Chapter 22 - Cid Our heroes arrive in Rocket town. But... why is Cait Sith so depressed? Red: Hmm? What's the matter Cait Sith? CS: This is so unfair! First Vincent and now Cid... when there wasn't a chapter dedicated to me when I joined! Red: ... Maxi: That's because you SUCK! Err... I think it was to be expected but Cait Sith rushes his mass down the stage and into the audience towards Maxi and slams his hands on his polished hair... >WOF!< Audience: clap clap clap clap clap Maxi: Gwah... Mitsurugi: Maxi, don't you have any respect at all? With that I think Maxi has killed whatever chance he had of becoming Cid... Besides, let's not forget that Cait Sith has two very useful materias on him, the morph and the manipulate... used correctly, they are a treasure to have and soon you will be greatful to Catie... CS: Justice at last! Oh yes. So far Cait Sith has brought justice and made the play go on... But back to our hard task and into the Rocket Town. That town is full of surprises for you, my fellow RPGers. Talk to every guy you see... and especially the gramps staring at the rocket... Kaz: I wouldn't bother talking to him if I didn't know he'll give me the Yoshiyuki... Red: And later in the game, he will give you the Venus Gospel which is Cid's ultimate weapon... Bruce: Yo, quit playin' answering machine, kay? CS: Hey, that's my job anyway! Mel: You! Hah! You can't even read my fate! CS: Shallow, idiotic woman! Mel: Well! Bruce: (leering) Don't worry baby, I for one know you ain't shallow ;) Mel: ArgH! Bruce: Ooh how I love you growling! Xiaoyu: Gross! Red: Would you please keep your bedroom to yourselves? CS: So repelling! Bruce: Yo, are we gonna fly into space too? Red: (looking up) CS: He _doesn't_ need to know! Bruce: Shud'up, I was asking Red! Xiaoyu: Wah, a rocket! I want to see it! Please? Please, please, please? CS: Dear me! Instead of the rocket they head for the house closest to it... They find no one there... Bruce: Wooheee.... let's start looking around! Xiaoyu: Goodie! CS: Shameful! Mel: Hmm... hey, there's a bedr~ hmmm... Hey Cloud? I think I found a special materia in this room... Xiaoyu: Yeehii! Materia, materia, gimme, gimme! Hey, there's no materia in here! Mel: Brat! (bangs Xiaoyu on the head!) Xiaoyu: Oh! X( Vincent: That rare antique car... I remember when the first of these came out... Bruce: A car?!? Another car? Where, lemme see! (storms to the room) Kaz: Guys, for once I'm against it. Red: Actually, I really begin to like you. Kaz: Don't expect me to adopt you, Red... Red: Well, miss Jun said I'll always be welcome... Kaz: o O (miss Jun will have to hear from me tonight and it won't be nice!) Through the back door they go to the backyard where... marvel at that little masterpiece of a propeller... it's named "The tiny Bronco" and it is a cornerstone model of its kind... Bruce: My... my, my, my... (goggle eyed) CS: I know what he'll say next... Bruce: He, is that the jet you were telling about? CS (slapping at his forehead): I knew it! When then... here comes another key person of the story... Ladies and Gentlemen... it is Shera... Audience: Weeeee! Shera: You need to use the Bronco? You have to ask the captain. Bruce: Where did this broad come from? Red: Watch your mouth! Vincent: Thank you, lady. Shera: o O (Well, at last someone with manners...) Jun: And where may we find the captain? Shera: He's up on the rocket... Xiaoyu: WEEEE!! I told you we'd go up to the rocket! WEEEEE! And so they leave Shera to go to the rocket... The audience is watching with aroused excitement... Mel: ~ CS: If you are to make any comments on the size of the rocket, SAVE IT! Mel: Actually, I wouldn't but since you mentioned it... it's very rusty! Cait Sith stares at Mileena doubtful... Mel: Whoa... you mean, that wasn't what you expected to hear? ;) Jun: Will you PLEASE stop it! Vincent: Such bright sunlight! My skin... it hurts! Mel: Ooh dear! And I wondered whom we had missed so long! Vincent: You... you have missed me? (hopeful) Mileena glares at Vincent... Xiaoyu: Weeee! It's so cool! I wanna go first! Bruce ogles at Xiaoyu's butt as she climbs happily up the stairs... Jinrey: Hey! Quit gazing at my grand daughter! Red: 0_0 Mitzurugi: How on Earth do they permit this! Perverts! Jun: I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding... CS: Better be! Xiaoyu: wha..what? Red: Nothing, just go up fast! Vincent: Oh what an uncouth man Barret is! Mel: Niauh! Cid: If I were still playing, I wouldn't join that @#$% team for all the space trips in the world! Cid is then applaused like a god... Rayden: Next he'll demand a place in Heaven? Shinnok: And make better use of it than you, no doubt! But let's not spoil our good moods as we enter the cool rocket and there... YES! There he is! The one and only Cid Highwind!! (audience goes wild with joy) As with Vincent, some versions have Bryan Fury playing Cid but the Japanese versions have... (drum roll) ! The blonde Maxi ! Audience: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Maxi: Thank you! Thank you!!! Well, I'm ideal for the job! Hey! I'm a captain myself! I'm good looking, I'm blonde, I cuss like hell... Why didn't ALL versions have me! And speaking about it... [ad nauseum] For reasons apparent, our versions will have Bryan Fury as Cid, since we like Maxi among the audience making his comments ONCE in a while! Bryan does a Resident Evil style zombie dance and bows to the audience... Audience: WEEEEE! The Resident Evil wing (occupied by zombies mostly) stand up making a wave that results in limbs falling down... Zombies: Woooooowwww.... Bryan: Oooohhhh... (in response, doing a leader's pose) A pregnant Kunimitzu stands up from the audience and waves at him... Bryan: Ooow... (affectionately towards Kunimitzu... yes my dear readers, another married couple, expecting their first born!) Jun: Isn't this so sweet! ^_^ Mel: Oh, please! Cid: Oooh... and how can I help you my dear visitors? CS: I surely hope he will not add a moan to everything he says! Kaz: Umm... So Red, what do I say now? Bruce: Jeez... But suddenly, Cid/Bryan's eyes widen... Cid: It... it's you! CS: Not HIM too! Isn't there anyone you haven't done? Xiaoyu (in a very anime-ish girlish shrill): Tifa! Audience roars laughing as in Sunday afternoon comedies... Mel: I'll KILL that brat! Red: Roaaaarharharharhar! Jun: Huhuhuhuhuhh! eheh, sorry!!! ^_^ CS: Ouuhehihihihiiii! (flails one hand while other tips over mouth...) Bruce: Weeee... hey! What's the funny? Red: Never mind. Kaz: Please tell me you don't know me. Bryan: Oooh... But how couldn't I know you... Count? Kaz: ? ! Jun: Count? Red: Count? Bryan: Ooooh! But of course! Count Dracula! I could have recognised him among milions! CS: Oh please! Yet our hero Kazuya seems quite pleased... Mel: Hold it there, loverboy... if he is Dracula, then who the hell is THIS? (points at Vincent silently standing in the back rows...) Bryan: Oooh, but how couldn't I know that? He is the seductive Lestat! Audience cheers and applauses... Vincent: ... *sob* you... you think... Mel: Ugh, there he goes again! Vincent walks up to Cid... he clasps his palm... Vincent: You... you are so sweet to me... Kaz: o O (What, the, HELL?!?) Cid: Oooh... please my friend... I'm married! Mel: Well, _others_ are married too but they don't mind! Cid: Ah, my fair Morticia! Your genuine spite and malice never fail to charm me! Mel: ... Red: ? Mel: I'm just trying to decide if I should be flattered or kill him! Cid: Flattered my dear... because you see, I'm very much dead... Maxi: You sure you don't wanna change versions? Red: Hmmm... Bruce: Actually, I like the dude over there better... CS: Oh please, he's so loud mouthed... Maxi: And you still suck! Bruce: Hey, he's right! Besides Bryan replaced me in Tekken 3! I was a helluva better Muay Thai than he could ever be! CS: And you have the loudest mouth I've ever heard! Maxi: No way, that's me again! Bruce: ... on second thought, let's try to see how this one Cid is gonna work it out... Actually my frustrated readers, I'm seriously considering bringing the original Cid but that would mean that the plot would no longer be a parody... and we don't want that, do we? CS: Oh yes we want! Bryan: Like @#$%^& we want! What do you want here! Everyone gapes at Bryan... Bryan: Heh, I had one sharp tongue when I was alive! Jun: Mr Fury, why such behaviour? Red: (sshhhhht, he's only acting!) Kaz: We'd like to use the tiny Bronco, if you don't mind... Cid: Eh @#$%^&*, what the hell was that! Course I mind! Now leave me to prepare everything for Rufus's inspection! Kaz: (steaming) RUFUS is coming? Jun: Rufus? (a little too excited) Yes my fellows! Rufus is indeed coming to visit Cid! And I can already see the excitement in you... Females in the audience: WEEEEEE! Ru-fus! Ru-fus! Ru-fus! Ru-fus! Kaz: I'd be happy to see him myself! ;( Mel: Oh yeah... and I bet Jun would love to! For that matter, so will I! ;) CS: Oh you despicable creature! Mel: Shut up! Xiaoyu: Oooh... Hwoarang... he'll be laughing at me if he sees me like that... OOOOH! I don't want him to come! Mel (dripping with poison): Suddenly I want him ALL the more to come! Hwoarang: *sigh* if only she wanted me for a more 'personal' reason! But while our heroes are anticipating Hwoarang's visit, for this reason or the other, Cid continues tuning his rocket. Our heroes decide to leave him since he's not going to give them the Bronco anyway... Bruce: I say we steal it now he doesn't see! Red: Well, you can't drive it, can you? Shera: Why don't you all come for a nice cup of tea? Jun: That would be marvellous, thank you! Kaz: Oh dear... And so, this chapter ends with our heroes going inside with Shera for some tea.