One Moment, And A Year
Chapter 12 - Che Será Será
Tuesday, February 3rd
Seifer considered straightening his collar again, but it couldn't get much straighter. It was perfect, like the cuffs of his black jeans and the flow of his hair, which he'd only tried to perfect about 10 times each that morning. Only with the shining holy light of Hyne's blessing could he get better looking. So he appeared as he waited outside Zell's door at 6.37 am and begged the younger boy wasn't too angry at being woken so early.
Instead when the door opened his hair was a scruffy mess, though flat on one side, and he was rubbing at one eye with the cuff of an oversized pyjama top. Seifer smiled, he looked like a little kid. That cute little pout on his mouth as he scratched his head while his brain got back in gear was just too adorable. The gunblader had to shake his head to clear it so he didn't just lean in and catch his lips in a kiss.
"Hey," Zell mumbled. "Wassup?"
"Thought maybe we should talk," Seifer replied, trying his damndest to seem cool, calm, and collected.
Zell frowned as sense attempted to flow through his brain waves. Seifer was on his door step with a very rare, but also very attractive smile on his lips. It was early in the morning. Trust Seifer to wake him, the world's most morning person, at a time when his brain would be still asleep. He rubbed his eyes and went back inside. Hopefully Seifer would follow and after some food he could engage in intelligent conversation.
"Yeah," Seifer followed nervously. It was a strange emotion to him but with fidgeting hands, and biting his lip he thought he was doing quite well at it.
Zell looked asleep still. The way he rolled his head and shoulders, and rubbed at his neck made it clear he probably hadn't slept that well, or even in his bed. "'Bout what?" he asked, puzzled.
Seifer frowned, did Zell mean they had nothing to talk about or was he just muddle headed again? "Us...?"
The martial artist turned from the bench, tea cup in hand and frowned at Seifer. "Huh?..." His blue eyes widened as he woke up and remembered. *That* was why his cheek hurt. They'd fought. "Oh... yeah." He slumped back against the counter and stared deep into his cup.
Seifer waited. Was Zell going to stand there looking sad all morning? Did he understand that Seifer was being concilatory by showing his presence and being nice? The little blond looked so unsure, his expression was as though he were being reminded of something horrible; pained, and hurt. Seifer hoped the rest of the conversation wouldn't go this slowly.
Zell put down the tea cup and looked over towards the cupboards, avoiding Seifer's gaze. He didn't want to have this conversation now, he had intended to collect his thoughts and work out what he wanted to say first, then he could surprise Seifer and therefore get a more honest reaction out of him. But it seemed he had been beaten. Seifer wanted to talk about it before Zell had even had breakfast.
"I'm--" he began.
"Sorry," Seifer cut him off. "I should let you have breakfast before-- Did I just say sorry?"
Zell smiled warily at him and nodded. "But we should do this now, before either of us have to go to class or anything. You stand there and talk while I'll cook."
"K," Seifer leaned against the doorframe and folded his arms as Zell boiled the kettle and started mixing flour and water. He did have a very nice arse. The gunblader quickly shifted his gaze. He was here to make up not fuck up, and making a move on Zell now, before they'd discussed anything, would be just that. A totally damning move.
"So?" Zell asked, putting some butter in the frying pan.
"So..." Seifer studied the light pattern of crumbs on the bench before speaking. It didn't really help him concentrate but it provided a few seconds of silence that made his statement seem more profound. "I..." he stopped and took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
Zell forced himself to keep moving. That, from Seifer, was serious. He was almost actually saying sorry for something that had hurt someone else. It was a big step up from his idle 'sorry for waking you so early' from moments ago. The little martial artist knew he had to keep his back to the other boy so Seifer wouldn't get nervous or say something stupid just to see Zell's facial reaction. So he plodded on, putting sugar in his tea. "Well... you did."
"I know that," Seifer sighed. "You made it clear when you told Quistis' class."
Zell frowned. Was he angry about that? Maybe he had a right to be but what else was he supposed to say to the kid? And how else was he supposed to explain to Seifer how he was feeling when they hadn't spoken to each other? He looked over his shoulder. "Would you like some pancakes?"
A puzzled frown graced Seifer's face and the martial artist had to smother a grin. Seifer did look cute when he was confused.
'Dramatic change of subject, Zell.' Seifer gave a little smile, he hated doing it but sometimes it was necessary. "Yeah, sure, thanks."
"Tea?" he asked, holding up the recently boiled kettle.
"So?" Zell asked as he poured a cup.
"So...?" Seifer looked confused again. What 'so?' Huh? What was Zell getting at?
The smaller boy sighed. It was going to take a little manipulation to get Seifer to do what Zell wanted. He could work with that. Despite what other people might think he was clever enough to manipulate people. He did it to Squall all the time. One energetic bounce and Squall would give him anything he wanted so long as he stopped doing that. "So you didn't mean to hurt me, though you did. And?"
"And... I'm... sorry?"
Zell beamed and turned around to face him, at risk of burning the the pancakes. "See? That wasn't so hard."
'Speak for yourself, Chickie. You didn't have to do anything.' Seifer frowned. "So we're fine now? What? Back to normal?" he raised one eyebrow. 'Normal? Hmm. Yeah, right. It's gotta take more than that to get us back where we were.'
"No, we're not 'fine'," Zell turned back to the stove. "We're stuffed. We're all... weird."
"I've noticed." The gunblader watched as Zell tried to form sentences in his head that coincided with what he was thinking.
After a moment Zell looked back at him. "We've been loyal to each other like we're in a relationship or something. We're not. We're here for the fucking."
Seifer nodded in agreement. For some reason he'd expected that kind of logic to come from him not Zell. But then they were each full of surprises today. He'd managed to say sorry and Zell hadn't bounced once. Maybe he was on sedatives... "It started getting more complicated when we invested more into it than just sex."
Zell frowned, not in disagreement but merely because he hadn't expected Seifer to sound quite so reasonable. He flipped a pancake and handed the older boy his tea. Seifer had a bemused expression on his face like something was going on that he just didn't understand.
Had he really just said that? Seifer looked down at the tea Zell had given him. It was true though, they had invested more, expectations and the like.
"Unfortunately we're gunna have to work out what we want from this," Zell replied calmly. "It can't just keep being the sex and nothing else 'cause then we get all... frustrated."
"I've noticed that too." Seifer took a sip of his tea and waited for something clever to occur to him. "So... you wanna be friends?"
Zell giggled, and handed him a plate with pancakes. "That sounds so dumb."
Seifer shrugged but smiled with him. He was right, it did sound stupid, but then the whole situation between them was stupid. "You got syrup?"
"Yeah, in the fridge." Zell lead the way to his dining-room table and sat down. "You wanna keep it up?"
"Ahh," Seifer poured the syrup over his pancakes and frowned. Did he want to keep it up? Well he'd only been longing for the other boy for the past two days. But as if he was going to admit a weakness to Zell of all people. "Do you?"
As the martial artist settled into his breakfast he considered this. So Seifer wasn't going to answer him until he knew how Zell felt. But he wasn't sure he wanted to put himself on the line first. Sure he wanted to keep it up, Seifer's bed was a hell of a lot more comfortable than his after all, but did he want to go through this shit again. "Are you gunna hit me again?"
Seifer froze, tea cup halfway to his mouth. "Umm, no. It was just... it seemed so normal to fight with you I expected..."
"Me to hit back."
"Yeah," Seifer's voice got quieter for a moment. "Before you wouldn't have cared. That's what I meant by it all being different now we've invested more. We've changed, we can't keep treating each other the same way we used to."
"That's what Irvine said," Zell replied.
The gunblader laughed. "So the cowboy did come to see you? Offer relationship advice did he?"
"Yeah, thing that pissed me off was he was right. I mean what the fuck does he know?" Zell frowned playfully. "When was the last time he was in a relationship?"
"He told me I should kiss your feet and grovel," Seifer said. "But I decided not to take that advice. An apology is about as good as I can get I'm afraid."
A little happy smile found its way to Zell's eyes. "That's OK. I liked your apology, means more 'cause you never give 'em out norm'ly."
There was silence between for a moment while they ate and tried to work out how to overcome this awkwardness and just get back to the way things used to be. Seifer paused, his fork laden up with pancakey goodness and watched the little martial artist wolf his down. The boy was always hungry in the mornings. He had thought maybe it was because he used up so much energy in bed but he hadn't shared his bed with anyone last night. To Seifer's knowledge. "Is that what this is?" he asked. "A relationship?"
Zell stopped and took a gulp of tea. "I s'pose. It's not like I'm fucking anyone else." He studied Seifer's face for a moment. "Are you?"
"No," the gunblader shook his head. "Please, who else'd be seen dead with the Sorceress' Knight?"
"Ex-Sorceress' Knight," Zell corrected. "And who says they have to be *seen* with you?"
"Well, no one would anyway, that's my point," Seifer took the mouthful off his fork and munched. "Did you want to be loyal? Just the two of us?"
"Unless you can think of anyone else you'd like to join us," Zell replied. "And I can't think of anyone so..."
"Just us then," Seifer clarified.
"Just us," Zell nodded. "Friends who fuck occasionally."
"A lot," Seifer corrected. "Knowing your insatiable appetite."
"Me?!" Zell looked outraged. "I beg you pardon. I think you'll find you're the one who always wants to go all night."
Seifer grinned. Well that much was true, but only because Zell seemed up for it as well. But that just furthur proved Irvine's rightness which really wasn't on. Irvine was a sleazey... slut, he wasn't right and had no brains to speak of. How could he know that Zell's sexual performance perfectly matched Seifer's own? Maybe he'd just made a lucky guess. He might know Zell's from experience but Seifer was very secretive about that sort of thing. And Zell wouldn't have told... Would he?
"Shall we just see where this leads us?" Zell asked. He knew it wouldn't work if they were totally and completely emotionally void, so he figured it might be best to add a little to their relationship. Lust would not sustain it, it would fall and destroy itself if that was all they had. Maybe they should just let it be what it wanted to be. Let emotions out, if it wanted to be more serious than just sex then... good. Maybe a friendship would be nice for both of them.
"See where it leads us?" Seifer frowned into the puddle of maple syrup left on his plate. "I don't think we'd be any good for each other realistically, Zell."
The martial artist froze. "What? You came here at this time of the morning to tell me that? That we shouldn't do this?"
"No, I mean..." Seifer began. He rubbed at a temple to fight off the headache that threatened. "Together. In a relationship. In," the gunblader shuddered minutely. "Love. We wouldn't last. You know that."
Zell scowled. No, he did not know that. "That wasn't what I was saying, dumbarse. I'm not..." he scoffed. "In love with you."
Like that was so difficult? "I'm not saying you are. I just mean, that's probably not an option. Fuck, we've hated each other for 20 years."
"So? What we're doing isn't supposed to be some nice, lovey dovey romantic interlude. It's *sex*, Seifer," Zell stood and stacked their empty plates. "I'm just saying if you treat me like shit, like you usually do, it won't be very long before *I* hit *you*."
"You're bringing violence into this?"
"There was always violence in this. Fuck Seifer, you can't honestly think that you've been nice to me even once in the past 20 years?" Zell put his hands on his hips and glared at the other boy. "Because I can't honestly remember one single time. And that's not just the GF's. You've always picked on me. You know that and it'll continue in this... thing we have going on if you don't start being nice."
"You want me to change my behaviour so *you* feel better?" Seifer leaned back in his chair and studied the younger boy for a moment.
"I'm not the one being a fuckhead, Seifer. This situation wouldn't have come about if you weren't such an arsehole."
"So it's my fault?" the gunblader demanded, rising from his seat.
"Of course it's your fault," Zell snapped. "I don't see a bruise on *your* face."
Seifer nodded. Typical. One moment and Zell would remind him of it forever. So he lost control, what of it? It happened to everyone at some point or another. "The only reason me hitting you made any difference at all is because you over reacted."
"If *you'd* hit *me* we wouldn't be here at some Hyne awful hour arguing, would we? Why didn't you just hit me back like you used to Zell? Because you're a fucking little Chicken Wuss?"
"Don't call me that." Zell fumed.
"Because *you* got emotionally attached to me. That's not my fault. It's yours."
"So you're still claiming to be completely indifferent towards me?"
Seifer humphed. "Yeah."
"Then why didn't you want to hurt me?"
Seifer paused. "Because..." He looked away and bit his bottom lip. Good question. Why didn't he want to hurt Zell? It had nothing to do with Seifer being a nice person because he wasn't. He never did anything for anyone unless he was getting something out of it. So why not make Zell do what he wanted him to? Because he hated to see him sad. When Zell was all sad, and... un-Zell-like it made Seifer irritable and sad too. It was a selfish reason, he knew, but Seifer Almasy usually only did things for himself. But he did feel something for the other boy, he did perhaps, a teeny, tiny, itsy bit, possibly, maybe cared about him... a little.
The gunblader looked up to study Zell. He looked angry but there was also something behind his eyes that Seifer recognised. He knew the feeling himself. Hunger. Their argument had brought something else to the foreground too; the need they had to release all this tension into one another.
Zell scowled and hoped he was exhibiting all the signs of a tiger about to attack and not one in heat. Seifer was so fucking infuriating. Not once when they'd fought and argued when they were cadets, did their anger develop into lust. Not once before that fateful night of Quistis' 21st had he *ever* felt anything but frustration, irritation or a bit of hate (when he was really cross) for the gunblader. But now, at the first sign of heightened emotions, his cock was the first thing to respond. Part of him didn't even want to know whether Seifer was sorry or what the hell he meant by any of what he'd just said. It was the part of him that wanted to just say "Oh who the fuck cares?" and launch itself at Seifer for a hot night of steady fucking. But he didn't, he waited patiently and calmly and decided that if Seifer wasn't going to notice his erection then he wasn't going to notice Seifer's.
The gunblader hadn't, in fact, noticed that Zell was feeling a bit aroused until he realised the argument was making him want to slam the smaller boy up against a wall and fuck his brains out. He glanced down and copped an eyeful of what Zell was packing. He knew exactly what it looked like in intimate detail too. That thought got him harder still. He needed to say something, staring like a dumbarse wasn't helping anyone. He tore his gaze away. 'Say something. *Any*thing.' "I care about you." No! Not that! Hynedammit his brain just was *not* working today. "I mean..."
Zell was grinning at him. "You're an idiot, Seifer."
The gunblader looked up. "I..."
"That's all I needed to hear," Zell replied. He stepped closer to the taller boy. "So how about it? Sex and... che será será?"
Seifer grimaced. He hated that line but... "OK." He'd agree to anything just to have that body again. "Just... come here."
As Zell stepped into his arms Seifer grinned and sought entrance to the younger blond's mouth. Now *this* was how it was supposed to be; the boy in his arms and Zell's hard on pressed against his thigh. Question was how could he move this to the bedroom before he got too horny to move?
YAY! I'm so happy now they're back together. The chapter's a little bit shorter than usual because I'm posting two at once. I also thought this make up scene wouldn't be too long. I'm sure they both just want to get back into the sexing. :D But do not be fooled by this happy all-over-and-done-with moment, during the writing of these past three chapters I added another 5 more to the story. It ain't over yet, kids, not by a long shot. Hope you can all stick around. I foresee the arrival of more plot XD. Though PWP is always fun to write.
Thanks for reading and all the reviews and again to Moruwen for demanding the next chapter every time I see her, it's the demand that keeps me going. So review and I'll go faster. I promise.
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