Author's Notes: Ok, this is my futile attempt to hopefully write an at least “somewhat” humorous Shounen-ai fic. I honestly can’t believe I wrote this, because it will most likely make me look extremely stupid. I doubt it’s very well written either. But hey, I tried…. This is also a last warning to anyone who is in anyway offended by Shounen-ai or yaoi themes. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!!! ^_^
DISCLAIMER: No, I don't own any of the characters....
Where Did All the Guys Go?
Chapter 1 - Wonderful Relationships...
“Hwoarang, come on and wake up already!” Jin sighed as he repeatedly shook the sleeping Hwoarang who refused to wake. Jin finally had to result to a little more…. Drastic measures of the sort….
“Uhh!” Jin sighed before ripping the covers and sheets right off the bed, to reveal practically… everything to Jin’s eyes.
“JIN!” Hwoarang instantly jumped up. This was the sixth day in a row…“Why do you have to keep doing that?!”
Jin smiled softly as he rolled his eyes at the same time.“Because if I didn’t, then you wouldn’t wake up until dusk!”
Hwoarang smirked.“Well maybe if you weren’t always keeping me up so late, then I wouldn’t even have this problem in the first place!”
Jin didn’t say anything in reply, and just stood at the foot of the bed, smiling.
“Well?” Hwoarang spoke timidly.
In response, Jin swiftly grabbed the covers and sheets that were bunched up at the foot of the bed, and through them right over Hwoarang.
“Ok then, just remember that when you’re waking up, that I’ll be going to sleep.” Jin sarcastically mocked.
Hwoarang was now sitting up on the bed, but still with the white sheet over him.Jin laughed and shook his head.“You look like a ghost!”
Hwoarang rolled his eyes, even though Jin couldn’t tell, before speaking up himself.“Whooo, I’m Hwoarang the horny ghost!”Of course Jin couldn’t help but laugh his ass off at this.
“Just get up and make breakfast, while I go get the mail.”
Hwoarang didn’t like the sound of this. He also hated to cook. Especially since he sucked so much at it, and it always turned out burnt or extra greasy.
“Cut the ‘dominance’ crap already, Kazama! And you know that my cooking sucks ass! And yours is actually ‘somewhat’ edible. Remember, I was raised by only a father figure. You’re the mama’s boy.”
“Fine..” Jin sighed. “I guess we have become apartment rivals now….” Jin turned and began walking all hunched over and depressed-like into the kitchen as he heard Hwoarang’s laughter in the background. He then headed over to the stove. He was going to make some good ol’ pancakes!
In the meantime, Hwoarang had gotten dressed in a pair of black denims and a white muscle shirt.He loved to show off his figure, and he actually had a damn nice one at that.Hwoarang then decided he may as well get the mail while he was at it, since Jin was doing the cooking.They’d been living together for at least three months now, and already they seemed like a typical married couple.They just had trouble figuring out who more played the part of the ‘wife’ figure in the household.
Uh, well it’s definitely not me!
Hwoarang then opened the bedroom door and walked into the hallway before making his way to the front door to collect the mail.
Jin, on the other hand, had begun flipping his Betty Crocker Pancakes.“Cheap-a gas stove!I can only imagine what all the gas is doing to the ecosystem of this already disgustingly polluted city!”His eyes then wondered over to the refrigerator, which was covered with many different pictures at the top.He smiled as his glance fell upon the picture which was of him, his father Kazuya, and his Uncle Lee.He actually had a norm- well, he had a family!They then wondered to the picture which was of Hwoarang and Julia. “That scank!”He sighed.He didn’t like that picture, for obvious reasons.“I guess I shouldn’t have said that, I mean, I don’t really hate Julia?”
No less than two seconds later, Jin suddenly felt a pair of arms encircle his waist. Jin wasn’t really expecting this, so the pancake he was flipping in the process, ended up going a little too high… Jin then felt warm lips tracing the flesh at the join between his neck and shoulder line, he sighed but still smiled all the same.
“Hwoarang, couldn’t you see I was cooking? Well, do you wanna give it a try then?”
“I do my cooking in the bedroom, by I suppose I could try it in the kitchen?”
Jin laughed.“Very funny. You always have to be such a smart-a.”
“Jin, just say ‘smart-ass’ already.”
“But, but you know my mother taught me that harsh language wasn’t necessary?”
Hwoarang suddenly looked up. “Hey, what happened to the pancake?” he asked grinning.
“Huh?” Jin looked up, only to get hit in the face with a pancake a split-second later.
“Hahaha! Well, it is April 1, you know!”
Jin pulled the pancake off of his face.“Yeah, but I don’t think you quite had that one planned.”
Hwoarang just continued laughing as he sat down at the round, wooden table centered in the kitchen and began skimming through the mail.Most of it appeared to be that ‘You know you want to buy this it’s on sale’ shit, but one finally caught his attention.“Hey, Jin?It’s a letter to you from your grandfather!”
Jin jumped up as yet another pancake went soaring through the air… “What the fuck?!”
“Ah ha! See Jin, you are learning!”
“Yea, to pick up your naughty language habits.Now what was that about the letter from Heihachi? This isn’t an April Fool’s day joke, right?” Jin arched an ebony brow at the redhead as he asked this.
“No, in fact, I’m according to what I’m reading; it’s an invitation requesting that all of the Tekken fighters are to attend a dance at the Mishima Zaibatsu!”
Jin of course, had a look of utter confusion glued to his face.“Dance? When?”
“Uh, today…”
“What?! Why weren’t we informed earlier than this?!”
Hwoarang made one of those ‘oops’ faces. “Um, this mail is five days old, Jin….”
“Oh great, and I suppose the bills are in there somewhere too?” Damn, I really do sound like the wife...
He really does sound like the wife...“Nope.But it says we’re ‘required’ to go tonight...”
“Great..Oh well, I guess my luck can’t be that bad today?”
A moment after Jin stated this, the second pancake which stuck to the ceiling fell and landed smack-dab on Jin’s face…
“Kaz? Kazuya?! Have you seen my other glove?!” Lee yelled up the stairs.
Kazuya didn’t even bother leaving which ever room he was in.“I already told you ten times that I haven’t a clue!!!”
Lee sighed as he began to walk up the stairs so he could see if his missing glove was in any of the other upstairs rooms. As he made his way to the very top, he first decided to search the master bedroom, since this is where he remembered them coming off in the first place, along with everything else.When he entered, Kazuya was already there as he gelled up his hair in front of the enormous dresser mirror.
“You know Lee, we still have at least six hours before that damned dance.”
“That may be true, but I think we both know that I am not for procrastination.” Lee was standing a few feet behind Kazuya in nothing but a pair of his tight, leather pants on as he stated this with his hands on his hips.
“Whatever, Chaolan.”
“Yeah, that’s it.Just stand there and ‘gel away’ for two hours, like always. I’m going out in the meantime.” Lee stated as he turned around back toward the door.
“You’re not going anywhere.” Kazuya simply declared.
Lee swiftly turned back around. “Excuse me?!”
Kazuya gave one of those evil half-smiles of his as he stared at Lee’s not-so-happy facial expression in the mirror. “You heard me.”
Lee narrowed his own eyes back at Kazuya’s reflection. “And what are you going to do if I say just say ‘fuck you’?”
Kazuya then turned around with his arms crossed and that evil smile of his still on his face. “Then I would have to say, ‘In your dreams’.”
Lee got the rather rude picture, and in response, just sighed as he ran a hand back through his silver tendrils before once more turning around and heading for the doorway. However, before he could reach the door, Kazuya quickly moved to step in front of him, blocking the doorway.
“You’re not going anywhere until I get what I want.” Kazuya declared with a malicious smile.
Lee didn’t even have to think twice as to what it was he wanted. “Oh please Kazuya! Didn’t we already go over the fact that it would be best if I could at least ‘attempt dancing’? It is a ‘dance’ and all, you know. And even though I already know that you plan to sit in a dark, lonely corner of the room the whole time, you know very well that I am not like that! You can wait!”
(2 And-a-half hours later….)
“Well I hope you’re happy now. I bet you anything that I won’t be able to dance my best tonight now…”
Kazuya chuckled slightly to himself as he sat on the other side of the bed. “Oh, that would be a shame, wouldn’t it, my dear Lee? Yes, such a shame that you wouldn’t be able to dance with the all-time ‘Tekken Slut’, Anna Williams, wouldn’t it now? Or her bitch sister, for that matter.”
“I seriously don’t think you are ever going to let me forget that… I swear, sometimes I think you love to mind-fuck with me just as much as much, or more than you do fucking altogether!”
Kazuya grinned. “Hmm, I seriously don’t think I would push it quite that far.”
Lee couldn’t help but chuckle himself at this. “You and your damn dominance.” He shook his head. “If anyone even knew we were together, then none of them would have to think twice as to who the dominant one is… They would all say ‘Duh, Kazuya is on top 24-7’, and the sad thing is, they’d be right…” Lee sighed as he reached over to the nightstand next to the bed for one of his cigarettes.
Of course, Kazuya grabbed his wrist before Lee could even light the cigarette in the first place.
“Come on, Kaz! Let go.”
In response, Kazuya just smirked at he grabbed the cigarette in his left grasp, before crushing it a few inches in front of Chaolan’s face. “You know it’s for you own good, Lee.”
“There you go with that damned dominance of yours once again. I mean, if we were to think of another couple. Hmm, like Jin and Hwoarang, for instance?”
Kazuya nearly fell off the bed in a fit of laughter in this. “Sure Lee, like that would ever happen!”
“I’m only speaking metaphorically, of course. I mean, just think. If they were together, that would actually be a 50-50 on the dominance. Either that or pretty close, at least. But this is just unfair!”
“Riiight. Why don’t we think of ‘Bryan and Lei’, while you’re at it!”
“Now THAT’S a definite no-no.”
“Hmm, would it be Bryan then? Cause Wulong is just a wimp.” Kazuya declared as he shook his head.
“Very true…” Lee nodded in agreement. “But hey, remember, this is just metaphorically speaking. We both know that Jin/Hwoarang and Bryan/Lei are not possible.”
Kazuya nodded at the statement as he laughed at the same time. “Oh, and Lee? About the ‘no smoking’ policy? You know it’s really just because I love you that much...”
“Kaz, you know very well that I love you too. But…”
“But what?”
“You’re not getting any more until AFTER the dance.”
“Hmm, oh yeah?..”
....Hey, what is he--.......damn dominance!......
At this time, Lei Wulong was in his personal office doing paper work, when suddenly, his telephone rang.
“Hello?”
“Detective Wulong? Sorry to bother you again, but you have a visitor who says it’s very important…”
Lei sighed into the phone. “It’s Bryan Fury, isn’t it?”
“…Yes… Sorry, I know how much you two hate each other and all. Do you want me to send him away?”
“Nah, that’s ok. I can handle it.” Lei replied before hanging up the phone. And sure enough, no less than a second later, Bryan burst through his office doors. Everyone outside the office was staring, of course….
“Hello, you asshole!” Bryan sneered.
“Oh fuck off, Fury! Now what do you want?!” Lei rudely replied back as Bryan entered Lei’s personal office and slammed the door shut behind him.
Outside, all of the workers were either sighing or rolling their eyes at this time.
“I swear, I don’t know why Wulong let that robotic trash out on parole!” Detective Kilos stated to everyone who was present in the main work room of the headquarters.
“Me neither..” replied detective Strain. “I would have left his sorry ass in jail.”
“Me too.” At least four other people declared in agreement. Just then, a loud crash was heard from within Lei’s office.
Kilos looked up. “Fighting again already. I bet that’s the main reason he always keeps his blinds down and shut.”
“Yeah.” Strain sighed. “I’m telling ya though man, I think everyone of them ‘Tekken fighter’ people are nuts.”
Kilos laughed and nodded in agreement. And then, yet another loud crash was heard from the confines of Lei’s office… “Do you think we should see if everything is alright in there, Strain?”
“Nah. Don’t you remember? He told us and everyone else to ignore it.”
“Ah well, if Wulong wants to kick ass, or get his ass kicked, then it’s his priority I suppose.”
~About One Hour Later In the Office…
“You… and your damn… doggie-style… policy!” Lei spat out in a breathless heap.
Bryan grinned. “Yes, I am the master.” He declared before looking away from Lei (Who was still on the desk…) and down at the office floor. “Oops.”
“What… is it?”
“It looks like you just lost yet another one of your automatic pencil sharpeners.”
“Damnit! And that’s the third one this week! Do you have any idea how expensive those are, Bryan?!”
Bryan shook his head. “Lei, your hair is a mess.”
Lei narrowed his eyes slightly as he smirked. “Well, maybe if I didn’t always have you pulling into it like a harness constantly! I swear that I should just cut it back hort the way it was during the second tournament.”
Bryan swiftly shook his head. “Hell-no. You’re NOT cutting your hair!”
“Whatever.” Lei sighed. The truth was, he really wouldn’t cut his hair anyway. “And now we must discuss this whole ‘dance’ ordeal…”
“I think the whole things ridiculous. I don’t do tuxedos.” replied Bryan.
“Well, get over it! You can’t look that bad in one.”
“That’s easy for you to say, Wulong. You’re Chinese. The Chinese have always looked good in tuxes. Take Jackie Chan, for instance? Huh, huh?”
“And, what your point?” Lei asked raising an eyebrow.
“That us Americans just don’t look good in tuxes.”
“Bryan?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re so full of crap sometimes.”
“You know you love it though.”
“…So….”
“Forest, how is that peppered beef coming along?”
“Uuhh, fine dad.”
Marshal Law walked over to his son and place one of those white cooking cap thingies on his head. “Yes, it has always been my dream to see you follow in my footsteps.”
“Then why didn’t you let me enter the fourth tournament?”
“Uh, ‘DUH’, Forest. Its cause no one has ever called us by our first names. We’re always just referred to simply as ‘Law’, you see?”
Suddenly, a knock was heard outside of the confines of the cooking department.
“Whaz up home boyz?!”
“Paul?!”
“Yep. So what do you guys think about this whole ‘dance’ shit?”
Marshal and Forest both sighed simultaneously at this question, before Marshal spoke up. “I think the whole things wetarded.”
Forest bumped his dad. “Um, don’t you mean ‘re-tarded’?” Paul and Forest both started laughing at this remark.
“Pah!” Marshal spat. “I don’t know why the hell I even speak English in the first place!”
“HEY!!! CAN’T A GUY GET SOME SERVICE AROUND HERE?!”
“Ah boy. Well I better go out there and get all those orders.” Marshal sighed. “Forest, can you handle the cooking by yourself for about fifteen minutes?”
“Uh, I think so dad.” Forest nodded. A couple seconds later, a cooking spatula fell from the shelves above and hit him on the head.
“Um, right son. You do that…” Marshal said as he turned around and headed back out to the restaurant to take orders. “You comin Paul?”
“Nah, that’s ok. I think I want to help Forest do some ‘cookin’.” Paul smirked.
“Don’t you even TRY to do any cooking, Paul. I don’t want my customers to die. I worked very hard to get this business going.” Marshal declared before exiting the doors… leaving Paul and Forest alone…
~10 minutes later…
Marshal had taken the last of his customer’s orders, and was heading to slip them through the order slot in the wall, where Forest was supposed to be receiving, and cooking the orders in the mean time.
“WHERE’S MY PEPPERED BEEF?!” an ugly man at one of the nearby tables demanded.
“Alright, alright!” Marshal was actually kind of curious as to what was taking his son so damn long to get even the food out in the first place. Forest hadn’t had any food out since he had last spoken to him. “What on earth could be taking that kid so long?” Marshal stated before heading over to the kitchen doors. However, they were locked… “Forest? Paul? What the hell’s going on in there? Where’s the food?!”
“Shit…” Marshal heard someone mutter from inside the kitchen, before he started knocking on the door.
“I need that peppered beef order!”
“Hold… on… Dad…”
Marshal’s brows furrowed. “Hmm, that sounded strange. Oh well.”
~2 minutes later…
Forest suddenly opened the door with the peppered beef in hand. “Sorry... it took… so long..” Forest said breathlessly as he handed the dish, along with several others to his father.
“Why son, why are you all covered in sweat?”
“Uuhh, cooking can be very… exhausting…”
“Hmp.” Marshal simply retorted before taking the trays and heading off to some of the tables.”
Forest sighed loudly as he turned around and headed back into the confines of the kitchen. Paul, who had zipped up his pants in the mean time, looked up as he entered. “Damn, Forest! You sure did cook that food fast! Are you sure it’ll taste ok?”
“Yea, I think so. It’s the fact that we kinda ended up spilling the pepper bottle in the process…”
~Up Front…
Marshal was walking around, admiring his wonderful restaurant, until….
“This food sucks!”
“Yea, we have to pay for this stuff?!”
Marshal instantly turned around and went over to the table where all of the punks were sitting. “What did you say?”
One of the men stood up. “You heard me, the food here sux! This peppered beef is too damn spicy!!!”
In response, Marshal punched the man in the face using the back of his fist. He then took a taste of the peppered beef. “It does not suck! This is gooooood!”
A second later, the man he had just knocked down smashed a bottle on the top of his head…
“You….”
~Back in the Kitchen…
“Uh, Forest?”
“Yea?”
“What the hell’s goin on up front?”
Paul and Forest then went and quickly opened the door to see that Marshal had kinda lost his temper.
“It wuz too damn spicy ya freak!”
Paul and Forest both sweatdropped and looked at each other. “Oops….”
A/N: Yes, this has got to be the most retarded thing I have ever written… But like I said, I’m trying. Go on to the next chapter to see how the dance goes, if ya have the guts! J/K! (Goes now to shoot myself…)