Archiver's Note: Do not take this story and post it on your own page without permission from the author.


Chapter Sixteen - The Pain Won’t Go Away

By Fantasy Lover

Carry on, You will always remember
Carry on, Nothing equals the splendor
Now your life's no longer empty
Surely Heaven waits for you
Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don’t you cry no more....

- Wayward Son (Kansas)


“Oh god, Irvine! What in the hell did I do? I wasn’t going to kill him. I would have rather died myself.”

“You know it wasn’t your fault. You had no choice,” Irvine said trying to comfort him.

“No choice?!” he yelled, “I didn’t have to fucking murder him! I could have let him kill me!”

“Do you really want to know why he died for you? It’s because he knew you were stronger than him.”

“Bullshit! You don’t know a damn thing, Kinneas!” Squall roared.

“I swear to god that what I’m about to tell you is the honest to god truth. Seifer didn’t want to tell you because he didn’t want to hurt you more than he had to.”

“What in the fuck are you talking about? Didn’t want to tell me what?”

He put his hand on Squall’s shoulder, “Squall...I know you don’t want to believe me but.....God this is so fucking hard.....Seifer had a dark secret that he didn’t want you to know about....But...but I have to tell you because I can’t stand to see you like this.”

“Get to the point already!”

“Squall...Seifer arranged this whole thing. It was his idea for the two of you to battle, and for you to kill him.”

“WHAT?!?” He cried in disbelief, “You expect me to believe a ridiculous story like that? Why in the hell would he do anything like that?”

“He was sick, Squall. He only had about a month to live, and he....he wanted to die with dignity.”

“” tears came freely to his eyes. He didn’t want to believe what he just heard. Yet, how could he deny it. He had noticed the dramatic weight loss of his partner, and the way he seemed to retreat to the bedroom by himself, away from the companionship supplied by Squall.

“I’m sorry, Squall,” he embraced the smaller brunette, “I wish it didn’t have to be that way.”

“Oh god, Irvine...what am I gonna do without him,” He choked on his words. This was the first time he said them aloud, and it hurt him worse than a thousand T-Rexaurs ever could. Even though he seemed strong, and cold-hearted to others, deep inside, the part of him that was rarely seen by most, was terribly fragile. The only person that could ever open him up was gone forever....

Irvine had stayed all night trying to comfort his bereaved friend. They had sat together on the couch until Irvine finally fallen asleep. Careful not to disturb the cowboy, Squall walked into his room. He looked at his bed, the place where he and Seifer had first become one. Now, it was only a reminder of what they once had. Squall placed his hands on the sheets, hoping he would feel the soft flesh that he had committed to memory. But it was no use. Seifer was gone forever, and he had been the one to finalize it.

Tears still streamed from his cheeks as he grabbed a pen, and small piece of note paper. On it he wrote:

My life is a vast wasteland. What is the use of living if I have no reason to live. Without my soulmate, I’m nothing....There where many of you who wanted to see my love with Seifer to end. I won’t give you the satisfaction. We will be together eternally, and there is no way anyone can stop us now.

I’m sorry Laguna if I caused you any pain. I have no regrets for my actions, except I would have liked to get to know you better, but as you can see, it’s not possible. My only other regret is the fact that I never showed any of my friends the true me. I’m sorry....


He set down the pen, and made his way to the kitchen. Rummaging through the drawers, he found what he was looking for. He drew out a long knife, which he held to his throat....

Squall stood up from his typewriter, stretching all of the muscles that had begun to stiffen. His stomach growled and he realized that it had been a while since the last time he had eaten. He walked in the kitchen and searched throughout the almost empty refrigerator. The only thing he could find without mold was leftover chicken from the night before. It would have to do because he didn’t have much time until morning, and he wanted to finish his story before dawn.

He walked into his bedroom and over to the bed where his mistress slept. He watched as moonbeams filter through the window, glistening upon Rinoa’s raven black hair. If only she had known about his secret devotion to Seifer. Yet he couldn’t find the words to tell her. He also didn’t know exactly why he was writing such a romantic fiction because he knew he would never show it to a soul.

Despite that fact, he continued to deny himself his precious sleep. Fortunately, it wasn’t much of a sacrifice. If he didn’t write he would lie awake at night thinking of the life he so desired to have with Seifer. Squall knew the chances of them being together were slim, if not impossible.

He returned to his typewriter not completely sure of how he wanted to end it. He stared at the blank sheet of paper for a few moments. Then, like magic, the words poured from his fingertips

Squall held the knife hard to his throat. As he drew it across his neck, he realized that there was no way out now. He was soon to be with his lover. Together in death, free from the pains and tortures of life. Free at last....



AUTHOR’S NOTE: Sorry it took me so long to update, but that battle scene was probably the hardest thing I’ve EVER written in my life. Remember..I’m just use to lemon.

Return to Archive | previous