Little Black Book
By Alexis Logain
"Hey Squall!" The brunette groaned into his coffee as Zell jogged over to his table and plopped down into a chair. "How's it going?"
"Shouldn't you be off celebrating marital bliss somewhere?" Squall grumbled. Zell grinned.
"Quistis wanted to postpone the honeymoon so we could see you," he explained.
"Oh." Dammit. He was never going to get out of that damned place without a guilt trip now.
"Yeah. It's really great that you're here, man. It's been forever." Why, oh dear gods why did he come to the Cafeteria again?
"Six years isn't an eternity, you do realize that, right?" Squall asked, hoping that Zell would be offended and leave. Nope, heaven did not like him today.
"You know what I mean, Squall," Zell said seriously. "We missed you around here."
"You missed the only man who could take over Shiva's job as an ice bitch? Right."
"We did! Well, not the 'ice bitch' part…but we missed our friend." Zell paused for a moment, his cheeks tinged with pink. They should have sent someone else to talk to him. "So…"
"I'm going to go get more coffee," Squall mumbled and stood, hoping to escape the torture that was Zell.
"Dude, can you get me some hot dogs?"" Zell asked, excited at the idea of the phallic-like food.
"Yeah. Just tell them they're for Mr. Dincht."
"…Whatever." Squall rolled his eyes at the small blonde and made his way to the line, where the lunch lady proceeded to fuss over him.
"Commander Leonhart!" she exclaimed. "You're back, eh? More coffee?"
"Yeah. I also need to get Zell Dinct's 'breakfast,'" he told her.
"That boy," she muttered. "Eats more hot dogs than half the junior class." She hummed and began filling a tray with hot dogs. "I didn't get to ask last time, but how is Ms. Heartily? She taking her vitamins like I told her to?"
"I don't know, ma'am," Squall replied as she refilled his coffee cup. "I haven't seen Rinoa in about…six years."
"Oh. Well, that's too bad. And she was such a nice girl too." Squall snorted.
"Yeah. So nice that she stole my money, charged 3000 gil of crap to my account, and left me in the middle of the night with some girl named 'Candy.'"
As she handed over Zell's tray, the lunch lady looked effectively stunned. "Oh."
"So…you never told me what happened to Rinoa and you," Zell prompted once Squall returned and shoved the tray of hot dogs - seven total - at him. Squall scowled, wondering why everyone wanted that simpering idiot around. "I figured she was in for the long haul," Zell continued around a mouthful of hot dog. Squall decided his earlier thoughts were wrong - there were things more disturbing than the thought of Laguna having sex with Ellone.
"It's…uh, a long story," he mumbled and stared as Zell shoved two more hot dogs in his mouth. That was just wrong.
"I got time," was the muffled reply.
"Well…I told her I was gay," Squall began and sipped at his coffee while Zell winced.
"Ouch, man. That's kinda harsh. You shouldn't lie to a girl about something like that." Squall raised an eyebrow and blinked at Zell. "Unless…you don't mean…uh…"
"I wasn't lying," Squall clarified. "I really am gay."
"Really?" Zell exclaimed. "No. I don't believe it."
"Why would I lie about something like that?" Squall wanted to know.
"What?!" Squall looked at Zell as if the small blonde had grown another head while Zell continued.
"Kiss the next man that walks into the Cafeteria."
"No." Squall rolled his eyes and drank a sip of his coffee.
"I knew you weren't gay!" Zell hurrahed loudly then winced as several pairs of eyes looked at them. "Oops, sorry…"
"I don't care if they know. And, this is so childish, but I am too."
"Then prove it. I dare you." Zell smirked while Squall sighed heavily, glancing over at the door.
"Fine," Squall relented finally. "How much?"
"You said you dared that I would do it. Sounds like a bet to me. How much?"
"Uh…" Zell thought for a moment then smiled. "10 gil."
Zell cheered and worked on his sixth hot dog as they waited for the doors to open. The second they did, Squall cursed his luck and glared at the ceiling, as if asking if Hyne really hated him that much. Zell choked on his hot dog.
Seifer Almasy meandered over to the table that Squall and Zell were at, nodding politely at a few junior classmen who smiled at him. "Hey guys."
"Hi," Zell squeaked.
Seifer frowned, "What's wrong with you? Hot dog go down the wrong tube?"
Zell began coughing and choking once more and just as Seifer was going to ask if he was okay, Squall stoop up rather abruptly and looked Seifer square in the eyes.
"Hello Seifer," he began.
"Hi, Squall," Seifer replied.
"How are you?"
"I'm…fine. And you?"
"Been better." Before Seifer could ask why he could be better, Squall leaned forward and pressed his lips to the blonde's, wrapping a hand around the back of his neck. Seifer's eyebrows shot up and his eyes grew so big that Zell was pretty damned sure they'd pop out. Zell counted to fifty before Squall let go of the blonde and pulled away.
Squall cleared his throat softly and sat back down again, sipping at his coffee as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Zell stared from Squall up to Seifer and then back down again, unsure of what to say. And Seifer… well, he just stood there.
"Ummm… did I…uh, miss something?" he asked finally. Squall ignored him and held his hand out towards Zell, palm up.
"Pay up, Dincht."
"You paid Leonhart to kiss me?" Seifer gaped at Zell dropped the money into Squall's outstretched hand. "I feel somewhat cheap. Only 10 gil?" He slumped down next to Zell, ears and neck red from the blush that crept up as he realized all of the Cafeteria was watching.
"So what then would, say, 100 gil get me?" Squall asked with a straight face. Seifer coughed and choked on the gulp of coffee he filched from Squall, spraying the lukewarm liquid on the table. "I see. Would 150 gil get you to swallow?"
"Hyne Leonhart!" Seifer gasped. "Where did that come from?"
"Do you really want to know?" Squall asked with an innocent smile on his face. Beside Seifer, Zell was turning red. "Don't tell me you honestly expect me to be the same quiet, humorless little schoolboy, Seifer. The world is a wonderful place - especially to its savior. Now, are you done with my coffee? There are some liquids out there that are simply too precious to waste." Seifer blinked and slid the cup across the table while Zell turned beet red.
"So you really are gay," the small blonde murmured. "You know…that actually explains a lot."
"Like what?" Squall frowned into his mug while Seifer looked like he was going to go into cardiac arrest.
"The leather pants for one," Zell told him.
"Zell - you own a pair of leather pants and you aren't gay," Squall replied, finishing his coffee. He set it down on the table with a loud 'thunk.' "Well, I'll leave you two ladies to chat. I'm going for a drive."
"In your car?" Seifer asked.
"No. I was going to drive a golf cart," Squall rolled his eyes.
"Can I come?" was the response.
"Sure, but only if I do too." The brunette smirked to himself, standing up from the table while Seifer took a moment to grasp the meaning behind the comment. Feeling somewhat victorious, Squall departed from the Cafeteria. That was too easy.
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