Disclaimer: Characters are Square's. *Sobs loudly and screams "WHY?"* :( Ah well, Watch out, YAOI stuff in here, some very bad language too Naughty nikki. Oh and "With or without you" Is by U2, excellent Irish band to whom due homage is paid for writing one of the best songs EVER. Although I have changed She to He, please forgive me and don't sue me. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!

This is set a few months after FF8 finishes. ;)

Squall n Zell.

^_\^ n ^_^}

With Or Without You

By Darksquall

He knew that tee shirt, that back, those muscles beneath it, that fur-lined leather coat slung over the back of the chair... He saw the hunched shoulders and knew better than to approach the young man.

As the object of his affections shivered, Zell took an involuntary step forward.

Squall sat back suddenly and rubbed his temples. Sighing, he picked up the contract folder and threw it across the room. It passed over two students heads and landed neatly in the bin, not even touching the sides.

Zell retreated to his original seat. He pushed the plate with a half eaten hot-dog away from him, suddenly loosing his appetite. A first for him by all accounts. Squall sat a few tables away his head in his hands and his hair hiding his face from view. Alone.

Zell wanted to reach out and comfort him... Ever since Rinoa had gotten close to him he'd opened up to all of them, become a lighter Squall, a nicer Squall. But, that morning it had all changed.

Swallowing his fear, the blonde young man stood and walked towards the lionhearted one.

Squall was staring at a piece of paper on the table in Rinoa Heartilly's neat handwriting. Her elaborate signature rested on the bottom of the page. Zell knew what kind of letter it was by the first line. 'I'm very sorry Squall, but I just feel like we're not right for each other....'

Zell sat in the seat opposite and Squall looked up for a moment. Their eyes meeting. A dark storm cloud passed over them, turning them to obsidian disks once more. "You sorry? About what happened with her...." Zell had once again achieved the impossible, inserting his left foot, almost to the knee with this comment, into his mouth in the space of a few milliseconds. Squall bit his lip and turned his head away from the martial artist.

"See the stone set in your eyes, See the thorn twist in your side."

Squall's mouth was set in a hard line when he had hidden his emotions well enough to look back. "What..." He paused, on the verge of saying his old phrase and changed his mind. "The things I had with Rinoa were good. But not what either of us really wanted Zell....."

The gentle way Squall spoke was not like him at all. Even the soft statement of his name sent a shiver down his spine. "Will you miss her?"

He had just given his other foot the chance to join the first one.

Squall half smiled at him. "More than I thought Zell." He said as he shoved a velvet box into the man's hands, stood and shouldered a heavy sports bag. Zell opened it to see a single platinum band, quite wide set with three stones. A diamond and two aquamarine gems.

Zell gasped. He looked up to where Squall stood at the entrance, walked towards him and said, "But I thought it wasn't what you wanted."

"It wasn't." Squall received the ring and walked out of the door. Zell hung back, not knowing whether he should go too. Suddenly, the man stopped.

"I wait for you."

The two walked to the headmasters/commander's office, now affectionately thought of amongst the students as the lion's den. Squall dropped a letter on the desk as he stepped inside alone then locked the door behind him.

"Squall? Whatcha doing?" Zell asked as the man tucked the keys into a pocket of the heavy shoulder bag.

"I'm going on holiday."

"Huh?"

"I'm going Win Hill village for a week, then to Esthar via fisherman's horizon. Every Seed gets four weeks paid vacation and I'm taking two of them now." He looked down at the floor. "I'm supposed to be finding out about my parents but I really have no desire to know anything of Laguna. Just Raine, she fascinates me."

"What am I... What are the gang and I gonna do without you for two weeks?!?!"

"Wait." He simply replied.

"You will come back won't you?"

"I'm not sure. This whole business is getting to me now. I don't know if I have a reason to fight anymore. I'm not her knight...."

"Maybe you could find someone else...."

Squall looked at him, their eyes meeting. Sea blue against storm cloud grey. They were silent for several minutes. The gloved hand reached up a little....

"Sleight of hand and twist of fate, On a bed of nails he makes me wait."

The soft leather covered fingertips brushed Zell's tattoo.

"The last two I loved in that way..., one is now plotting to overthrow the Galbadian government with her sorceress powers and the other is completely rat-arsed in a pub somewhere.... I don't know if I could take that let down again."

Zell clutched at the hand. "You wouldn't have to."

"I'm beginning to wonder if I know how to love anymore." Squall began to build those walls around his emotions once again.

He turned and walked towards the front gate. Zell gave chase, following the deathly silent man out of the Garden complex completely.

"Squall!" He panted, "Please, wait. They were nearing a wooded area and Squall stopped to rest by a tree. "Squall Leonhart, for fuck's sake!" Zell stamped. "You can't leave me hanging on like this and why stop to rest in an area where monster encounters are so frequent???"

Squall couldn't look him in the eye. Not into those Mediterranean sea coloured eyes.

Zell pushed him violently. He fell against the tree with a resounding crack. "Am I that revolting?"

Squall's newly built walls cracked under the red hot heat of anger. He launched himself at the blonde, the two tumbling over and over in the long grasses that bordered woodland areas. He gained he upper hand as he straddled and pinned the smaller man to the ground. He struggled to control the raging emotions in his mind and heart.

"Come on then Squall, beat the fucking shit out of me. Like Seifer did with you because you loved him.... Come on, be like the bastard you idolised so...." Zell's voice trailed off as he saw a tear form at the corner of Squall's eye only to be blinked away. Those words had stuck home like a gunblade.

"No Zell, I won't do that...." Squall whispered.

"Through the storm we reach the shore, You give it all but I want more, And I'm waiting for you"

Squall roughly pulled Zell up into a sitting position. As he reached it, the martial artist found his lips embraced by Squall's. Violence was his nature, as was his kiss.

Squall's tongue traced a path along Zell's lower lip, tasting him before Squall bit the flesh gently. Zell gasped involuntarily.

The lionheart's lips danced down Zell's neck; making him quiver, as every now and then he would receive a small nip from his teeth.

The blonde tried to reach to his face but Squall caught the wrists easily. Zell didn't fight it as he was forced further into Squall's embrace.

"Is that what you wanted Zell?" Squall asked.

He smiled and reached up into the mess of Squall's nutmeg hair to pull him closer. "More." He was obliged.

"Squall." Zell gasped as hands followed invisible paths all over his body. "Don't leave me. I don't want you to leave the garden."

"Zell...."

"I mean it, don't leave me. Not even for a moment.."

"Come with me then. Even if it's just for the two weeks."

Zell shook his head. "I have a mission tomorrow."

Squall closed his eyes. Pulling away from his task he found the velvet box and pulled the Griever pendant from his neck. Threading the ring onto it when he had removed the lion, Squall fastened it behind Zell's neck. "I'll always be with you as long as you wear it."

Zell grinned. "That's seriously cheesy."

"I know." Squall grinned too. "But if you feel the same way about me as I do about you, you'll forgive me."

"Love?" he asked and Squall looked away.

"It's like you're my last chance at real happiness."

Zell cupped Squall's cheek, then reached up to trace the line of his scar. "I'm really gonna miss you while you're gone."

Squall found his feet and offered Zell a hand. That faint smile touched his lips again as the martial artist took it and immediately kissed him on the cheek. As he walked Zell back to the Garden entrance, watching the fall of sunlight on Zell's features and realising how handsome Zell actually was. As a strand strayed from the immaculate, if somewhat weird styling of his hair, something dawned on Squall.

('God dammit. I can't live without him...... I went and fell in love with him. And it was a long time ago.')

Authors notes: When I was checking it I took heed of my some advice, just to prove that I can do it. One of my reviewers, (Hi Edenne!) said she didn't like the way I had them say those three little words so quickly so I changed it a little. I think this version is better anyway. My new fave couple of FF8 thanks to this kinda fic is Squall and Zell. (Phowar!)

As always, comments appreciated through mail or review. And advice is welcomed with open arms. I will try and make them longer too ( Hi GlitterGirl!)

I'm enjoying writing all these fanfics and esp the YAOI ones. I can't believe how much fun it's been. leave me some advice please!!!!! Love, peace happiness..............................Whatever. ^_\^ Luv from the Darksquall.

Peace out.

Now here's the real lyrics.
With Or Without You
See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you
Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you

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