You Don't Know

Chapter 5

By Purple Penguin

I slammed my door behind me. I couldn’t stop shaking, partly from the cold. I ran back to garden half-naked in the freezing night air, I’ll probably get sick now. I paced up and down rubbing my arms until my resistance weakened and the tears fell. I dived headfirst into my pillow, burying my face into it.

I let out a shaky breath. “You’re such a Chicken Wuss.” I whispered to myself.

I loved him and I hated him, why wouldn’t it go away?

I actually thought that kiss meant something, I’m so stupid I should know by now he’s never going to love me.

I felt a warm furry body jump up and curl up beside me. I stroked the puppy’s head with one hand.

“Hyperion.” I whispered.

The puppy buried it’s head under my chin, I think he was trying to help but if anything he made it worse. All I wanted to do was to get as far away from Seifer as possible and here I was sitting curled up with the puppy he gave me.

I wiped my eyes and got off the bed, I needed to kill something. I grabbed a T-shirt and left me room. I wondered for a minute where Seifer was and if he went to Balamb without me. I shook off the thought and pushed through the steel doors.

I walked through tall trees and over-grown bushes muttering to myself. I palmed tears away from my eyes, running the back of my hand over my wet cheeks.

I killed a few Grats before my vision blurred again; I had to stop thinking about him before I got killed. I heard a T-Rexuar roar and forced myself to stop crying, I walked towards the sound wanting something big to kill, it’ll make me feel better.

I looked back at Balamb. I was so desperate to go there only a moment ago, I walked to get my trench coat, and now I couldn’t see the point.

I brushed the grass stains off my coat and slipped it over my shoulders. It was still warm making me feel guiltier. I didn’t mean to hurt him really I didn’t but I couldn’t let him kiss me again, it wouldn’t been wrong. I shouldn’t have kissed him in the first place it was a stupid idea. I knew if I let him kiss me I wouldn’t be able to stop and he deserves better.

I started to walk back to garden, my shoulders hunched. I felt terrible, guilty and slightly lonely. Walking alone in the dark outside was not a nice feeling.

How do I get Zell to forgive me?

Would he ever forgive me?

I can’t deal with him hating me, we’re partners in crime, I need to speak to him.

As I pasted the doorman who was asleep I caught sight of a short blonde boy pushing through the training centre doors. I sped up and followed him.

“Zell!” I called once I was inside.

No response but he might be ignoring. I decided to be quiet in case he ran away from me. I quickly walked down one of the paths, hacking at the Grats that came my way. I heard a T-Rexuar scream in pain and I headed in the direction, I pushed through vines and branches until finally I saw a huge T-Rexuar surrounded by a fira spell. Zell took his chance when it was stunned and hammered it with blows from his fists and feet. He was really angry and I was glad he was taking it out on the monster instead of me.

The monster got more and more tired but Zell seemed to get more and more hyped. His hair was plastered to his head and he glistened with sweat.

When the beast fell dead I moved forward. A Grat shuffled up behind Zell and he spun round fists held high ready to pummel that too but I swung Hyperion cutting it cleanly into two.

Zell looked up at me quickly, I saw the angry manic Zell vanish, he looked sad, vulnerable and I saw the red puffy eyes, he’d been crying?

“What do you want?” He hissed but his voice cracked.

I gestured to the Grat remains. “I thought you could do with a hand.”

His eyes narrowed. “You thought wrong.” He moved to push past me but I caught his wrist.

“Have you been crying?” I gently touched the side of his face but he turned away. I felt him shudder under my hand. Did he hate me that much?

“Leave me alone.” He pulled free of my grip.

“I’m sorry.” I called after him. He stopped, still facing away from me.

“It was a stupid idea, I wish it never happened.”

He tensed up and bowed his head. “You regret it.” He whispered.

I watched him walk away from me, would he ever forgive me?

“It was a stupid idea, I wish it never happened.”

I closed my eyes but it didn’t help, the tears came anyway. I sat on my bed, his words echoed in my head. He regretted it.

Before he pulled back that was the most incredible moment of my life and he regretted it. It hurt like hell and I didn’t know how to make to stop.

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