Never mine
Never mine
I smiled and rested my chin on his shoulder, he grinned at me before turning back to the card he had carefully made with his precious free time for the girl in the library. Zell had always had a thing for her and although I thought she wasn’t worth it he didn’t seem to be getting over her anytime soon. I was forced to keep my mouth and be a supportive friend, even though I thought that stage of us being friends would be over last year when I told him a I loved him, but it didn’t change anything. He didn’t feel the same way and I was desperate not to lose him, so we remained friends, best friends, maybe a bit closer now because of my confession but other than that we were the same as if I never told him.
"Good?" He asked.
I smiled, I have to when I’m near him it’s contagious. "Very good, she’ll love it I’m sure of it."
I watched him get up from our table in the library to the counter where she worked to give her the card. Her two friends gathered round too, not fair on him when they started to laugh and she tried not to. Childish she said, making cards. Okay so maybe the glitter was a little over the top but I thought it was sweet, but then again I’m biased aren’t I?
I lay on my bed with him in my arms, usually this close proximity is bad for me, to be this close and knowing I still can’t have him, it hurts. But he’s upset and he needs my help, I want to help in anyway I can.
People always mistake us for a couple, I wish, I dream, probably only because we’re so close maybe they can see how much I love him and assume he loves me back. It’s amazing really, as soon as puberty hit he was all I thought about mainly in a sex way at first but now I hardly ever dream of him in a sex way anymore it’s always how he comes to his senses and realizes he loves me back.
I blink as he whispers my name. I look down on him and he gazes up at me, eyes glassy and I sigh as one lone tear falls down his cheek. I lift a hand to wipe it away, caressing his skin as I do so. "Don’t cry over her, she’s not worth it."
Another tear falls. "Please don’t cry, it hurts when you cry." I tell him, hoping it’s comforting to him.
He blinks and smiles slightly. "Seifer?"
"Hmm?" One hand absently strokes through his hair while the other hand holds him close.
"Tell me you love me."
I blinked, surprised at the comment but I knew he was upset and lonely, he needed someone. "I love you, always."
For a second I hold onto the hope that he’ll say it back and everything will be perfect, he almost looks like he’s going to, or maybe I’m seeing what I want to, he just buries his face into my throat with a sigh. My eyes slip shut for a second, partly because it’s nice to have him curled up this close but mostly it’s ripping me apart and I can’t bear it.
"I’m sorry."
I frown. What does he have to be sorry for? "For what?"
"I’m sorry for using you."
I smiled. "You don’t use me, sweetie."
"But I- What do you get in return?"
I pulled him closer. "I just want to see you happy, that’s all." I buried my head in his fluffy blonde hair.
Sometimes I dream and it’s so real, me and Zell, my Zell together at last, and he tells me he loves me and it’s like one of those cheesy romance movies only sometimes I believe it when I wake up and of course he’s never there beside me when I wake up and reality starts to creep back in.
"Please tell me you’re not going to waste more of your time on her."
I felt him smile slightly against my throat. "No I think I can get over her."
"Well good, she doesn’t deserve you." I closed my eyes enjoying the warmth of him against me. When I close my eyes I see him, when I’m awake I long to be near and if I’m not it hurts. God, I’m pathetic. I know you day will come when he leaves me for good, marries some girl and lives happily ever after, I don’t know what I’ll do if it’s to happen. I don’t know if I can live without him, I don’t want to find out. When did I become for dependent on him? All I want is to keep him in my arms forever.
He struggles a bit. "Seifer, I still need to breathe."
I pull back when I realize I had been holding him too tightly. "Sorry." I muttered. "Sure you’ll be okay?"
He smiled. "Yeah, it’s not the end of the world and besides I have you to look after me right?"
I couldn’t tell if he was teasing me or not so I simply pressed a kiss to his hair and whispered.
"Always."