Chapter 32 - Temple of the Ancients - part 2 Xiaoyu: Phew, that was close! Mel: Hey! What's the idea, you opening the chapter? Jun: Now, now Mileena, stop being so selfish! Cid and Red try to pull Kazuya from the rock where he's stuck... Cid: Hey, may I suggest a haircut? (urrgh!) Kaz: Think I haven't tried yet? Red: Arrrrgh... Kaz: Wraaaarrrr... Red: It's not the right time now! Vincent: Oh so spooky and so scary... Bruce: Yo, are we stuck again? Kaz: Grumpf,grumpf,GRUMPF! At last Kazuya is being released and the play can go on... Red: Halt. We're a tad too many. I say, for obvious reasons, I take on from here, leading Cloud and Jun. Cait Sith... CS: Just don't tell me to be strong! ;( Red: No, not yet. You take the rest out of here. Explore a bit and... try to get them to read the script, the following parts are of great importance and we can't afford a lame play! CS: Easier said than done... Vincent: I'll try my best to make this succeed... Kaz: You used to be with the Turks, right? Vincent: Yea... literature classes were obligatory then... Red: Ahem!! Kaz: Oh, well. Bruce: Yo! Don't get that spikey head of yours stuck again! Mel: What's that Bruce, you have feelings for... Bruce: Hot damn yea! I might have been dating him! Kaz: !! CS: Him too? Kaz: DO I GET A WORD AROUND?!? Red: Look, can we just go on and leave those things behind? Kaz: No way! He said he wants to date me! Bruce: My [beep] I wanna! But hey, ever since I met my baby (snatches Mileena's butt and she hits his hand away) I have that thing for brunettes... Kaz: Are you missing something? I'm a man! Cid: Ain't nobody perfect... (striking a cig) Bruce: Yea boss, ya need to get in touch with your feminine side. Kaz: FEMININE side?!? Vincent: They say, there is a woman within every man... Kaz: Vincent, you're spoiling it! Cid: If that's so, there are a couple of them in Cait Sith's belly, rohaaahahahahaaaaa! CS: Cid! You mean, idiot! Kaz: I'm not getting in touch with ANY feminine side! Mel: I can change your mind about that... ;) Kaz: Aaargrhrrr! Mel: Oooh, I love it when you do that, do it some more! ;) Red: Don't you have any respect? Vincent: The ground is shaking... Maybe we angered the Ancients a little too much... Jun: Let's go on... we have a job to do. So, Cait Sith takes the rest outside, while Red leads Kazuya and Jun inside the temple of the Ancients... Kaz: Feminine side! Pfah! Jun: No honey, he meant your kindness, your sensitivity~ Kaz: I know EXACTLY well what he meant! Red: Me too. Now can you keep it low? Kaz: NO! Red: Hey, there's a pool over there. Jun: Oh great! Let's go take a look! Red: o O (Fortunately...) So our heroes bend over to take a look... It is a relapse of the past, played for your eyes only... (Tseng: So this is it... the Temple of the Ancients...) (Elena: Haven't we said it a couple of times already?) (Tseng: Elena... Do your job right.) (Elena: Yes sir, right sir.) (Tseng: Oh Elena...) (Elena: Yes sir?) (Tseng: How about dinner once this is all over?) (Elena: Why Tseng, I mean SIR! I'd... absolutely love to...) Jun: Awww... *sob* But then... as Elena leaves, someone appears in the scene and I'm telling you, it's no ordinary mortal... Okay... are you ready? Are you set? (Anxiety rises in the audience as in the pool appears...) Audience: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, he. The great, one and only... Sephiroth. Audience: AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! SEPHIROOOOOOOOOOOOOTH!!! Kaz: Why must there ALWAYS be an uprise when he shows up! Red: Shhhh! See what he's doing! (Tseng: Sephiroth!) (Sephiroth: Hahahaa... (yea, that sexy throaty laugh)) Kaz: Hrmpf! ;( And before their eyes, Sephiroth kills Tseng! Audience: Woooooooooo!!!! 0.0 Jun: My God! What is he doing! Red: Well, that's about it... So Jun follows Red up but they stop, understanding that Kazuya stays back, fondly looking into the scenery inside the pool... (Shinra guy 1: TAKE YOU WITH ME!) (Shinra guy 2: DIE FIGHTING!) (Shinra guy 1: TAKE YOU WITH ME!) (Shinra guy 2: DIE FIGHTING!) Red: Must you? Kaz: Erhm? Oh, okay... o O (I just love them when they fight!) (Shinra guy 1: o O (That's why we're doing it!)) (Shinra guy 2: o O (Anything to please you!)) Kaz: o O (Don't you just love them? ^_^) Them three move on to the giant clock, picking each time a different hour to explore... some have monsters, some have gifts, some have, even worse, blocked dead ends... If you let the seconds hand throw you over, you'll get a cool blade for Cloud... In that giant clock, Sindel makes her appearance, as the female witch you'll fight down there. Sindel: Aaaaa... (grinning like the average bimbo, 10+ in body, 0- in brains...) Mel: Argh, Sindel you idiot! Sindel: Aaaa? Mileena, why are you so cruel? Red: I think she's jealous... Mel: NARGH! Bruce: What for, baby? You know you're the queen of my heart... Mel: Was that supposed to fix my moods? Bruce (leering): Well if that failed, I know whatcha like... Mel: Argh! X( But let's not stay to these obscene themes and let's follow our heroes as the clock strikes six. They find themselves in a game of chase with one playful monk, running from cave to cave... Ancient Monk: Ahuhuhuhuhu! ^_^ Kaz: Is everyone in this realm sick? Red: Hey! Behave! Jun: Please mr monk, wait for us! Kaz: Good telling him, Jun! ;( Jun: Darling! Red: ? Chasing the monk around they go, little bit high, little bit low... Kaz: Ain't no time for stupid singing! Red: I didn't hear anyone complain when you did the Rufus ballad! Kaz: You seriously wonder why?!? Jun: Now, now, honey! Relax! Kaz: Me relax? ME relax? I admit the team is growing quite restless... (believe me, that is necessary at this point). Finally they catch the running monk and the door to the main hall of the Temple of the Ancients~ Kaz: Referred to as ToA for sanity perservearance! ~eerr... certainly, yeah, and he's a kind one too and restores their HP/MP (mr monk, please! *strictly*) AM: (Ancient Monk: hey, nifty abbreviation, heh? To think it matches the scenery, that being a clock...) Kaz: GET ON WITH IT! AM: (eyes Kazuya menacingly) Jun: Please mr monk... AM: Ahuhuhuhuhuhuhuu! ^_^ Kaz: Hey, he's tickling me! AM: How did you guess? Ahuhuhuhuhuhuhu! ^_^ Kaz: Cut that out! Red: This way... Surprise? The Temp~ err, the main hall of ToA is just the one they saw in that flashback pool... Jun: Such... marvel! But... what is that? Behold! There! There he is! And Cloud, senses him and grabs his head... Kaz: Lee... [beep], Lee is here! And I must get over one more humiliation, SHIT! (starts banging his head on the floor, until Red and Jun hold him) Red: Easy there! You want to ruin that masterpiece? Kaz: Eh?!? Red: Look what you've done! (points at the pit his hair opened on the floor!) Jun: Oh honey, that will cost a fortune! Sephiroth: I keep forgetting how deadly those spikes are... Kaz: Want me to remind you? (jumps up) Jun: Sephiroth! Red: That was Cloud's line. Lee realises he's on stage and poses in befitting glory... Audience: SEPHIROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH!!!!!!!!!!!! Sephiroth: So! You have come! Sephiroth is acting strange... looks like there are two of him... Girl in audience: What a wish, WEEEEEEEEE!!! Sephiroth: Behold at the murals! Look around you! Jun: Is this... some kind of a sacrifice? Kaz: A meteor? Red: He... he found the right answer! Sephiroth: Yea... ain't it a surprise! Sephiroth moves on, explaining his plan, until he reaches for the small altar... where he sits down and... for reasons I still don't know, holds the masamune in a very suggestive way... Kaz: Lee, what the hell are you doing? Lee (with a sexy smirk): Fix me, big bro! Red: 0_0 Kaz: Love to! (pulls up sleeves) Jun: Honey! (stops him) Kaz: But he's suggesting at me! Sephiroth: Oh but I have things to plan and a world to take over... I'll be united... with the Planet... and then... (sidelooks towards Jin in the audience and Jin blushes) Jun: Honey? Is he... winking at our son? Kaz: I'd rather not know! Sephir~ LEE! You got me up to here! Lee: ooh, see where You got me! Red: Please, not now! Lee: All right, all right... reverting to Sephiroth... Sephiroth: Well, once I get my hands on the Black materia... the most powerful dark force found ever... I'll summon meteor... and the whole world... is history. Red: We won't let this happen. Kaz: Hah, don't make me laugh! You taking over the world! Look at yourself, Lee! Sephiroth: (doing Lee's patented jolly laughter) If I wanted my good looks verified, I'd ask a woman... Kaz: Argh! Jun: This isn't about looks, honey! Sephiroth: Of course it isn't... I'll make this a fair play, for you, my dear Cloud. Next time, I'll see you in hell... my private chambers preferably... Kaz: Don't count on it! ;( But Sephiroth flies up with a laughter and as he soars away, he is heard counting... Sephiroth: One... two... three... Kaz: (hysterical) CAN you believe this guy! Red: No time for that, we have a monster to fight! Yes indeed. Long time we hadn't focused on plots and fights, right? Well, the monster is defeated and so, they are now free to go around... But Cloud's head hurts him... Kaz: Lee's laugher always gives me a headache! Red: (exasperatedly) Are you sure it has nothing to do with Sephiroth and meteor? Kaz: What about them? Red: Oh... never mind... (moves towards the altar, shaking his mane) Kaz: Hey! What do you mean, never mind? Hey! I wanna know! Tell me! (walks next to Red) Hey! I need to know! Red: Let's just go to the altar... Kaz: Waaaarh!