Jingle Balls
Notes: Sequel to ‘Into the minds of others’, Christmas themed story. SeiferxZell, IrvinexSquall.
I made Squall and Zell be able to project their thoughts into other people’s heads, got that from a certain Weiss Kreuz character.
Jingle Balls
They were disgusting, really terrible. It was like watching one of them cheesy romance movies with porn undertones, with them running off to have sex every five seconds.
Irvine smirked, he wore one of them headbands with mistletoe hanging over his head on a wire. He leaned forward so that it dangled over his lover’s head again, the shorter man eagerly leaned up to lock lips with him in a wet sloppy kiss with traces of tongue visible to the onlooker.
Zell grimaced again, suddenly not wanting his hotdogs they probably had drool all over them for those two anyway. Squall sat in the cowboy’s lap, eagerly awaiting more kisses. This was not a good example for the junior class men. He made a disgusted noise causing the pair to part.
“Problem?” Irvine asked
“You know this is a cafeteria, it’s enough to make people lose their appetites with you two sucking face and spitting over everything.”
The couple shared a look. “Somebody’s jealous.” Irvine said in a sing- song voice.
“Jealous? Me? Of course I’m jealous!” He folded his arms bitterly. “You two are fucking like rabid foxes, practically living together, everyone knows about you and it’s all just perfect isn’t it?”
Squall sighed. “Is this about Seifer?”
“I mean Rinoa outed him in front of the whole cafeteria but nooooo that was just phrase he went through, he won’t even look at me in public because he soooo straight except at night when we’re alone then it’s a different story and he doesn’t seem to mind fucking my brains out!” He paused to fume for a moment.
Irvine held up his arms. “Hey calm down, yeah?”
Squall looked thoughtful. “Hmm if only there was some way you could get to his head to see what he’s thinking and talk to him secretly in public…. Oh wait a second you can just read his mind!”
Irvine chuckled.
Zell glared at his friend. “Slow down there Squall or people might actually start to think you have a personality.”
The brunette glared back at him. “I was trying to help here, why don’t you use your new skill to speak to him in public?”
Over the 4 months since they had got their skills the two of them had learnt to project their thoughts into other people’s heads. Irvine loved it, he and Squall could talk dirty to each other in crowded places like in the lift on the way back to their dorm. The cowboy liked to think of erotic things in the middle of board meetings just to look Squall squirm.
“I can’t.” Zell let his head fall to the table. “He doesn’t know.”
“Know what?”
“That I can read people’s thoughts and project my own.”
The couple stared at him. “Zell! It’s been months, why didn’t you tell him?”
“He’ll think I’m crazy.”
“But he will get over it.” Irvine said. “I thought Squall had completely lost the plot when he told me but then I find out that it was true so I got over it.”
Squall frowned. “You think I was insane?”
“Well- yeah you did lock yourself in your room, make Rinoa cry and then you said you can read people’s thoughts…. Well I thought- you know- you work o hard and all that.”
Squall frowned.
“Well what was I suppose to think?”
“That I was having a bad day?”
The cowboy opened his mouth but shut it again, turning to Zell. “Anyway you have to tell him Zell.”
“I know.”
“You said yourself that you two weren’t moving in the direction you wanted so if he ends it is that really so bad?”
Zell frowned. “Irvine stopped being so wise and relationship happy it’s scary.”
The cowboy laughed.
“But you don’t want to risk losing him completely do you?” Squall asked.
The little blonde slumped and sighed. “No I don’t… best sex ever…. Well only sex ever really.”
The cowboy laughed. “There you go then, there’s probably lots of people better than Seifer out there, plenty more sexually charged fish in the sex.”
Squall gave his lover a look. “Is that what you are then? A sexually charged fish?”
“Err- yeah but I’m not in the sea cos I’m with you.”
“You’re more flopping on the ground gasping for air.” Zell said.
“Exactly!” Irvine grinned.
“So, you’re saying that being with me is starving you of oxygen?”
The cowboy furrowed his brows to think. “Um…”
Zell smirked in amusement.
Squall glared at his lover who tried to put an arm around him. “I’m sorry…. I love you?” He tried.
The brunette rolled his eyes.
“Okay anyway Zell you have to tell Seifer soon, today, you have to tell him today.”
The little blonde nodded. “If I’m still alive by then, I might have done something stupid.”
“What?”
“I-err- might have-err- told Selphie that-err- I’d help her with her Christmas treat for the junior class men.”
“Nooooo!” Irvine hissed.
“She was desperate and I felt guilty.”
“Of course you did, that’s what she does, it’s like a praying mantis hunting it’s prey, she draws you in.”
“You thought you liked her.”
“Oh I do she’s great and I hang out with her a lot but not when she’s planning a festival. Noooo, you see she changes into this she-devil like creature with horns.” He raised his hands to the head to do the gesture for horns.
Squall looked guilty. “Actually I might have said I’d help her too.”
Irvine looked panic stricken. “Why? Why would you do that?”
“Calm down, at least Zell will be able to tell Seifer at this Selphie thing.”
The little blonde snorted. “Seifer wouldn’t go anywhere near that place.”
“Well he should have thought about that before he silly stringed my office.”
Zell laughed. “But Squall it’s Christmas.”
“I don’t care, an hour it took me to get some of that stuff off my desk.” He folded his arms, looking commander-like again. “I’ll talk to Selphie get her to give you a job with Seifer or at least so you’ll be near to him at some point.”
“Okay but if I tell him and he rejects me then you two are coming fishing with me.”
“Fishing?”
“Yeah to find another sexually charged fish.”
“Sure.” Irvine grinned.
Selphie grinned at Zell. “No problem, I got the perfect job for you, I was looking for someone to take that job, I did want a girl but you’ll do.” She patted him on the shoulder.
His face fell. “Girl? Why? It’s something stupid isn’t it?”
“Of course not, it’s a very important job and you two get a 20 minute break every hour together so you have plenty of time to tell him.”
“Okay.” He sealed himself. “What is it?”
She led him over to the Santa house with fake snow, painted house and white picket fence around it. “I needed a Santa so I made Seifer into one.”
Zell laughed. “Seifer? A Santa? But he hates kids, he chases the junior class men around and curses them all day.”
“Well they won’t know it’s him and he has promised to be good or he’ll be the first volunteer on that mission to Deling next month.”
“So what am I? An elf?”
“No I thought Squall would make a perfect elf with those cute little ears and Irvy would love it?” She winked.
“So?” He prompted.
“You’re Mrs Claus.”
“WHAT!?”
“Now just calm down Zell, you’ve got lots of time with Seifer like you wanted, you get breaks, you won’t get too hot cos you’ll be wearing a dress and-”
“Dress? Can’t Squall be Mrs. Claus? He has a better figure for it, I’ll be a great elf honest.”
She shook her head. “Sorry Zell but Squall already has his outfit, it decided.” She handed him the costume and pushed him gently towards the Santa house. “Now Seifer’s in there getting changed and you should go into there too. Your elf will come and get you when we are ready to start.”
The little blonde walked up to the plastic door that was painted to make it look like wood. He pushed it open and walked in. Seifer sat there at the table in one of the chairs, his beard, hat and jacket hung on the back of the other chair. He wore the Santa trousers that were held up by braces over a plain white tee. He looked surprised to see Zell.
“Ho, ho, ho come sit on my lap little boy and I’ll promise not to molest you.” He winked.
Zell dropped into the free chair, leaning back on the red jacket.
“What are you doing here chickie? Come to tell me what you want for Christmas?”
The little blonde dumped his costume the table. “I’m Mrs. Claus.”
Seifer laughed.
“Hey, it’s not funny!”
He continued to laugh.
“Stop laughing!” He blushed when he took a look into Seifer’s head seeing an image of himself dressed as a sexy version of Mrs. Claus.
“So you’re my little wifey huh? Don’t supposed you want to give your darling husband a blow job would you?”
Zell looked disgusted. “I’m not touching you dressed as Santa, I’ll go to hell for Santa molestation!”
“Funny that cos I’d lurve to have you in a Mrs. Claus costume all to myself.” He grinned.
“That’s because you’re sick in the head, you perv!”
Selphie buzzed around the hall. They were about to start but she had elf problems, where had Squall got to? She had gone to see him before to check the costume and she had been right he was the perfect elf. She walked past the Christmas display and froze as the forest of Christmas trees moved. She put her hands on her hips and cleared her throat. The movement suddenly stopped.
“Squall?” She asked.
A familiar cowboy looked out. “Oh hey there Selphie.”
“Don’t hey there Selphie me! You stole my elf! Give him back!”
“Well you shouldn’t dress him up to look so sexy should you?”
“Shut up Irvine!” Another voice called. “I’m coming Selphie just let me put my pants back on.”
“What?!”
The cowboy laughed. “He’s kidding, we didn’t do anything.”
The petite girl pulled her elf out by the hand. “Go tell Seifer and Zell we’re ready to start then the three of you can get into position and I can let the kiddies in.”
Squall nodded and headed for the Santa house.
Selphie folded her arms and glared at a sheepish looking cowboy.
The brunette knocked on the door.
“Go away! Me and Mrs. Claus are busy!”
He pushed open the door and raised an eyebrow. “Zell the kids are meant to sit on Santa’s lap not you.”
Seifer wolf-whistled the brunette. “Wow Squall you make a real pretty elf.”
Zell got up wearing red high heels that he wobbled in unsteadily, a dark deep red mini skirt and red cropped Santa jacket with a fur trim.
Squall smirked. “I heard about the whole Mrs. Claus thing, sorry. Anyway you’re up, let’s go. Seifer get dressed!”
The tall blonde attached his beard, put on his jacket and hat then headed for the door. “Right, lets get the party started then.”
The three of them walked out of the Santa house and the kids cheered and clapped, the older cadets wolf-whistled and laughed. Seifer sat in Santa’s chair, Zell dragged over the present sack and Squall hurried over to open the gate and usher in the first victim.
Seifer reached down and pulled the little boy onto his knee. “What do you want for Christmas then?”
“You’re not the real Santa!”
“Of course I am, what the hell are you talking about?”
“The real Santa doesn’t swear.”
“I didn’t fucking swear.”
Zell quickly took the brat from Santa’s knee and handed him a present, Squall shoved him out the door and let in the next kid.
A little girl with pig tails was lifted onto Santa’s knee next.
“What do you want for Christmas little boy- GIRL!” He corrected.
“I am not a boy!”
“I know, I’m sorry but I was busy staring at my wife’s ass and it’s distracting.”
Zell stared in disbelief, quickly handing a present to the girl and giving her to Squall.
“NEXT!”
Another girl hopped up.
“And what do you want for Christmas?”
“I want a pony, equipment and a stable for the pony, lots of sweets and chocolate, a wendy house, a boat, a-”
“That’s nice.” He set her on the ground and Zell gave her a present.
He sighed. “NEXT!”
A little blonde boy was put on Santa’s knee. “And what do you want for Christmas little boy?”
“I want daddy home for Christmas.”
Seifer stared at the kid then glanced for help up at his wife and elf.
“What was daddy’s name?” Squall asked.
“Karl Lancs.”
“Oh I remember that guy we all went to his furn- OH!”
“Here have a present, no have two presents.” Zell held open the sack for him to choose his own.
Squall took his back to the gate and gave him to his mum.
Santa got up. “Right that’s it, it’s break time!”
The kids protested.
“Back in 20.”
Squall was going to follow the two blondes into the Santa house but then he remembered why Zell was Mrs. Claus in the first place and turned round, going out again.
Seifer dropped into the same chair as before. “God I hate kids, where’d Squall go?”
Zell shrugged. “Probably to find Irvine.” He took the empty chair and sighed. “Look Seifer there’s something I have to tell you.”
The blonde was shocked at the seriousness in Zell’s voice. “Not going to break up with me are you?”
The little blonde smiled, glad that his lover seemed worried about that. “No, no of course not but there is something I haven’t told you.”
“You’re part man, part chocobo.”
Zell frowned. “Will you just shut up and listen for 5 seconds?”
The Santa nodded, removing his hat, beard and jacket to place them on the table in front of him.
“You remember months ago when Squall and I went to capture that T-Rexuar thingy?”
“Yeah.”
Well it did something to us, we can read people’s minds.” He paused.
“Chickie have you been at the Kupo nuts again?”
“It’s true!” He shouted. “Remember that before that I didn’t notice that you liked me and then-”
“And then you started to tease me.”
“Right and in the showers, I just playing but I got caught up in the nice little fantasy you had going with you and me in the showers.”
Seifer started to laugh.
“What? It is true, ask Squall and Irvine if you don’t believe me. They use it to talk dirty to each other in crowded places, I know because I picked up on it once.” He shuddered “Never again.”
“No I mean…. I know what you can do.”
“You know? How can you know?”
“I heard Squall and Irvine talking about it about a month ago and I thought they had lost the plot, I didn’t like you hanging around with them.”
“I remember, I only had to turn around and there you were like all the time following me or stalking me, I thought you were the one that flipped.”
Seifer grinned at him evilly. Zell clamped his hands over his head. “Ahhh! Don’t think that!” He blushed deeply.
Seifer had his own little Mrs. Claus dressed Zell doing a private strip tease for him in his head. “Why? I’m seen you naked countless times.” He paused. “Hey if you can read people’s minds then I bet you know what Irvine looks like naked with the amount of time you spend with Squall.”
“Maybe.”
“Think of all the things you can find out and blackmail people for.”
“No, no I’m not thinking!”
“Why not?” He patted his lap.
“Cos I’m just not, Squall will know I did it and I’ll get into trouble again like you always get me into trouble.” He dropped into Seifer’s lap and toed off the high heels. “My poor feet, how the hell do girls walk in them things?”
He jumped as a hand slid into his costume. “Seifer!”
“What?”
The little blonde jumped then grinned. “Why Santa, is that a grapefruit in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?”
The tall blonde raised an eyebrow. “Why grapefruit?”
“I couldn’t think of anything ? Christmas-y that’s cock shaped.” He rubbed his backside into his lover’s crotch.
Seifer hissed. “Don’t do that unless you’re prepared to take care of that chickie, Santa can’t go back out there with a hard on.”
Selphie glared at Irvine who was holding onto Squall again. “What? He’s an off duty elf now.”
“Where are your hands?”
He held up one hand. “Right here.”
“And the other?”
“Err- He fumbled around inside Squall costume and waved the fingers out of the collar of the elf shirt. “Right here.”
She frowned. “The kids are getting impatient, hasn’t he told him yet?” She watched the kids bang on the gate and her eyes widened at it calloused and hundreds of junior class men flooded onto the fake snow, heading for the Santa house.
“Uh oh, this could be bad.”
“Don’t just stand there, help me!” Selphie yelled and all three of them ran up to push them back but they were too late and the hordes of kids flooded into the Santa house.
“AAHHHHHHHH!!!” Most of them turned and ran back out, the older ones who were there to start trouble laughed and joked about getting a camera.
The back door that had been glued shut was shoved open, ripped off it’s hinges and the two blonde ran through there, round the back and away with Zell now wearing the present sack with leg holes cut into it.
Selphie fumed and turned round to see that the other two had also vanished in the confusion.
Squall sat behind his desk looking commander-y again, Irvine sat to the side grinning at the embarrassed blondes who Squall was talking to.
“Oh come on Squall you’re not so innocent, I heard about you and Irvine in the Christmas tree forest.”
“Maybe but we were discreet, we did not traumatize 87 junior class men.”
“Traumatize? They enjoyed the show, it was entertainment for them.”
Zell was getting redder and redder but the second, Irvine thought he was going to explode any second.
The doors opened to Squall’s office and Rinoa marched in. “Squall I have a Christmas present for you.”
“Rinoa this is a bad time.”
She didn’t listen and instead shoved the present under his nose on the desk. “Open it.”
He sighed, glancing at all the others in the room and did as he was told. He stared at the red lacy woman’s underwear that lay there. “Err- Rinoa-”
“See? Nice aren’t they? Wouldn’t you like to see me in those?”
Seifer snorted. “Is this another hare brained idea to turn him straight?”
She folded her arms. “Not hare brained.” She glared at Irvine. “I’m sorting things out after he stole my boyfriend!”
The cowboy stood and came over to the desk inspecting the underwear. He nudged Squall. “Hey Squally I’d love to see you in these, you’ve got to keep them.”
The brunette blushed and Zell started to return to his normal colour now that someone else was getting picked on and teased.
Rinoa snatched them away as soon as Irvine touched them. “You can’t touch them, you’re gay.”
“So I am.” Squall voiced.
The girl knelt down beside him and put on a voice you use when speaking to babies. “No Squall you’re not, you’re just confused, the nasty old cowboy has confused you, you’ll see the truth one day and you’ll want me back.” With that and all the others staring at her in confusion she turned and left, the doors closing behind her.
“What a fruit cake.” Seifer said.
END!!!!