Ok this is the scene in balins tomb through to the arrival in Lothlorien. Again mostly in Legolas' point of view, so its "Speed of pain" songfic still.

Desire and Love

Chapter Four - Painful losses

By linteloteiel


We found ourselves in a tomb. Gimli was distraught as he realised it was his cousin's. As Gandalf read from their book of records I spoke quietly to Aragorn. `We must move on, we cannot linger here.' He looked at me, a little surprised. I was trying to hide my panic, but from the look on his face I hadn't done very well.

From what Gandalf was reading, the Balrog had killed them, along with a host of orcs. I wasn't really surprised. I'd seen it when the first dwarves in Moria were killed. I remembered watching in horror as the orcs slayed many, and the Balrog breathed fire on the remaining ones. I couldn't hold back a shudder. Aragorn looked at me, a hint of worry in his eyes. He looked back at Gandalf as he read.

`We cannot get out'. I froze. They'd been trapped by it? Oh gods. I could sense something moving about several floors below. I wanted to move. If it was the Balrog and it found us, I probably couldn't fight. Even now I was half frozen with terror. Whatever it was drew nearer, and as we began to run, orcs swarmed in. And a cave troll. We barred the doors, and I took aim to shoot at anything trying to break in. It took about five agonising minutes for the orcs to break in. I soon realised my bow was no use and drew one of my knives. The fight lasted forever. The cave troll swung at me, and I ducked out the way. It swung a few more times and its chain wrapped around a pillar. I ran up and tried to shoot it in the head. It did no good except to anger it. I jumped off again.

Merry and Pippin were trying their best to protect Frodo from the troll. It succeeded in separating them. I fought my best, trying to kill it, ignoring the overpowering terror in me. As the troll attacked Frodo, Aragorn jumped in front of it. He was thrown aside and knocked out. I made myself concentrate on trying to kill the remaining orcs as he lay there. I was so worried about him, and Frodo, and so scared myself. Then I heard Frodo cry out. He had been hit with the trolls spear. As he fell to the floor, we all began fighting like we were possessed. It had hurt Aragorn and killed Frodo. Gandalf and Gimli were attacking the troll, as it tried to thro Merry and Pippin off his back. Eventually it lifted its head, and I loosed my arrow. It finally died. Aragorn was stirring, and as he reached Frodo, Frodo moaned. He was alive? As Aragorn told him, he should have been skewered. It was utterly amazing. We lingered as he showed us his Mithril corselet.

Finally coming to our senses we fled. As we approached Khazad-dum, the Balrog appeared. I froze and yelled out. `A Balrog! The Balrog is come'* Coming to my senses slightly I ran, jumping down the steps ahead of the others, wanting to put as much distance as possible between myself and that cursed creature. There was a break in the bridge. Using my elven agility, I leapt across and caught the others. As the others also jumped across, it began crumbling, leaving Aragorn and Frodo stranded too far to jump. AS the Balrog approached, a falling block of stone smashed the staircase behind them. It swayed and shook wildly. I prayed they would be ok. The whole column began toppling forward, and I caught my lover as he jumped.

`Are you ok?' he whispered to me.

`I need to get out of here,' I replied, before turning and running.

As we reached the bridge of Khazad-dum, Gandalf stopped and turned.

`Gandalf! No!' I screamed. He couldn't do this. I started to go to him and pull him back, but Aragorn stopped me, leading me across the bridge. As we watched I leaned on him, shaking with fear.

`You cannot pass! I am a servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of Anor. You cannot pass. The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun. Go back to the shadow.'

With a terrific cry, he shouted again, striking the bridge with his staff. `You cannot pass!' as the Balrog stepped forward, the bridge collapsed. The Balrog fell into the darkness. I breathed a sigh of relief. He turned ready to leave, when its whip caught him. He was pulled down. I screamed. Frodo tried to run to the bridge, but Boromir caught him. As we ran to get out, all of us were crying. I was consumed with guilt, too. Gandalf had done that for me, I knew it. He would never have fought it unless he had reason. I had been that reason.

When we got out the mines, the hobbits collapsed, sobbing. Pippin was utterly distraught, blaming himself for throwing the stone. I knew it was really my fault. I tried to comfort Pippin** Aragorn tended to the wounds Frodo and Sam had gained. We headed to Lothlorien, most of us still crying. I felt really ill as well, which was worrying. I couldn't shake the feeling of guilt either. Why, Mithrandir? Why? The flame of Anor was gone. And the third elven ring. We reached Lothlorien that night, for which we were all thankful.

I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day

I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another day

Lie to me, Cry to me, Give to me

I would

Lie with me, die with me, give with me

I would

I started up a tree, to hear Haldir shout at me. I obeyed, and told the others not to move. I was secretly quite glad, for I knew Haldir was trustworthy. He let down a ladder that went up to the talans they dwelt in. After arrangements had been made, I descended to go up the next tree, where our talan was.

I was glad to see the tree which would be our resting spot for the night, but as soon as I had chance, I disappeared. I still felt ill, which was strange, and guilty. I reached the banks of the Nimrodel, and cried my heart out for the second time in as many days. I felt sick, and exhausted.

Aragorn had followed me, for which I was a little angry. He sat beside me.

`Do not blame yourself. Gandalf chose his own fate.' This was too much for me. The sick feeling grew worse, and I found myself vomiting.

`Legolas? What is wrong?' he sounded truly worried, and I couldn't tell him. I didn't even know myself. He rubbed my back, and whispered to me til I finally stopped. What was happening to me? Elves did not get ill. Ever. Then it occurred to me. Grief was reputed to have strange effects in some cases. Losing a loved one could kill an elf. I was so guilty, was that to blame? Aragorn apparently reached the same conclusion.

`Gandalf did this to protect the fellowship. No one is to blame. You could have done nothing against such a foe.'

` I know that!' I cried. `That's what's wrong.' I started vomiting again, ashamed of my weakness, but unable to do anything about it.

`Stop this now!' he shouted at me. `You will kill yourself too?' Haldir appeared out of nowhere.

`Give him some mint as soon as he can handle it, and some chamomile. Legolas, you know that Gandalf will prevail. He is made of tougher stuff than we like to believe.' He handed Aragorn something and departed again. I tried to speak, in between heaves.

`The Balrog was what put me off caves. It held me prisoner.' I turned away as I threw up again.

`That does not make this your fault. None but an istari could have stood against such a foe. Do not blame yourself at all. Gandalf did it to protect us all' He gave me a handful of peppermint leaves. I ate them slowly, knowing they'd help. I leaned against him still crying, as my stomach settled.

`It does not matter. He should not have stood alone. I should have stopped him.' He wrapped his arms around me, and I buried my face in his chest.

`No one could have stopped him. He made his own decision, you know that.' I nodded silently.

`Promise you won't leave me too?' I questioned.

`Never til the day I die if I have anything to do with it. Come on, the others are in the trees, and we should be too.' He gave me some chamomile leaves, waited til I rinsed my mouth out and led me up to the talan. I fell asleep in his arms. Gimli and Boromir had said nothing about us, for which I was grateful.


*I know that wasn't the exact line, I had to change it for this, I'm sorry.

**In the film you don't see who goes to whom so I took a little liberty.

Thank you to the reviewer who pointed out it was rushed, I put up the draft version in stupidity! Ok short I know. Don't think it was quite as good as the last one. After this it will go back to third person. This just wanted me to write it. Please r/r.

Return to Archive | next | previous