Chapter 18 - Dyne The group enters the dirty shack and there... what a miracle! They find Bruce! Kaz: Bruce! Mel: Is it me, or are you taking all the action? Bruce: Hey baaaaby! Red: Same old, same old... Jun: Bruce, we were so worried! CS: Um... yea. We were... err... Red: Now we are all back together... Bruce: Hum? Babe you smell like shit! Mel: That's because I had to kiss my way to get us here! Bruce: YA WHAT! Mel: Hey, you should be thanking me! Bruce: YA BET!! Bruce shoves Mileena aside and... points his gattling gun at... Kazuya! Kaz: Wh-WHAT! Bruce: ASTA LA VISTA... BABY!!! (ratatatatatatata...) Kaz: EAUH!!! Kazuya fortunately has fine reflexes, in fact for the situation he brings out his anime reflexes and hops around and about like a rubber ball, avoiding Bruce Rambo-shooting him... Bruce: WEOOOOOOOOOOR! Everyone takes cover until Red pounces on Bruce, taking him down... Bruce: GET OFFA ME! Red: What are you doing? Bruce: He's slurping with ma'girl! Red: ~ Kaz: No [beep]ing way! Bruce: Get off you traitor! First you sweet-talk me with the car, than the Highwind and now you make shoulders to them! CS: Oh my god! Oh my GOD! (covering forehead with one flat palm) Rayden: I'm NOT home! Jun: Are we all okay? So they are, fortunately, no one is hurt... but as for the unfortunate Kano, who tried to sneak in and hide behind a couch... the same doesn't go... Red: Well, at least you did the right thing... CS: Oh so horrible! Let's get out! Oh, I wonder how we're gonna make him fight Dyne... Jun: Please, let's all get out in the clean air... Mel: Hey, wanna see what I snatched from that thug while he was busy slurping me? CS: SPARE US! Everyone leaves the shack... but as Cloud is about to go... something grabs his foot... Kaz: Huh? Kano: Would you.... kiss me... good night? Kaz: ... well... can't deny you a last wish... (kneels and kisses Kano softly on the cheek...) Audience: (very silently) awwwww... Kano: Thanks... Kaz: Kano: And Teddy? (eagerly pulls a HUGE Teddy Bear from his clothes - where did that fit?) Kaz: ... Jun: Oh honey, it means so much to him! Kaz: Crap... Goodnight, Teddy (kisses Teddy) Kano: Okay... now I can sleep! ^_^ Kazuya stands up and watches the calm happiness on Kano's face as he hugs Teddy and sleeps... He then kisses his fingers and waves goodbye at him... then suddenly realises what is going on and looks at me murderously... really murderously... I think I'll jump outside with the rest! 8( On their way to Dyne, while they worry, they get the chance to add some Enemy Skills like the Laser and Matra Magic, the latter you can also find right as you leave Midgar but in the event you didn't, here's another place you can get it. But is Bruce aware of the gruelling battle he's about to face? Bruce: . . . Bruce: NO, I'm not gonna say a word, after how you tricked me! First you say a car, then a jet and now you help mah'girl cheatin' on me! Mel: I'm not YOUR GIRL! CS: How 'bout "that daamn Shinra"? Bruce: Hey! Fatso! Don't go doing the slang to me, ya hear! Jun: Bruce, calm down! Bruce: Hey! Ain't none of your business! Until at some time they come to an even more lonesome place of the prizon... There... they only hear gunfire... CS: God, give me strength! Jun: You can hold my hand if it makes you feel better... CS: Really? Jun smiles as she gives her hand to Cait Sith... CS: Oh thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much! Mel: Disgusting! Kaz: Okay, who is this? Dear friends... this is Dyne, another important person in our play... One more whom we cannot include to the team but who is Barret's nemesis... once his best friend and... father of Marlene... Dyne is played by Jarek, the MK4 thug, wearing a purple wig for the role... Zack (DoA): Oh man, I could get natural purple hair and they turned me down because I was black! Eddy: Tsk! Jarek/Dyne: So... we meet again... Bruce: What he talkin' about, I never saw the man before! Dyne: I was talking to him! (points at Kazuya) Kaz: OGH! CS: What do you know. Jarek: Just kiddin. Red: Bruce, here's your line. Bruce: Man, I've told you long ago, I lost ma'script! Kaz: Great. Bruce: Hey! You wanna take over? Dyne: (points at Bruce and flicks his finger in a 'come here' manner) Bruce: Hey yo! Watch it! Dyne: We need to talk! Bruce: Ain't nothing gotta tellya! Red: Please Bruce~ Bruce: Shut up you doublecrosser! Jun: Bruce, you're unfair, Red never lied to you! Bruce: He lady, I'm not your man to brag around! Kaz: (steaming) Dyne: Will you get your ass over here or must I drag you? Bruce: [beep] off, I ain't coming! CS: Bruce darling, you must do it! For the car! Bruce: Na don't go bringin' up the damn car! Mel: What does this guy want anyway? Kaz: How the hell~ Waitaminute... Oh how the gears in our hero's head begin to spin! You think he'll overheat himself and then he bows to whisper something to Red... Red's tail stands up as if it was electrocuted... Red: Who said it wasn't?!? Kaz: Sorry. ...but still his eyes widen and he nodds... Kaz: Well, Mileena dearest... Mel: Dearest?!?!? (very wide eyed!) Kaz: Can I... whisper a few to you? Mileena speechlessly follows Kazuya aside... Kaz: You see... I think Dyne wants to fight Bruce over you... Mel: ! Kaz: I guess he likes you... Mel: And THAT's what you wanted to tell me? Kaz: Yea... Mel: You're horrible! Kaz: Hey, wait! Mel: What next? Kaz: I mean... don't get me wrong, I thought you were Mileena does it all? Mel: Well, that's me allright... Kaz: Would you kiss Dyne? Mel: Sure! ...wait. What for? Kaz: ...let's say I want to see it... Mel: Oh... (nastily). Well, you have strange ways to please yourself... Kaz: (doing the patented Cloud shrug the shoulders and show ignorance) Audience: WEEEEEEE! Kaz: What can I say, I'm a slave of my passions! (sounds as earnest as can be) Mel: Okay... I will... For you! Kazuya nods... then as Mileena gets out of the picture starts a stupid dance... Kaz: I'm baaad... I'm baaad! Who's baaad! I'm baaad! Red looks back ahead as Mileena passes past him... heading for Dyne... Mel: Okay, tough guy... Dyne: What do you want? Mel: Nothing too "hard"... Bruce: HEY! Before Bruce can do anything, Mileena grabs Dyne from the head and forces him to a suffocating kiss... Jun: EW! CS: Oh GOD! How can she do that... TWICE a DAY?!? Red: Shhht! Kaz: I'm sorry Jarek... But then... Bruce: That had it! Kaz: (yes!) Bruce: You [beep]! I'll shoot you down! (points gattling gun to... ?!? Mileena! Red: Owwwww... [beep]! Jun: ...Red? Mel: YIAAAAAA! (screams as she hides behind Dyne) Dyne: Hey man, wait for the girl to leave! Bruce: YOU'LL ALL DIE!!! Red: Ready, Kaz? Kaz: Ready Red... (that almost rhymes...) Red: (don't say!) EAHHH!!!! Red pounces on Bruce, taking him down, then leaves the scene, giving Kazuya enough time to knock Mileena safely out of range and pounce away~ Mel: NOT so fast! Kaz: ! Mel (lying under Kazuya): Well Cloud. Looks like you came for me! Kaz: Eh, yea, err, let's~ Mel: (suffocating kiss again!) CS: ARGH! (faints on his fat back and the black critter, whatever it is hangs limp over him) Jun: HONEY!! (marches over there with the staff at hand!) Bruce: Prepare your sorry ass! Dyne: About time! And there starts a duel between two hardy thugs, Bruce and Dyne, once upon very close friends but now separated by fate... With brutality they shoot one another, Dyne is arguably stronger but fortunately Bruce has lots of potions at hand... Bruce: Stronger! HAH! Lemme get my hands on you... Dyne/Jarek: You'd rather solve this with hands? Bruce: Sure do! Dyne: Then do it! Both throw away their weapons and charge on a spectacular fight! Audience: CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!! Red: Cait Sith... Please talk to me... Jun (trying to pull her husband away): STOP IT! STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!!! Kaz: MGFHHHHHHHH!!!!! (looks like he's losing his breath!) CS: Where... am... AAAAAH! (faints again) Bruce and Dyne fight with uppercuts and high kicks... Jun starts whacking them both! Kaz: Hmfn,SHTPshNTMFTT! Bruce: Hey! What's going on there? Dyne: What the hell? Red: Great... Finally, Kazuya manages to free himself and eventually keep his lips to himself... Mel: (very excited) Was it as good for you as it was for me?!? Jun: Before my eyes! Kaz: GAH! (hops to his feet) Mel: Hey, we haven't even started! Red: That's enough! Bruce: Hey! What were you two doing over there? Dyne: I thought it was three... Bruce: Shuddup! Dyne: Whatever... Kaz: Look, everybody! I... honey! Jun: Don't you DARE honey me after what you did! Red: So much for the script... Bruce: Man, what script are ya talkin' about? But then... something horrible is happening... It is strange... fearful... dangerous... Beyond everyone's notice... a dark cloud covers Cait Sith's white mass... and the moogle with the cat stands up... Shaking with anger... Red: Uh-oh... Bruce: What? Cait Sith walks to them... Mel: Don't say he wants a kiss... Red: Shut up... (Mileena realises she'd better do...) Strangely, as if everything else darkens, Cait Sith's attention showers Dyne in a spotlight... Dyne: ? CS: Dyne... Could I... Dyne: Kiss me? CS: ! (features cramm in anger, disgust and effort to hold it): talk with you... Dyne: Suar? Bruce: (...suar?) Cait Sith takes Dyne by the shoulders... he marches him to the end of the cliff... Kaz: Not such harmful things again! Red: SHHHHT! Dyne: Err... what is it, buddy? CS: Well... since this story isn't flowing as it should... and the scenario is Dumped!... Dyne: gulp!... ? Bruce: Hey man, what's he gonna do~ Red: SHHHT! CS: I decided... that with all due respect... I'LL TAKE THE SITUATION AT HANDS! And before anyone can do a thing, Cait Sith grabs Dyne from waist and collar and flunks him in the cliff! Dyne: YIAAAAAAAaaaaaaaa..... Audience, pissed with the twists the scenario took so far and happy with the justice given, claps aloud. Music that fits here is the victory music of Secret of Mana because it is heroic and has this sense of justice but since it's Final Fantasy, think of the victory variation that happens on the Chocobo races... However you say it, it's Dyne's death. Even our heroes cheer as Cait Sith returns, dusting off his hands. Red: Good go, Cait Sith!