Author's Notes: I was really bored when I wrote this, and I’m just posting it now kuz I got nothing better to do, even though for some STRANGE reason, I can’t seem to read my new reviews… Oh well… Enjoy!
**Disclaimer**: I do not own Hwoarang or Baek Doo San, yet.
Dear Mother
By Chlover
Dear Mother
There was no moon tonight. There were no stars either. Everything was dark. It was all too dark. I remember when I was really little, how I got lost on a night like this, and I was so scared, I was crying. I had wandered into a bad neighbourhood and everyone was looking at me funny. You never came to find me. You never even knew I wandered away. Maybe you and dad died. Maybe I never had a mother or a father. Maybe I never wandered away in the first place. Did I even have someone to wander away from?
Well you never came to find me. That’s one thing I do know. You never came to hold me when I cried. You never came to make those strange people go away. You never came to protect me.
Do you know what it’s like to know that nobody loves you? So many whiny bitches are always complaining how nobody loves them, but even they know they’re lieing. They have family. They have friends. They have people who would care enough about them to search if they ever wandered away. I didn’t have that. Do you know what it’s like to know deep down in your soul that nobody in the entire world even knew you existed?
Things changed, mom. Someone did find me. A stranger had to care enough about me to hold me when I cried, because you wouldn’t. You weren’t there so he chose to be. He found me when you wouldn’t. He took me home when you wouldn’t. He raised me. He became my mother and my father. He taught me how to fight the world. How to fight insensitive people like you. He taught me how not to cry. He taught me how to make the streets my home so now I could never wander away. I could never be lost and lonely.
But that man died, mom. The man who found me when you wouldn’t, died. He was stolen from me. Now I’m lost again. It’s dark again. I’m afraid again. But I won’t cry because he made me strong. He did what you wouldn’t. I know that there once existed someone who cared enough to make me strong. I know he existed. How can I be sure that you ever existed? How could I be sure that you ever loved me? Maybe you hated me before I was even born? Maybe my birth drove you to suicide.
You know what? I don’t give a damn if you died. I hope you did.
Dear Baek Doo San
I won another fight today. You should have seen it. I used one of the first combos you taught me and I perfected it. You’d be proud, I think. I know you’re dead. Toshin stole you. I’m sorry I failed at avenging your death but I tried, and now I don’t know what to do. I miss you.
Why did you leave me? Maybe I’m just being selfish but I don’t care. You left me alone. I’m tired of being alone all the time. Nobody else ever cared. How could you do that to me? How could you just abandon me like that when you knew what it would do to me? Don’t you care anymore? Don’t you want me anymore? Sometimes, at night, when I’m trying to get to sleep, I’ll close my eyes and try to imagine how it happened. How anything could have defeated you. You know what scares me the most? Sometimes I like what I see.
I hate the world. You taught me to be strong, but the world taught me how to hate. Rules and regulations are for the weak. That’s another thing you taught me, sensei. You also taught me of a person’s worth. That I’m too important to settle for anything less then what I want. There were times when I wondered about that. You didn’t seem so convinced yourself. I did settle. I settled for the military. I didn’t like it but I settled for it, because I didn’t know what else to do. There was nobody to tell me not to. You settled for death, so why the hell shouldn’t I settle for the military.
Well, I eventually realized that you had no choice. You had to die, because Toshin made that choice for you. I did have a choice. So I chose to go after Jin Kazama again. That’s what I want to do. I want my soul back. Some people thought it petty but they didn’t understand. You would understand, wouldn’t you? If you were alive, you would. He stole my soul with that draw, and I want it back. Now because of what you taught me, I have the strength to do just that.
Thank you, sensei.
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