After the last episode, I hope it is clear why Cait Sith is a valuable member of the team. Red: Damn right it is! Mel: What for? He can't even predict my star! Red: That's because you make enemies with everyone! Somewhere else... Kaz: Jun... please let me explain... Jun: I don't want to hear a word! Kaz: Argh, why! Why does everyone stuff my mouth before I can talk? Bruce: Man, we ain't gonna hear what you have to say anyway! Kaz: Sod off! Red: So, now that we beat Dyne... CS: With a little help let me remind you! Red: I think it's time to do the Chocobo races and beat the hell outa here! Bruce: Dontcha thing yer gonna smother me with the slang thang! Red: Wasn't my intention. Bruce: @#$%^& ! CS: It's a ... it's a miracle! He learned to curse the Final Fantasy way! Red: I have high hopes for the boy... Mel: Great, now that these two are here, they take over all the action! Red: Sometimes you're worse than Cloud. At least, he packs a mean sword... Mel: Oh... I know! Jun: There you have it! (points at Mileena) Kaz: Jun, the woman's crazy! Jun: Yea, crazy for YOU and all this time, under my nose! CS: Oh, horrible, horrible situation! Jun: And I held you as a friend! (to Mileena) Mel: Unfortunately it was JUST a kiss! Bruce: @#$%^&)*}#P!!%^@ ! Red: Okay, cut that out! The only way one can escape the prisons is by becoming a jockey to the Chocobo races held in the Golden Saucer and win... but it may be easier to climb all the way up! However, luck seems to be following our heroes, as in every RPG... this time it comes in the face of Esther... But by Rayden, that is one ugly face! Kaz: Gad, she's the ugliest hag I've ever seen! Jun: Serves you RIGHT! Kaz: Jun, give it up! CS: Well you couldn't possibly expect her to forgive you all like that after what you did! Kaz: _I_ did?!? Red: Repugnant. CS: Aahh. Horrible. Esther: Gross. Kaz: Hey! You weren't even there! Esther: That's for calling me a hag. Prisoner: Esther will be your manager. Red: Thank you Esther. Mel: Blieuh. Jun: Thank you, Esther. Esther: Dear child, if I were you, I would damp that idiot. He's not worthy of you. I'd pick... that muscular grumpy guy over there. CS: Oh dear goodness! Red: Just get us up, Esther... It does happen as Esther promised... Cloud, on behalf of our heroes gets permission to get on the Golden Saucer and race them to their freedom... Once you get there, don't miss the Ramuh materia left unattended around as if it were a piece of junk. Kaz: Love it or leave it, Odin is the best! And you know... he hasn't seen KOTR yet! Kaz: Kort~ no Kotr? What's that? Never mind for the time being. Esther arranges him a good Chocobo and this is the first practice run of Chocobo racing. I say my fellows, you'll soon be able to enjoy Chocobo riding as much as you want in the near future but for now... just make it to the end... Heihachi + Jinrey: Come ooooon!!! COME OOOOOOON! Having won the race, all our heroes come up in the Golden Saucer when... Dio: I'm impressed! You really won! Kaz: Heh... Dio: And you know, we found out it wasn't your friend doing the shootings... the Battle Arena is fixed now and you are welcome to try it whenever you want! Kaz: Oh goody, goody, goody! Dio: And as a sign of my friendship... Red nudges Bruce: That's the best part~ Bruce: I don't care! Dio: ...I'd like to give you a buggy. Bruce: Man, we don't care 'bout you~ ... a... a bug... *gasp*... A... (drum roll) Bruce: A BUGGY??? Dio: Yes! Oh the glorious music of the accomplishment filling the room! Bruce's face lightens up and a smile beams across his face! Bruce: You were right! You were right! You didn't deceive me! Red: Didn't I tell you? (smiles at him) Jun: Oh I'm so happy when everyone else is happy too! Esther: Congratulations! Bruce: A car! A CAR! For me, for me, ooh Baby!!! Our heroes leave the Golden Saucer, escorted by Dio himself... Like as Red had promised, a shining red cadilac is waiting for them outside. Bruce cannot contain himself from admiring it... Bruce: Oh, baby, baby, baby! It's so cool! Kaz: So thanks for everything, Dio... Dio: My pleasure (shaking hands) And with that, Kazuya enters the driver's seat... Bruce: He... HEY! GET OUTA ME CAR! Red: Oh heavens! Mel: Heeere we go again! Red: Well, would you mind letting him take the first drive? We don't want him crying all over again... Kaz: No time for that! Let's get moving! Finally they manage to convince Bruce to take the second driver's seat and he does so but with such a face... It is rather interesting to see how Tifa, Red, Aeris, Cloud, Barret and especially Cait Sith squeezed into that tiny little car but they do... CS: Please, Cloud, don't drive too fast... It's so crammed back here! The heat! I'll pass out! Mel: UGH! (elbowing left and right) Red: You know, now you can go to Costa Del Sol and take the boat back to Junon if you feel like... Kaz: Why would I do that? Red: Just in case. You may need to later on. But for now... I want you to drive towards Cosmo Canyon. Kaz: Gotcha. Bruce: grumblegrumble grumble! The car drives through dense forests... don't miss to get the frog song Enemy Skill from the toads there... Kaz: Wait a minute... FROG SONG? Me: Yea, what's wrong with that? Kaz: Forget it! I'm not getting in there! Me: But... why? Kaz: It's... it's horrendous! Red: Would you mind sharing? Jun: Honey, is it That story again? Kaz: YES! CS: Hmm? What story? Jun: You see, when Kazuya was only four... Kaz: STOP IT! Jun: ... he and his father went up a cliff... Kaz: 8(( Jun: ...and so, his father, to make him happy brought him a little fat toady so cute... but the toad leaped on his naked leg and... Kaz: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! (drives in an insane zig zag at the memory) Jun: And -gag- he was so scared he leaped OFF the cliff!!! WAAAAH! Honey, PLEAZE! CS: Uuurghllll! Red: X( Mel: Allright! Bruce: Na, I can do that better, gimme the wheel! And so Bruce and Kaz fight over the wheel and the car speeds into the forest... eventually meeting those frogs! Frog1: ribbit. Frog2: ribbit. Frog3: ribbit. Kazuya faints... Well, actually, let's assume he's under the frog song spell where he sleeps... fortunately they have the antidotes to that... a maiden's kiss! Bruce: And this time, _I_ do the drivin! CS: Phew! I'd gladly go for that! Kaz: Gah!!! Looks like the worst has passed... But as they drive among the forests, suddeny the cheesy battle music goes again... only this time the enemy is one very unique and will only be seen in rare occasions... Kaz: NO! No, no, NO! Jinrey: Yes, yes, YES! Because the opponent is no other than our beloved Ling Xiaoyu, in the place of Yuffie!!! Audience: WEEEEEEEEEEEE! Kaz: Not the ninny! Xiaoyu: Whom you callin' ninny? Bruce: Gotta say, the chicky has nerve... ;) Jun: Honey, be nice and polite to the little girl! Mel: In the meanwhile, I'd like to pull her hair! ;) Red: Um... me too because she likes picking on me! Xiaoyu: I don't!! And the fight goes... strangely Xiaoyu always chooses to attack Kazuya... wonder why! Jinrey: Go child! Go! Kaz: Argh!! Hmm... they do defeat her in the end, even though for some reason "unknown" she has transformed Kazuya to a frog... Kaz: RIBBIT! (very angry frog) And then, as they walk to the beaten Yuffie... (warning! DON'T go to the question mark you'll see!!!!) Bruce: Okay, who goes first? Jun: Bruce? CS: That's horrendous! Mel: She's still alive the little [beep]! Xiaoyu: Hey! Watch it! Jun: Ohh... are you hurt my little one? Kaz: Don't go too close! Jun: (whispered) Honey! Xiaoyu: Oh man... I'm had! (leaps up) Xiaoyu: Come on! Once again! Let's fight again! Bruce: Anytime! Mel: You got it, [beep]! Red: oh man... CS: WRONG ANSWER! Xiaoyu: Hahaha, RIGHT! You think I'd bother? Tata!! So Xiaoyu runs off with some of their money! Jinrey: Go go child!! Kaz: Come back you freak! Red: Oh dear, now we must do it all over again! CS: My head hurts! Mel: Forget it! We gained more by beating her sorry ass and I don't want her in the team! Red: In that case, you'll never get the Leviathan materia. Mel: Leviathan... MATERIA? CS: To think Yuffie was the materia nut... But... what is this? Xiaoyu: Materia? (comes back like a dog called for lunch) Jun: I say little one, what you did was very unpolite! Xiaoyu: Err... sorry... (but it's obvious she doesn't mean it...) Red: Um... look Xiaoyu... since these guys don't know the script, would you give them a second chance so we won't have to run after you all over again? Xiaoyu: What do I care! Why did I bother learning the script? CS: Of course she's got a point... Mel: Wait a second! (grabs Xiaoyu and yanks the money back) Xiaoyu: HEY! Bruce: Good go baby! Xiaoyu: Aaarrhh... That was it! We fight right here, right now! Red: Well, not exactly as I had planned but still... So Yuffie fights them again... and loses... Xiaoyu: Arff... this time better get your lines right! Red: Repeat after me. Kaz: Okay... Xiaoyu: So, do we fight again? Kaz: err... no, we're petrified! Xiaoyu: I knew it! HAH! I'm the best! I bet you want me to join you! Kaz: NO! (A Jun and a Red attack him and cover his mouth, even if late...) Jun: We'd LOVE to have you with us, Xiaoyu!... RIGHT, honey??? Kaz: [beep]! Xiaoyu: NO way I'll join you! I'm leaving! For real! (goes off about to cry...) Red: (she'd better not mean it!) Kaz: Wait... Xiaoyu: What? Kaz: We want you with us. Xiaoyu: ...really? Kaz: YES, really! Jun: Well done, honey! Kaz: Oh crap... Well, let's get on with it, shall we? Kazuya doesn't know that he actually follows the script as he makes it to the car. Yuffie joins the team and now... the back seat is even more crammed than before! Mel: Oh? You don't say my hands are bothering you, do you? Kaz: (grinns murderously...) And the buggy goes on its way to Cosmo Canyon in the sunset. Bruce: VROOOOAAAAAAAARRRRR!