Author's Notes: I was really bored when I wrote this, and Iím just posting it now kuz I got nothing better to do, even though for some STRANGE reason, I canít seem to read my new reviewsÖ Oh wellÖ Enjoy!
**Disclaimer**: I do not own Hwoarang or Baek Doo San, yet.
There was no moon tonight. There were no stars either. Everything was dark. It was all too dark. I remember when I was really little, how I got lost on a night like this, and I was so scared, I was crying. I had wandered into a bad neighbourhood and everyone was looking at me funny. You never came to find me. You never even knew I wandered away. Maybe you and dad died. Maybe I never had a mother or a father. Maybe I never wandered away in the first place. Did I even have someone to wander away from?
Well you never came to find me. Thatís one thing I do know. You never came to hold me when I cried. You never came to make those strange people go away. You never came to protect me.
Do you know what itís like to know that nobody loves you? So many whiny bitches are always complaining how nobody loves them, but even they know theyíre lieing. They have family. They have friends. They have people who would care enough about them to search if they ever wandered away. I didnít have that. Do you know what itís like to know deep down in your soul that nobody in the entire world even knew you existed?
Things changed, mom. Someone did find me. A stranger had to care enough about me to hold me when I cried, because you wouldnít. You werenít there so he chose to be. He found me when you wouldnít. He took me home when you wouldnít. He raised me. He became my mother and my father. He taught me how to fight the world. How to fight insensitive people like you. He taught me how not to cry. He taught me how to make the streets my home so now I could never wander away. I could never be lost and lonely.
But that man died, mom. The man who found me when you wouldnít, died. He was stolen from me. Now Iím lost again. Itís dark again. Iím afraid again. But I wonít cry because he made me strong. He did what you wouldnít. I know that there once existed someone who cared enough to make me strong. I know he existed. How can I be sure that you ever existed? How could I be sure that you ever loved me? Maybe you hated me before I was even born? Maybe my birth drove you to suicide.
You know what? I donít give a damn if you died. I hope you did.
Dear Baek Doo San
I won another fight today. You should have seen it. I used one of the first combos you taught me and I perfected it. Youíd be proud, I think. I know youíre dead. Toshin stole you. Iím sorry I failed at avenging your death but I tried, and now I donít know what to do. I miss you.
Why did you leave me? Maybe Iím just being selfish but I donít care. You left me alone. Iím tired of being alone all the time. Nobody else ever cared. How could you do that to me? How could you just abandon me like that when you knew what it would do to me? Donít you care anymore? Donít you want me anymore? Sometimes, at night, when Iím trying to get to sleep, Iíll close my eyes and try to imagine how it happened. How anything could have defeated you. You know what scares me the most? Sometimes I like what I see.
I hate the world. You taught me to be strong, but the world taught me how to hate. Rules and regulations are for the weak. Thatís another thing you taught me, sensei. You also taught me of a personís worth. That Iím too important to settle for anything less then what I want. There were times when I wondered about that. You didnít seem so convinced yourself. I did settle. I settled for the military. I didnít like it but I settled for it, because I didnít know what else to do. There was nobody to tell me not to. You settled for death, so why the hell shouldnít I settle for the military.
Well, I eventually realized that you had no choice. You had to die, because Toshin made that choice for you. I did have a choice. So I chose to go after Jin Kazama again. Thatís what I want to do. I want my soul back. Some people thought it petty but they didnít understand. You would understand, wouldnít you? If you were alive, you would. He stole my soul with that draw, and I want it back. Now because of what you taught me, I have the strength to do just that.
Thank you, sensei.
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