Ingredients: Miscellaneous pairings (S x Sq, S x Z, I x Sq and uh, more?), AU, OOC, angst, Shonen-Ai themes (maybe even June ^-^). For creaminess, mix in some adventure, weird fantasy themes, romance and gratuitous amounts of barely clothed hotties. Heat up via swanky sex, then serve.
Summary: Study buddies Seifer and Zell visit a museum. There they stumble through ancient ruins into a war-torn fantasy world with subservient guys in skirts. Fun huh? Now all they have to do is find a way out before they are sucked into a quest to save the world.
Author’s Notes: What a LONG chapter. This story will not stop pestering me. In return, I won’t stop pestering my friends to be my readers and editors. I write ‘cause I’m addicted and I’m addicted ‘cause I write! It’s a vicious cycle. I have no clue what it’s like to live in a desert land under a matriarchal society. I can only guess and make things up. Creative license ya gotta love it. If I write anything that’s horribly wrong, tell me!
Disclaimer: Um, hopefully you know that I don’t own Squaresoft or their characters. If you don’t then, Seifer and Zell are NOT lovers. Seifer is actually Zell’s pimp and every other weekend Zell becomes some lucky person’s gigolo. There, that’s the truth… except for part about weekends. He’s pimped out by Mack Daddy Seifer 24 7 ^0^
Quick note: Thoughts are in italics~! Also, the character Kinneas the bard is Irvine… duhhh.
Chapter Three - things get weirder...
By Julie a.k.a Raruku-chan
The buses parked outside their destination, Timber’s Metropolitan Museum. One by one, the students quietly filed out. Zell
“Dumb kids… meddling in the fountain.” A cranky old voice growled.
Seifer felt sore and very disgruntled.
That idiot. Seifer rubbed his eyes while sorting out his thoughts. He could have gotten himself killed. What happened? I remember Zell punching the column, then the cracking noise, the pillars and the arc crumbling… we fell off the ledge and into the fountain… but now what?
He looked up into a pair of strange golden eyes.
“Meeehhh… Mehhh!” a voice bleated. Seifer pushed himself out of the water. His joints ached. The shorter blonde, who previously slept in his arms, sunk into the shallow water.
Zell garbled something incoherent under the water. He was still unconscious.
“What the hell?!” Seifer was clearly shocked to see a young goat sitting on his lap. It bleated again. Happily, it nibbled on Seifer’s shirt.
An old lady stood near the fountain. Where was the museum guard? Where was the museum?
There were no more brick walls or poster maps. The velvet ropes that insured the safety of relics were gone. In their place were fields of sand and adobe-like homes with herds of small livestock grazing on grass.
“Eh? There are my kids… and then there are harem kids swimming in the town fountain.” The lady had a thick and unidentifiable accent. Where the hell did Seifer and Zell land in?! They were certainly NOT in the museum fountain…
The brown kid licked Seifer’s cheek. He shoved the goat away from him. Zell began to stir from his sleep.
Seifer was a little pissed, rather confused, and very lost. These were definitely the signs of an unhappy camper. Angrily, he pulled his nearly drowned and sleepy friend out of the water.
“Dammit, Dincht! Wake up! Don’t die on me now!” Seifer growled as he shook the shivering, almost life-less form.
Suddenly, Zell’s eyes flickered open. He gasped for air. Seifer slapped the back of the choking blonde.
“You.. you’re alright! Thank god.” Zell coughed. His eyes were watery. Was he crying?
The shorter blonde promptly latched onto Seifer, whom was none too pleased. His friend could have died. Seifer’s lips were set in a thin, grim line. He didn’t know whether to throttle his hyperactive troublemaker of a friend or give him a big bear hug.
Seifer settled for a combination of both. He grabbed Zell and put him in a headlock. Then he sighed.
“Stupid jerk,” Seifer muttered, nuzzling against Zell’s wet hair. “You scared me shitless. Never put yourself in danger again, you hear me?”
“Bu..but, I wanted to save you, dumbass!” Zell sputtered out. “You were in danger, so I didn’t think. I just did what I had to do… save you.”
“Zell… thanks.” Seifer’s usually sarcastic eyes softened. He let go of his friend, bringing him closer to his body for warmth.
“Meeeeh! Meeehh!” it pranced around them with glee.
The damn goat ruined the moment…
“Stop your foolery and get out of the fountain now!” the old lady screeched at the kid. It just ignored her and continued its dance.
Clutching onto his taller friend, Zell just realized that they weren’t at the museum anymore. The old lady turned her harsh glare towards the boys she labeled as “harem kids.”
“Um, Seifer…” Zell shyly looked away from the mean looking sack of wrinkles. “Who is she? Where are we? Why aren’t we at the museum? Seifer… Seifer… SEIFER! Dammit, answer me!”
Took you long enough, Dincht. He tried to pry the whiny blonde off of his chest.
“SEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFEEEEEERRRRR!! Answer ME!”
Now would be a good time to throttle him, Seifer growled to himself, but nothing will be accomplished if I beat the tar out of him. We have to stay calm and work together…grrrr… I wish my worthless, stupid conscience would get off my ass.
“Zell, Shut up.” Seifer let out a low growl. “We’re not at the museum.”
“Wow, thanks master detective. We’re obviously NOT at the museum. Jeez, Seifer… I could’ve figured that out and I’m dumber than you are. Where are we then!? Can you explain that, wise ass!”
“CALM DOWN! I have no clue where we are… I have a headache. My boxers are riding up my ass. We’re both in wet clothes in unfamiliar territory. I don’t want to snap at you, Dincht, but I guess it’s the only way to make you shut your mouth and listen. Sit still so you won’t strain or damage any broken bones. I swear, you will be the death of me Dincht.”
He gently ruffled Zell’s soaked duck fluff.
Despite his gruff exterior, he really cares about me. Zell smiled.
During their loud exchange, the old shepherd had called over an armed guard. She wore a baggy gauze uniform with leather breastplate strapped over it. With a hint of disdain, the guard walked over to the fountain, holding a crossbow.
“They just came out of nowhere! I was looking for my missing goat and found these harem kids loose. I wonder where they’re from. If they have no owners, I’d like to claim them. How strong they look… very handy for farm work around my house.” The old lady shepherd eyed them greedily.
“Ew. I don’t like the way she’s looking at us.” Zell whispered.
“Yeah, I know. Older women are nice but she’s just a bit too old to checking us out.” Seifer shuddered. They were being watched like a lone piece of meat by a pack of ravenous wolves.
“Get out of the fountain.” The guard commanded them. She aimed her crossbow.
“Yeep! Fine fine! Don’t get your panties in a rut, lady.” Zell squeaked, splashing out of the fountain. Seifer trailed behind him.
The ladies frowned at the comment.
“What a rude little creature.” The shepherd muttered. The lady guard rolled her eyes and aimed at the foul little beast named Zell.
An arrow nearly pierced Zell’s butt. He jumped up and yelped. Seifer masked his snickers with loud coughs.
“I shall take them to the court. There, they shall be held for a few nights of interrogation. If they answer us properly, they will be spared. If they lack ownership, I shall promptly bring them over to you. Have a good harvest, ma’am.” The guard stated with her bow aimed at the boys.
Before they could be led off, someone stopped them.
“Pardon me. I do believe you have my traveling companions.”
The shepherd smiled.
“Why it’s the bard Kinneas. Your music is very beautiful.” She hobbled over with the pesky goat in her arms.
The bard warmly smiled at her, thanked her kindly, and then turned to the scowling guard lady.
“Good day, dearest ma’am. How fare thee? I was just looking for these two troublemakers. They’re too accustomed to the sea. True aquarians, men of the sea. They couldn’t bear to part from their lady, so here they are by the fountains. Not quite the same affect as the ocean but nonetheless, water is water.” the young bard with fox colored curls gave a small, sly smile at the guard.
“Enough with your lies, bard.” She snapped. He feigned surprise and a look of hurt. Zell and Seifer hoped to get out of the predicament soon.
“I meant no malice nor deceit. Either way, I’m saving you plenty of trouble. The matter of stray males is tough on the courts these days. They are rather busy with the war, no? I’m doing you a favor by taking back my ‘companions’.” He grinned. The guard angrily huffed and snapped that he could keep them. Then she stormed off.
Leading the prancing kid away, the shepherd said goodbye to the beautiful Kinneas. He waved at her retreating form before turning his attentions towards his “companions.”
Great, we go from one weirdo to the next. I hope I wake up from this hellhole of a dream soon, Seifer’s head still hurt.
“That was close, friends.”
“YOU’RE NOT MY FRIEND! Who the hell are you?!” Zell snarled at the man named Kinneas.
“Hmm, that’s no way to thank your savior. We men should stick together. If I hadn’t come along, you’d be stuffed in metal cages for weeks. Afterwards, you’d be tried as traitors or spies or both and then castrated.” Kinneas smiled evilly, tapping the tip of Zell’s nose.
“Ick… that’s… bad.” The shorter blonde twitched. In the background, Seifer shuddered.
“Mmhmm. Horrible, isn’t it? Yet there are fates far worse than that.” The bard sighed. He gestured towards the great fields of sand. “Welcome to the small yet prosperous kingdom of Winhill. It’s a haven for women, especially the strong, brutish ones. A hell for the most masculine and barbaric males outside the dunes.”
“What do you mean?” Seifer was curious.
“This society is matriarchal. Women rule, men don’t. Some men are even offended, even enraged by this arrangement. I see nothing wrong with this but that’s probably due to that fact that I was born in the most liberal part outside of the dunes.”
“So what does that all mean, Kinneas?” Seifer pressed on.
“Ah, nice to hear you using my name.” The bard smiled and reached over to pat the taller blonde on the back. “It means stay out of the way of the women if you value your freedom. You two seem quite the pair of extreme machismo and testosterone. The women here are extremely lovely but extremely dangerous. If you were a real threat, that guard could’ve taken you two out in a mere second.”
“Dude, really?! Amazon babes! Sweet.” Zell whooped. “This sounds like an RPG! We got sucked into another world probably by some portal hidden in the museum fountain! Now all we gotta do is get up our hit points and magick points by fighting demons and whatnot!”
Seifer rolled his eyes and rubbed his temples.
“I hate RPG’s. I’m more of a first-person shooter and racing game person. I’d rather be playing Resident Evil or Gran Turismo, than play some stupid game like Final Fantasy. Can’t believe you like that crap. It’s just so boring.”
“You loser, take that back! Squaresoft rules and you know it.” Zell growled. Seifer glared at the bratty shorter blonde.
“Um, do you mind me asking what type of magick or incantations you are discussing?” Kinneas had a confused smile on his face.
“It’s nothing really. Ignore him.” Seifer muttered, putting Zell in a headlock.
“Ahem, indeed.” The bard coughed. “Well, time to return your favor to me. I saved your lives, remember?”
“How cliché. I knew there was a catch.” The taller blonde pinched his friend a few times. “What would you like us to do?”
“I am looking for the Child of Loire.” A catlike grin formed on Kinneas’ face. “Since I am a bard and adventurer, I have heard numerous legends. One of these many legends is about the Child of Loire.”
“Wooo… it really is RPG-esque.” Zell’s eyes glittered happily. He was silenced with a smack to the head. “OW!”
“Ahem, as I was saying… the father of the child was a lithe and long-haired beauty. Rumors followed their family and name. Supposedly, if you killed him, his right eye would harden into an orb. When you pulled out his tongue, it would become a scroll that mapped out the location of a hidden temple.”
“Stuff it, Dincht.”
“Silence, please.” The bard glared at the bickering young men. “Anyway, once you’ve obtained both, you follow the map find the temple and place the orb on some type of pedestal. Afterwards, a new island with fresh resources and wondrous treasures will appear!”
“Bull shit.” Seifer scoffed. Kinneas looked offended.
“It’s true. I have seen this island myself. I plan to raise another island with the son of Loire, also called the Child of Loire. Of course, I need you two to assist me.”
“REALLY!? That’s way cool!” Zell ogled. He loved the idea of going on a quest to resurrect an island. “I wanna help! I will help!”
“Thank you very much. We will share the benefits and treasure at the closing of our journey.” The bard smiled.
A wary and cynical look hardened Seifer’s face. He wasn’t buying any of this. Why weren’t they waking up? Why won’t this dream end?!
“Forget it, I’m leaving here. Come on Zell.”
“Seifer! Wait, man! Jeez, what a skeptic.”
“I will stay here and await your decision.”
“Thanks Kinneas, be back in a flash. Gotta bring back grumpy.” Zell ran in the direction that Seifer had left in.
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