Chapter 10 - Chasing the black caped man: To Junon! With the Chocobo Lure materia and greens, our heroes are perfectly equiped to find themselves a Chocobo to rush them past the Midgar Zolom... Mel: I feel like shit! Now I totally feel like shit! Kazuya and Bruce walk together, holding onto each other as they stagger ahead, laughing their asses off. Mel: WHAT'S SO FUNNY! Bruce: Why it aint... it's jes... Kaz: WAAAHAHAHAHAAAAA! Red: Well, so to say, Tifa... you screwed up! Kaz + Bruce + even Red: WAAAAHAHAHAHAAAA! Mel (pointing at Kazuya): You started it! Kaz: Hah,how... how did you PFFFFHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Bruce: HAR, HAR, HAR, HAR, HAR! Red: Grrrr... Mel: And why are you laughing too, Bruce? You weren't laughing before. Bruce: Wooheeeee... Kaz: It's contagious! Heck even you can join! Mel: Haha. Jun: Now, now everyone! Let's all be friends! Kazuya keeps on laughing, Bruce keeps on laughing and Mileena is angry as it gets! Jun: And a-one, and a-two, and a-three... Mel: SHUT UP! Bruce: Woohah... Kaz: Hehe... Red: Take a Tranquiliser, will you! Jun is about to give them all a tranquiliser when suddenly... Chocobo: Wark, wark! Everyone: A Chocobo! (Festive music of encountering a Chocobo...) Kaz: Okay, ahem... so what do we do now? Jun: Chu chu chu chu chu chu chu! Bruce: Hey, there's an ostrich, and a green and a Chocobo. I say we get the ostrich... Mel: Hurry! It's going away! Red: Throw a weed to the Chocobo! Bruce: Yo man, I wonder how you gonna ride with your tails and all... Jun: Aww! We lost it! Honey... it left! Kaz: So what do you want me to do, chase it? Red: Now we'll just have to find a new. Bruce: Wah! Did you come up with it or did someone tell you? Red: Grrrrrrr... Jun: There! There's another! Kaz: I've had it with those Chocobos! Bruce: Hey man, you should cool down a little... Mel: Ice! I know! I'll use the ice materia on all! All: NOOOOO! Chocobo: WAAARH! WAAARH! (Tanslate: Well, I'll say!...) But what is this? Oh dear. Chocobos are good, friendly creatures... but not when they are attacked! Because when they are... they attack back! Jun: Yiay! Red: Oowwh! Bruce: Aw-man! Mel: F[beep]! Kaz (sniggering... nothing can touch that head...) Chocobo: WAURK! Kaz: Weeeheeheeheeheee! But the Chocobo is smarter and... Kaz: YIAUCH! Kazuya starts hopping around clutching at his butt... when around him, Mileena, Bruce, Red XIII, Jun, an ostrich and a green are laughing as hard as they can! Kaz: ShhhhIT! Audience: HAAAHAHAHAHAAAA! Kaz: grumblegrumble[beep]grumblegrumple... Jun: Easy honey (hahah...) we'll get another Chocobo! Kaz: Arrrrrr... Red: Hoohah... hahahah... ronfl... Kaz: Red, how do you fancy your ass kicked? Red: Let me see you trying~ Bruce: Hey! Jes you try and kick my buddy's ass and~ Kaz: Cut! I get the message! Okay? Jun: Hey there's another! If my dear audience thinks that catching a Chocobo is an easy job, I urge them to try. I assure you, you will exhaust yourself before you can get one. Certainly you won't go through the same hell as our imbecile heroes who have to deal their own conflicts, thus arguing among themselves, scaring the Chocobos away, not to mention that at one stage, Kazuya threw the green on the Chocobo's head... and got chased for it. Yes, indeed. Catching a Chocobo is harder than it seems... But they do catch one, by the end of the day. And so they run past the mushes... Kaz (to the Midgar Zolom): bublebublebublebuble! Midgar Zolom (to Kazuya): PFRLLLLLLLLLL! ...and reach uneventfully to the mountain range, where a sad scene takes place... Chocobo: Waaaark... :( Jun: I'll miss you too, lovely... :,( Mel: Oh, my! (ecstatic, looking at the astounding sight...) My dear friends... it is a sight to beware. It is a Midgar Zolom, slain, impelled on a stalk... from the slash across its neck, where the head dangles, there is fresh blood dripping... Bruce: I'd say... Sephiroth has left the cave... Kaz: o O (Lee did this? No [beep]ing way!) Red: It is a power to beckon... Mel: Look at the SIZE of that thing! Kazuya (feeling his privates under speculation): Um... I say let's go on... Bruce: Hey... I want to take a picture by the Zolom! Kazuya (under the threat of Mileena's eyes): Later! Bruce: Aw, you're no fun! Our heroes, shaken, advance through the network of caves... and let me tell you, they find plenty a materia, to equip them all with some and now no one has to complain! Bruce (toying with his newfound materia): Hey what is this materia anyway? Kaz (snickering): The cover materia, Bruce... ;) Red: Arrrrr... Mel: Someone shut the cat! It looks like an empty cave... but they soon find out that it isn't... speech reaches their ears and suddenly... Lights go out, spotlights fall in the centre of the stage and Supportive voice: Hoooh! Hoooh! Female side singer: Heeere come the men in blaaack... In mad cheers, the audience receives Rude and Reno, dressed in black suits, black shades, doing their thing on the dancefloor... Bruce: Hey man! It is that guy, Sagat and his pardner, Adon! Hey there fellas! Kaz: Right! Just give a call at the enemy. Perfect. Jun: Honey, be nice! Those nice gentlemen have been very polite to us! Then a new voice surprises them... It's of a woman. A blonde girl who looks fit to take military duty... Ladies and gentlemen, in the part of Elena there is Sonya Blade! Audience claps and cheers... Elena: I'm not supposed to tell you that we're after Sephiroth heading for Junon, but I will... Mel: Bimbo! Elena: B[eep]! Sagat (leering at Elena): Hey babe, you talk too much! Bruce: Yo! I see women trouble there too, buddy? Mel (to Sonya): Look, whatever I said... I take it back... Elena: Chauvinistic pig troubles there too? Mileena nods... The two women of Mortal Kombat go aside for a private talk... Elena: And on top of that, I have Tseng who doesn't understand my feelings for him and never tells Sagat to keep off! Mel: You're telling me... On the other end... Kaz: Wait a minute... are they friends or are they enemies? Red: They're our friends. Kaz: But I thought we were against the Turks... Red: In other words, your affairs are none of our business... Kaz (understanding): Oh. Adon: You see... get off man... get off! We don't want you around... get it? Elena: And you wouldn't believe if I told you... Tseng is actually in love... Mel: ? Elena: With THIS! (camera follows Sonya's finger being shot to the background and a spotlight reveals Jun, standing with her hands tied before her, in perfect girlish naivette...) Mel: ! Elena: Can you believe this? Mileena shakes her head as if to shake of a headache... Kaz: Okay, so what now? Bruce: Yo, I got the new single of Leny Cravitz and we could meet to listen to it... Sagat: I say get the music and let's rock! Mel: Tell you what: We both kill her and we both get what we want. Do we have a deal? Elena: Deal. (shaking hands...) Bruce: Yo! Mileena baby! We're out of here! Mel: Oh there goes... Sagat: Elena! Let's move on! Elena: Tonight... Mileena nods conspiratiorally and leaves to join her team. The Turks and our heroes part... well, I remember that meeting more violent and promising in the game but it looks like a new course of events is being followed... Jun (to Mileena): What were you and that woman talking about back there? (smiling as innocently as can possibly be) Mel: My dear... (crocodile grin) you will SOON find out! Kaz: Ahem... Mel: So will you... (whispering) loverboy! Red: We should be careful in those caves. We can't miss anything! Bruce: Hey, we made it! It is indeed the other end! The beautiful sun and the skies above greet our heroes once again... Jun: Where for now? Red: To Junon, my dear lady. We shall find what we're looking for... in Junon. Bruce: Yo! To Junon then! And so our heroes head straight for Junon. Let me tell you a few about Junon. Once upon it was a town profiting on the sea... but the Shinra had to alter that too. Junon is now a military basis, the main harbour of the Shinra army. But, my dear friends, as you will see, this will be of greater importance later in our epic story... Kaz: Where on earth do you see the epic? Junon appears in the horizon... and our heroes reach there by twilight, after bashing a lot of asses on the way... Kaz: Mine included, I suppose? Mel: Could we have missed? (winking...) No my friends we couldn't. And so, here we are. Junon. The harbour of Shinra. Jun: Oh dear... Bruce: What now? Jun: But don't you see? Mileena stares all the way down...: Yea... a perfectly tall cliff... Kaz: Um, do you guys mind? I'm sick of heights... Jun: But look at the sea! Bruce: And? Jun: It's polluted! (at which stage, Bruce, Mileena and Kaz fall back, anime style...) Kaz: My name is Kazuya! Write it in full next time! Jun: This is horrendous! Look at what Shinra is doing! Bruce: Uh... Red: Pssst! Say something about "that damn Shinra"! Bruce: ... Jun: So much pollution! Honey, can we do something about it? Kaz: What do you want me to do, get down there and scrub it off? Mel: I'm getting a thought listening to you and it's not all that clean... Kazuya shots a mean stare at her... Mel: Oooh! Care to scrub my thoughts clean? Bruce: I'm gettin dirty thoughts over you all the time, hun! Mel: Oh [beep] off! Red: So much for scenario... Jun: I say, their harbour is in here? I'm gonna have a word with them! Kaz: Honey? Where are you~ Jun! Where are you making for? Bruce: Oh jeez! Jun: I'm going to have a very long talk with the one in charge and I'll tell you now... it's not going to be pleasant! Mel: Right. Just what we needed! And with Jun striding towards the Shinra harbour of Junon, our heroes follow suit, to stop her... Green peace has never been so violent!