Chapter 7 - Moment of Clarity

By The Wandering Englishman

No one had seen him leave. Which was good for him, really, considering he wanted to be alone. This was all too much for him to handle. The wind idly flicked the book before him onto another page at random, though he had given up trying to read it now. What was the point, really? He couldn’t remember writing it.

And then there was the carving. How could he even consider him as a lover? It wasn’t even hinted remotely in his diary…the thing he had written himself. It was his handwriting, though; he had made sure of that.

He zipped the remainder of his jacket up when the cold Trabian wind picked up, blowing through him. Looking down at the book, he frowned; picking it up and flicking to the last page.

The headaches haven’t gone away…I don’t know what it means…I’m scared. It could mean something; then again, it could mean nothing. But I’m so close to remembering. I can feel it.

So many things are familiar now. I can remember so much, and I’m about to get my life back on track. But…there are some things that I’m sure everyone are keeping from me. And it’s important. I can see it in their eyes. Especially Laguna’s.

Every time he looks at me, it’s like he’s dying inside. The look of utter pain crossing his face at just the barest of glances…it tears me up. And only Hyne knows what the hell is going on in his mind

I think back to the last few months. And I can’t even remember the man smiling. Let alone laughing. And I know I’m responsible now…there’s no other reason for it. It has to be me, but why?

Quistis wants to talk to me…said she wants to give me something that might remind me of the gaps that still linger in my mind. So…I guess this’ll be the last night I write in here. I won’t have to remember anything after tonight…the holes will be filled and I can get on with my life.

Three days ago he knew everything…and now he was back to square one. So was everyone. And even with the journal, nothing was tangible to him. Would it ever be again?

And then there was him.

So many things rushed to his mind at the mere mention of the name. In his diary, he was spoken so highly of. He was a great tactician and a natural born leader, but at the same time made life hell for everyone...including Squall.

But when he saw the carving…

It all fit.

Every. Little. Thing.

The tension when they were youths. Growing up always trying to compete with one another. The two of them always trying to better one another at every turn. He wasn’t the hardest person to get along with when he wanted to. In fact, he was more likeable then Zell, or even Selphie.

This thought made the brunette smirk to himself, looking over at the frozen lake; almost forgetting where he was.

"Quistis said I might find you up here."

The greying man looked down at the leather-clad youth, hands held in tight fists, nervously, at his side.

"Mind if I join you?" the older man asked, already making to sit beside the young man.

"Sure. " Squall replied, not looking up. He sighed happily as the formally dressed man took a seat next to him.

Staring at the lake, both men sat in silence as snow began to fall around them.

"I…" Began Laguna after a few moments, "I was just wondering if you were all right? If there was…ahh…anything I could do for you?"

The blue-eyed man looked up after a long pause, his face still a small smile. 

"I think I remember something…it’s not much…" The brunette stood, dusting the cold white from his jacket before continuing.

"I’m in love with Seifer."

The ring from the fisted hand dropped deep into the snow.

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