mere baby.." I slur, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him down on me. I hear more laughter outside the car, but I'm more focused on the hot body on top of me. I tried to kiss him, but I didn't think that lips were supposed to taste like that.

"Zell, stoppit! My shirt is not edible." I don't understand what he says, trying to get his pants down was my main concern. I feel him pull away from me before the car door is slammed shut. I'm in the dark car alone.

"Don't leave me alone!" I can't stop myself from wailing. I try to sit up, banging into the front seat with my nose. I hear doors opening and closing. Suddenly, Matt is behind the wheel.

"Matt!" I grin, pawing at his shoulder. He just turns and looks at me with amused sympathy. David is sitting next to him, laughing and coughing. I could tell that David was probably drunk. Unlike myself. I feel a weight next to me and I look. Squally baby is sitting next to me! I hear the car start but I'm busy pawing my baby!

"Zell!" I can hear him moaning my name, or was that hollering? Oh well, same thing. He was pushing on my shoulders. Oh, does he want me to suck him off? I try to grab his crotch but his hands kept pushing me away. Why is he resisting? I jus' wanna make him....oh man. I don't feel so good all of a sudden.

"Agh! Zell!" I hear Squall say something as I let the contents of my stomach make themselves known. I remember that we had drove around a bit, but I didn't stay concious enough to make anything out. I could remember that Squall was mad at me, but why? I didn't bother finding out.

Why the hell is it so damn bright? I place my hands over my eyes, reveling in the darkness that it brought. I sigh and roll over, trying to ignore the pounding in my head. What the hell happened...? I groan and pull the blankets over my head. I don't remember much about last night. It seems kind of fuzzy. Did I get plastered last night?

The hangover that I was feeling answered my question. I flinch as I hear a door slam down the hallway? Was it Squall? I sit up in my bed, noting that I was wearing the same pants as last night but my shirt was gone. Oh yeah, I...lost it. I rub my temples as I sit on the edge of the bed. I can't put all the pieces together from the night before. I know that something important happened.

I sigh before standing. I immediantly sit back down, the room starting to spin. I flop back on my bed, just laying there. I hear my door open and close. I don't bother looking, I know who it is. I scream when freezing water was dumped on my face. I sit up, sputtering. I wipe my eyes and I stare at Squall, who looked kind of pissed.

"S-Squall?" I call out a little unfocused. He just glares at me before walking away. I groan and cover my head when he slams my door. I lay back down, sitting back up when my back came into contact with the cold spot on my bed. Why the hell did he have to do that? I stand up, holding onto the dresser for support. I let myself get used to standing a bit before taking an akward step toward the door.

I needed to piss, now. I stumble over to my door, trying to hold it in. I shuffle down the hallway and into the bathroom. I quickly relieve myself before washing my hands. I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked like shit. My eyes were big and puffy and my hair looked like it was dipped in glue. I turned the shower on, my vision still a little off.

I turned it as cold as it would go before stripping out of my clothes. I stood under the cold water, gritting my teeth. Pretty soon I turned it off, standing in the stall shaking like a little rabbit. I grabbed a towl and dried off, trying to gather my bearings. I padded back to my room, my nude body chilling in the morning air.

I grabbed a pair of shorts and slipped them on. I attempted pulling my shirt on, instead tangling my arms around. Pretty soon, though, I had everything right. I left the room after pulling my sneakers on. I walked down the stairs, holding onto the wall as not to go on a tumbling spree.

I turn the corner into the living room. I spot Squall in the kitchen, drinking coffee. He was wearing a pair of bellbottomed bluejeans along with a red t-shirt. He still looked extremely irritated. I dared to approach him, I wanted to know what was wrong with him. I couldn't remember exactly, but I know that he wasn't happy with me last night. Was it because I drank so much? Probably.

"Squall?" I call out, sitting at the table after I made myself a cup of coffee. He didn't answer, only sighed and took another drink of his coffee. I bit my lip, staring down at the dark liquid swirling around inside my mug. I heard him clear his throat. I looked up at him, but he wasn't looking at me. I followed his gaze to the doorway.

"What are you doing here?" I blurt out to Matt, who was standing there looking tired. He sighed and gave Squall a look. Squall averted his gaze, finding the stain on the counter interesting. I looked at them both a minute before wanting to drown myself.

"Where's David?" I asked, a ball of pain forming in my chest. Matt looks at me a little guiltily.

"At home." I stare at him in shock. I look over at Squall, who refused to look at me. I should've seen it coming, really. I stand, the chair skidding back loudly in the quiet room.

"Zell." I hear Squall call after me as I ran out of the room. I didn't stop until' I was at the end of the driveway. I balled my hands into fists at my sides as tears started rolling down my cheeks. I sobbed a few minutes before taking off walking. Why the hell didn't I leave this place when Squall suggested it? Squall....why did he have to do this to me?

Soon I find myself wandering in the middle of the town. My gaze fell on the path that Squall and myself had explored many days past. I started toward it, not really having a destination in mind. Why did this have to happen? When did I miss it? When did Squall and Matt decide to sleep together?

Was that why Squall was so mad at me? Because I got drunk and kept trying to get into his pants when what he wanted was Matt? I stick my hands in my pockets as I walk, trying to clear my head. I sigh as I got deeper in the forest. I spotted a large tree off to the corner of the forest. I started climbing, trying to escape my pain.

I settled onto a large limb about halfway up the tree. It was pretty far up, but I didn't care. I lay on the branch, my hands behind my head. I stared up through the leaves, at the blue sky that lay behind them. I sigh, closing my eyes. I really wanted to die, I really did. everytime I think of you I see that bastard called Matt. Matt....last night. He was dancing with Joey....

I sit straight up in the tree, remembering something. I lay back down, rolling it over in my mind. I remembered seeing Matt and Joey dancing in a blue bedroom. Elvis was playing, they looked so happy.....did they date when Joey was still alive? Was there something that I was missing.....I had wanted to talk to Matt and David about it but, I don't think I can face anybody right now. I burrow further into the branch, trying to ignore the footsteps below me.

I knew who it was before he even said anything. I could never hide from him, not Squall.

"Zell?" I hear his voice carry up to me. I ignore him, not knowing what to say to him. I feel so betrayed, my eyes well up with unshed tears. I try to force them back, I didn't want to be crying.

"Zell." He calls a little louder. I glance down at him. He looked tired and disgruntled. Feeling guilty, Squall? Yeah, you should, asshole.

"Go away, asshole." I mutter, but I know he heard me. I hear him sigh and walk over to the tree. I hear a few grunts and the leaves shifting before he's standing on the branch next to me. I look over at him and glare.

"I said go away." I repeat, turning away from him. I hear him sit down on the branch.

"I didn't sleep with Matt." He says bluntly. I snort, now he was a liar?

"Whatever, man. Whatever floats your boat." I can't help but still feel angry. Did he expect me to believe him?

"We were just talking...." I laughed darkly. Did he want me to believe that crock of shit?

"Liar, you fucked him and you know it." It sounded harsh to my own ears, but I didn't think about it. I heard him shift in the tree.

"I was just asking him questions, that's all." He sounded desperate, but I wasn't listening at the time. I just brushed him off.

"Whatever, go away." I tried to ignore the hurt expression on his face. It served him right. I hear Squall climb down the tree. He takes a few steps before looking up at me.

"Matt and Joey were once lovers, y'know." He told me before walking off. That piqued my curiosity. So I was right, they dated when Joey was alive. But that still doesn't explain anything. I hop down out of the tree and I head back toward town. Squall was leaning against a tree along the road. He was waiting for me, he knew I'd come. The asshole.

"What did you find out?" I ask, walking alongside him. I kept my dark thoughts to myself, for now, I'll play along, but I'll always believe that they slept together. He stuck his hands in his pockets.

"You're still thinking about last night." Damn him. He continued.

"I did NOT sleep with him, ok?" He forced out. I turned my gaze from him. I wanted to believe him, I really did, but I just couldn't forgive and forget that easily. Not even for Squall.

"Whatever, can we change the subject?" I ask, not wanting to talk about last night anymore than I had to. He stops midstep and just stands there, looking away. I look back at him, stopping a few feet away from him.

"You really believe that I cheated on you, don't you?" I'm shocked at the grief in his tone. I don't know what to say, so I just listen. Squall looks up at me, a dark expression on his face.

"When a lion chooses a mate, they stick to that mate for the rest of their life. Don't you forget that, Zell Dincht!" He strides past me, anger evident in his steps. I don't stop him, I can't. Was I being the asshole or was he just a good liar? I didn't know the answer to that and it killed me. I wandered back into town, feeling like pond scum. Slimey and useless.

As much as I wanted to forget everything that happened and go running home to Squall, I knew I couldn't. I headed toward the store, not really feeling like doing much else. I spot someone sitting on the bench outside the door. It's Matt. I wanted to run away, far away but I just stood there as he walked up to me.

Suddenly I'm on the ground wiping the blood from my lip. I glare up at the man before he stalks away. Nobody hits me and then just runs!

"Hey!" I yell as I get to my feet. He stops and turns to me, a fierce expression on his face.

"Yeah?" He spits to the side, dust ruffling up a bit at the impact. I ball my fists and I smirk.

"Have at you!" I holler, charging him. He raises his fists in an offensive manner, meeting me halfway. I swing my fist, connecting with his jaw. He grunts before elbowing me in the side, hard. I huff out a breath of air as I focus. I dodged his left hook, countering with a right jab.

The fight lasted a few more minutes until' I had him on the ground. He looked up at me before grinning.

"You're really good." He compliments me. Against my good judgement, I stick a hand out to help him up. He takes it, pulling himself to his feet. We stare at eachother a bit more before he laughs. I frown, the action causing more blood to run down my lip. His face is pretty bruised and bloodied and I'm sure that mine is too.

"You really think I fucked him, don't you?" I glare furiously as he continues laughing. Did he think this was a joke? A fucking joke?! He catches my look and quiets. He holds up his hands in defeat.

"Listen man, at least hear me out." I consider the option. Maybe I could find out what him and Squall 'talked' about 'all' night long. I sneer at the man mentally as he walks toward the shaded bench under the arwing of the store. I stand, leaning against the pillar of the building. He sighs and leans back on the bench, his white shirt covered in dust. I wait for him to speak.

"Well, last night when we left the club...."

(Squall constantly tried to pry Zell off his body, finally just pushing him against the door on the other side of the car. Matt looked in the rearview mirror, amused.

"A real pussy-cat ain't he?" He jokes, laughing at Squall's exasperated look. Zell blubbers something else about zippers before passing out. David was busy bouncing up and down in his seat, obviously drunk. Matt rolled his eyes at his lover, who ignored him. Squall sighed and stared out the window, glad that his friend was finally out.

"So, I take it you didn't have fun." Matt tried to cheer the brunette up, who just gave him a look. Turning his eyes back to the road, Matt drove the rest of the way into Winhil. After the long drive, he noticed that David had joined Zell in la la land. Thank god. He stopped at his house first, planning on depositing David into bed.

"Be right back." He told Squall as he got out of the car. He dragged David out of the passenger seat and carried him into the house. The brunette glanced over at his snoring friend and sighed in disgust. He hated it when people got plastered, they acted so...stupid. It wasn't long before Matt came out of the house. He hopped into his seat and started the car.

He pulled the car into Squall and Zell's driveway, killing the engine. He looked back at Squall and grinned.

"Need help with him?" He offered, much to Squall's irritation. He just wanted to go to bed and forget this night ever happened.

"Can't I just leave him with you?" He joked with a serious tone. Matt laughed.

"I don't think Dave would like that much, do you?" Squall snorted.

"Guess that's a no, then." They both chuckled before getting out of the car. Squall walked around to Zell's side of the car, opening the door. This proved to be a mistake when Zell came tumbling out onto the dusty driveway. Squall sighed and debated leaving him lay there. But he preservered.

He packed Zell to the front door, which Matt held open. Squall carried him up the stairs, ignoring the loud snores next to his ear. He was never letting Zell drink again. Ever. He kicked open the blond's room, depositing him on the bed. He pulled Zell's shoes off, but otherwise left him as is. He left the room after kissing him on the forehead. He shut the door and turned around.

"God!" He hollered, holding a hand to his chest. Matt grinned in front of him.

"Scare ya?" He teased, following Squall to his room. The brunette sat on his bed as the blond sat on his dresser. Squall looked at him a moment.

"What?" He asked, blinking. Matt stared back, thinking a moment. Finally he shrugged.

"Just wanted to talk, I guess." Squall scratched his head and yawned. He leaned back onto his hands, looking over at Matt.

"Well, if you don't mind, um, do you know anything about a boy named Joey?" The question caught him off guard and he nearly fell off the dressertop. Squall flinched, he didn't want to make him mad.

"Well...." Matt started, debating whether to tell Squall or not. He finally sighed.

"Joey lived in this house, he was fifteen. David lived here too." Squall perked an eyebrow.

"How did David know Joey?" He asked. Matt smiled.

"They were brothers." Squall gasped before frowning.

"What.....what happened?" Matt shrugged.

"Well, we were all living here in this house. It was three years ago, I was seventeen. David was sixteen, a year older than Joey. I had a big crush on Joey, he was just so obnoxious y'know? Well, we did eventually get together. I loved him, a lot. One day, I came home and he was laying in the basement, a pool of blood surrounding him. I was so scared, I ran down the concrete steps and sat down beside him. He had been stabbed to death it looked like." He went on to tell Squall of how the cops came over and when David came home from his trip to Deling.

"David took it really hard, they were so close, as brothers." Squall hung his head, it had to suck being David. Then, he looked back up at Matt.

"How did you and David get together?" He asked. Matt looked away and sighed.

"Uhh, well, we decided to move out of the house, y'know, too many memories. We found the house down next to the hotel was vacant so we moved there. Well, we sort of fell in love after awhile, at first it was more like a comfort thing but then it grew from there." They talked awhile more, about how Joey was when he was alive and how him and David got over him.

They talked well into the night, until' Matt stretched.

"I better get going, David's gonna be wondering where the Hell I'm at." Squall nodded and stood. He looked at his watch. It was past four. He looked at Matt's tired face. He gestured to the bed.

"You can sleep here if you want." He offered, crossing his arms over his chest. Matt grinned.

"Do I look that tired?" He teased, walking over and laying on the bed, his legs dangling over the edge.)

"That's all I remember, I guess I fell asleep." Matt finished his story. I stood there, biting my lip. I didn't know what to say or anything. Should I believe his story? I didn't know, I was so confused. It all fit and everything, but I just kept having the nagging feeling..... Was this insecurity? Or jealousy? Or was it love? I didn't know and it bugged the crap out of me.

"Well? I'm sorry if it came across the wrong way or anything." I see a slight blush on Matt's cheeks. He looks at me before standing and yawning.

"I have to go, David's probably having a bitch fit or something." I force a laugh as he walks away. I take in all he said. So, Joey was killed by someone in that house. His ghost is still there, haunting people with Elvis.... I continue thinking as I walk into the store. Katy glances at me and grins. I try to smile back but my lips are too sore.

Who could have killed Joey? I'm guessing that it was somebody named Mikey....I mean, why else would Joey have said that name when I was trying to make love to Squall. Oh shit, Squall! I don't know where he took off to! Oh man, I think I blew it big time with him. I slap my hand over my eyes, dragging it down to my chin. My vision falls on a cooler in the corner of the room. I saunter over to it, hoping that this would help.

I didn't know if Squall liked roses or not, but I was gonna find out. I walked up to the front door of our house. 'Our' house? That sounds strange, it's Xu's house but I'm beginning to fall into place here more and more. I'm starting to like waking up when I feel like it, being alone in a house with Squall in a little town. Not being seperated from him at the Garden. It was so...nice.

I opened the door, holding the roses behind my back. I bought four red roses from the store. I knew it was a meager offering but I was willing to try anything to apologize. I tiptoe through the living room, toward the kitchen. I could see Squall sitting at the table, his hands over his face.

I tiptoed closer, watching his shoulders tremble. Was he...? I watched a tear trail down his hand and drip onto the table.

"Sniff." I heard him sniffle, more tremors wracking his body. I bit my lip, feeling like shit on the bottom of somebody's shoe; stinky and worthless. I walk up to the table and I clear my throat. Squall jumps from his seat, obviously not knowing I was there. He wipes his eyes quickly, trying to hide the fact that he'd been crying.

I held the roses out to him, a silent offering. He stares at me and then at the flowers, his eyes still a bit red. Suddenly, his eyes widen.

"Zell! Were you in a fight?! You know the Garden regulations-" I tune him out, staring at the man vent. I sigh, he totally ruined my moment....


End of chapter 9.



Notes: Well? I hope I did this ok, I'm not good with people ACTUALLY forgiving each other. Hee hee. Please drop me a line! Love ya!


Return to Archive | next | previous