Final (I hope!) Fantasy - behind the scenes Greetings once again. This is what you've all expected, the interviews and backstage of Final Fantasy, or else known as the director's cut and the scenes that were omitted in the final release... The making of Final (I hope) Fantasy or "Too bad we didn't make it to the MTv awards..." ---- (Incident in some inn. Mileena, Kazuya and Bruce Irvin share the room.) Bruce: Hey, why do I need my surname to be identified?!? Mileena plans to seduce Kazuya by night... In the dark she makes for his bed, takes off the sheet and her hand crawls upon his body, around his sensitive area. Mel: Cloud... (meaningfully) Do you mind? Kaz: No. (unaffected... ?) Mileena feels encouraged to pull down his underwear and take his [you know] in her hands. Mel: Cloud... (deeper voice) Do you mind? Kaz: No! (a bit annoyed but still indifferent!) Mileena doesn't seem startled, knowing him better and goes on to give him a proper blow job. He responds respectively and Mileena lifts up her grinning head... Mel: Do you like it? (very meaningful voice!) Bruce: Yes! Mel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (shrill scream) ---- Despite all troubles, especially with the cast of characters, Final (I hope!) Fantasy made it to the end and here is the premiere... Q: I'll be the reporter. (imagine reporter before a cinema, where audience gets in) Q: And ah, yes, here we see the original Cloud Strife of Final Fantasy, coming out from the entrance with Tifa Lockheart... mr Strife! Can I have a word from you? Tifa: How come they always ask you? CS: Certainly. CS: Hey, CS are MY initials! CS: I never noticed... CS: Seems like we share much more but stop it, or we'll get them confused... Cloud Strife: All right... Q: (confused) So, Cloud... What are your thoughts of the play? Cloud Strife: I think it was a very good effort, although my part wasn't portrayed too well. Q: How is that? Cloud Strife: For one, Kazuya is black hared and he has only one spike. Q: ...is that all... Cloud Strife: See, you can't make a perfect copy of me, not even Hojo can do that. But in all, I was satisfied with the play. Q: And you, Tifa? Tifa: The way Mileena portrayed me, you'd think I'm crazy over Cloud or something! Q: ...aren't you? Tifa: ... Q: (whispering) Cut! What can I say, maybe those guys weren't aiming too far from the truth... But let us not forget of other factors to the success and it's time to go really deep backstage and check a hidden hero, one we haven't really taken notice of. Ladies and Gentlemen, here's to the Audience. Audience: >cheers< Q: So, Audience, what did you think of the play? Audience: I have to say that without my perfect timing to cheer and clap whenever the applause sign went off, this play would have been a total disaster. Q: Actually, Audience, you're very popular around the world... Audience: Yes, that's true. Now if you excuse me, I need to present to a speech... ...from plays to speeches... wonder how Audience does with the opera. But, now, this is the moment I know you've been waiting for, interviews of the actors. First comes Cait Sith, the underestimated factor... Q: Good evening Cait Sith. CS: Good evening. Q: So Cait Sith... here's a question that has been bothering us for a while... are you a boy or a girl? CS: That question again... why don't you ask me who's dating who and who are likely to last? Q: Because we know that already? CS: Oh... Well, how about asking me of my impressions about the movie? Q: Certainly? CS: Thank you for the question. Well, it was... let's say a disappointment for the Final Fantasy Fanatics. Nothing worked as it should! Q: ... CS: The least I can tell is that no one said their lines right! The events were mixed and each thought they knew what's right and what's wrong! Q: But~ CS: No buts! It was disastrous! Yet somehow... it was a charming variation... ---- (During filmings) (Outside Costa del Sol, Kazuya looking for his stolen All materia...) Kaz: It doesn't matter, All is born the easiest of All! Red: Your jokes are the worst kind I've ever heard! Kaz: WHAT jokes? Red: Exactrl~ ...(silence over everyone... Red looking puzzled...) Kaz (smirking): Exactly. Red: Yeah. Exactly. (cast, including directors, laugh, either from nervousness or tiredness, hard to tell, while Red keeps repeating "exactly" to himself...) Bruce: Yo, tis okay man... (ronfl, ronfl, ronfl, tears in his eyes) Red: Argh,hahl-grah,gluah... (tongue stretching excercises) Kazuya stares at the camera... ---- Q: Ladies and gentlemen, I think it's the moment you've all been waiting for and now, Kazuya Mishima is here with us tonight, good evening, Kazuya. Kaz: Good evening to you. Q: Well... For the all acclaimed mr Cruel you sure act friendly... Kaz (smiles): Let's not overdo it now, shall we? Q: You mean, all those evil nasty commentaries about you are just rumors? Kaz: I meant, don't mistake my formality as friendliness. Q: ...I thought so... So, mr Mishima... Kaz: Kazuya. Q: ...Kazuya then... (attitude disorders?) Well, tell us a few of your impressions of Final Fantasy, for example, how does it feel to participate in a game where group work is important? Kaz: Group work? Who said anything about that, I go single! I'm a loner! Q: In that case, would you like to explain to us the incidents of the honey bee manor and the presence of Mukki? Kaz: I don't know anyone Mukki! Q: And how about the Shinra guys and the commander? Kaz: Do I intrude in your bed? Q: If you'd like I'm open tonight... Kaz: ... Q: ...but I guess you're a busy man... (sweatdrop) So, Kazuya... which would you call the best part of the whole? Kaz: The singing part. Definitely the singing part. Q: The singing part... Kaz: Yea, wasn't that awesome? We were even thinking about a song contest, Xiaoyu has come up with a paraphrase of Madonna's Material Girl and I'd sing Sympathy for the Devil, by the Rolling Stones... Q: Well, obviously... Kaz: Yea, ain't it? (sneers) Q: And the Shinra guys would do the vocals, I assume? Kaz: Any better ideas? (pleased face, thinking of the Shinra guys...) ---- (Golden Saucer, where they get busted, Cait Sith is questioning Kazuya about the Shinra guys...) CS: Who are these people? Kaz: Some buddies... CS: (exasperatedly) Well we ALL are somebodies! Kaz: ...? (looking puzzled at Cait Sith) what're saying? CS: I said... Kaz: I heard you, what are you saying? CS: I was saying... Kaz: You were saying? CS: CUT THAT OUT! Kaz: (laughing silently): What was that? Mel: And so on, and so on! Director: Guys, take a break... Shinra guy 2: He made a pun... Kaz: (laughs) Shinra guy 1: Hey, wanna play do not, do too? Shinra guy 2: Anybodyyyyyyy! Find meeee.... (beginning of "Somebody to love" by Queen) (Kazuya and Shinra guy 1 get the message) Kaz + Shinra guy 1: Somebody tooooo... Shinra guy 1: Looooveee... Kaz: Somebody or some buddy? Shinra guy 1: What does it matter? Shinra guy 2: Wanna dance? Shinra guy 2 and Shinra guy 1 do the tango for a while... Kaz: Hey, me too! Kazuya does the tango with Shinra guy 1... Shinra guy 2: Wanna dance, Cait Sith? Director: This isn't going public, is it? ---- A final word on that and it's all over... Special thanks go out to Nobuo Uematsu, Yoshitaka Amano and all the creators of Final Fantasy, the driving force behind this, Namco and the Tekken crew are silently acknowledged. A big hug to the faithful audience... Audience: Thanks... Can I go home now? ...and some people (2cool 2 mention ;) who had it not been for them, this whole project would have been in the recycle bin. Thank you. ---- Mel: In between us now, whom would you rather have killed you, me or Nina? Kaz: (thinks...) Nina, because she fails. Mileena stares at him, then starts laughing like a decent movie bimbo, turns to the camera out of breath... Mel: Can you believe this guy? Kazuya looks at the camera, smiling (somewhat) while Mileena is still laughing. Mel: He's impossible! (to Kazuya) You're impossible, you know? Kaz: Yup I know~ Mel: He knows! (more laughing) Kaz: I said it, I know! Screen blacks out with laughters being heard, as in Prince of Bell Air, end credits appear on screen... . Jann Lee (The Commander): They think it's all over! ...it is now!