Lyrics: “Name” Goo Goo Dolls (A Boy Named “Goo”)
Warnings: Sappiness, Shonen-ai, implied Yaoi, angst, and reopening old wounds.
// Blah // = Lyrics
~ Blah ~ = Thought
Jin looked at his open hands sadly. He could still see blood on those hands, still feel it warm and oozing over the smoothness of his palms. Jin closed his eyes. Only a little over a year ago, he had been the one who had kept Hwoarang away from the dojo long enough for Heihachi to take Baek Do San’s life. The one time he had the chance to apologize, he was already in debt to Hwoarang for saving his life, and he didn’t have any chance but to keep running. He knew he should have put Hwoarang behind him long ago, but for some reason, he couldn’t forget the copper-haired Korean youth.
//And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away //
Jin could remember vividly the way the boy had looked that night. He had fire in his amber eyes that almost matched the red tones of his hair. His lips were curved in the most irritating half-smile that Jin later grew to love, and his jaw was set with pride. He wore his jeans, chaps, and a navy t-shirt getup with his classic goggles to draw his hair out of his face. Jin could remember the exact motions Hwoarang used to draw on his gloves. He went through the same process every time he got on his bike or fought. Which brought Jin back to the present. Hwoarang had suddenly showed up on his bike at Jin’s school and asked the boy over to his apartment. Hwoarang was in the kitchen getting snacks and drinks when Jin let his mind wander.
~ Never had he been beaten, and I came too close. His pride was wounded. He may be a gang leader, but he also has pride as a father and as a student at Baek’s dojo. When Baek died that night, he was crushed. I really managed to fuck his entire life over in one night, didn’t I? No wonder he hates me so much. ~
//'Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way //
Jin was starting to get bored, and dwelling on the past wouldn’t help. He looked around the small living room slash office and spotted a desk with a laptop and a trash bin full of papers. Jin reached over to the small basket being used as a makeshift trash can and pulled out one of the papers. He read it over quickly. It was a love note, beautifully written, but neither signed nor addressed. Jin pulled out another paper, and it was like the first, only a little less complete. All of them were in Kanji, and looked a little awkward. Probably because Hwoarang learned Kanjo as a second written language. Did Hwoarang have a Japanese sweetheart? “Pretty bad, huh?” The mild tones of Hwoarang’s voice surprised Jin. He dropped the letter back into the wastebasket. “Hm... I swear, I leave you alone for one second and you are already causing me loads of trouble.”
Jin shrugged. “Look who’s talking.”
Hwoarang smiled sadly. “I’m glad someone read them at least, ‘cause I’m not sendin’ them by any means.” Hwoarang handed Jin a soda and dropped a bag of pretzels on the table. “It is for the better though, you know? Everyone I love I seem to end up hurtin’.” Hwoarang bowed his head.
Jin looked at him, trying to remember why he had ever felt anything short of love for the Korean boy, and quietly muttered, “I understand.”
//And letters that you never meant to send
Get lost or thrown away//
Hwoarang looked at his would-be rival and fought back tears. Jin had always had a profound emotional effect on him, but only recently had it been something so sweet. Hwoarang often felt Jin wouldn’t ever be able to understand the pain Hwoarang felt after Baek’s death, but he always forgot the sad truth of Jin’s parents. At least the Japanese boy had known his parents. Hwoarang didn’t even know his own name. Like Jin, he’d chosen a name for himself, just with a little less guidance. Looking at the boy, with the spiked black hair and dark chocolate eyes, Hwoarang felt his heart clench. He had no right to hate the boy, and he knew it.
//And now we're grown up orphans
That never knew their names//
“You have a girlfriend, right?” Jin’s question shocked Hwoarang out of his reverie. Hwoarang hated that question, he got it all the time from heartbroken girls who thought they stood no chance with the Blood Talon.
“No... Girls are like booze. You do it once, you swear off it for a week then you go back and get sloshed again.” Hwoarang gave a weak smile. “I’ve been sober for months.” The Korean hated how weak his voice sounded. “How ‘bout you? You got with that Xiaoyu Ling girl, right?”
“No.” Jin wasn’t going to offer anymore of an answer, apparently.
“Too bad.” Jin looked at the redhead curiously. “Two gorgeous guys like us going to waste.” Hwoarang flashed a grin that was returned with a small spark of humor in Jin’s eyes. That was enough, as far as the Korean was concerned.
//We don't belong to no one
That's a shame//
Hwoarang shrugged. “Well, whatever, man. I just wanted to see you again. It has been a while since you and I last sparred so...” Hwoarang motioned to the pretzels. “Crash here for the night and we can watch movies or something.”
There was a long pause before Jin answered. “All right,” was all he said in response. He stood, removing his jacket, and fell back onto the couch, this time lounging. “I’ll stay, at least for a while.”
//But if you could hide beside me
Maybe for a while//
Hwoarang felt his heart skip a beat. “Great.” He added, “But you have to promise me that the letters I wrote are a secret.”
“Hai, hai.” Jin looked up at Hwoarang. “I won’t tell anyone that you don’t know what to sign for your name.”
There was a cold stab in Hwoarang’s heart as Jin spoke. The other boy was right, as usual, but it hurt. Jin shouldn’t have known that just from looking at some letters.
//And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell em' your name//
Jin found himself focusing on the way Hwoarang’s new choice of shirts showed off his collarbone. From everything Jin had ever seen, Hwoarang’s skin was perfect, unmarred, but he could see a small crescent scar hooking around the right side of his collarbone. Jin, before he could stop himself, leaned forward to touch the scar, and found himself faced with a very protective Hwoarang. The redhead pulled his shirt closed abruptly, allowing a small gold locket to fall out from under the shirt. Jin grabbed this instead.
“Kazama...” Hwoarang had a very angry undertone to his voice, but Jin was used to it, so he just ignored big-bad-angry-red and opened the locket. Inside, in the allotted space was a picture of a man dressed in a gi with a boy under one arm that looked kind of like Forrest Law. On the other side of the locket, glued in was a picture of the same man, this time in color and looking quite a bit older, with a young redhead under an arm. The redhead wore his pajamas, and his hair looked slept-on. The man must’ve been Baek. Before Jin could think about it more, the locket was snatched away. “Christ, Kazama, you’re so grabby all th’ sudden.”
“You were burnt on this locket, weren’t you? That is how you got the scar, isn’t it?” Jin realized he was right about the time Hwoarang’s fist connected with his face. It wasn’t a hard punch like he’d expected, but it was a desperate one. It rather reminded Jin of a slap a woman would give a man for being a hentai. It was fitting of Hwoarang to go to fists, though. Oddly, it didn’t faze Jin that he was punched at all really. He knew that he deserved it.
//And scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far //
Hwoarang had tears in his eyes and he collapsed into Jin. “I fucking hate you, you son of a bitch. I hate you...” Hwoarang said this, but he clung to Jin desperately. The Japanese boy was confused, to put it lightly. Hwoarang still had a chance at being the pride of Baek’s batch, but Jin had to wonder if Hwoarang recognized that. Hwoarang, though he would appear pompous and arrogant, was, in reality, a gentle boy and he needed that support Jin had robbed him of.
If they didn’t live in the world they had been born into, Jin would give back what he’d stolen. Hwoarang might’ve even wanted that to happen. It was really hard to tell.
//Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star?
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are//
Hwoarang looked into Jin’s eyes, daring the other boy to let go of him. Hwoarang sometimes wondered if it was his lifestyle that had hardened Jin, or if it was his birth. Both he and Hwoarang were forced to accept early on in life some simple truths that some adults couldn’t even cope with. Hwoarang was both more accepting and more secular as he went through life day by day. The cynicism he possessed at the age of nineteen was almost disturbing, but he could see it reflected in Jin’s eyes. Jin answered his rival’s dare by putting his lips to Hwoarang’s.
//We grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe
Reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio//
Hwoarang found himself all over Jin kissing every available inch of skin on the boy’s body. As he moved his lips across the naturally tanned skin, Jin picked him up, carrying the Korean to the bed, and lying back down on top of Hwoarang. The would-be-rivals never said a word as they worked away buttons of shirts, and bid belts farewell. Hwoarang didn’t try to stop Jin, and he didn’t really want to even try.
//And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell em' your name
I won't tell em' your name
Mmm, mmm, mmm,
I won't tell em' your name//
Jin woke up naked in Hwoarang’s bed several hours later. They still hadn’t spoken a word to eachother. Jin frowned, wondering numbly where Hwoarang himself was. Upon examination of the room, he spotted the redhead leaned against a sliding glass door across the room, dressed in a jade bathrobe. Jin decided the silence needed to be broken. “Hwoarang... I need to tell you something.”
Those amber eyes were turned on Jin, and he wasn’t quite sure what to think. Hwoarang looked like his mask, blank and cold, but Jin could see a hint of something barely bottled in. Jin couldn’t quite place if it was anger, love, hate, or whatever else, but he could almost feel it rippling under his skin. “Yes, Jin?”
“I...” Jin sat up fully, feeling the cool night air from the partially open door blow across his bare chest. “I have been think about you all this time... When you weren’t around, I thought about you almost every day... I would find myself wondering what you were doing at any given moment... And...” Jin looked at his hands. “I fell in love with you, Hwoarang.” Jin smiled sadly, “I don’t expect anything in return...”
“It’s cold outside,” Hwoarang muttered, closing the door. Jin looked up at him in surprise. Hwoarang just smiled, “You look like you’re freezin’ you’re ass off.” Hwoarang’s eyes narrowed a little bit.
“You... Hwoarang, couldn’t you at least give me some sort of response?” Jin wasn’t sure weather to be more angry or nervous. He chose the latter.
“I told you, I can’t fall in love. I always hurt the ones I love.” Hwoarang turned away from Jin, but his profile was still reflected in the glass of the door.
“That’s a lonely way to live your life,” Jin commented. “Why don’t you come back to bed? I won’t tell anyone that you stooped so low as to sleep with Jin Kazama.” Jin felt a smile play across his lips.
// I think about you all the time
But I don't need the same //
Hwoarang turned to face the other boy with a tired smile on his face. “Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.” Hwoarang got back under the covers and in Jin’s embrace. “Jin?”
“Hm?” Jin was already trying to go back to sleep.
“I love you, too.”
//It's lonely where you are come back down,
And I won't tell em your name//
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