Farewell
By J. Marie
Warning!!!! This is a lemon yaoi fanfiction starring Kuja Tribal and Zidane Tribal from Final Fantasy IX. It is rated NC-17. Basically, what I mean is that I am writing a story where I make Kuja and Zidane gay, and they have a male homosexual affair. Actually, strike that. I make Zidane gay. Kuja was already was. So if the idea of two men together makes you nauseous or if you are under the age of 18, you need to hit the back button and escape before the evil begins. FF9 had been very stubborn and refused to allow me to twist its plot in a yaoi bent. At least not entirely. I beat the game, and then my muse beat me over the head with a yaoi stick. If you beat the game, did you notice that years had to pass before Zidane returned to Garnet? Why did it take so long? And who was writing that beautifully sad farewell letter anyways? I mean I figure at least 5 years had to pass, to allow the fact that Garnet's hair grew back, and Vivi had kids. So here's the reason why Zidane took so long to come back. It took some thought, but I can turn anything into a yaoi story if given enough time and thought. :) By the way, I AM aware of the fact that they are supposedly brothers, but I really don't care. They were created, and I don't think it matters. The term brother was symbolic to the fact that they were both created for the same purpose I think. At least that's MY theory. And if it's wrong, too bad. I still like them. Oh, and this story has nothing to do with "Mist", my other FF9 story.
Author's Notes: Based off of final farewell poem at end of game.
Farewell
By J. Marie
The winds whipped around the basin of what had once been the Iifa tree. The roots had finally stilled, as the life left the tree, and it slowly sunk into the ground. It seemed that the entire area was devoid of all life.
But upon closer inspection, we soon discover that life can always find a way.
That's my fancy way of saying I survived. Or should I say we?
My only clue that Kuja was still alive was the tight grip he had on me. Other than that, he hadn't moved much after I pulled us out of the Iifa Tree. And if the idea of Kuja (who's at least a head taller than me) clinging to me piggyback style while I climbed up the basin sounds ridiculous to you, you should have seen it. I'm glad he had a girly figure now, because it made him a lot lighter. Not that he was light, mind you. But at least it wasn't as bad as having to, say, carry Steiner up the basin. I don't think I would have made it.
I was singing Dagger's song. Or at least trying to. I think it helped us survive, but I can't be sure. I found it relaxing at least, and it helped take my mind off the fact that I was carrying Kuja on my back up an almost sheer cliff wall. Sometimes I wonder how I find myself in these kinds of situations. Heh. Zidane the Hero.
So how come Steiner got to be the knight in shining armor? Actually, I take it back. Rusty didn't shine his armor much.
I made it to the top, miracle of miracles. I was bleeding in places, and I had come the conclusion sometime earlier that my entire body was just one big bruise. My clothes were rags, and I think I had a couple broken ribs. But Kuja looked worse.
I leaned over him, after placing him on the ground. He stirred only slightly, his eyeshadowed eyes fluttering. "Kuja...?" I asked gently.
"Uhhh...." was his eloquent response, before passing out again. Some thanks I get for rescuing him.
"Don't you dare die on me, Kuja. After all the work I just put in to saving your life, at least have the decency to live," I said, trying to sound paternal.
Kuja didn't react, and just sort of lay there, breathing both rapidly and shallowly. I managed not sneer at disgust at the thought that he somehow managed to look beautiful, even after being almost killed twice. I sighed and sat back, not knowing what I was suppose to do for him. His condition worried me. And the fact that it was going to rain soon worried me too.
Why, you ask, should I care about my greatest enemy? Maybe it was because he was my brother, after a fashion. Maybe it was because I understood why he did the things he did. Maybe it was because he helped me and my friends escape from the Iifa Tree. Maybe it was because he was like me in many ways. Maybe it was because I was seriously fucked in the head.
I decided that moving would be more productive than sitting there worrying, so I picked him back up, and continued on my trek to the Conde Petie Mountains. I swallowed, knowing that absolutely no one would be willing to heal Kuja after all he had done. It was all up to me. I stayed away from the mountain path, and instead headed towards the mountains themselves, hoping to find shelter before the rain started.
The rain started just after I hit the mountains. It put me in a decidedly foul mood. At least it was light rain. I walked a little deeper, and wonder of wonders, found a ramshackle little, well, shack, complete with thick wooden door that was only partially broken. I kicked the door in, and went inside, not caring if anyone lived here or not.
I was in luck, and the place seemed abandoned for years, being dusty and dark. I found a large bed, covered in musty furs, pushed against the wall. It seemed sturdy enough and I carefully lay Kuja on it. Kuja made another pitiful groan, and apparently decided to remain unconscious. Damned inconsiderate of him, if you ask me.
We were both soaking wet, and I, for one, was shivering. I was also, hungry, cold, tired, and in pain. I stripped off my clothes, to prevent catching cold on top of everything else. I grabbed one of the furs to wrap myself in, and realized that Kuja was also shivering in his sleep. I stripped him as well, and realized that Garland had been far more generous in certain departments to Kuja than he had been to me. Oh well. I suppose he wanted me to be more powerful, not better endowed. I darkly surmised that I would have preferred the latter, but consoled myself with the fact that at least I looked male. Kuja still managed to look feminine, even naked with his glory uncrowned. At least his mascara was running. It made me feel better.
I covered Kuja in furs, and crawled gently into the bed next to him. I lay my arm over his chest, so in case he stopped breathing in the middle of the night, I would know. I felt strangely comforted by having another person to sleep beside, even if the company was my unconscious former enemy. I instinctively wrapped my tail around his leg, as I had done as a child with those I wanted to show affection to. I smiled sadly, when I realized that I had never done that to Dagger yet. I fell asleep dreaming of her.
When I woke up, sunlight was pouring down through the dirty window next to the bed. Kuja looked a lot better in the sunlight. At least he was still breathing. Then I noticed that he was staring at me through half open eyes.
"Good morning..... Feeling better, I hope?" I said as cheerfully as possible, sitting up and quickly unwrapping my tail from his leg.
"We're still alive," he said drily.
"You are as observant as you are cheerful this morning. Does anything in particular hurt?" I asked, stretching slightly, discovering that my ribs were not actually broken, but only felt broken.
"Yes. Everything," Kuja said in the same dry voice.
I gave him a lopsided grin. "I'm glad you're awake, actually. Do you know of anything than could heal us, offhand?"
"Sure. A white mage. A healing rod. A potion or even better, a hi-potion. A jewel would work well, if we were in battle. I expect that you left your inventory in the hands of your friends?" Kuja asked darkly.
"You guessed right. Kinda stupid of me, huh?" I asked sheepishly, cursing myself. I could have at least brought some potions.
"Out of respect to the fact that you saved my life, I will choose not to respond to that comment," Kuja said.
"We're in fine form today," I sighed, getting up and stretching big, getting the kinks out of my body. I decided that my body wasn't entirely a big bruise, but only about half of one.
"Being in pain will do that a person. Why don't you just let me die? It'll save us both the headache of my existence. I don't deserve to be rescued. I deserve to be taken back to the Iifa Tree basin, and thrown in," Kuja said darkly, turning his face away from me.
"You only did what you thought was right at the time, I suppose. You were created for destruction, Kuja. So you destroyed. It was part of your nature. But you know better now. No one deserves to be destroyed for their sins, when they repent them. For better or for worse, you reached beyond your destiny, and broke the mold Garland made us into. And even he found a way to make up for the things he did wrong. I'm not going to let you die. It's not in my nature. We're brothers after a fashion, aren't we?" I asked him, crossing my arms.
Kuja sighed, and then smiled ever so slightly. "I don't understand you. But I want to....." he said after a few minutes, and then closed his eyes.
"Good. In order to do that, you're going to have to live," I told him.
"I'm going to die soon, Zidane. Garland said my time was almost up," Kuja said, his eyes still closed.
"So? What does that mean? It could be years, decades before you die. We're all going to die someday. Even me. But before we die, we have to live...."
"What's going to happen to my soul?" he asked me quietly.
"The same thing that's going to happen to every other Gaean and Terran soul, now that the Iifa Tree has been destroyed. Terra is part of Gaea now. Like it was suppose to be. Now they, and eventually you, are going to be reincarnated," I said, using my most important tone of voice.
"That doesn't sound so bad, actually....... Thank you..." Kuja said, opening his eyes.
"You're welcome. Now, I know there's a little moogle running around somewhere on this mountain. I know I can get some potions from her Mogshop. And probably some food and supplies for you. She might even be able to give me healing advice," I said, more to myself than to him, as I turned to leave.
"Sounds like a plan. But may I tell you something before you leave?" Kuja asked me, his grin looking a little impish.
I raised an eyebrow, and stopped. "What?" I asked.
"I don't mind you being naked and all, but the moogle might take offense if you're planning on going out like that," Kuja snickered.
"Meep!" I screeched, realizing that I still hadn't gotten dressed. I looked around and found my now dry clothes, or should I say rags? I put them on, a little red around the ears.
Kuja chuckled. "Where are mine, by the way?" he asked.
"Um, there on the floor. Being as how you didn't wear much clothing to begin with......." I said, looking at the strips of cloth that remained of his clothing.
"I see. Well, be a dear, and pick up some clothing while you're at it. You do have money, right?" Kuja asked, smirking at me.
"Yeah, I kept that. I can always pick up some more on the fights along the way.... I'll see you later, alright?" I said, picking up my dagger and my coinpurse.
"Alright. Later, then," Kuja said, closing his eyes again.
I started my trek through the mountains, easily beating the monsters along the way. After Memoria, these guys were chumps, even if I was by myself. I found myself on familiar ground soon, and headed off to go find the little moogle on the Conde Petie Mountain path. She was right where she had always been, and thrilled to see me. I bought a bunch of potions and hi-potions from her, drinking my share right there. I also picked up all the food I could carry, and some clothing and blankets. She even had a book on healing wounds, and some special salve. I headed back to the little shack, pleased with my find.
The long walk gave me a lot of time to think. I knew I couldn't take Kuja anywhere. He would probably be killed on sight, and I had a feeling with his frame of mind, he would let himself be killed. I also couldn't leave him. Not until he was ready to be on his own. It wouldn't be right. It depressed me, because I really wanted to go back and find Dagger. But I knew she would be alright without me now. She knew how to be alone now. She didn't need me to take care of her anymore. But Kuja did need me now. And I couldn't let him down, any more than I could have let down Dagger. So there you are.
I went back inside the little shack, and found Kuja still asleep on the fur-covered bed. I gently shook his shoulder. His skin was smooth and soft. Like a girl's.
Kuja eyes fluttered open. He looked less than perfect with his smeared make-up, and tangled hair. He sat up a little with obvious pain, and stared at me expectantly. I swallowed a little before I could speak. Something about the way he looked at me reminded me of Garnet when she was waiting for me. Or the way Eiko would look at me when she wanted me to do something with her. He seemed like a child, almost. Innocent and vulnerable.
"Here. I brought you some potions. I also got some healing salve to apply to your wounds, and even have a book on how to do it," I said.
Kuja nodded, and took the potions I handed him, and began to guzzle them. He looked better almost immediately. He still had some wounds left, proving that his injuries were indeed grave. I pulled out the healing salve and opened up the book to the page on applying it.
"It seems the potions have taken care of my internal injuries, but were unable to heal my abrasions and cuts.... I hope I don't scar," Kuja sighed, looking down at himself.
"The moogle said that if I use this, you won't scar. I'm going to have to spread it on the actual cuts and abrasions, though. Which means you're going to have to stay, um, naked while I do it," I told him, setting the book down and picking up the salve.
"Very well. I think I should bathe first, to get rid of any dirt and reduce the chance of infections," Kuja said, standing up, unashamed of his nudity.
"Uh... yeah. Good idea. I hadn't read that far yet," I sputtered, turning away. "I better bathe too. There's a little waterfall right behind here."
"Good. Point the way," Kuja said, swishing his tail a bit. He had that smirk on his face again.
"Uh, right," I said, heading out the door. I led him to the spot I had found and stripped again, wanting to wash off my own grime. I produced the soap I had bought from the moogle to Kuja, after scrubbing up myself. I tried really hard not to look at him too much. Something about him naked made me uncomfortable all of a sudden. I couldn't tell you exactly why at the moment.
I could feel his eyes on me, though. The whole time. That was really making me uncomfortable. I could feel myself blushing, and hurriedly put on my new clothing. I headed back into the shack, and changed the sheets on the bed until he returned. I had new blankets and linen, and was quite pleased with what I had.
"Where are the clothes you bought me?" Kuja asked when he came in, still nude.
"In the gray bag in the corner. But I gotta put on that salve first," I told him.
"Yes, of course. I just wanted to see what you brought me. How did this moogle have so much stuff anyways?" Kuja asked idly, going through his new clothes. I had bought him clothes I thought he might like. The moogle had said they were for women.
"The moogle used to sell to Madain Sari, before it got blasted. She also sells to the dwarves who pass through there. Most of the stuff I got was her leftover inventory for the people of Madain Sari," I explained.
"I see. At least you chose somewhat suitable clothing for myself, even if they are a little plain. I shall make some modifications," Kuja said airily, strutting over to the bed like a peacock and laying on the bed, almost as if he was putting himself on display. I couldn't help but stare, and felt my cheeks grow hot again.
"Well?" he asked after a few moments, his maddening smirk on his beautiful face.
"Uh, well, what?" I blinked.
"Are you going to ogle me all day, or are you going to administer to my wounds?" Kuja asked, his tone as arrogant as ever.
I know I turned beet red at that, and turned to pick up the salve. "Uh, well, just lay there then.... I'll put it on..." I said, sitting on the edge of the bed beside him, opening up the jar. It took me awhile, but I finally got it.
Kuja was still grinning at me when I began to smear the salve on his wounds. I swallowed hard, trying not think how nice and silky his skin felt. He pointed out a few wounds I had missed, and his tail was swishing back and forth, in the manner I swish mine when I'm pleased with myself. He rolled over and let me treat his backside. I noticed how long his tail was, compared to mine. It was a light gray, in contrast to his silvery-white hair. He arched his back a little when I rubbed salve on the abrasion on his butt, and I could've swore that he was purring. I pulled my hand away quickly when I was done and got up to clean my hand.
Kuja sat up, apparently not worried about letting me notice that he had a semi-erection. Arrogant bastard. "So what's for dinner?" he grinned, stretching a little. I think he did it on purpose. He got dressed slowly, putting on a lacy white shirt, and a silky lavender pair of panties. He finally decided on a sheer white skirt, which he left open in the front. He found the dainty lavender slippers I brought him, and put them on. I'll be damned if he didn't look good, either.
"Uh, I'm not much of a cook, so it's gonna be vegetable soup and bread and cheese. It's pretty much what I have, and what I know how to make. Quina taught me," I said, making myself busy with trying to light the ancient stove.
"If the Qu taught you, I'm sure it's quite delicious. I think I shall comb my hair. You did bring a comb, right? And some make-up?" Kuja asked me.
"Uh. Yeah, I brought a comb. No make-up though," I told him. Kuja pouted. It's not like he needed the make-up though. He still looked prettier than any girl I ever met, even without it. I grudgingly admitted to myself that he was even more beautiful than Garnet. Kuja combed his hair, staring at me again.
I lighted the stove without blowing myself up, and began dinner, scrubbing things clean first. I made Kuja help, though he whined about his nails. I swear, Lowell couldn't be as vain as he was. Kuja sat at one of the less broken chairs at our now clean table, grumbling about a lack of nail files when I brought him dinner. That seemed to shut him up, and he greedily slurped his food up. I just brought the bowl up and drank from it, I was so hungry. We snarfed down the bread and cheese, and basically made Qus of ourselves. We hadn't eaten in at least two days.
"I'm feeling a thousand times better than earlier. Thank you," Kuja said after the meal, looking sincere.
"Hey, what are friends for?" I shrugged, clearing the table.
Kuja stood up, stretching again. I know he did it on purpose. "So we're friends now?" he asked me.
"Um, sure. Why not?"
"I've never had a friend before," Kuja said seriously, giving me an odd look. It didn't seem like the one he gave me when he smirked, but was similar. It seemed more serious, more gentle. Emotional, even.
I gave him my famous lopsided grin, and looked away, not entirely sure if I wanted to look too deeply in his dark blue eyes. I was afraid I would drown.
Kuja headed back towards the bed, and sat down, silent now. I couldn't find anything to say, so I turned out the light, and started arranging the furs I had taken off on the floor for myself.
"What are you doing?" Kuja asked, stripping down to his lavender panties.
"Getting ready for bed. Aren't you?" I asked, watching him as he climbed into the bed.
Kuja thumped the mattress with his tail and gave me that odd look again. "Why won't you sleep up here with me? I don't bite.... unless you like that sort of thing," he asked, sounding almost hurt.
I sighed and hung my head. I stared down at the musty, uncomfortable looking furs. It wasn't hard to tell what Kuja was interested in, but I wasn't sure if I was interested in it. Number one, no matter how beautiful he was, he was still a man. Number two, he was my greatest enemy only a couple days ago. Number three, theoretically speaking, he was my brother. On the other hand, I didn't really like sleeping alone, even if I'd had to do it most of my life. And those furs were awful nasty looking.
"Please.....?" Kuja whined, thumping the mattress with his tail again.
"Alright... As long as you keep your hands off of me," I relented, pulling off my clothes and sat on the bed in my underwear.
"I promise," Kuja said, giving me his infuriating grin again, his eyes dancing with mischief. I decided I was too tired to care, and lay down with my back to him, pulling the blanket over myself.
I felt Kuja scoot up so his long body was pressed against me, and I could feel his hot breath on my neck. One of his bare legs rubbed up against mine, and I felt his face nuzzle into my hair.
"Kuja......" I said warningly.
He sighed deeply and backed off a little, but I could still feel his body pressed against my own. I didn't mind that so much, but I sure as hell wasn't going to say so. I felt his tail wrap around my leg, and I jumped a little, surprised that he instinctively wrapped his tail around people's legs too. I thumped his hips with my own tail and turned around slightly.
"You don't like that, either...?" Kuja complained when I turned around.
"No, it's fine... I was just surprised is all.... I thought only I did that....." I said, blinking at him in the dark.
"Well, you're not the only genome in the universe, you know..." He said with a smug smile, snuggling back against me. I sighed and snuggled back, welcoming someone to sleep beside. I let my face rest near his shoulder, wishing Garland had made me tall, too. I wrapped my own tail around his leg, causing him to sigh happily, and rub his cheek against the top of my head. I can't explain why cuddling up to my Kuja was comforting, but I never felt so peaceful. Ever.
I didn't dream of Garnet that night.
I awoke with an erection. I squirmed, realizing I had an erection because Kuja was rubbing my tail, after locating the source of pleasure. It's hard to explain how my tail is an erogenous zone. Just petting it, or combing it, won't necessarily get me off. Unless of course I'm already attracted to you. Then it's a sure way to get me in the mood.
I sat up with indignation, prepared to chew Kuja out. Then I realized he was still asleep. I looked down at my tail, and realized Kuja wasn't rubbing it. At least not directly. Our tails were coiled around each other, wriggling periodically against each other like mating snakes. And I wasn't the only one finding the experience pleasurable.
I poked Kuja, edging away from him a little. He opened an eye and looked at me, his smile more than a little lecherous. He pressed back against me, purring. I found it odd that he purred, and I wondered if I did it myself.
"Kuja. Please help me untangle our tails," I sighed, turning my face from him before he could try and kiss me.
He rested his hands on my hips and pulled them against his own, brushing his erection against my own. I mewled slightly at the jolt of pleasure, before stopping myself. "Why...? It feels good.... You're enjoying it, I'm enjoying it. Neither of us would be if we didn't like each other.... Why fight it...?" he purred suggestively, moving his hands down to rub my buttocks.
"Hands off, Kuja. I don't want to have sex with you, so let me go, and help me untangle our tails," I hissed at him, pulling away from him, which only caused our tails to get knotted.
Kuja sighed, and had that same strange hurt look he had when I was setting up a separate bed. He helped me untangle our tails, which isn't as easy as it sounds. I got up quickly from the bed, and took a very long bath under the waterfall, wishing I could make the water colder. When I got back, Kuja was sulking in a corner. I ignored him and started breakfast.
"Are those eggs, you're cooking?" he asked me after a few minutes.
"Yes. Scrambled eggs. And porridge," I told him, hoping I had Quina's recipes right.
"Smells good. But I heard porridge was disgusting," Kuja said.
"I'm using Quina's recipe. It's only nasty if you eat it plain, or sweet. He gave me a recipe that involves using butter, salt, and beef flavoring. It's actually really good, especially with eggs," I said.
"I'll take your word for it," Kuja smiled, sitting down at the table, waiting.
I sighed, trying not to get too annoyed at the fact that he kept expecting me to serve him hand and foot. I served him breakfast and sat down. We snarfed up our food again. Not a morsel went to waste, between the two of us.
Kuja shocked the hell out of me, by clearing the table and washing the dishes without even being asked to. I almost fell out of my chair. He did mutter under his breath about his nails, though. I grinned at him when he was done, which earned me a sour look. He just went to go take his bath, muttering about getting dirty.
"So.... think of something for us to do to pass the time..." I told him when he got back and had dressed.
Kuja got that mischevious grin on his face, and his eyes gleamed in lechery. "Hot, wild, freaky, kinky sex. I was think of starting out with oral, and working our way up to anal. I'd also like to continue that tail thing we were doing earlier," he said calmly.
I did fall out of my chair at that. "Geez, man! Is sex all you think about?" I asked him.
"I would think it was an improvement to destruction of all that exists," Kuja sniffed.
"You got a one track mind, you know that?" I sighed, climbing back up on my chair.
"I'm very goal oriented."
"So fucking me is your new goal?"
"No, fucking your brains out is my new goal."
I fell out of my chair again. I glared up at the arrogant man from the floor. "This is my punishment for all those years of skirt-chasing, isn't it?" I asked him forlornly.
"Probably. Does that mean we can start having sex now?" Kuja grinned.
"No, it doesn't. Suggest something else. Like a game or something," I sighed and climbed back up on my chair again.
"How about nude leap frog?" Kuja grinned, never missing a beat.
"Nope, sorry. Try another one," I sighed.
"Strip poker?"
"No."
"Twister with no clothes on?"
"No."
"Spin the bottle?"
"There's only two of us! And no!"
"Mud wrestling?"
"No."
"Blind Man's Bluff?"
"No."
"Truth or Dare?"
"No."
"I'm out of ideas at the moment."
I sighed, hanging my head. Whatever Kuja wanted, Kuja was determined to do. Literally. This was getting impossible. I folded my arms over my lap, trying to think of something we could do that would take both of our minds off of sex. Then I fished around in my pockets and came up with a deck of cards and grinned.
"What's that?" Kuja asked.
"S'called Tetra Master Card Game. And you're going to learn how to play it," I told him.
"I'd rather have sex," he whined.
"Too bad," I said, setting out the cards, and giving him a starter set.
Kuja reluctantly learned how to play cards with me. He was a sore loser too. But I think he enjoyed himself. I cooked dinner when we were done, eating more vegetable soup with bread and cheese. When we were done he suggested we go out and look at the stars. I couldn't see the harm in it, so I agreed.
Three days ago, we were trying to kill each other. Now we were lying on our backs, looking up at the stars together. He pointed out constellations I didn't know, and vice versa. When he wasn't trying to destroy life as we know it or shag me rotten, Kuja was actually a really nice guy. Honest.
"I wonder what Garland would think of us now. Between the two of us, we managed to do exactly the opposite of what he wanted. In a roundabout way, I suppose we managed to make sure that the course of nature took place," Kuja said after a few minutes of silence.
"Yeah, I suppose we did....." I said thoughtfully.
"...... I don't think there is any way for me to say how sorry I really am for all the things I've done," Kuja said, his voice trembling. I never thought his voice could tremble.
"I don't think there is, either. That you live to prove that you aren't the monster we all thought you were is enough. Words mean nothing, Kuja. Actions say everything you would ever need," I told him, turning my head to look at him.
There was one lost, lone tear sliding down his cheek. No others followed it, but it was enough. I sat up on my elbow and smiled at him. He looked up at me and gave me a wobbly smile back. For some reason, I was leaning towards him. Our gazes met, and I found myself drowning in the night sky that was his eyes. Our lips brushed, and I couldn't tell if he kissed me, or if I kissed him. I closed my eyes, and my arms embraced him only nanoseconds before his embraced me. I don't think I can quite describe what the kiss felt like. I know the actions, the tongue sliding against each other, lips feeding on the other's, teeth banging against each other. It felt like my own personal slice of heaven, and tasted like sugar candy.
We stayed like that for quite some time, kissing each other, until we had bruised the other's lips. Our arms wrapped around the each other, our bodies pressed against each so tightly, it was hard to tell where we separated. Our tails tangled around each other, but the pleasure they gave us wasn't really sexual at all. Sex never crossed either of our minds that night. It's like we found something we never knew we lost. Something real, but intangible at the same time.
We slept there, on the little hill, beneath the clear starlit night. It was as romantic and as beautiful as a fairy tale. I breathed softly into his neck, my head resting on his shoulder. It seemed natural to be in this position.
I woke up the next morning in bed, surprised to be there. I looked over at Kuja, who was still cuddled up next to me. He must have carried me to the bed sometime in the night. I tried to gently extract myself from his grip, but he only tightened it, and pulled me closer to him.
"Don't leave...." he mumbled.
"Kuja... I gotta go get more supplies from the moogle. Lemme go," I sighed, managing to get out of bed.
Kuja sighed and gave me a sour look from the bed. I dressed and headed out, thinking of what I should buy from the little moogle. It was a long walk to the moogle, but I found myself whistling and thinking of Kuja the whole way. It was odd how quickly he replaced Dagger in my thoughts. I still missed her, and wanted to go home to her someday, but it was in the back of my mind, where it didn't seem to matter anymore.
I found the moogle in a couple of hours. I bought what I wanted, only half-listening to her mutter under her breath about her baby. I put everything in my knapsack, but almost dropped it when I heard the terrible roar of a gnoll and the screech of a young moogle. Everything clicked when the moogle panicked, screaming and fluttering about. I quickly put the knapsack down and followed the moogle to the sound of the screaming.
I had never seen so many gnolls in one place. There had to be a score of the fuckers, and they were playing kickball with the baby moogle. The poor little thing was crying its head off. The moogle ran into the gnoll group, but was thrust back. I swore and pulled out the Orichalcon, running towards the blue-furred gnolls, not caring if I was outnumbered.
And stopped.
I never thought I would be glad to see Kuja cast Ultima. Ever. But there he was, wearing a purple silk shirt with feather lining, and a purple silk skirt with a slit up the thigh, casting the ultimate black magic spell. Every last one of the gnolls were disintegrated. I remembered the times he had cast it on on me and winced, shocked that my little adventuring group had managed to survive the spell. Testament to our will, I suppose.
Kuja walked over, a smirk plastered on his glorious face, and gently picked up the baby moogle, cradling the sobbing child. I watched him cast Curaga in fascination, healing the small creature's wounds. The baby giggled and hugged his neck, covering his feminine face in wet moogle kisses.
"My baby! You wicked man! Let her go!! You did this!! This is your fault!!" the moogle screamed, crying, fluttering over to retrieve her baby.
Kuja blinked, handing the child over in confusion. "I... I was only.... I didn't....." he started to say before the moogle slapped him across the face.
I stood up, speechless. I felt helpless, not knowing what to do. The moogle hurried away, forgetting I was ever there, comforting her baby. Kuja was sitting on the ground when I walked over to him, his face stricken.
"Kuja..... C'mon... Let's go......" I sighed, helping him up. He followed me home, his tail literally between his legs.
He sat down on the bed when we got home and I unpacked our food, hoping the moogle would continue to sell to me. He looked over at me, and I noticed he was doing his best not to cry.
"Why...? I only tried to help..." he asked disparingly.
"You hurt so many people, so many times, that they can't see the good you want to do, Kuja. It's not safe for you to leave here. People are angry about what you've done. They'll want retribution. And you can't fight the world," I sighed.
"So I'm suppose to waste away here for the rest of my pathetic existence in a rundown, abandoned shack???" Kuja demanded, his eyes flashing in indignation.
"I guess so....." I said sadly, not knowing what else to say.
"And you're here. Here with me. Taking care of me.... Why...??"
"Because I have to help you....." I told him, not realizing I had chosen the wrong words.
"Have to help me?? How noble of you, Zidane. You've done your virtuous act for the century. Go run back to your little bitch princess and let me die..." Kuja hissed, his voice dripping acid.
"Don't you dare call Dagger a bitch!! She's one of the sweetest, nicest people I ever met!" I yelled back, my temper flaring up.
"How wonderful for you. I'm sure you'll make a fine king for Alexandria. The little slut will be thrilled to see you back," Kuja hissed, hot tears spilling down his cheeks and he turned away from me, sitting in front of the empty fireplace.
"Fine. I will. And as far as I'm concerned, Dagger may be female, but you're the bitch, not her," I spat, grabbing my things and leaving.
I got out the door before I realized what I had done.
I hung my head, and headed back to the shack. I had really eaten my foot this time. I had taken it up to the knee this time. I slowly opened the door, peering inside.
Kuja was sitting where I had left him. He didn't hear me come in. His tail was completely limp. My tail was only limp when I was really sick or really depressed. His shoulders were hunched over and he was shaking slightly. I knew he was crying.
How do I explain to him? How?
What was I suppose to explain? How I feel? I didn't even know that!
I stood behind him, and cleared my throat, giving him a chance to quickly wipe his tears and recover his wits. I saw his hands go up to his face. "What do you want? Forget something?" he croaked, his voice cracking from his silent sobbing.
"Yeah. I forgot to give you the present I bought for you...." I sighed, dropping the bag beside him.
Kuja picked it up and opened it up. Inside was the make-up I had bought for him, a pair of diamond earrings, and matching necklace. His hands were shaking.
"I'm sorry, Kuja. I didn't mean it like that. When I first saved you, it was out of moral obligation, sure. But last night, something changed between us. I feel something. I can't put it into words, and I'm not sure I want to, but it's real, and it's intense. The fact remains is that I want to stay here with you. I don't want to go back to Garnet," I told him as gently as possible, meaning every word I said, and wondering why.
Kuja slowly turned around and looked up at me, his eyes red and puffy from crying, but there was a smile on his face. A real smile. His night blue eyes held the same intense emotion in them he'd had the night before. Kuja reached up for me, and I fell into his arms. But I was the one holding him, comforting him. All the vengeance the world would want against him was nothing compared to the guilt he was suffering now.
I held him for a long time, until he was done crying. I helped him to bed and we curled up around each other. Tails, limbs, and arms tangled up around each other. It hard to say where he began and I ended.
The next morning I managed to untangle myself, surprisingly enough. I got up and began to cook breakfast, leaving Kuja undisturbed. I felt odd, but elated at the same time. It's like a huge weight was lifted off my chest, and the thought of Kuja put a really goofy smile on my face.
I brought the food to the table, and was about to wake up Kuja when I felt his slim, but strong arms wrap around my waist, and his lips nibble on my ear.
"Breakfast is served," I giggled, feeling stupid and (don't laugh) girlish.
"I'm more interested in dessert," Kuja whispered, slipping his hands up my shirt.
I wriggled away from him. "Breakfast first," I said firmly, sitting down at the table and eating my breakfast. Kuja grinned wolfishly and followed suit.
He tried to grab me after the meal was over, but I squirmed away from him, feeling impish. "Bathtime...!" I sang out, removing my clothes as I walked, sauntering. I forced my tail to swish opposite of my hips, which isn't as easy as it sounds.
Kuja made a quick disappearing act with his clothes and followed me to the waterfall, his eyes dancing in delight. I stood under the water, beckoning him to me with my tail. He came right up in front of me, his tail swishing seductively. He looked down at me, his taller frame towering over me. I looked up at him and our eyes met, drowning in the other's gaze.
"Are you sure..?" Kuja whispered, delicately wrapping his tail around mine and pulling me against him.
"I'm very sure, Kuja...... I want you....." I whispered back, the rhythmic tangling of our tails already making dizzy with arousal. His hesitance touched me. Before he would've just fucked me senseless. I wondered at exactly what point I had stopped hungering for meaningless sex and wanted something more intense.
"I want you more......." Kuja whispered, sitting me up on one of the rocks, showering my face and neck with soft, feathery kisses.
I relaxed, letting Kuja take charge. This was his territory. I laced my fingers in his feathery white hair, marveling at how soft it was. Everything about him was beautiful, like new fallen snow. My thoughts were broken when his lips found one of my nipples, and nibbled gently on it. I gasped and arched a little, feeling his hands slide down between my legs. Little jolts of pleasure coursed through my body when he began to suck on the nipple, then moved to the other, flicking his tongue against the brown flesh. We hadn't even really started, and he was already doing more for me than any woman had ever done.
I could feel his erection press against my inner thigh, and his hands drift across my own erection, as light as feathers. I placed my hand across his shaft, rubbing it gently, pressing it against my thigh. I could feel him shiver against me, and heard a soft moan. I gave it a thorough work-over, massaging it firmly against my flesh, wanting vengeance as he drove me mad with his feathery fingers. I could hear myself mewling, but didn't really care. Kuja moaned a little louder and broke off from the nipple nibbling, pushing away from me. I groaned at him, giving him my best pout. His face was flushed with pleasure and I noted with satisfaction that he was rock hard. Arousing a man was so much easier, almost natural. I just did for him what I liked done for me. With him there was no guesswork. I liked seeing actual response to my ministrations. I knew, and not just guessed, I was getting to him.
Kuja grinned and fell to one knee before me, his head between my legs. I groaned, almost coming at the thought of what he was going to do. He leaned over and blew softly on my tip, his hands massaging my hips, his thumb tracing the crease between my thigh and my crotch. I moaned, bucking ever so slightly. He slipped his tongue out and laid the flat of the soft, wet muscle against my tip for a few moments, causing me to squirm in pleasure. He was damn good at this.
Kuja slid his tongue over the tip, circling it, leaving saliva trails mixed with my precum around my head. I squirmed more, trying to push myself entirely into his mouth. Kuja soon granted my wish, engulfing me with his mouth. He didn't suck, but seemed to spread his saliva across my shaft, as if he was lubricating it. Which he was.
I soon found out why, when he pulled back, and climbed on my lap, grinning wickedly. He straddled me and leaned me back against the rocks, so I was only half sitting. I was grateful the rocks were smooth from the waterfall, or I would have been in pain.
"What are you doing...?" I asked him, feeling him press his backside against my erection, his own erection rubbing my stomach. It seemed to be in reverse of what I thought Kuja wanted from me.
"I don't want to hurt you right now.... I want to give you pleasure first..... Besides, I always like being able to ride my lovers....." Kuja purred, kissing my lips, drawing me into another one of our breathless kisses, his opening pushing gently against my tip.
I smiled at him and bucked my hips up, impaling him. Kuja's body arched and he fluttered his long eyelashes and grinned at me, dripping onto my stomach. I cried out as I entered him, never dreaming that anything so tight could engulf me. I was in ecstasy, and clutched his cock with more force than I intended, squeezing him tightly. Kuja grunted, and reached own to slacken my grip on him. I arched up a little, and put a hand to his soft cheek, the other stroking his erection. Kuja smiled and moaned, bouncing a little up and down on me, urging me to thrust. I hardly needed any urging, having been trying to resist the instinct. I let myself go, pounding into him, moaning at the sensation of pumping into the hot squeeze of his buttocks.
"A little higher, Zidane... To the left... There you go... Ah-ahhhhh!" Kuja mewled, directing me to thrust into his prostate, his hands massaging my chest as he bent over me, enjoying my pounding. I felt him slide up and down my abdomen, riding me as promised. I felt like I was lost against the torrent of his Ultima spell, only this wasn't derived to hurt me. On the contrary. I stroked him hard and fast, feeling his scrotum rub furiously against my abdomen.
I couldn't hold out any longer. Stars burst when I came in a flood of ecstasy, my entire body stiffening, tail included. I felt I was afloat in the night sky of Kuja's eyes. I wasn't there, on Gaea anymore. I wasn't even on Terra. I was with the stars, with him. I felt his muscles contract against my cock, and felt the delightful hot liquid spurt onto my chest and stomach. I could hear him cry out my name, with an epitaph I'll never forget, when we joined in the stars.
Zidane, I love you!
It took a long time before we came back from the stars. We clutched each other, feeling the fire ebb away into comforting heat, panting like rabid dogs. Kuja kissed me, and I kissed back, trying to grasp the meaning of what he screamed at me as he orgasmed. Did he mean it?
We got up after a few more minutes and bathed the sweat, saliva, and cum off each others bodies. We dried each other and I soon found myself tangled up in bed with him. I wondered if I was going to spend the rest of my life tangled up in bed with Kuja. I reflected on that not being such a bad fate at all. We nuzzled each other's faces. I had never experienced anything so intense, so complete with anyone. Ever.
"I love you, Zidane. I always have, even when I was jealous of you. I love you so much, it makes my heart hurt......" Kuja whispered to me sometime in the midst of cuddling.
I didn't know what to say. How to say it. Or what I was suppose to say. No one had ever loved me before. Maybe Garnet did, but she never admitted it. I felt my heart skip a beat. I kissed him instead of saying anything. It seemed enough for him at the moment.
Years passed. I couldn't tell you how many, because we didn't really keep track.
We did a lot of things. We played cards, fixed up the shack, fought monsters, and watched over my friends.
Kuja often told me he felt like part of my group, like he was their friend, even if they didn't know it. We secretly helped the Black Mages and the Genomes in their village. We were both surprised and pleased when Vivi married Mikoto. She gave birth to sextuplets, who all looked exactly like Vivi. Eiko was adopted by Regent Cid and his wife, Hilda. She was as independent as ever, but she grew to the love the couple, and they her. Freya found her long lost love, Sir Fratley. I'd never seen her happier. Amarant went back to his old axe-slinging partner. They seemed to agree to disagree. Quina became a fine chef, world-renowned. He had all the food he could ever desire. Or she. Or whatever. Steiner and Beatrix married, and Steiner turned into a doting husband. And Garnet ruled her country with wisdom and compassion. I watched her from afar. Kuja always remained silent when we went near Alexandria. He would chew his lip, watching me. When I went home with him, he seemed relieved and surprised. I think he expected me to leave him for her.
I couldn't vocalize how I felt about Kuja, but I would never leave him. Not even for Dagger.
We went treasure hunting, and Kuja often wore disguises, as did I. If anyone saw us, my friends would come looking for me, finding Kuja. Kuja's life was in grave danger if he was ever found out. We enjoyed our life on the edge. Our chocobo hunting. Our card tournaments. We did everything together. But we always went home to our little shack when we were through.
We made love to each other almost every night, never growing tired of sharing pleasure. Even if we weren't making love, our tails always managed to entangle around the others.
Life was good.
I had gone on a supply run one day by myself. Kuja had said he wasn't feeling well, and I let him rest. He must have been coming down with something, so I bought some vaccines from the moogle.
I knew something was wrong before I even walked in the door of the shack.
The shack was silent, devoid of energy. Kuja brought energy and life wherever he was. I couldn't find him anywhere in the little house. I looked everywhere, going mad with worry, envisioning people storming in, and dragging him off to be punished for his past crimes.
The truth was worse, I think....
I found a letter, laid on the bed. Our bed. Where we had spent hours in each other's arms, looking into each other's eyes. My hands shook as I picked it up.
I've always talked about you, Zidane.
How you were a very special person to us....
Because you taught us all how important life is...
You taught me that life doesn't last forever.
That's why we have to help each other and live life to the fullest....
Even if you say goodbye, you'll always be in our hearts.
So I know we're not alone anymore.
Why I was born....
How I wanted to live....
Thanks for giving me time to think.
To keep doing what you set your heart on is a very hard thing to do.
We were all so courageous....
What to do when I felt lonely.....
That was the only thing you couldn't teach me.
But we need to figure out the answer for ourselves.
I'm so happy I met everyone.
I wish we could have gone on more adventures.
But I guess we all have to say goodbye someday.
Everyone...
Thank you.
Farewell.
My memories will be part of the sky.......
I ran outside, feeling dead inside.
I found his body on the hill we discovered each other on.
He was looking up at the stars, as we did that night.
I didn't close his eyes, because he would want to be able to keep looking at the stars. He was part of the sky now, waiting for me. And one day we would be together again.
I love you too, Kuja.
But not now.
I can't say how long I cried over his dead body. Was it hours? Or days? I cried until no more tears would come, and then cried some more. I was empty and alone. I wanted to die too. I hated Garland again. For the cruelty of making Kuja's life so short.
The feelings passed.
I wasn't empty, because he was still there. And there were others who loved me, I knew that now. I wasn't empty and alone. And Garland was a tool, just like we were suppose to be. All life must end, and Kuja's fate was to die too soon. But I would live on until my time came.
I built a pyre for Kuja, burning his body beneath the night sky. He was looking up at the stars we both loved. I scattered his ashes to the wind and they flew to the sky......
I often wondered who he meant when he said everyone and we in his letter. I wonder if he meant all the genomes. Or if he was talking about him and Garland. Or maybe my friends, who he considered his friends as well, despite of what they thought of him. Or maybe he really meant everyone.
That's why I'm going back to my other home, to Dagger. I know that I can tell her that I love her now, now that Kuja showed me what love really is. I've missed her.
I hope he knew, before he went to join the stars, that I loved him. I never told him. My only regret. I say this aloud, to the night sky, my story of us. I hope you hear it, Kuja. My love. My brother.
Farewell.