Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters but I do own the Seiffy-kun doll! *hugs her dollie*
Only in My Dreams
By Elise Maxwell
I woke with a start. One minute I was chatting with Seifer in the field and the next I was lying in the fetal position in my bed, curled up against the pain lancing through my body. I hadn’t refilled my painkillers and Seifer went off to find Quistis.
After what seemed like hours of pain, the blonde young woman burst through the door with the doctor and Seifer. She helped me sit up and I winced all the way.
“Come on Squall,” Quistis coaxed me. “I need you to swallow these.”
Through my blurred vision, I could see her trying to blink her tears away. Though the pain was in my body, there was an ache in her eyes that rivaled mine.
“Quis,” I gasped, hot tears pouring out the corners of my eyes and all the way down to my throat.
“Go on,” she said and dropped the pills into my open mouth. She held the glass to my lips and I drank willingly. She rocked me in her arms until the pain became a dull throbbing.
As I became more aware of things, I saw Selphie peek into my room, streaks of wetness on her cheeks. Irvine’s head popped into view above hers. Soon Zell, Rinoa and Julia appeared. I was glad they had come. The fact that they worried comforted me, but it also made me feel guilty. I began to look around frantically. Where was Seifer?
“Here,” Seifer waved to me from the corner. “They can’t see me remember?”
I bit my lip and resisted the urge to go to him. I glanced up to see Quistis nodding and so I turned to everyone else.
“I- I’m alright.” My voice was scratchy and my throat dry. I coughed as Quistis held the glass of water to my lips again.
“Squall.” Dr Kadowaki walked through the door and gave me a stern look. “I’d like to move you to the infirmary.”
“No,” I said vehemently. “I’m staying here.”
“Are you sure?” Quistis asked. “You’ll be more comfortable…”
“…right here,” I finished for her. “I want to stay.” I glanced at Seifer, getting my message through. Unless I stayed in my room, I wouldn’t be able to talk to Seifer without them thinking I was having delusions. Being alone with him would help me more than anything now. Only he could make me feel whole again.
Quistis nodded. “He’s going to stay where he feels most comfortable,” she said, her eyes not straying for mine.
“Yes, Commander.” Dr. Kadowaki bowed and then moved closer to whisper something in her ear.
“That will be fine.” Quistis smiled at the doctor. “Thank you.”
“I’ll be back soon.” The doctor left with everyone still crowding my bedroom door.
“You can come in guys.” I motioned them to come in.
Julia was the first to step through the door before running and vaulting herself onto the bed. She clamped her arms around me. “I don’t want you to die!” The bright blue eyes she inherited from Zell stared up at me. “I’ll miss you too much.”
I couldn’t say a word. I was speechless at the emotion with which she spoke. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to will the tears away but it didn’t work. I gave up and wrapped my arms around the little girl as I started to cry again. They were going to be gone and would never see me again. Even if I could see them, they’d never see me, and that hurt more than the fact that I knew I was going to die.
I felt Quistis move away from my back and Seifer put his arms around me. The tingling entered my back and resonated through my body.
“Promise you’ll come visit, like Seifer?” Julia whispered.
My eyes went wide. She could see him. Her sky blue eyes stared into mine, then flicked over my right shoulder where Seifer’s head would have rested if he couldn’t have gone through me.
I put my hand to her cheek. “You need to keep believing for me,” I told her. “If you let go of your dreams, you won’t be able to see us.”
She nodded fervently and latched onto my middle again. “I trust you uncle. I want you both to come back.”
“We will,” Seifer said. “And don’t you forget that!”
“I won’t.” She smiled up at us as everyone came closer to the bed. Curiosity could be seen on their faces, wondering what we were talking about.
“Scoot,” Seifer told the toddler and she did as told. We moved to the corner of the bed and I put my hands out as Seifer moved away.
I sighed and said the unspeakable, “Come on guys, last time to hug me before I change my mind.”
Everyone crushed me between them before I could react. I could hear them all saying things, but they were lost in one another’s words. Their caring words comforted me, but I still wished it were all different. I wanted everyone here, alive and well, but shit happens. Did it really have to end this way?
“Come now everyone,” Dr. Kadowaki said from the doorway. “Let the young man get some rest.” She smiled. “You can come back later. I promise.
They did come back from time to time, but the pain was getting worse. I didn’t even know how long I could hold on. While they were gone, Seifer comforted me the best he could. Nothing he did calmed my fears about death. I was so afraid that I might go somewhere else, and never see any of them again. Especially him. He consoled me and I trusted him, but I was still nervous.
On my last day, Quistis sat on my bed and put her hand to my cheek with a sad smile. I knew it was the last because the action catapulted me to the past, causing me to remember something that I had thought I’d lost.
Matron had a hand on my cheek and I was sick, with Seifer standing in the same position as in the present. When I was snapped back to Quistis, she looked worried. It probably seemed like I’d blacked out for a moment.
I couldn’t control my mind anymore after that. Memories that I thought had been lost to the GF’s came flooding back to me. All the things we did as children, all the happy and sad times we’d spent all converged in my mind.
I could see the beach, the lighthouse, and the house all in their glory from the days of my youth. It wasn’t in the disrepair of our time. We laughed and played, cried our innocent hearts out and learned so many things. It was a shame I’d lost it for so long.
Then everything cleared so suddenly.
Everyone was in my room, even Seifer. He was standing at the foot of my bed, looking at me gravely. Ironic huh?
“Say goodbye,” he choked out.
I blinked a few times, collecting my thoughts as the pain drifted away from me, but still in the back of my mind, throbbing ever so slightly.
“I’ll miss you.” I swallowed the lump in my throat as Rinoa gritted her teeth, trying not to cry. “I’ll see you all again, in your dreams,” I whispered.
I closed my eyes, I didn’t want to see it. They looked so sad.
“Squall,” Seifer’s voice echoed in my ears and the throbbing disappeared. I opened my eyes to see the blonde shining.
“Seifer?” I asked worried.
“Come.” He beckoned me with his hands and smiled. “You’re free.”
I sat up and moved to him. His arms encased my body in a warm hug as everything faded away in the light.
Quistis slipped out of the dorm and leaned against the wall of the hallway. Some students approached her and she nodded telling them the truth. Some shook their heads and walked away, others started to cry and comfort each other. Squall Leonhart, the hero they’d looked up to for so long was gone.
The blonde young woman let her back slide down the wall as tears began to pour down her cheeks, something that happened so often lately. She buried her eyes in her knees and sobbed, letting go of her title as acting Commander. She now was Commander and she had to live up to his expectations, but right now, she deserved a good cry.
A pair of warm arms wrapped around her shoulders and she opened her eyes to see Selphie’s tear bright emerald eyes.
“We’ll see them again, in our dreams like Squall said.” She licked her lips and tried to smile.
“Yes, in our dreams,” Quistis agreed.
“Oh wow!” Selphie pulled the blonde up and pointed. “Look at the sunset!”
Through the window, they could see clouds glowing in front of the descending sun in the distance. Standing before the window were Squall and Seifer with their arms around one another, smiling at the two girls who stared at the sunset.
Quistis blinked then smiled with a short chuckle. She gave them a slight nod and their smiles became brighter.
“It must be a gift from Squall.” Selphie was dazzled by the sunset, not being able to see the miracle that Quistis could. Squall nodded at Selphie’s comment and Seifer blew Quistis a kiss.
“For the teacher who never gave up on me, even after I was gone,” he said.
Quistis’s hands went to her mouth as the tip of the sun got close to the horizon.
“We’ll be back.” Seifer winked at her and turned to Squall.
The blonde woman watched mesmerized as their lips met in a sweet kiss and sighed wishing she could share her love like that with someone. She took a moment to blink, and they were gone, with the sun. It had disappeared from the horizon like they had.
“I’ll go tell the others about the pretty sky,” Selphie said, the usual spunk in her voice trying to come back.
“That was cute,” Julia said from her right. She’d been holding onto Quistis’s skirt watching the whole exchange.
“Yes, it was.” The blonde kneeled. “But they’ll be back, so we don’t have to be sad.”
Julia smiled. “We can help everyone be happy again.”
“Of course.” Quistis patted her head.
“We’ll help each other.” Julia nodded.
“You’re not alone.”
* * *
I almost cried writing that but it felt good to finally end it ^_^
I’m sorry that it’s so short but I didn’t like writing Squall in pain, it was difficult. I hope you enjoyed my sad but happy fic. ^_^ Thanks for reading.
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