Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters but I do own the Seiffy-kun doll! *hugs her dollie*
Only in My Dreams
By Elise Maxwell
“You seem chipper,” Zell commented as I frowned at him.
“Chipper?” I asked sitting across the blonde in the quiet cafeteria. I was chewing on a piece of gum and gave Zell and odd look.
“Well, happier than usual.” The martial artist took a bite of his pizza.
“Ah,” I nodded. “Just getting back into the swing of things.”
“You don’t do anything!” Zell laughed at me.
“I help you and Quistis teach classes!”
He rolled his eyes. “You don’t do much besides that.”
“There isn’t much to do, or much I can do.” I sighed.
Zell paused to stare at his food, like he’d lost his appetite. I couldn’t blame him. People don’t really like to talk about things like that.
“I should probably get to my class.” He stood. “Do me a favor and try to stick around for a little longer?” Zell smiled softly at me and waved, strolling away.
I looked down at the table. I couldn’t believe he didn’t finish his food. It wasn’t like him. I took his tray to the garbage and emptied it. I started to feel pain, and kind of sick. My legs turned me around and with a volition all their own, took me to my room.
“What’s the matter?” Seifer asked concerned as I entered my room. He watched me, as he was sort of hovering over the couch. That seemed handy.
“I’m just tired,” I lied. I needed some of that morphine to make the pain go away. My legs had another idea and took me to my bed anyway. I flopped down and Seifer lay down beside me.
“Want me to stay here?”
I nodded as I started to drift. How did I get so tired so quickly? My energy must be draining more rapidly now.
I was floating, not really knowing where I was. My eyes opened to a bright sunny day. I realized that I was standing in the flower field.
‘Squall.’ I looked over to see Seifer not far off, smiling.
I’m dreaming? I asked but my lips didn’t move. He heard my thoughts and nodded. ‘You can come into my dreams?’ I asked out loud.
‘I didn’t try it until now,’ Seifer said. ‘It’s nice here.’ He looked around.
I moved toward him and he took a step back. ‘What?’
‘Don’t.’ He shook his head. ‘It hurts too much, knowing I cant touch or hold you.’
I stared at him. Did he think it didn’t hurt me? I stayed silent and admired the wavering dream induced view with him. With a smile, I let myself fall back into the soft flowers. It was funny to see the nervous but relieved look on Seifer’s face.
‘You scared me.’ He sat next to my laying form.
Funny, to think I could scare the almighty Seifer. ‘Why here?’ I asked.
‘When you’re busy I come here.’ He squinted in the sunlight; his pupils contracting so show more of the emerald green that matched the grassy field we sat in.
‘In real life or in your mind?’
We stayed like that for some time, just relaxing. I finally got bored with the cloud dotted sky and turned on my side to face him. He had his eyes closed and head back with a smile painted on his face, enjoying the breeze. It ruffled through his short hair, stirring it back and forth. It made me sad to think that I could never feel how soft it was.
I looked down at his hand in the grass. If I couldn’t touch him, at least I could feel his soul intertwining with mine. I reached over and put my hand on his. My eyes opened wide as my palm didn’t go through it, but rested on it, feeling its warmth. I intertwined my fingers with his and he looked down at me, his face astonished. His hand squeezed mine and he smiled.
Finally, I thought and pounced on top of him, hugging him. He laughed and held me happily. I couldn’t believe it. He was holding me. Seifer Almasy, the former sorceress’s knight, my best friend was finally in my arms. I missed it, the warmth that radiated from him. I buried my head under the crook of his neck and settled myself on him. His chest rose and fell with breaths that I knew he didn’t need to take, but it comforted me. I wouldn’t be able to do that soon. I’d miss the warmth of life.
‘What’s the matter?’ Seifer asked. I shook my head and he scoffed. ‘I can tell there’s something wrong. Tell me.’
‘Not yet. Just a little longer.’ I closed my eyes and held him tighter. This was so surreal. I, Squall Leonhart, was holding Seifer in a field of flowers. I felt so… girly. But for some reason it felt right and I smiled at the fact that I was cuddling with him.
Seifer suddenly sat up, and I ended up straddling his lap. I frowned at his smirk.
‘Anxious are we?’ he asked with a grin and I turned red.
‘Stop teasing me or I’ll fight you.’ I pushed on his chest gently.
He laughed. The sound filled my ears. It was hypnotizing. When he smiled at me I almost melted. He has a gift with making people feel happy, and I felt damn good.
In my momentary weakness he leaned forward and kissed me. It surprised me to say the least. His lips were soft and warm, everything I’d hoped they would be. I began to kiss back and he pulled me closer, one hand on my neck and the other on the small of my back. He tasted so sweet, I never wanted this to end, but air was essential, even while dreaming. I pulled back to breath and he smiled.
‘I think you’re the anxious one.’ I eyed his feral grin suspiciously.
Seifer suddenly blinked and his eyes darted around, not really looking at anything. ‘Someone is here. Wake up.’ He disappeared.
I woke with a start, Quistis’s face over mine. She sighed relieved and sat on the bed.
“Do you know how long I tried to wake you?” She put a hand to her face. “I thought you were never going to wake up.”
“Seifer heard you.” I sat up as she turned to me. “You interrupted my dream.”
“Sorry to burst your bubble, but it’s dinner time.” She rolled her eyes. “It must have been one hell of a dream.”
I glared at her. “Whatever…” I rubbed my face as she snickered.
“What happened? Almost wet dream?” She laughed as I stared daggers at her.
“Hey!” Seifer said loudly into her ear, making her jump startled and put a hand to her chest.
“Damnit Seifer!” She scowled at him. I smirked.
“Don’t make fun of him.” He stared at her
“Quit being all DC with me. I’m in charge here.” Quistis returned his gaze
I rolled my eyes. It was the fight of the century to prove who was bossier.
“I can touch him,” I muttered.
“What?!” Quistis turned to me, totally ignoring the fact that she’d been squabbling with Seifer before the string of words poured out of my mouth.
“We can touch, but only in my dreams.” I cocked my head to the side as she blinked trying to understand.
“What do you mean? You can touch without going through each other, but only in your dreams?”
“Oops.” She gave me a sheepish smile. “I wish you’d told me.”
“We didn’t know until today. I didn’t even know Seifer could enter my dreams.” I shrugged.
“It was an experiment on my part,” Seifer replied.
“A successful experiment at that.” Quistis smiled and held up a finger at her point. “I know you’ll be needing a lot of rest soon,” she bit her lip, “so it’ll be good for you to have Seifer with you while you’re sleeping.”
I nodded as Seifer gave us a confusing look.
“Why does he need rest?” the ghost asked. Quistis found her nails interesting and I shrunk under his stare. “What’s going on? Is there something wrong with you…?” he squinted at me for a moment and then his mouth dropped. “You’re…” He stared at me looking worried. A frown appeared on his face and he turned disappearing into thin air.
I sat staring at the place he’d been and looked around frantically as Quistis did the same.
“Where did he go?” she asked.
I looked down at the blankets. “He left.” I didn’t realize there were tears running down my cheeks until she wiped them away and my vision blurred as I looked at her. “I didn’t know he could see into my like that. I should’ve expected it though.” I paused as a sob shook my body. “He probably hates me for what I did.”
The turmoil within my mind mixed with the pain in my body made me feel like I should give up. I was so sick of living and the pain we all went through. I was so weak. My hands covered my face as I began to cry. Squall Leonhart, the hero of the world was crying and damnit, for once it felt good. I felt Quistis’s arms wrap around my torso and cried into her shoulder.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered through my tears after a few minutes. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know.” She replied and kissed my head as I composed my watery, puffy eyes and myself. “Feel good?”
“Yeah. I suppose everyone has to cry in their lifetime.” I grabbed a tissue off of my nightstand and sat back. “I’ve been due for far too long.” I blew my nose.
“I agree.” She scooted over, her back to me and leaned back onto my chest.
I wrapped my arms around her. “Thanks.”
“You know I love you Squall.” She kissed one of my hands and put hers on mine.
“Yeah.” I rested my chin on her shoulder. “Do you think he’ll come back? He looked angry.”
“He loves you, far more than I do.” She turned and smiled. “You know he’ll be back. He just needs some time alone like the rest of us.
I nodded. Everyone knew I was dying, he didn’t. He needed some time for it to sink in, just like everyone else did when they’d found out. Hell, when I found out I locked myself up for a week, not wanting to hurt anyone with the news. But I knew that they’d eventually find out because I’d be gone.
“You doing okay?”
“I need some pills.” My arms wrapped around her tighter, trying to will the pain away.
“I’ll talk to the doctor.” Quistis sat up. “In the meantime,” she stood, “Get some rest.” Her hands pushed me down to lay and pulled the covers up to my chin. “He’ll be back soon. Trust me.”
I gave her a wistful smile as she turned and walked out of my room. I turned on my side and closed my eyes, hoping Seifer would be there on the other side.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ I heard a low voice demand from behind me. I closed my eyes and bit my lip. I had to face him.
My eyes stared at the flowery ground as I turned. I slowly but surely raised my vision to include his angry face. I turned my gaze to my feet. I felt like scum.
‘Why?!’ He stepped forward.
‘To avoid a situation like this,’ I tried to explain. ‘I just wanted to spend my time with you, without any fights or disagreements, just us. I didn’t know what would happen when I died so I just wanted to get all the time I could with you before I disappeared too.’
‘Squall,’ he chided and put a finger to my chin. I hadn’t even noticed him step closer. ‘We’ll be together no matter what.’ His finger pulled my face up to look at him. It then left my chin and traced the scar on my forehead. ‘These keep us together.’ His lips touched my forehead and it felt like electricity ran through my body. The sensation was incredible.
‘But why did you get angry?’ I asked.
‘I never wanted you to suffer like this.’ His arms wrapped around my body. ‘I didn’t want us to hurt them all by leaving them behind.’
‘You’re always so selfless.’ I shook my head into his chest.
‘I wasn’t always selfless.’
‘I mean besides your Romantic Dream,’ I replied and he chuckled. ‘You enforced the rules at the garden although you were the one who needed discipline.’
‘And you were the selfish one who kept your feelings to yourself along with your internal monologues.’ He laughed at the confused look on my face. ‘I mean when you think too much.’
‘Is that what you call them? Internal monologues?’ I rolled my eyes, as he laughed louder. ‘It’s not that funny.’
‘I’m sorry Squall.’ He composed himself. ‘I still love you.’ He smiled, mischievousness dancing in his eyes.
I narrowed my eyes and growled, taking a flying leap to tackle him to the ground. ‘I’ll show you funny!’ My hands flew along his sides making him laugh hysterically. Seifer was horribly ticklish before he left us. I was glad my memory still worked. It finally came in handy.
I smiled and stopped tickling the man beneath me. He smiled up at me and my heart melted with that radiant smile. My mushy thoughts made me roll my eyes but I ignored them to lean down and let my lips touch his. When the kiss ended I rested my head on his chest once again as his fingers trailed over my back. It was comforting.
* * *
okay I realize its not very long and its been forever since I posted this but yeah, I haven’t had any inspiration until now. Hope you liked ^_^
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