A/N: Suli of the yaoi addicts: lol ^^ Squall still has to get over Zell before any 'action' (as you put it ^^) happens. It won't be too long though :) Especially since I'll be skipping ahead in time.

Thanks again to Jade Maxwell for being such a fast beta ^^ and reviewing my stories even though she's already read them :)

I apologize for the long wait, but I haven't had much insperation for this fic. I don't write unless I 'want' to.

Heartbreak and Second Love

Chapter 3 - Ultimecia

By Redrum


Four weeks have passed. Squall can now get around the Garden freely, so long as his count isn't interrupted. Everyone else is the same, including treating Squall differently, making sure to give him a wide berth when he walks by. Like he doesn't know that their there!

He has an almost sixth sense sometimes. Maybe that always develops when someone goes blind? Or loses one of their senses? But he seems to be able to tell who's coming up to him (unless they're a stranger) and when someone's behind him. He still gets surprised every now and then, so I make sure to announce myself before I'm too close to him. That way he doesn't get embarrassed and start degrading himself for not knowing that someone was near him. Even if it isn't his fault. But I don't know if he'll ever see it that way.

I guess being blind is a little harder for the military to accept. We rely on all our sense and we never jump in surprise. Yet when something like going blind suddenly sneaks up on you, you find yourself feeling lost and too vulnerable (Squall told me this when we were having one of our chats in my dorm). Something SeeDs hate is to feel vulnerable, they don't like depending on others. Especially Squall.

We come to expect death, and some of us even wish for it; there are some that are too much of a soldier to do it themselves. I remember Squall once wanted to die when he killed for the first time.

It happened to be an innocent bystander that stepped in the way of his enemy. Some love struck teenager protecting her man. Anyway, Squall was devastated when he killed her. Still, being the Perfect Soldier that he is: he completed his mission, brought back his report and retired to his dorm before he finally broke down.

Him and I were (at the time) rivals, but I'd already had my first innocent kill a year before Squall was let out onto the field (we're not allowed on field duty until we're 17). So, when I noticed Squall coming back from his first mission I decided to tag along behind him and see how it went (and tease him about being nervous earlier of course).

When I entered the room (everyone in this place knows how to pick locks, its part of the abilities needed to pass the practical tests. So I don't see why they even bother with the locks. Maybe for a 'sense' of privacy and safety?) I found Squall sitting on the edge of his bed, crying into his hands. His shoulders were convulsing, and choked sounds were coming from his throat.

I was definitely shocked to say the least. I'd always pictured him as the 'Ice Prince', never showing his emotions. And this was truly a staggering display of emotions.

Nothing else made sense but getting on the bed and putting each of my long legs astride him, while pulling him back against my chest. He tensed up so much, that at the time I thought his muscles were going to snap! After awhile though he just swiveled around until he was facing me, with both his legs around my waist and his arms clutching my neck.

Sobs wracked his smaller frame, tears soaked through my customary vest. I tightened my grip and rested my head on top of his. Breathing in his strawberry shampoo (even to this day, he still uses the stuff. Not that I'm complaining). His sobbing eventually died down, and I quietly asked what happened.

He went on to explain his mission, his voice a steady monotone (the one I was always used to hearing) as he retold the details. But his voice cracked slightly when he reached the part about killing the girl. I simply held him closer while he finished his little tale.

I was sad that he had to go through the same thing I did, on his first mission too. But no one had been there to comfort me when it happened. Squall never used to initiate anything; he's still hesitant and nervous when it comes to trying to get what he wants.

He and I sat there for what felt like hours before we both noticed the time, and we had to detangle ourselves to get some sleep. Before leaving, I asked if he wanted to go train tomorrow up on the rocks, he eagerly agreed, wanting to get back to a normal routine. Something familiar.

Of course that was the day that Ultimecia started playing with my mind and I scarred him. After I had cut him Ultimecia left my mind, and all the supposed rage left my system, leaving me exhausted and sad. I knew the mark would scar. And Squall was already so self-conscious, that it wouldn't do any good to his self-esteem.

He's always been negative about his body image, ever since those kids teased him about how small he was (he was the smallest kid in the Garden before Zell came) in the showers, and the amount of scars on his body. They said something along the lines of, 'if you're so good then shouldn't you be able to avoid that?' Of course all those scars were from our training. We never cut deep enough for serious injury, but we scarred, so we knew what went wrong in the future and we could learn from our mistakes. We carry those scars with pride. Though Squall is still self-conscious about a few of his larger scars that weren't ganged from me.

When Squall got back up I wasn't that surprised, he's always been stubborn.

I may have been able to side step, but he probably would have ended up cutting my eyes out if I had moved. So I stayed still and let him have his short revenge. I deserved it anyway.

After that, our rivalry was pumped up, Ultimecia always playing with my mind, toying with my emotions. Until the day that the whole orphanage gang went on that mission and her weeks of toying with my mind paid off and made it easier to control me.

Looking back on everything I did while under her control, makes me forever grateful that Squall accepted me and let me in again. I'll never break that trust, not even another sorceress will be able to break my promise of harming Squall and always being there for him. Nothing will come between us again.

I'll make sure of it.

Return to Archive | next | previous