My December
Disclaimer: My December is the title of a Linkin Park song. The lyrics within the fic are from My December and are owned by Linkin Park. I have no ownership over anything FF8ish either. I make no money from this.
Feedback: Please sir! I'd like some more!
AN: This is all Elise's fault. And my boiz for buying me this damned CD. And Edward's for putting me in a snarky mood. The end of it was too abrupt, so I rambled for a while. Then it got bad. *Real* bad. M'eh. ENJOY!
My December
[This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear]
It has been three months since Seifer left. Nine months since Selphie and Irvine left for Trabia-G. And fifteen months since we saved the world from Ultimecia. But most importantly, it’s been three months since Seifer left.
He told me he loved me. And I spent all those years afraid to admit my feelings because I just knew that he would beat the shit out of me. And I didn’t want that because, you see, there isn’t a time when I remember not loving that arrogant blonde.
And he left. Oh dear sweet Hyne…he left me. He told me that he loved me – he wanted me and couldn’t stay because it was too hard loving me and not having me – and he left.
"Didn’t you know?" he had asked me, his voice shaking and frightened. His pupils were huge and there had been just the slightest bit of sea-green edging the black depths of his eyes. "I’ve been in love with you my whole life. …I…I guess I just figured you should know."
Oh. Well, okay then. Thanks for fucking sharing and then running away. And all I had done was stand there with my mouth hanging open like some slack-jawed hick from the middle of nowhere. I should have said something. Something like, don’t go – don’t leave me now that I just got you. Let me answer, don’t you see I love you too?
I should have fucking jumped his bones and…well…no, I suppose I probably shouldn’t have done that. We would have gotten arrested and Balamb-G doesn’t need that kind of PR. I could just see the headlines: HEADMASTER LEONHART ARRESTED FOR PUBLIC NUDITY AND HAVING SEX IN BALAMB STATION. Lovely.
[Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed
Give it all away
Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed
Give it all away]
Sometimes, I can’t believe I actually let him leave. I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart and my body aching as images of him at the train station bombarding my mind. I do that more often than I care to admit. Eventually, I stopped sleeping much at all. A few hours here, a couple of hours there. I got lost in my work. Which was fine, because after NORG was out of the picture, Balamb-G really needed to find some more sponsors.
Sometimes having the President of Esthar being my father really did work out to my advantages. So did being the "savior of the world."
[This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone
And I (Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed)
And I (Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that)
And I (Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed)
And I (Take back all the things that I said to you)]
It had been three months since he left. Three months since he admitted his feelings to me and then walked away. Okay, rode away if you want to get technical…but it doesn’t matter how he left – just that he left. And I was going to see him. Selphie was making all of us get together for Christmas. Our first since we’d all be "reunited."
Our first since we’d all drifted apart.
Right after the whole Ultimecia ordeal, when Seifer came back, we were all together again. And it was nice. Okay, it was better than nice. I finally felt like I was with the people I belonged with. And then Irvine proposed to Selphie. And she got offered the position of Headmistress out in Trabia-G. So Irvine and Selphie packed up and moved halfway around the world. Rinoa stuck around for a while, always feeling like she was intruding, to get an education. She learned about magic and honed her fighting skills.
I heard she was in Esthar now, studying with Dr. Odine about sorcery.
[And I, give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to
This is my December
These are my snow covered dreams
This is me pretending
This is all I need ]
Quistis stayed in Balamb-G with me, taking on the position of Commander while Cid ran off with Edea, sticking me with the job of being Headmaster. Absurd, isn’t it? A bunch of kids running mercenary schools. And some times, the thought just makes me giggle.
Yes, I giggle. Not often and I usually have to be really drunk to do it, but I giggle.
Zell stayed here too…but he seemed to become slightly lost when Seifer left for Trabia. I know I did.
[And I (Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed)
And I (Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that)
And I (Just wish that I didn’t feel like there was something I missed)
And I (Take back all the things that I said to you)
And I, give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to]
For all intents and purposes, I have it all. Well, almost. I have a great job, I have lots of money, I have the material possessions I want. I have good friends and a family and the admiration of the world. And I fucked up my chance at having what I really want.
I should have called him.
I should have stopped him from leaving.
I should have realized how he felt. How I felt.
Well, I planned on telling him everything when he came back for Christmas. Because this was my time to shock him, my month. My time for happiness. And Hyne be damned, I deserved to be happy.
[This is my December, This is my time of the year
This is my December, This is all so clear
Give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to]
"You remember how you said you couldn’t stay here anymore? You couldn’t stay because it hurt too much?" I asked suddenly. Seifer’s face kinda blanked out.
"Yeah," he replied slowly.
"Well…" I began. "Stay anyway. Please." He was going to ask me why. Why he should stay. Why I was asking him to stay. So I kissed him instead.
[Give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to]
I would do anything for him. I would go anywhere, be anyone. I would die for him. It kills me inside that he still hurts over what happened to him. I should have protected him from it. I should have seen.
I should have known. Because, you see, I was desperately in love with him. And I knew him inside and out. Yeah, we fought a lot. But like Zell had said, we were actually good friends. Best buddies. Well…
I’m not too sure what we are now. But whatever it is, I like it. Because he’s mine, finally. No more waiting. No more wanting what I can’t have. Sometimes, dreams really do come true.
His birthday is in a few days, and then Christmas is right after it. I invited Rinoa to come back to Balamb-G for the holidays – she doesn’t really get along too well with her father – and she’s going to be bringing her current boyfriend.
Laguna is going to come too. And Ellone, Edea, and Cid. We’re all going to be together. It’ll be nice. And after…Seifer said he would stay. He and I are going to give this thing a shot. I’ve never dated a guy before…but it doesn’t really matter. It’s Seifer and he’s mine.
He’s been claiming that everyone should be waiting on him hand and foot because his birthday is this month. Perhaps. But see, this is my time. This is my December and this is the time when all of my dreams come true. Or just come in general.
"Squall – you coming?"
Oh yeah.