Longing for your smile

Chapter Four

By Forbidden Angelus

"Damn…" Seifer muttered

"What are you doin', Seifer?" Zell asked, entering the room.

It was Sunday, Seifer's fever was slowly disappeared and now the scarred blonde was sitting at the table in their room, reading a book


"Really? I'll ask you somethin'!!" the hyperactive blonde exclaimed, sitting on his bed

"So who did command the Galbadian troops in the Sorcerss War?"

"Me, of course!"

"The other Sorceress War!" Zell exclaimed

"Mmm…" The door burst open


"Crys!" Zell exclaimed "Have you ever heard of knocking?" "Dunno… Maybe when I was a little child and my mom taught me good manners…" Crys said, then she sighed "My poor attempt to sarcasm has failed…"

"What do you want?"

"Cid wants you, Scarred-one!!"

"What have I done, now?"

"Nothing! He wants to assign you a mission!!"

"A mission? Your first SeeD mission!!" Zell exclaimed


"I'll wait here, go!" Zell exclaimed.

Seifer knocked on Cid's office door

"Come in." headmaster's voice came. He entered.

"Good morning Seifer, I hope your fever's gone." Cid said


"Good, because tomorrow morning you'll be sent to the Island Closest to Hell to investigate."

"Investigate?" Seifer frowned

"Yes, but I'll tell you more details when Squall and Kenneth will be here."

Kenneth?? That son of a bitch that insult me?? He'll be with me in this mission? Oh, shit!!

Although he hated him he managed to remain calm and he promised to himself to maintain his control during the mission, too. The door opened and Squall and Kenneth came in.

"Hey, traitor." Kenneth whispered in Seifer's hear, the tall blonde acted as if he hadn't heard.

"Well, in Zell's report there were a few things quite… how can I say… disturbing…" Cid cleared his voice "He said that before the attack from the Red Dragons the Human-Tracer signaled a group of people that disappeared after a few seconds. Then he told me about the Red Dragons, they were moving in a pack and they were more resistant, faster and stronger than any normal Red Dragon…" he stopped to look at the three boys in front of him "You have to take a sample of blood from the monsters in that area and take back a Red Dragon, dead of course, in the meanwhile take a look around. Squall will be the Squad leader and the other members must follow his orders. Is it clear?" Squall and Seifer nodded, but Kenneth raised his hand

"Yes, Kenneth?"

"Why is Seifer in our party? He's useless!"

Seifer tensed and clenched his fists, Squall looked at him a bit worried. the scarred blonde inhaled slowly then turned toward Kenneth before Cid could reply.

"Maybe I'm a useless as you said, but at least I don't complain about my squad-mates…" he said, bitterly, before he left. "Dismissed." Cid added.

Before returning to his business Squall watched for a long time the way Seifer had disappeared with a frown on his face.

Seifer entered his room and closed hastily the door. He took his clothes off and went in the shower trying to cancel the previous talk with Kenneth, but his words had stuck in his head

UselessUselessUselessUselessUselessUselessUselessUselessUselessUselessUseless…. Silent tears began slowly to descend from his eyes.

"Munch… Finally… Munch… I got some… Munch… hot dogs… Munch…" Zell exclaimed, sitting at a table in the Cafeteria "Bleah!! I think I've lost my appetite for the next five hundred years!!! Behave!!" Crys exclaimed, disgusted

"Did I do something wrong??" asked the tattooed-boy, innocently "Never mind…" she replied "So… Do you have a girlfriend?"

Zell choked and sputtered "W-What?!!"

"H-Hey!! Calm down! I've asked only a question!! I'm not hitting at you!!" she said

"I d-didn't mean like it sounded… It was that I didn't expect that answer…"

"So, I can hit at you?" she said with a broad smile

"Yes… No… er… AARGGH!!" he threw his arms up

"Ah! Ah!" Crys laughed "Don't worry, just kidding!! I'm not hitting on you, you're a good and sincere friend, Zell!" Zell blushed

"Er… thanks, I guess…"

"So, do you have a girlfriend?"

"I had, she left me…"


"She met a higher guy, more beautiful and less annoying than me…"

"Oh. But you're great being a man!!" Crys exclaimed "Girls are better of course, but you're cool, though!!"

Zell remained silent, so Crys took the chance to continue

"And about the others?"


"Squall, Selphie, Quistis, Seifer, Irvine and that girl with blue clothes…"

"Well… Squall is the cold and fearless leader… he got less cold recently, thanks to Rinoa. Sometimes that girl acts very strange, but she's okay…"


"Yes, that girl in blue."


"Then there's Selphie… she's crazy, I'm sure about this…"

Crys chuckled .

"And her playboy boyfriend has a heart of gold in the depth of that chest of his…"

"They are perfect together!!"

"Yes, I think so, too. Then… Quistis she's very responsible for her age…"

"I like her, a lot… She's beautiful, intelligent, smart, skilled… I really like her!!" Crys exclaimed.

Zell arched a eyebrow

"What??" Crys exclaimed "I'm gay, homosexual, pervert… whatever you like… You have a problem with that?"

"N-No… It's that… Never mind, let's go on… who's left??" "Seifer."

"Yeah, Seifer… He was a pain in the ass…"

"Like Kenneth?"

"No, thank God, he wasn't like him!!" he sighed "He used to make fun of whomever crossed his path, except for his posse. I was his favorite and he called me Chicken Wuss and irritated me every time he could, a real bully… After the whole Ultimecia mess he's just… changed… He's closed in himself and he doesn't make fun of anyone, he even calls me Chicken Wuss with… affection…" "Usually who acts as a bully has a fragile psyche and is afraid to make friends for the fear of loosing them…"

"You think?"

"Yes… I've read it somewhere…"

"So he acted as a pest because he needed someone who cared?" "Yes, maybe that's why he joined the Sorceress… he saw the old Matron and he saw motherly love that was took away from him when he was only a little child…"

"Whoa!! Who said to you all those things?"


"Hey, you're serious 'bout her, aren't you?!"

"I'm workin' on it…" she answered with a smile

"If you need my help I'll be here, remember!" Zell told her

"I know, thanks…" she kissed him on the cheek "You're my best friend!!"

Zell blushed again and Crys started to laugh, then she suddenly became serious.

"Seifer needs someone who cares." She said, before going away. Zell sighed and finished eating.

He opened the door and wondered why the room was dark, while outside the sun was shining. He went to the window and started to open the curtains

"No, don't…" a voice said.

Zell almost jumped

"Seifer! Damn you! You gave me a heart-attack!!" he exclaimed "Sorry…" came the reply

"Is there something wrong?" Zell asked, getting near to the place where he thought Seifer was.


"Oh, yes there's…"

"If you're so sure, why you asked?"

"So what's wrong…"

Seifer muttered something under his breath

"What? I couldn't hear you!"

"I said I am useless!!" Seifer exclaimed, his voice cracked

He's crying, that's why he doesn't want me to open the curtains… "You're not…"

"Yes, I am."

Zell finally got to his side "Listen Seifer, don't cry, please… there's surely someone who's longing for your smile somewhere…"

"And who would that be?"

"Your lover…"

"I don't have a lover…"

"Your friends…"

"I have no friends…"

"Yes you have! You have Squall, Rinoa, Quistis…"

"They're acquaintances of mine, only that… I have no one…" "And Fujin? And Raijin?"

"They're a couple… They don't need me…"

When an idea sticks in his mind he's worse than me!! Zell thought.

"You have me… I'm a friend of yours, you know…" the tattooed-boy said softly.

Even if he couldn't see him, he sensed that Seifer was looking at him

"So if you need a shoulder to cry on… I'm here…" Silence "Thanks but… I don't have to cry, because there's someone in the world who's longing for my smile, right?"

Zell smiled. Seifer seemed so innocent, so helpless, so… young… "Right."

"Thanks Zell…"

"You're welcome… Now, can I open the curtains?"


"Why? You aren't crying, are you?" Zell frowned.

Then Seifer's head was on his shoulder, Zell tensed a bit, not expecting the other's blonde move but didn't make any move to get away

"I'd like to remain like this for a moment, please?" he pleaded "Okay…"

Mmm… He smells good… he's just had a shower… This is that shampoo of his… so good…

"You smell good…" Zell said, then added "My God, it sounded like I was going to eat you…"

"If that was meant to make me laugh… It didn't work…" Seifer informed him

"I know… It was a poor, sick little joke…"

"Just like you…" "Hey!"

"Jus' kidding!!"

They remained still for a long time, then Zell started to move "Get up now, we've to get the equipment for tomorrow!" he offered a hand to Seifer who took it and got to his feet


"Yes, we. You're a young and inexperienced SeeD, after all!" "You…! You…! Chicken Wuss!!"

Zell started to laugh and soon Seifer joined him.

They got on the shore. The weather was good, not like the last time they've been there.

"Let's kill that damn Red Dragon and go home!" Seifer exclaimed "I don't like this Island…"

"Don't piss in your pants, Almasy." Kenneth said, Seifer ignored him

"Don't pay attention to him." Squall whispered to Seifer "If you get angry and hurt him, you're fucked…"

"I know."

Seifer really appreciated the way Squall seemed to care for him. Maybe Zell is right… Maybe they're not only acquaintances, maybe they're friends…

He decided to carry on the conversation

"So, how are the things with Rinoa?" Squall looked at him with a curios expression

"Fine. And you?"

"Better than before…"

"You haven't killed each other, yet…"


"You and Zell…"

"Oh yeah… Yes, we're growing… friends, I guess…"

"Good, he was a little down after the break-up…" Squall said "Break-up?"

"His girlfriend left him…"

"That girl with the ponytails?" Squall nodded

"Yes, her… she left him for a Galbadian guy…"

"The little slut…" then Seifer looked at Squall and laughed softly "What are you laughing at?" the auburn-haired leader asked

"I've never thought you were the type for gossips…"

To Seifer's satisfaction Squall blushed a little and turned his head in the other direction.

"Okay, Almasy, Do you remember where you tracked those people down?" Kenneth asked

"No… It was raining hard if I remember well…" he answered sarcastically

"Then? A SeeD must pay attention to everything." the brown-haired SeeD replied

"I wasn't a SeeD at the time." Seifer said, shutting Kenenth.

"Ok, Seifer…" Squall turned towards him "…Where did you, Zell and Crys spot those men?"

"I think we were 'round here… Considering the speed we were moving and time we spent walking… Yes, I think we were right here…"

Seifer answered, looking around him. When his eyes met Kenneth's, the boy looked like he was about to kill him. Seifer smirked at him.

"…And we spotted four men toward North, thirty meters of distance."

"So we've got to head straight…" Squall concluded "Let's go!"

Hey, Squall's changed… Seifer thought I guess Rinoa is the responsible… Maybe they're meant for each other… Lucky them… I'll never find who's 'longing for my smile'…

He smiled thinking at what his friend Zell had told him. Friend Zell. Sure, he wanted to be more than 'friends' but… this a was a beginning, wasn't it?. He lifted his eyes to the sky


He sighed. That place made him shivered. There was something disturbing about it, something he couldn't get. Something about the Red Dragons…

Okay, let's see… they were moving in a pack and normal Red Dragons do not do that… they were stronger, faster, smarter than other Red Dragons and that one didn't one didn't want to die… Only when Quistis and Selphie had hit it with…

Then it hit him like a bolt strike, sudden and violent

"On the shore!" he exclaimed

"What?" Squall looked at him, arching his eyebrows

"On the shore! That Red Dragon that Selphie and Quistis killed on the shore!"


"We haven't seen its carcass when we landed on the same shore…" Seifer explained.

Squall understood what Seifer was saying

"Maybe the Red Dragon was still alive…"

"Or maybe someone dragged it away…" Seifer said

"But who? And why?"

"The soldiers that attacked the missing people…" Squall hypothesized

"So we're back to the group of people we saw that day…" Seifer sighed

"Hey, while you were chatting I found this…" Kenneth said, handing something to Squall who took it and examined it closely, he frowned

"It's a piece of black cloth… The uniforms of those soldiers were black…"

"Maybe…" Seifer began, but was cut off by a GRRROOOWWWLLLLL.

They turned toward the sound and found themselves facing and angry Red Dragon

"Hey, we were looking for it, but the bastard found us, instead!!" Kenneth exclaimed

"Let's kill it, but don't do something stupid like summoning Eden, we need its body to be intact." Squall warned them.

Seifer nodded

"No problem, Squad leader!!" Kenneth said, tightening his grip on the daggers he used as weapons "Let's start with something like this!!"

He cast an ice spell and attacked the monster a moment after. Squall attacked the Red Dragon, too. But when it was Seifer's turn, Kenneth shoved him out of the way

"Get out of my way, you looser."

Seifer felt the anger built inside of him.

I'm going to kill him, I'm going to kill him, I'm going to… then he suddenly froze That must be what Zell and the others was feeling when I was making fun of them… But I've never thought… I knew that I shouldn't have done that but I've never guessed…

He sat there, on the ground. He could hear a voice, a distant voice, calling his name, telling him something he couldn't understand.
Bastard. Useless. Traitor. Looser. Good for nothing. It's that who I am? Or… No!! I'm not none of them!! Zell told me!!! He was Seifer!! No bastard. No useless. No traitor. No looser. No good for nothing. Seifer. Just Seifer. Only Seifer!!!

"Seifer!! Get out of the way!!" Squall yelled, while the Red Dragon was charging at the blonde boy seated on the ground "NO!!" Suddenly Seifer was on his feet and yelled something like 'IWWHNEW!!!' and the most powerful ice spell Squall had ever seen in his life hit the Dragon, killing it.

"Hey, good job Seifer!" Squall congratulated him, rally impressed. Then he frowned: he was panting and looking like he didn't know what had just happened.

"Are you okay, Seifer?" the taller man just looked at Kenneth then turned to leave.

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