Chapter 33 - The Black Materia As it's only natural, they head for the Altar... Jun: It's a miniature of the Temple~ Kaz: Good, let's keep it short like that. Jun: Honey? Red: What would you normally do with it? Kaz: Leave it there! Red: We're not getting anywhere like that... Jun: Umm... can we take it with us? Red: It's a thought... So Jun tries to remove the small item but the whole building starts to shake... Jun: Oh dear! (leaves it) Kaz: What now? Red: It's a puzzle to be solved... solve it and the whole temple will turn into the black materia... Kaz: Great, let's do it! Red: Have you missed something? You are inside the temple! Kaz: Argh! Jun: The Ancients were very smart... this way their knowledge won't be stolen away... Kaz: Great news, Jun! Red: Give your wife a break, will you? Kaz: ... Red: That's better. So. What do you suggest? Fortunately, this script doesn't rely only on Red but on Cait Sith as well, who PHS them... PHS: rrrrng, rrrrng! Kaz: Hello? PHS: It's me! Kaz: No! Really! PHS: Aarghh... please, Cloud, co-operate! Kaz: Yeah, yeah... PHS: See, I overheard you... Mileena, GIVE me a break! Kaz: Herh herh! ;) PHS: So, we managed to unlock twelve o'clock for you and I can solve this puzzle forya! Meet me at twelve o'clock! Kaz: Great. It's only ten at ten, we have enough time~ PHS: NOT literally, you idiot! Kaz: DON'T yell at me! PHS: Hoo boy... HOO boy! X( Kaz: I seriously consider hanging up! Red: Gimme that! (snatches PHS) Kaz: Hey! No one takes the phone from me! (snatches it back) Kaz: Hey... PHS: Yes, gorgeous? (Mileena's sensual voice) Kaz: It's for you (hands PHS to Red) Red: We'll meet you at twelve o'clock. What do you mean... No, that's not "your Cloud". Give me Cait Sith. Yeah. Yeah. Hello Cait Sith... Yeah. We'll meet you at twelve o'clock. And Cait Sith... (to the other two) ...he hung up. Jun: Oh dear... I feel bad about this... Like Cait Sith ordered them, they head for twelve o'clock. The time has come... but the encounter is not one pleasant... The wall... turns to a living nightmare! Jun: Eargh! Kaz: Damn! Red: Let's dance! Johnny Cage: I love that lion! Our heroes fight their strongest against that monster, they all display their powerful limit breaks, until they bring it down... Victory fanfare, if you please... And indeed, as the wall breaks, there he comes, Cait Sith... CS: So you're finally here... Kaz: ... CS: Don't say it. Don't spoil it. Kaz: I wasn't going to... Red: ... Jun: So what now, Cait Sith? CS: You see, in truth, I'm controlled by Reeve over there... Reeve: Hi! CS: I can use this stuffed body to get into the temple and solve the puzzle... Jun: But then... that means... that you... Cait Sith... Oh the sad realisation... Don't tell me that, even though you really didn't care much, you felt sorrow when you understood that Cait Sith was willing to make the sacrifice... Jun: Oh, Cait Sith... CS: You see... watching you made me understand a few things... Kaz: I'd rather not know which, but... heh :) CS: ...let's... *sniff* I, um... I know! (trying to control the tears) I'll predict your future for the last time! Red: Heh, heh... ;) Cait Sith makes the funny noises again as he totters... Jun: Well? CS: Oh dear... Tifa will get mighty jealous... Kaz: ? CS: You and him, my dear... you're the perfect match! Jun: Oh, Cait Sith! CS: And you want a secret? (bends closely) I didn't quote the script... I just made a true guessing! ^_^ Audience: AWWWWW! ^__^ Jun: Oh, honey! Kaz: Heh, did you need a fortune teller to tell you? :#) Jun blushes... Red: That's all nice and all but... CS: Oh, I know... all work and no play... I know what I have to do... Cait Sith heads the opposite way... then halts... CS: But to tell you the truth... I wish I had forgone the script a few times myself... just like you... Audience: Awwww... (sobs are heard) And Cait Sith walks away... Jun: Be strong, Cait Sith... Kaz: o O (Yea... be strong...) Red: What ? Kazuya stares at Red kinda lost... At this point, it's ultimately understood that you've got to love Cait Sith... That odd looking stuffed toy that didn't hesitate to lose it all, just to help... Awww... another top Final Fantasy moment... Allow me to devote it to Cait Sith, as he takes his way into the main hall... CS: She told me to be strong! CS: Why... it doesn't even bother me... It even makes me feel... (stumbles) Oww... CS: It makes me feel... so worthy... The soft sweet music accompanies Cait Sith to his... or maybe, her last act... CS: Right... And remember! Even if another Cait Sith shows up... in my place... don't ever forget me! Everything goes in a flashing light. The perfect tribute to a hero. And our moved group watches from the outside, the magnificent Temple of the Ancients constrict to finally disappear, leaving a deep hole and nothing of its former glory... Kaz: o O (Goodbye, Cait Sith...) Audience: Awwwww...... With a heavy heart, they descend the pit, and there it is... eerie aura surrounds it. The Black Materia. What a friend traded his, or maybe, her life with. Kaz: So this is all about it... the black materia... Jun: Let's just take it and get out of here... But then... Kaz: Oh my head! Jun: Honey? Kaz: I think I got a heat stroke... Red: Bad timing... The mysterious bell rings as Sephiroth appears... Audience: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... or not? Sephiroth: Cloud... The black materia... hand it over! Kaz: Blow me! Lee: Ah, but I'm no longer single, you see... Red: At a moment like this! Cloud refuses to hand the black materia but, technology has advanced enough to create a second image of Cloud, holding the black materia, heading towards Sephiroth... Kaz: What the hell? Hey! I can't move! Which was the intention. So Cloud's projection hands over the black materia to Sephiroth... Sephiroth: Good boy... Cloud... now... if you'll excuse me. Once again Sephiroth flies to the sky... but this time... he has the black materia with him! Kaz: ...! It can't be happening! Jun: Oh, darling... why did you? Kaz: Jun, that wasn't ME! Jun: But honey... (pssst, act a little!) Kaz: Oh, I've had it up to here with you! First you get me into this stupid play, next you act like a total idiot and now you tell me that I cannot act! Jun: Hon~ Yiaugh! Horrible things are happening! Cloud attacks Aeris and starts whacking her! (Author's notice: I totally dislike that part, I disapprove of such actions, like a man hitting a woman, especially one weaker than him whom he supposedly loves, I found it disrespectable on Cloud's part and I don't think this sounds like Kazuya either, but for storyline purposes...) Cloud is beating Aeris. Mel: Yes!!! YES!! Go! GO! Cid: @#$%^&, what's the matter with you? Xiaoyu: Hit him with a left girl! Get up! Red: Damn, Cloud, what came over you! Jun: Honey please! Kaz: It really isn't me! (believe him, he's right) Red begins to descend down the hole, when on the top... CS2: Hi, I'm Cait Sith number 2, coming in place of the other Cait Sith... Maxi: Crap! Just as I thought we got rid of him, he's back! HE'S BACK! Weird, ain't life! So Red rushes down to Jun's aid and with a well estimated pounce, he leaps onto Cloud and knocks him off his senses. Cloud phases out into unconsciousness, and for the time being, we shall leave it to that... Audience hums in curiosity... Maxi: Say, Mitch... think that the new Cait Sith will be as crap as the old one? But let's not let such superficial dilemmas take our minds off the story which, by now leaves few margins for parody... What we now see before us, is a calm, yet mysterious forest... We hear the soft variation of Aeris's theme... and her giggle... but where is that? Nowhere yet... for Kazuya is having a dream... Mel: Am I in there? Kaz: NO! Mel: Hey! You were supposed to be sleeping! Cid: Not easy with you trying to get on top of him... Mel: And you weren't supposed to be here! CS: And you were supposed to know the script! And in that flaming script, you'll see that soon you and Cloud will clash in a long lasting boring dream! Kaz: Make that a nightmare! In that dream however, Cloud sees Aeris happily walking among trees... Kaz: Jun? Jun: Oh honey! Isn't here a bliss? Kaz: Say Jun... I... I'm sorry about... Jun: Shhh... that's all right honey... I understand now... Kaz: ... Jun: Don't worry... I won't be getting in your way any more... *sniff* Kaz: Jun? But Jun runs off to the distance, her tears streaming behind her and as it often happens in dreams, Kazuya cannot run after her! Kaz: JuUuUuUuUuUuUuuuuuuuun! Sephiroth appears... Sephiroth: Mwahahahahahahaaa... Kaz: Did you give much thought to make that up? Lee: Hey... Don't worry about her... you won't be seeing her anymore! Kaz: What are you talking about? Lee: Aaaahh... you'll see my friend... you'll see... Kaz: Aaaaaargh!!!! And here the dream ends and Kazuya wakes up. Mel: Oh what a scream! YES! (in a delirious fit) Kaz: Get OFF me! Mel: Sure, you can get on top all you want! Bruce: Yo, whatcha doing over there? Cut that out! Mel: Haven't started yet! Kaz: Where's Jun? Bruce: Yo, I dunno what ya did to her, boss, but she's gone away, you know what I'm saying? Kaz: Owwww... (clasps his head) Cid: Doesn't that hurt him? I mean, those hair... Red: We have to move on... Jun is probably headed for the Sleeping Forest already... Kaz: Great. We'll be heading there. Mel: Oh why? We don't need Aeris any longer... Everyone: ... Mel: All right, all right... I getcha. Red: I suggest we took a rest, the last part drained us all... so why don't we all get to sleep and read the script so that we WON'T mess up? The following is really crucial... Kaz: ... Cid: Hey... no point in grieving now, is there? When you see her, say you're sorry and buy her flowers... Vincent: I don't think this will really help, Cid... Maybe it won't... but for now... there's nothing else that can be done.