Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters but I do own the Seiffy-kun doll! *hugs her dollie*
Only in My Dreams
By Elise Maxwell
Of course we changed. It just wasn’t the same without him. He brought the life back to our lives after the war, and especially mine.
When he came back to the garden, it was the same day we had landed back at the field on Balamb. He, Raijin and Fuujin immediately went to one knee in front of Cid and I and apologized. Everyone, including cadets and fellow SeeDs watched the display. That didn’t shock me, nor did the apology. I sort of expected it, but not while they kneeled, and I completely didn’t expect Fuujin to actually say a whole sentence, let alone a whole speech with the other two men.
So they were accepted with no problem. The Garden gave official statements about Seifer being controlled and Raijin and Fuujin just trying to protect their friend. The population took it pretty easily.
They all studied hard for once and in one year, they were all SeeDs. After Seifer became a SeeD, Cid assigned us as partners, because he decided we were two of the best. It wasn’t hard to get into the swing of being together a lot because I’d helped him that whole year. I made it a point for us to get along better and Seifer seemed to have the same plan and didn’t shoot his mouth off at me anymore. He tended to hiss remarks about others in my ear, making me burst out laughing in the library, or cafeteria. People would look at me strange, because who knew Commander Leonhart had a sense of humor? I didn’t care, I was happy…
We were best friends, and we were the best partners. We practiced together, we did duties together, we even taught together, like Zell and I had been doing lately. Why did it have to end? Why, when everything was going so well? They both should have lived. The end. That’s the way it should have been. Why isn’t life fair?
Would someone tell me why… my dreams never come true?
Squall stretched his left hand in the leather glove he wore as a T-Rexaur died in front of him. His right held his gunblade, still ready if the reptile still had some fight left in him. It didn’t and died quickly. The group behind him cheered.
He chuckled and turned to Zell’s class. Zell, who had asked for his help on this demonstration, grinned and stretched.
“Now that’s how you kill a T-Rexaur!” one of the girl students spouted as everyone began to agree.
Zell approached Squall and patted him on the shoulder. “Thanks man. I needed to show them what a T-Rexaur was like.”
“It’s alright.” Squall leaned on his gunblade tiredly. “I mean, I had nothing better to do.” He visibly shrunk as Zell frowned. “Look, I didn’t want to think about it.”
“I know. Taking our aggression out on the Rex was probably the best thing to do.” Zell kicked at the dirt ground. “It’s been three years now. It still feels like he’s here.”
“I still see him.” Squall rested his gunblade on his shoulder as Zell raised an eyebrow. “Glimpses at the corner of my eyes, you know?”
The blonde nodded. “I used to hate him. I can’t believe I miss him, and that I defend him now. I almost scolded you there a second ago.” He chuckled.
Squall smirked. “Well, should we do the thing tonight?”
The shorter man nodded. “I’ll see you there?”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t miss it. You know that.” The brunette blinked away his tears and waved as he walked out of the Training Center. He’d already cried this morning; did he have to cry again? Why did it still hurt? Questions swirled in his mind, hoping he could answer them, someday. They always went there, and back again… why?
Squall blinked. He’d already reached his room. He entered the key code and strolled in. He grabbed a cloth and began to clean the blood off of Hyperion. While he wiped the blade, he flipped the radio on and began to hum along to the melody.
As he finished, a knock resonated through the door. Squall stood and opened the door. Quistis stood there, holding something behind her back. He just blinked as she stood staring at him. “Are you coming?” she asked finally.
He nodded and stepped out, closing the door behind himself. He still held Hyperion.
She smiled and led the way to the parking lot. “It’s kind of weird, we’ve done this for three years. You’d think we could at least be happy about something.”
“How about that he doesn’t feel the pain anymore?” Squall sighed as Quistis stopped to look at him. She suddenly hugged him. He was thrown off a bit but hugged her back, with his one empty arm.
“At least he doesn’t have to feel our pain.” She let go of him
“Maybe he does feel pain. He must miss us.” Squall stared off over Quistis’s shoulder.
She frowned and glanced back to see nothing out of the ordinary. “Are you spacing out again?”
“Probably,” he said looking back at her. “Let’s go.”
Squall stabbed Hyperion into the ground in front of Seifer’s grave. Everyone was fanned out to the sides and behind him. He knelt and they all followed his lead. It was a silent prayer to let their friend know that they missed him. Julia was to Squall’s right, holding his and her mother’s hands. She was just a child, but she understood what Seifer had done for her that day, and she was grateful.
Squall finally sighed and stood. Everyone else stood one by one, as they finished their conversation with their minds. Squall stared sullenly at the apparition on the gravestone. He could see Seifer sitting comfortably on the rock, watching each of them as they said their peace. He wore his original black slacks and blue vest. His gray coat also rested on his shoulders and his corn yellow hair rustled with the breeze.
The brunette pulled Hyperion out of the ground once everyone was finished and the ghost looked at him. Squall looked down and to the side, closing his eyes before the tears could fall. I’m hallucinating… This isn’t good.
Squall sat at one of the tables in the Balamb cafeteria, staring at the apparition across from him. He sipped his coffee and squinted thinking.
“Hiya Squall!” Selphie sat in the chair the apparition had inhabited. It stood and let Selphie have the space. Squall’s eyes followed it as he set his cup down. “Wassamatter?” Selphie looked to see empty air.
He looked at the girl across from him. “Seifer.” Squall nodded at the air to her left.
She raised an eyebrow and smirked. “I think you’re going nuts.”
“So do I.” Squall put his head in his hands. “But he keeps telling me that I’m not.”
“You’re not,” the wavering Seifer image said.
“See what? That you’re going insane?” Selphie gave him a sympathetic look. “I’m gonna go get Quisty. I’ll be right back.” She popped up and trotted away.
The apparition rolled its eyes. “You’re not insane. I’m here!”
“…whatever…” Squall stared at the flickering blonde image. “Then leave me alone.”
“Well then can you at least do something that will stop the pain?” he hissed.
Seifer frowned confused. “Pain? What pain?”
“The pain in my heart,” Squall whispered to himself, and closed his eyes tightly, trying to shut the voice out.
He looked up to see the teacher and Selphie looking at him sympathetically, the way everyone seemed to look at him lately. It was starting to get annoying.
“I think we should go see Dr. Kadowaki.” She held out a hand to him.
“Now look what you’ve done,” the brunette said to the apparition, seeing if the girls would think it was a joke.
“Why is it always my fault?” Seifer wailed.
Squall kept his peace so he wouldn’t look so psychotic to his friends.
* * *
*meeps* uhm… I go type more!
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