Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns all the characters. I don’t own anything.

Knowing Innocence

Chapter 13

By Purple Penguin

I sat in the waiting area of the infirmary. I wasn’t allowed to be in there with him while they were trying to remove the bullet. I don’t know how long I’ve been here, time blends together into a blur. The same thoughts repeat in my mind. What if he never wakes up? What if I never see him again? I loved him, I knew that but I’ve never told him. What if I never get to tell him? What will I do without him?

It wasn’t fair; I looked up at the ceiling as if talking to god. “You can’t just give him to me then snatch him back again.”

At least I had managed not to cry, of course I was devastated but Seifer Almasy doesn’t cry. I just sat there gently rocking back and forth as trying to comfort myself. Everything had been going so well, I almost expected something to go wrong.

What would I do? Go back to being the local bully/troublemaker? Go back to random fucks with any pretty thing?

I glanced at the clock for the first time since I’d been there. How long does take? The longer it took the worst it was going to be, I just knew it.

I heard the main door open and voices coming my way but I didn’t look up. Xu and Quistis entered the waiting area. I finally looked up at them and realized that they too were upset. Xu was terribly pale and shaking like I was, only she still had a firm grip on reality and I had started to drift into dreamland.

Quistis was a state. She had floods of tears flowing down her cheeks, her eyes were big, red and puffy, her cheeks were red and tear-stained. She had known Zell the longest, since they were little so she probably felt as bad as I did. They sat on either side of me, all of us sat hunched over, shaking and dreading.

Neither of us noticed when the door opened and Selphie came in.



“I heard about Zell, I’m sorry.”

We all looked down at the floor again. I guess the word was out and everybody knew by now.

“He’ll be okay, I mean he’s Zell, he can’t die.”

I was surprised to see Selphie smile. I knew she was only trying to cheer us up, but I think she was wasting her time.

The doctor came out to speak to us. Selphie smiled hopefully while the rest of us looked on in fear.

“Panic over, we’ve removed the bullet with no complications, he’ll be fine.”

I just sat there in shock, my mouth hanging open. I was pleased, but I’d been so ready for her to tell us Zell would die, that now that he was going to live I didn’t know what to do or say. I’d sealed myself for the worst, so now I didn’t know how to react.

“This is sooooooooo great!” Selphie cheered.

Xu and Quistis hugged each other. The red head turned to me, trying to snap me out of it.

“Seifer, aren’t you happy?”

I was about to answer her when I stopped in horror. I feel a strange wetness on my face, I quickly covered my eyes with me hands but it was too late, the girls had noticed.

Xu smiled and hugged me. “Aww, sweetie.”

Great, when I was afraid of losing Zell I managed not to cry but now that he was okay, the floodgates opened, I guess it’s good that I’m getting back to reality.

The doctor gestured to Zell’s room. “Would you like to see him? He’s conscious, but weak.”

I nodded and followed her.

“Good luck Seif.” Selphie gave me a thumbs up.

The doctor smiled at me. “If you need me, I’ll be in my office.”

I nodded and looked into Zell’s room. My fell on the still figure in the bed. A sheet covered him from the waist downwards. The top left side of his body was bandaged. His eyes were closed and he looked so still, I watched the steady rise and fall of his chest. For a moment I thought he had fallen back to sleep, but when I sat down beside the bed, his hand grasped mine, his fingers curling around mine and he smiled without opening his eyes. I drew his hand up to kiss his knuckles.

“Hi.” I whispered, unsure of what else to say.

“Hi.” I whispered back. He opened his eyes and looked at me for the first time.

I gazed into his beautiful blue eyes and raised a hand to stroke the side of his face. “I’m so glad you’re alive.”

He ran gentle fingers down my tear-stained cheeks. “You’ve been.... crying?”

“I thought you were going to die.”

He smiled. “I would leave you Seifer.”

“Do you remember what happened?”

He thought about it for a minute then nodded. “That guy... er...”


“Yeah, I saw him hit another guy.... he was scared of him..... don’t know why. Other guy over-reacted.... pulled out a gun.... I pushed Eric out of the way.”


“Didn’t really think he would do it.”

The boy who pulled the trigger just panicked, he didn’t trust Eric, like I didn’t. I wondered what would have happened if I was the one to freak out and pull the trigger.

Zell looked up at me. “Are you okay?”

I smiled. “You’re the one that got shot, and you’re asking if I was okay?”

“I love you, Seifer.”

“I love you too.”

A few days later.

Zell was allowed to leave the infirmary, I stood in the room waiting for him to pack up the few things he had into a small black backpack. He wore black jeans and a blue T-shirt; his arm was still in the sling. The doctor had ordered him not to use his arm and he told me to look after him, she didn’t have to ask me.

“Got everything?”

He nodded.

“Okay, let’s go.”

I walked out, ahead of him, holding the door open.

“Seifer, can we have lunch first? I’ve had nothing but hospital food for a week and I’m dying for a hotdog.”

I smiled.

“They were in my dreams, I dreamt of eating my next hotdog.”

“Of course we can have lunch, did you really dream of them?”


I put a suggestive arm around his waist and grinned at him. “What else did you dream of?”

“Doctor Kadowacki naked.”


He looked back at him with a completely innocent look on his face.

“Please tell me you’re kidding.”

He smiled. “I don’t swing that way, remember?”

“Thank god.”

Return to Archive | next | previous