Disclaimer: Watashi no dewa arimasen.

Notes: Nothing really...But I can't be held responsible if the story is just plain scary! But if you must blame someone...Blame Rinoa! That always works, doesn't it? ^_^

Life in the Thing That Smacks Into Things

Chapter 2 - The Places

By WanderingTonberry

I wandered down the halls toward the Cafeteria, mind brewing up ways to make the quiet boy who was so nice to me happy. Of all people he just had to choose the Resident Iceberg, didn't he? Heehee. I took that term from Zell. I wondered what he was up to.

I was getting sidetracked. I would get myself something to eat and a beverage and contemplate the means it would take to cast my campaign. This was a full-fledged war! Imagine the manpower it will take to pry Rinoa from my target... It might take 3, maybe 4 SeeD's to accomplish such a feat!

I tugged on Seifer's pant leg. I wasn't tall enough for the lunch ladies to see me. I always need assistance. "Well if it isn't everyone's favorite pyromaniac."

I snorted softly in amusement. He still must be miffed about his pants. Was I right or what? He picked me up by my armpits and set me on the aluminum counter in front of the plastic sneeze-guard. At least that's what I thought it was. Whatever. Interesting! I'm starting to sound like my target! Talk about getting inside your prey's psyche.

I pointed to a ham and cheese sandwich, a pack of Twinkies, and a carton of milk. The kind female gave them to me on a tray and Seifer put me back down on the ground. I waved my thanks and waddled over to the tables.

When I arrived at the seating area, I looked around for Selphie's group. Irvine spotted me and picked me up so I could access the booth. I stole his hat in gratitude, placing it on my head as he placed my tray before me. "I really should shoot ya for stealin' my hat...again!" He laughed. He didn't mean it and I knew it! Hey, perhaps I should hook him up with someone. Well, I'd consider that later. Chow time!

I removed that wrapping from my sandwich and took a large bite, not really paying attention to the conversation floating around the table. All I caught was Rinoa was babbling about a shoe sale in Deling City. Did I care? Hell no. I took a long swig of my milk, eyes narrowing. I felt like I was in one of those old westerns Irvine watches all the time. Ol' Dirty Rinny wasn't gonna be walkin' through these parts much longer. This was Tonberry country!

"Don't get anything on my hat, ya hear?" I waved the cowboy off, attention returning to my sandwich. A little too much mayonnaise, but it was still good.

I gave a thoughtful chew as I polished off my Twinkies. Why didn't they put more than two in a pack??

Now where would be the perfect place be? After all, the place set the mood! I needed someplace where Squall would open up...and Nida wouldn't go all silent in his shy state. I started listing off places in my head.

I couldn't use the Cafeteria. As public as it was, it might just be too public. I was sure Nida would find a way to get distracted before he could admit his feelings for his frosty leader. Besides, Rinoa would easily find Squall here. We couldn't have that, now could we?

The Garage? No, that wouldn't work either. Neither of them showed any bizarre interests in moving vehicles. I mean, this 'Garden' is enough trouble as it is...But couldn't they discuss that? I mean, Nida does pilot it! But...Oh forget that. I come across the two blondes making out in there often enough. Seifer was a very demanding lover, apparently. Not that I've ever heard Zell complain... Oh, except for those times when he can't walk. In those cases, he complains a lot. Mostly to me for some reason...

Gah. New place, new place. How about the Training Center? They could, like...um...Fight Grats? Maybe I'd do my Grat impression for Squall again later. Perhaps he'd, I dunno...Feel like going and whooping a few? Ooo...But I didn't know how a good a fighter Nida was. Well, he was a SeeD... We'll put that off to the side for now.

What about the Library? It was quiet...Lots of books...They also had a great collection of manga! In fact, I spent most of my time there reading. I had also found this book about Tonberries. Needless to say, I learned more than I've ever wanted to learn about my body. Who would have thought that was reason I didn't fair so well when I ate broccoli? Heehee. It also explained my love for those little yellow crème-filled treats, but not how I was going to succeed in getting Nida and Squall together.

Let's see...The Dorms? Well, maybe that was a bit too personal for a first date. I mean, I'd be quite proud if that's where they ended up, but surely it wouldn't happen so soon! Only when you date Irvine does that happen. Heehee. Actually, I was just teasing. As far as I knew, the guy was a virgin. Don't tell though. Might ruin his image.

That leaves...The Infirmary and the Quad. As great as it would be for one of them to go in injured while the other stayed loyally by his side...things would get complicated. If it was Squall who went in, Rinoa would kick us all out and try and nurse her 'Squallie-pookums' back to his usually silent self. And if it was Nida...My eyes sparkled. But no. I couldn't do that to him. But it was an idea. Not a good one, but an idea nonetheless.

Quad it is! I was pretty sure Selphie had planned some kind of event soon. What was it this week? The Lover's Festival? Perfecto! The Great Matchmaker of The Cetra Ruins would strike again! Bwahahahaha!!!

Irvine gave me weird look as I started laughing a bit too insanely. I gave him a blank look, then stuck my tongue out at him.

"Oh how cuuuuuuuuuuuuute!! Lookie Squall! Doesn't he look just like a little cowboy?"

My orche eyes went large as I heard It's voice. Oh Great Ton, save me...

Rinoa scooped me up into her arms, smashing me into her cleavage. How many times had it occurred to me these looked fake? It seemed air would be becoming a problem soon...How many times was this going to happen??

"Aww...I think he likes me! That little milk-mustache makes him look just like a little western bandit!!"

I glared up at her, paling. Quick, someone get the respirator...I'm not going to make it...

"Oh, and the hat makes him wook so cuuuute!!"

Why does she talk to me like this? She acts like I'm a kid or something!! I'm old enough to be her Grandfather! Irvine? Someone? I'm going to need CPR...Call the medics...

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