~ Song lyrics from Kate winslitís What if.~

Missing You

Chapter 5

By Purple Penguin

He shifted, just waking up. He remembered being in Balamb, seeing Seifer and falling asleep with him. But the surroundings seemed different now, he could no longer feel the sun on his back and he was lying on something far softer than a bench.

Keeping his eyes closed he moved his hands up in to the pillows.

No. Had it been a dream? Was he back in his room? Then Seifer was still dead, he hadnít seen him and would never see him. He didnít want to open his eyes to confirm it but he had to.

Slowly he opened his eyes and looked around the unfamiliar room. The room was pale blue and the bed spread was dark blue. This wasnít his room, it looked slightly like a girlís room.

Where was he?

How did he get here?

Where was Seifer?

He was just about to go look around when he heard two voices talking nearby. One sounded like Seifer, the other was female. It was familiar to him but who was it? Fujin? Was he in Fujinís house?

The door slowly opened and Squall shut his eyes pretending to be asleep.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Iíve already told you. Squall can stay here until he wakes up."

"Thanks, Fu."

"Have you called Quistis yet?"

"Zell did it. She agreed to mind Garden until Squall gets back. She was glad he was having a break from the place."

"Iím going to sit with him for a while okay?"

Squall heard the door close and someone settled in a chair beside him. The figure rested his head and arms on the duvet.

Squall slowly opened his eyes to see Seifer sitting with his head resting on the duvet and his eyes closed.

He looked so peaceful, he was beautiful.

Squall reached out to stroke Seiferís hair.

The blonde jumped slightly in shock. He lifted his head to meet Squallís eyes.


"How are you feeling?" Seifer linked his fingers with Squallís.

"Iím fine."

The blonde frowned. Squall did look a bit better but the dark shadows around the eyes remained. Full recovery would take time.

Seifer was determined to get Squall back to his normal self, not that cold, emotionless iceberg he was in public, but his Squall. His beautiful brunette with the most heart-stopping smile and a strange kind of innocence that you wouldnít expect from a professional fighter.

"What time is it?"


"What? Quistis is going to kill me."

The blonde held up his arms to calm the brunette. "Itís okay, Zell called her and she said she would mind Garden until you return."

"Zell? Is this Fujinís house?"

"Yes and Zellís here too."

As if on cue, Fujin poked her head round the door. "Oh, youíre awake!" She walked up to the bed. "Squall, long time no see."

He stared at her surprised she was speaking normally. He was glad; thereís only so much a guy can take of ĎRAGEí.

"Fujin." He nodded in greeting, reverting back into iceberg when he realized he was in her bed. Maybe he should say something. "Um... Thanks."

"For what?" She looked amused, like she found amusement in his lack of words.

"For... Um... letting me... stay here."

She smiled. "Thatís okay."

Squall looked past Fujin as Zell bounced into the room.

"Fu... Oh, hi, Squall."

The brunette furrowed his brow. "What are you doing here?"

"He and Fujin are a couple," Seifer explained.

"Really? I thought you were gay."

"No! Iím Bi. And Iíve only been with one guy."

Squall nodded.

Seifer looked curious. "Anyone I know?"

"I have to get back to Garden. Quistis says they are short-staffed." Zell completely ignored he blonde. He quickly kissed his girlfriend then ran to the door.

"Iíll see you guys later."

"Do you two know this guy?" Seifer asked again.

"You only want to know so you can tease him," Fujin said as she also walked to the door, figuring they would want to be alone for a while.

"I better get back to Garden soon."

Seifer sat beside the brunette on the bed. "Whatís the rush? I was hoping you might stay here with me for a while."

Squall moved to let Seifer lie beside him on the bed. "Why not come back to Garden with me?"

The blonde lay on his back and pulled Squall to his side. The commander snuggled up to his lover and rested his head on Seiferís strong chest.

"Youíre kidding right? I wouldnít be welcome there, Squall."

"But Iím in charge of the place, what would they do?"

"I donít want to cause you any trouble."

"But youíre staying in Balamb right?"

"For a while."

"So youíre planning on leaving soon."

Seifer smiled in understanding. "You donít have to worry, Squall. I said Iíll never leave you and I wonít."

ĎBut you said that last time,í Squall thought.

Seifer was here now and he felt better, but what would happen if one day he went to see Seifer and he wasnít there anymore? Squall was convinced their relationship was temporary. Everyone else had left him in the past, Seifer had left him twice. Once when they were in the orphanage, Seifer was the only one Squall spoke to or played with, they did fight but all young boys fight, itís part of growing up. Seifer got sent to Garden three years before Squall did and by the time he got there, Seifer had moved on and Squall made so many walls around himself that no one could get through to him. The second time was when the sorceress had started to use her mind control. After all those years they finally got together again only to be ripped apart.

Squall was close to falling apart as it was but now that he had seen the blonde again it would be ten times worse.

The brunette tightened his grip on his lover. He shouldnít get too attached to him, until he was certain Seifer wouldnít leave him again. He loved Seifer more than life, he knew that but maybe if he kept his distance things would be different this time. If he avoided getting into too many of those kisses he had become so addicted to and sex was definitely out.

A part of him hoped Seifer would be mean to him so he would fall out of love with him even if it did break his heart in the process.

"What are you thinking about?" the blonde asked.

"Nothing important."

Seifer gently pulled his brunette up into a kiss. Squall was going to resist but he hadnít been kissed by Seifer in a long time and he wanted it desperately. Just one kiss, he promised himself. He felt himself smile around the blondeís lips but he forced it away. The blonde deepened the kiss and Squall didnít stop him but when he felt them roll over so he lay underneath his lover, then Squall pulled away.

"What is it?"

The brunette paused. If Seifer got annoyed at him for not being willing to have sex with him then it might help him stop loving the blonde.

Squall gave a half shrug in reply keeping his eyes away from Seifer.

"Squall?" Seifer lifted his chin so that their eyes met. "We donít have to do anything if you donít want to."

The brunette looked down, feeling he was going to cry again.

The two sides of him were telling him different things. His positive side told him that, if Seifer was willing to wait then he must be willing to stay. His negative side reminded him that Seifer never pushed him into anything last time but he still left.

"Are you sure youíre okay? If thereís anything I can do youíll tell me right?"

"Will you warn me?"

"Warn you about what?"

"Last time you left me with warning. Next time can you warn me? Please?"

The blonde looked puzzled. "Next time? Iíve told you Squall, I love you and I wonít leave you."

"But you said that last time!"

"I know and Iím sorry. That was different, I was brain-washed by a sorceress! This time there is no evil magic bitch! Except Rinoa." He smiled slightly. "Itís just you and me, Iíll never leave you."

Squall allowed a small smile.

"Do you trust me?"


"I canít go back to Balamb with you, but Iíll stay here in Balamb and get my own place."

Seifer rolled onto his back again pulling Squall with him.

"Why donít you go back to sleep? You look like you need it."


Squall settled back on Seifer and fell asleep happily.


Notes: That maybe the end as Iíve started yet another multi-part story but if I can stay sane then Iíll write one last chapter.

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