Longing for your smile
By Forbidden Angelus
Zell eyed Seifer for a long time, then began to laugh.
"You almost got me!! Geez, Seifer!! You're a good actor!!"
Seifer looked at Zell and the smaller blonde gasped. His face was impassible, but his eyes weren't. They showed hurt, sadness, frustration and another thousand emotions that Zell couldn't quite explain.
"I was acting." he simply said.
"Oh, god… Sorry for pissing you off with all those questions, then…"
Seifer blinked: Zell was more upset with the fact that he'd asked so many questions, than that he was gay.
"Why that look?"
"You're not… angry…"
"Angry? At you? Why should I be angry? Did I get angry about Crys being gay? No. I'm not angry at you being gay, either. Ma taught me that every person has its own way of living, and that we must respect it… If it doesn't hurt someone, of course… And you aren't hurting anyone…" he explained.
"Oh. Thanks, I guess…"
"What time is it?"
"Half past four."
"Half past four??!!!" Zell exclaimed, bolting up.
"I promised Crys, we would go to Balamb at four!!"
"Oh, shit!!! I forgot about her!!"
"We have to get ready!!"
"I'll take the bathroom…" Seifer offered.
Zell changed his clothes in a heart beat.
"Get ready, I'll wait for you at the entrance of the Garden, we're going by car!!!"
The scarred-blonde heard the door shut and after some seconds he exulted.
God! I can't believe, he took it so well!! I'd thought he would have kicked me out of the door!! The first step is done…
He put a clean shirt on, smiling to himself. He then changed his black trousers in blue-jeans. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, before turning to leave. The voice he'd heard earlier was completely out of his mind.
"What about this?" Crys asked, getting out of the changing room.
She was wearing a long and clinging red dress.
"The color doesn't suits you…" Zell said.
"Too elegant…" Seifer observed.
"What does that mean?? I'm supposed to be elegant!!" Crys exclaimed.
"I know, but what I meant was that… that you need something sexier…" Seifer exclaimed.
"You should try something violet or black…"
"So, something sexier and dark…"
Some minutes later Crys walked in front of the two boys and spun around allowing the guys to see her better.
Seifer and Zell froze: she was wearing a violet long-sleeved dress with a neckline that reached her bellybutton, just like…
"Edea…" Seifer barely whispered the words and took some steps back.
"I think you should change dress, Crys…" Zell said.
"I'll explain you later."
"Huff!! You guys are really weird!!"
She came back after a while. Now she was wearing a short, black sheath dress.
"You're perfect!!" Seifer said.
"Really beautiful!!" Zell added.
"Okay, I'll take this…" Crys said to the shop assistant, after she'd changed back "How much is it?"
"2000 guil, Miss."
"What??!!!" Zell exclaimed.
"Here you are." Crys said, lending the girl the money. "Goodbye."
"Remind me not to buy dress like that…" Zell said.
"I don't think you'd need it…"
"Yeah, I know…"
"Thanks, guys. For everything!!" Crys put her left arm around Seifer's neck and the right around Zell's "I owe you one!!"
She kissed the cheek of each boy.
"You're invited at my place…" Zell said.
"Yes, I phoned my mom after we had lunch and she said that she wasn't at home, so we won't be disturbed!!!"
"Do you cook weel?"
"Good, 'cause I like eating!!" Crys exclaimed.
"And you, Seifer?"
"It's okay, as long as we'll be back before curfew…"
"Of course we'll be back at that time!!"
"Then now, let's go at my place!!!"
"But it's only six o'clock… it's too early for dinner…"
"We can still talk…"
"Hey!! Guys!!" a voice behind them called.
The dark-haired girl caught up with them.
"So, Rin..." Zell asked "How are going your SeeD tests?"
"The practice exam will be next month, I'm so excited!!"
"He's in my class…"
"Maybe you'll be their supervisor, Seifer…" Zell said
"What are you doing here, guys?"
"We went shopping and now we're heading towards Zell's house to have dinner…" Crys explained.
"Oh… We're on the beach if you want to come…Quistis is there, too, she came at the very last moment…"
"Quistis??" Crys exclaimed, excited, then her face fell "But I haven't any swimsuit…"
"I'll lend you one, we have more or less the same build…" Rinoa assured her.
Crys turned toward Zell and Seifer. "Guys?"
"Don't worry, we'll be okay… Go!!"
"Okay… Can you please bring the dress with you?"
Seifer and Zell remained to watch Crys and Rinoa's forms, until they disappeared behind a corner.
"Let's go back at my place." Zell said.
Zell opened the door and allowed Seifer to enter.
"Make yourself at home."
Seifer was tensed.
I'm in Zell's house… Zell's house!!!
He sat on the couch and he stayed there like he was frozen in place.
"Eating… I have a few pizzas in the fridge… but you have to come here to eat them, you know…"
He got up and walked into the kitchen.
"Sit down." Zell pointed him a chair in front of him, then he got up and put the pizza in the microwave.
"Headmaster Cid will nominate another headmaster…"
"Really? And who would that be?"
"Probably Squall, or maybe even Quistis…"
"I don't think Squall will be happy with that… He's like me: he likes the fights and hate formalities…"
"Are you happy with this situation?"
"You are a SeeD, your Ma is proud of you, every time you walk in town, crowd of children gather around you, no one dares to insult you openly…"
"Yes, that's pretty positive!!"
"Let me finish…"
"Your name is more important than yourself; like Squall, Quistis and the others you're on a pedestal and everyone watches you from distance, like Squall a few months ago, you're alone… No one comes near you, you're a superhero: superheroes protect people but they're all alone… The only one who was really near you left you for another guy… Now I'll ask you again: are you happy with this?"
Zell blinked. He had never thought like this. He didn't want to believe what Seifer had said, but it was the truth.
The microwave biped. Zell got up and took out the pizza.
"Sorry, you know…"
Zell put a slice of pizza in his plate, Seifer took one himself.
"I suppose I let my frustration free…"
"Now tell me: are you happy?"
"No, I'm not. Well… you and Crys are real friends, even Squall and the others seem not to hate me… But, every time I walk into the corridors of the Garden I hear everyone talking behind my back and swearing to kill me someday… And when it's past curfew and I'm alone I have to watch my back for fear to be attacked… But this is bearable… The thing that scares me most are the nightmares…"
"You know, her…"
"So we are two depressed and unhappy guys eating a pizza…"
"At your place."
"At my place."
Zell bolted up suddenly, making Seifer jump in surprise.
"Enough with this self-pity!!! We have to smile!! 'Cause the future is brighter than the present!!"
"Shit!! Chicken Wuss you gave me a heart-attack!!"
"Ah!! You called me Chicken Wuss!! I'll make you regret that!!"
Zell jumped at Seifer and they fell to the ground.
"Get off me!!"
The tattooed-boy started to tickle him and when he touched his back Seifer squirmed.
"Ah!! You're ticklish here!!"
Seifer countered and Zell began to laugh and tried to take away the other's hands. Unable to do that, he just continued his tickling.
After some minutes they were on the floor, panting and laughing.
"You're crazy, Chicken Wuss…"
"You, too… Scarred-One…"
"Awww… Damned Red-Tip…"
"Let's go on with the nicknames…"
"Puberty-Boy, you once said…"
"And Selphie… Hyperactive-Girl…"
"Let me guess… Irvine?"
"Rinoa? Then Quistis…"
"And you, Zell…"
"You've already said that, Seifer…"
Seifer turned his head towards him and stayed silent for a long time, just looking in his eyes.
"Most-Beautiful-Thing-On-The-Planet… You like it?"
The scarred-boy stroked the other's face.
"Seifer…" Zell hugged him and they laid still on the floor.
"You stupid, why didn't you tell me before?" he whispered in his ear.
"Because I didn't know what you would have said…" he replied, then added "I don't know what you'll say…"
"What should I say, then?"
"I hope you like me, too… but… It's you the one who has to take the decision…"
"I know… And it's not easy…"
"Just tell me, if you don't like me, at least will be friends…"
"It's not that I don't like you, it's just… I don't know if I really like you or it's just because I'm feeling alone…"
"I don't care as long as I can stay with you…"
"But it's not fair towards you…"
"I really don't give a shit…"
"Zell…" Seifer looked in his eyes, grey ones met bluer than blue ones. He closed his eyes and leaned forward and touch his lips with his ones in a ghostly kiss.
He drew back and started to say something, but he didn't have the time, Zell had already leaned forward and caught his lips in a strong and passionate kiss.
Ma Dincht walked down the streets of Balamb. It was late at night.
She had promised Zell that she would have been back two hours earlier, but the train from Deling City had arrived late, so…
She arrived in front of the door of her house, she inserted the key and opened it.
She got in the house and she heard noises coming from Zell's room. She went up the stairs and opened a little the door of Zell's room.
Zell was on the bed and he wasn't alone. Seifer was with him, well under him, and he wasn't really complaining, he was moaning and begging for more.
Their naked bodies were moving in unison and she could quite imagine what they were doing. She smiled to herself. It was time for Zell to find someone who cared for him, and that tall guy cared. She could see it in his eyes every time he looked at Zell… And that guy didn't deserve to be alone…
She closed the door and descended the stairs without a noise. Maybe she would spend the night at the Inn…
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