Notes: This is a Seifer/Zell written for winter for being my 800th hit. It’s not quite right, I never was good at writing non-con.

I Love To Hate You

Part 1

By Purple Penguin

The music blared out of the speakers that stood around his room as he hammered his fists into the punch bag that hung from the ceiling. He was imagining all the various people that had taunted and teased him over the years.

Zell was training to be a SeeD in Balamb; he had taken a year out last year, as he couldn’t handle the training not with the bullies breathing down his neck. There wasn’t going to happen this year, he wasn’t afraid anymore they would be afraid of him this year. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and smirked as he flexed his muscles. A lot could happen in a year he wasn’t the same weak, scared little boy he was once he was the new improved Zell Dincht. He had even given up his beloved handguns to fight with his fists and feet; no one could hide those from him.

The new term started in 4 days strangely he was looking forward to it. His worst enemy would have left by now; Seifer was a year older so he should have passed by now. Zell knew with Seifer out of the way he could pass the exam easily. Seifer was the main bully, he was also the most dangerous, cocky bastard in the world, or at least to Zell he was. There was no way Seifer would fail, he was too proud to let himself fail.

Zell pulled his new fighting gloves out of his sock drawer. They were black with spiked knuckles. He liked imagining all the destruction he could cause with them.


He switched the music off and ran to the door. “Yes mum?”

“The headmaster’s here to see you.”

Shit. He’d forgotten about that. He took off his gloves and quickly threw on a shirt. He walked into the living room to see the headmaster sitting on the sofa drinking coffee.

“Hello Zell, how are you?”

“I’m fine Sir.”

“I know you’re starting a new term next week, are you sure you’re ready? What makes you think you’ll be any better at keeping up than last time?”

“It wasn’t about falling behind, I’ve giving up my handguns I’m a martial artist now.”

The headmaster looked worried. “Zell you can’t just switch weapons whenever you want to, these things take time and practice.”

“But Sir, I’ve been training all year, I can do this. Most of the guys that gave me a hard time passed last year. Give me a chance!”

The headmaster winced. “That’s another thing I wanted to tell you, Seifer Almasy failed the exam last year he’s retaking it this year.”

Zell’s hopes shattered. How could he pass if Seifer was still there to hold him back?

“I’m willing to give you a chance if you’re sure you can do it.”

Zell balled his fists. He wasn’t going to let Seifer stop him he would be a SeeD.

He nodded. “I won’t let you down sir.”

“I hope not.” The older man smiled.

Zell stood outside Balamb garden, was it his imagination or did it seem bigger? He had been given his old room back so he shouldn’t be afraid, he knew where he was going. He drew in a breath and marched in with his head held high, trying to hide the slightly shaking in his hands. He stopped beside the main directory and let out his breath. The place really hadn’t changed not that he was expecting it to.

“Hey Zell you’re back!”

He jumped slightly at the little voice. A small boy stood in front of him wearing jogging trousers and white trainers.

“Hey Matty!”

The boy frowned. “It’s just Matt now.”

Zell laughed. “All grown up now are you? What are you doing up this early?”

“This is my morning training, 20 laps around garden every morning. Well I’ve got to go bye!”

Zell shook his head. Everyone was so desperate to be a SeeD. He  headed off in the direction of the dorms, holding his key in his hand at the ready.

Many people greeted him with a smile or a wave and he began to think that maybe this wouldn’t be as hard as he thought.

A figure hurried past him, almost running straight into him. She had silver hair and she kept her head down, her hands gripped her coat to her chest.

Who was that? He thought as he watched her disappear ran the next corner. He turned back just in time to see his nemesis coming his way with a big, black burly man. Zell didn’t know the other man and he didn’t want to he quickly turned and hurried back the way he’d come. There was another way to the dorms. Zell finally made it to his dorm, leaning back on the door in relief. He let out a breath and walked over to his cases and bags that lay on the bed. The headmaster had had his stuff brought to his room. The short blonde opened his case smiling at the stuffed mog that lay on top. His ma must have snuck it in there. He remember the time when all it took was his mog to calm him and give his comfort, somehow he thought it would take more than that this time. He sat the toy on the bedside table next to a photo of his mother. Zell picked up another photo and winced. A girl in his street had pestered him all through the summer; his mother had encouraged her by inviting her round to dinner a few times a week. She didn’t interest him.

That was another thing he’d learnt during his year off he didn’t like girls, he was gay. Zell didn’t dare tell his mother. How could he when she kept going on about it time for him to get a nice girlfriend, that it would help him though the SeeD exam if he had somebody to share his problems with. No one knew his secret and he hoped it stayed that way.

The little blonde checked his watch, because it was the first day classes started at 12.00. He looked at his timetable. No not maths, what good was that for?

The instructor used to encourage them by saying they’ll need it count all the money they get, they never mentioned the fact that half of them wouldn’t live long enough to make a great deal of money.

He just had time of a shower he gathered up his towel, shampoo and a change of clothes. He was glad the place was empty. He gingerly stepped inside glancing around he’d had a lot of bad experiences in here. The guys tended to gang up on him in the shower; he’d had his worst beating in there. It made his wary and cautious.

He stripped down and chose a shower near the wall with a good view of the door so he could see if anyone new came in. He closed his eyes under the spray and leant on the wall, finally he could relax.

His eyes snapped open when he heard the door open and close. Maybe he spoke too soon. He quietly peered round the corner to see who it was. He heartbeat sped up in alarm. A tall green-eyes blonde unsheathed his gunblade and started to undress.

No, no, no, no, no, no not Seifer, anyone but him.

There was out way out he was trapped, Zell turned back to the shower, maybe Seifer wouldn’t recognize him if he kept facing the wall, he had changed a lot in the last year. Zell knew his cover was blown when the taller blonde stopped in the doorway. Seifer just stared for a minute then he walked over to a shower beside Zell, he continued to stare at the little blonde and he chuckled. Zell gingerly looked up at the taller blonde.

“Well, well little chickie’s not so little anymore.” He eyed Zell up and down; his eyes burned into Zell’s skin. “I didn’t believe it was you at first.”

Zell kept his eyes down on the titled floor.

“What? Are you going to talk to me?”

“I’m not afraid of you anymore.” He glared at Seifer who just laughed.

The taller man still hadn’t taken his eyes off Zell; he tried to ignore it he tried to carry on with what he was doing but….

“Stop that!”


“Stop staring at me!”

“I can’t help it chickie you make quite a view.” He put a hand on the biceps in Zell’s arm squeezing lightly.

The shorter blonde jerked out of his grip quickly washing out the shampoo out before he ran away. At least Seifer hadn’t wanted to beat him up but he still didn’t like that way he was looking at him. Zell hopped out of the changing room half dressed and only wearing one trainer.

 By the time Zell made it to class the lesson had already started.

“Sorry I’m late miss-” He trailed off stared at the instructor, he hadn’t seen her before. She was tall with long blonde hair and blue eyes.

“I’m Instructor Trepe, please take your seat.” She turned back to speak to the class but Seifer walked in interrupting her again. She glared at the blonde who just shrugged and mumbled an apology.

Zell watched Seifer sit across the aisle from him on the back row. The little blonde fixed his eyes on the instructor trying to listen to her and not glace over at Seifer; he could feel the taller blonde’s eyes boring into him. He was relieve when they were asked to do some work on their computer, Seifer would have to stop looking at him now. The annoying bully was still glancing at him making it hard to concentrate.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?” Zell looked up at the new instructor who stood beside him looking worried.

“Er-yeah instructor I’m fine.”

She smiled. “If you’re having it hard to settle in then I’m sure your next class today will help.”

He frowned. He hadn’t read all of his timetable yet.

“Unarmed fighting practice.” She smiled. “I’ve heard you should be good at that.”

Zell grinned. At last something to look forward to, he’d show them.

He left his class feeling happy and excited for once. He walked past Seifer and the burly man. They stopped talking when he pasted, it was unnerving.

“Is that the guy you meant Seif?”

“Yeah that’s the one.”

Zell gingerly looked back at them before hurrying away. He had a quick 30-minute break until next lesson so he headed for the cafeteria for a quick hotdog.


Two girls ran up and hugged him as soon as he entered the cafeteria.

He laughed. “Hey Carrie, Selphie.”

“When did you get here?”

“Early this morning.”

Selphie punched him in the chest. “And you didn’t tell us?”

“Sorry but I didn’t know when you’d be.” He walked up to the counter to get a hotdog and the two girls bounced after him. Carrie had grown her black hair out; it was down to her waist now and tied back in a yellow band. Zell had known her for forever and Selphie had transferred from Trabia two years ago. The two girls were so alike it was freaky.

“I can’t talk long; I have a class in 20 minutes.”

“Do you think you can do it this year?”

“Maybe.” He smiled. “I was hoping Seifer would have left by now though.”

“Oh yeah.” Selphie groaned. “You better kept away from him, he’s kinda-”

“Crazy.” Carrie finished for her.

“I wasn’t going to say that, it’s just he’s a bit of a-”

“Control freak. And trust me looking like that won’t help you.”

Zell looking down at himself. “Looking like what?”

“Like that, all strong and muscley”

“He’s always on the look out for someone as good as you.” She grimaced a bit in disgust.

“For what?”

“‘A good fuck’ as he likes to call it, he big on the sex thing.”

“But he’s straight right?”

The girls shared a look. “I don’t think he’s worried about gender.”

Zell groaned. “I wondered why he was looking at me strangely.... but at least he hasn’t beaten me up.”

Carrie shook her head. “The sad thing is that most of them go willingly in the end, it added to his ego. I can’t see the big deal.” She patted him on the shoulder. “I don’t want to see you end up as another victim of Seifer’s charm.”

“Don’t worry that’s NEVER going to happen.”


As Zell entered the training centre the instructor frowned at him.

“Zell you’re late, we started 3 minutes ago.”

The blonde recognized the instructor from the last time he was there, her name was Xu. “Sorry Instructor Kell.”

She nodded and continued. “As this is the new term I need to know what you’re capable of. I’ll pair you up and you’ll have to fight each other.” She gave them a stern look. “Remember when you’re opposite is down it’s over.” She started to pair people up. She walked up to Zell looking his muscles and the spiked gloves. “You look like you could do with a challenge.”

The blonde grinned and nodded, but his face fell when she paired him with Seifer. This was just his luck, how was he supposed to fight Seifer.

The taller blonde seemed pleased to be paired with Zell. He smirked at the younger boy.

“Are you just going to stand there? Scared?”

Zell gritted his teeth and glared at the blonde. “Never.” Finally a chance for some revenge. He was stronger than Seifer he knew he was he just had to remember that. He could beat Seifer, he could and he would.

Seifer removed his trench coat and threw it to the side. He smirked and gestured a cocky ‘come on then’ motion with his fingers.

They circled each other and Seifer made the first move. He swung a fist for Zell’s head and tried to follow with a fist to the stomach but Zell dodged both. The little blonde was glad to see that Seifer didn’t seem very good at this, not when his opponent wasn’t being held down. Zell hopped swiftly around on his feet, throwing several blows at Seifer. He kicked the older boy in the gut hard, using all his weight. Seifer doubled-over and Zell didn’t hold back he hammered blows at the other blonde, which Seifer tried to block. The taller boy charged at the martial artist kicking his feet out from under him.

Zell flipped back up again with ease blocked the blows Seifer threw at him. The taller blonde gritted his teeth; his eyes glowed with fury and hatred. Either one of them were going to back down. They flew at each other, most of the other cadets had stopped their own training to watch them.

Xu rushed forward pushing the crowd of students out of the way just in time to see Seifer fall to his knees, partly from exhaustion, while Zell was still bouncing around.

“That’s enough!” She pulled Zell back and stepped between them. “What the hell has got into you two?!” She cast a Cur on both of them.

Seifer slowly climbed to his feet, Zell glared at him expected him to at least say something but instead he just turned and walked away. The little blonde grinned, he’d won, he’d beat the guy who had bullied him since he was able to walk. He’d have to be carefully now, Seifer woul want revenge.

They had been warned about an end of week test on magic and drawing but even that wasn’t enough to spoil Zell’s mood. He crowed about his victory to Carrie and Selphie back in his dorm. He shadowboxed the air as the girls cheered from the sofa.

“He’ll really be out for blood now.”

Zell grinned cockily. “I’ll be ready for him.”

Even though he had cheered about his victory he didn’t feel very brave now. The little blonde had seen Seifer and his friend coming his way, he jumped the stair rail landing on his feet like a cat on the floor below. He rounded the corner and looked back, he grinned at the bruise on Seifer’s face knowing he had been the cause. He held his breath seeing the silver-haired girl from before walk towards the bully. Oh no they were going to bully that poor, helpless girl. Zell wanted to help her but it was too late. He couldn’t hear what was going on but it wasn’t good.


The meek little girl kicked the dark man in the shin hard and then she turned on Seifer.

The tall blonde backed up, looking afraid. Zell burst out laughing, they were afraid of a girl, a little untrained girl. Seifer’s head snapped up to glare at him. Zell abruptly stopped laughing and scurried away before his giggles got the better of him again. He hoped to see that girl around, it could be fun if she hated Seifer and his friend as much as he did.

He rounded the corner and pressed the button for the elevator. When the doors opened his yes widened. Seifer stood there leaning back on the wall smirking at him.

How had he gotten there so quickly?

He turned to leave but a hand grabbed his collar from behind and pulled him back inside. The shorter blonde swallowed hard and turned to look up at Seifer.

“I thought you weren’t afraid of me, that’s what you told me wasn’t it?”

Zell didn’t answer he studied the bruises on Seifer’s face, it looked pretty bad. He upper lip was all swollen on the right side and he had a bruise on his right cheek when one of Zell’s spiked knuckles had caught him.

“Having a good look at your handy work?”

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“No you’re not.” Seifer smiled, a strange sort of smile, not gentle or friendly, just odd.

“Little Chickie’s all grown up...” He trailed his eyes down Zell’s body.

The little blonde took a step back, feeling uncomfortable. He felt the lift stop moving and he sighed in relief. The blonde’s pulse sped up in alarm when Seifer hit the button to stop the lift and he pushed Zell back into the wall, pinning him.

“Why are you in such a hurry to leave?” He smirked again and licked the curl of Zell’s ear. “I thought maybe you’d want to stay here with me.”

Zell jumped having Seifer this close to him was unnerving. The martial artist struggled slightly but when h felt Seifer hand over his groin he used all his strength to throw the annoying blonde across the lift and hit the button to open the lift doors.

Seifer smiled as he leant in the doorway watching the little blonde scurry away. So close but he got away. He’d have to wait a bit longer until he got his prize.

Three days had pasted and strangely Seifer hadn’t made any more moves on him apart from the looks he gave Zell. Seifer often smirked or winked or sometimes even brushed up against him but he never said anything. Zell didn’t know weather he’d given up or if he was simply biding his time. Selphie had told him more about Seifer’s reputation since he told her about his lift encounter. She seemed to think he wouldn’t give up until he got what he wanted. Zell was afraid of that. He hated Seifer, he always had and he always would, nothing would ever change that.

The day of their test rolled round, Zell had been dreading it magic never was his strong point and he’d had a lot of distractions lately. He had the same magic instructor as last time she had it in for him he just knew it, she expected him to fail again, Zell didn’t mind too much everyone else expected him to fail so he was used to it. He leant on the wall with the others awaiting their results. Seifer unashamedly stared at him from across the room; he didn’t seem too bothered about failing.

Everyone quietened down when the instructor came in. She held the results in front of her. “I’ll read out your names in alphabetical order. You need 65% to pass.”

Zell groaned. 65%? That was higher than last time he was sure of it.

“Almasy Seifer 55%.”

Zell looked over at the tall blonde he didn’t look very upset but then Zell had never seen Seifer look sad or cry. He thought maybe the taller man looked a little less confidant but he could have imagined it. He looked up hearing his name.

“Dincht Zell 63%”

He starred at her. 2%? He’s failed by 2%? He knew it, she hated him this was just to tease him. A few others slumped on the walls while other cadets grinned and jumped up and down.

The instructor proudly announced the guy who got the highest mark of 97%. Zell didn’t recognize the name he followed the instructor’s gaze. Oh it was him the ‘Whatever guy’ he was going to pass with ease. Zell envied him.


He walked out like a zombie the instructor shot him a disappointed look on the way out she didn’t have to, he already felt like shit. This was supposed to be a new start, no more failures, no more being afraid, and no more distractions. He’d only been back a week and already he had broken all of those things. Although he was running from Seifer from a completely different reason as last time. In Zell’s eyes he would always be a failure and with that in mind he set off the Balamb to drown his sorrows.

A walk to Balamb a few glasses of vodka later. Zell sat in a bar in Balamb drinking straight vodka, he wasn’t there to have fun, he didn’t deserve fun after failing the test he was there to get drunk. He felt terrible not sick just depressed, weak and tired. He got off his stool and his head swam causing him to pause and hold his forehead. He started to regret drinking so much; it hadn’t made him feel better like he thought it would instead his troubles seemed multiplied. He hated to admit that at 17 he had never been drunk before so he hadn’t known what it was going to be like. He was suddenly glad he hadn’t driven to Balamb. He walked out side pausing right outside the door not knowing what to do now.

Another man walked out of the bar and straight into him causing Zell to stumble. A pair of strong arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him to his feet, he leant on the hard chest to steady himself for a moment, he looked up at the man to thank him. His eyes widened as he stared into the green eyes of his enemy.

“What are you doing here?” He tried to sound cold but the slight slur of his voice didn’t sound very threatening.

The tall blonde smiled slightly ignoring the question. “You’re upset about failing the test aren’t you?”

Seifer didn’t seem like himself at the moment, his voice wasn’t cruel and his smirk wasn’t dangerous or creepy.

“Are you drunk?”

“Maybe.” He answered.

“Why? I thought you didn’t care.”

Seifer rubbed his temples; he was feeling a little head-achey he had drunk more than Zell. He had finished off half a bottle of whisky in his room first before going down to Balamb.

“None of your business chicken shit!” He frowned and walked off in the wrong direction. He didn’t feel like going back to garden just to get a lecture from a snooty instructor on the dangers of alcohol.

“W-wait a minute.” Zell jogged after him. “So you do care.”

“Why are you still here?!”

Zell shrugged. “Nothing better to do.”

The older man glared at him, he cocked his head after a moment of glaring, he may be drunk but he couldn’t deny how fuckable Zell looked. He decided he didn’t want Zell to go yet.

“Come on, I’ll show you the sea.”

The little blonde giggled. “I’ve seen the sea loads of times.”

“You know what I think?” Seifer said as they headed for the beach. “I think those instructors are against from the start and whatever we do we’re still screwed.”


The taller blonde ignored him continuing to rant about instructors and garden in general.

“If you hate it all so much why don’t you leave?”

“And go where? I have nothing outside of garden.” Seifer turned on Zell standing above him; it made the small blonde nervous he’d forgotten Seifer’s height could be so intimidating.

“W-What?” Zell asked when Seifer didn’t move from staring at him.

“Nothing.” He turned and walked down the stone steps to the beach. “You coming?”

Zell stumbled down the steps and fell right into Seifer’s arms where he stood at the bottom of the steps.

The tall blonde chuckled. “Do you know how cute you are?”

Zell blushed and pulled away. “D-Don’t.”

Seifer brushed Zell’s bangs back from his face. The shortest man continued walking. “S-So what’s it like to get beaten up by a girl?” He smirked at the taller man.

Seifer glared at him. “That thing was no girl!”

Zell giggled at him stumbling over his own feet slightly leaning on one of the pier pillars for support.

“It’s not funny!”

Zell stopped his laughter seeing how close Seifer stood in front of him. “W-What are-”

The taller blonde cut him off with a kiss, Zell resisted at first trying to push to other man away but Seifer’s tongue ran over the surfaces of his mouth and Zell started to kiss him back wrapping his arms around his neck to pull himself closer to the stronger man. Somewhere in the back of his mind there was a reason as to why he shouldn’t be doing this but it felt really good, so how could it be wrong?

Seifer pushed the little blonde back into the pillar urgently, Zell moaned against the other’s mouth and wrapped his legs around Seifer’s waist. The tall blonde moved his hands under the other’s man shirt running a hand down his spine. Zell broke the kiss to pull his shirt off over his head, he shivered in the cold night air and gasped when Seifer’s lips enclosed around one of his nipples causing him to arch off the pillar. Seifer licked a trail across Zell’s chest to the other nipple. The taller blonde pushed Zell off himself and fumbled to undo the shorter blonde’s pants he pushed them down along with the other man’s boxers. The little blonde clung to Seifer shivering as the cold air hit his now naked skin, his fingers worked at undoing Seifer pants and he leaned up to kiss the taller blonde. Seifer quickly kissed the other man then pulled back and pressed his fingers to Zell’s lips.

The little blonde happily and eagerly sucked on Zell’s fingers. The taller blonde smirked, his eyes full of lust as he felt Zell’s hot mouth around his fingers. Seifer pushed his pants and boxers down his legs with his one free hand and a little help from Zell. Seifer ran a trail of kisses down Zell’s neck leaning him back against the pillar and he slowly removed his fingers to kiss the shorter man, he stroked the entrance to Zell’s body with his fingers that were now slick from Zell’s saliva. Zell moaned and tried to push down on Seifer’s fingers, the taller blonde let one slick finger slide past the tight ring of muscle, Zell cried out and pushed his hips towards Seifer’s hand. The blonde added another finger and another stretching the tight passage to Zell’s body. The tall blonde pulled out his finger and nibbled on the side of Zell’s neck as he replaced his fingers with his erection. Zell panted against the pillar and groaned, it hurt a little more than he thought it would. Seifer pulled out again almost immediately and trust back in again harder this time. The little blonde moaned and moved his hips trying to get Seifer to hurry up.

The taller blonde started to a rhythm thrusting in hard, he kissed his lover at the same fast pace. Zell clung to Seifer, his arms tight around the other man’s neck. Seifer reached down to stroke Zell’s cock in time with his own thrusts. The little blonde lolled his head back on the pillar with his eyes closed. He cried out as Seifer hit something deep inside him causing shocks of pleasure to run up his spine. He kissed the other man when he felt himself near climax. A few more thrusts and Seifer came deep inside the smaller body, he continued to thrust and stroke Zell until he also came into Seifer’s hand. They half fell half lowered themselves to the ground. Zell lay his head on Seifer’s chest to catch his breath, he closed his eyes just for a minute, before he knew it he was asleep.

The first thing he was aware of was the cold night air. He shivered and opened his eyes. Where was he? What happened last night? He sat up slowly, his had throbbed as a reminder of the Vodka. He never wanted to drink again. Zell glanced around the beach in horror, how did he get there? He lay naked and alone under the pier. He held his head in his hands, why couldn’t he remember? He pulled on his T-shirt and stood up to put on his pants as he stood up something fell into the sand with a soft thump.

He frowned, looking down he didn’t wear any jewellery so what-? His eyes went wide as he stared at the silver collar that lay in the sand. The name ALMASY was engraved in the front. He shuddered as he remembered how it had happened, how willing he had been, how good it how felt to have Seifer inside him. Zell gently picked up the collar staring at it. He swallowed hard wanting to forget. He never wanted to go back to garden he never wanted to see Seifer but he had to, he dressed quickly considering throwing Seifer’s collar into the sea but he wasn’t stupid Seifer would kill him if he found out. How ironic, he’d lost his virginity to the guy he hated most. Seifer had probably told all his mates, he’ll be a laughing stock. Zell tipped the sand from his shoes as he put them back on. He stuffed the collar into his pocket and headed for garden. All he wanted to do was have a shower and wash away all the memories of Seifer. He was glad he had been drunk, so he couldn’t remember all the details and he had an excuse, he felt it wasn’t all his fault that way.

Zell headed straight for the dorms he wanted to stop by his dorm first before he went to find Seifer. He turned the corner into his hallway and stopped in shock to see Seifer standing at him door. With a deep breath he slowly walked up to the tall blonde.

Seifer smirked. “I knew you couldn’t resist me Chickie.” He chuckled and wrapped an arm around Zell’s waist to draw him closer.

“Stop it.” He glanced around to make sure there was no one around to see them. The tall blode ignored him and began to trail kisses along Zell’s jaw line.

The little blonde sighed and pushed Seifer away. “I didn’t come here for this.” He pulled the collar out of his pocket and handed it to Seifer. The taller blonde grabbed Zell’s hand and pulled him in for a kiss. Zell gasped in shock and let Seifer kiss him for a moment before he pulled back.

“Never again.” He whispered before he left.

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