Chapter 7 - Rufus Our friends are now locked in chambers within the laboratories of the notorious Shinra Tower... In the first room there's Bruce and Red... Bruce is sitting on the bed, dangling a plastic toy at the face of Red who stretches cautiously towards it like the cute kitty he is!! ^_^ AWWWW! In the second room there's Kazuya and Tifa... Mel: Cloud... (sensually) Kaz: What? Mel: We are alone... Kaz: (SHIIIII--!T) ... Mel: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Kaz: ...(unfortunately!) Mel: Come to me, loverboy! Kaz: Tifa, look... Mel: Or rather, stay there... on the bed! (attacks him with mean intentions!) Kaz: (behind his teeth) Get off me! In the third room, Jun sits all by herself, singing a song she learned with the girl scouts... Jun: Merilly, happily, happily, happily, life is but a dream. Bruce: Man, you don't know how glad I am you joined us, it's been complete boredom so far... We only blew up a thing or two and that was fun but otherwise... Kaz: I... want... to be left... alone! Jun: Dida-dida-didada, dudaah, dudah... Mel: Your body, your mind, your [beep!] belong to ME! Red XIII: You have no materia? Funny. I have a Sense and I like Fire materias... Bruce: Like I said, that jerk of a Cloud doesn't give me any! Kaz: I'll... never!... relent!! Jun: ...for he's a jolly good felloooooow!... and no-one can deny! But my friends, the exhaustion takes over our heroes and finally, they fall asleep... Kaz: So you think! Let us leave our heroes for the time being and move to another floor of the Shinra Tower... Red XIII: Bruce... You're snoring. Bruce: Ronfl. (background music: Shinra theme, if you please...) Heiddeger- Zangief: Unghr... mr President... President Shinra - Gen Fu: What do you want? Z: Unghr, mr President, the conference room stinks! GenFu: Okay, take the helicopter and move to a better place. Reeve - Tsung: Thank you, mr President, sir. With this, the obnoxious heads go, leaving the president behind for a less stinking place... Back to our heroes we go where suddenly, in the middle of their sleep... something... and I'll say, very creepy feeling pulls them back to the state of awareness... Kaz: ! Mel: Okay: How can you sense me coming at you right as I begin to move? Kaz: It's the sixth sense! (boy, I LOVE the number 6!) That had it! I'm moving out to another room! Mel: Clououd! In that eerie stilness, the brave hero Kazuya is leaving his room... oh yes, the doors are unlocked and the road unguarded! What is going on? Not even a breath is heard in the endless chilly corridors! Kazuya knocks on Barret's and Red's door... Kaz: Knock knock. Bruce: Who's there? Kaz: It's me! Bruce: Who's me? Kaz: Quit the games and open up! Bruce: Quit the games and Open up are here... Shall I let them in? Red XIII: Ronfl... Bruce opens the door... Bruce: Hey boss! Why didn't you say it's you? Kaz: Argrgrgrgrrr... Red XIII: GRRRRR... Kaz: RRRRR!... Red XIII: WROAAAAAAA... Kaz: WRAAAARRRRRRRR!! Bruce: I'll go check on my baby Mileena... Kaz: And I'll go check on Jun... Red XIII: And I'll go back to sleep. Kaz: Jun? Jun: Mmm? Honey? Is that you? Kazuya sounds relieved: Yes it's me! Come on out! Jun comes out: Where's the kitty cat? Heere here kitty cat! Kaz: The kitty cat? Red comes out with his tail erect like a cute kitty cat: Mieow! Jun: Aw that dear thing! (hugs Red) Kaz: Hrrr... Yo, hey, listen up! Bruce: Hey! If there's anyone doing the slang around, that's me! Kaz: Yea, whatever. The road's empty, let's go! And so, with agony in their heart, the five of them go, in search for freedom and what it is that has granted them a silent exit... Mel: I'll arrange the materia if no one minds... And oh what gross sight... before them lies a trail of blood... Jun: Ugh! Bruce: Well, I'll say! Mel: Okay, no one minds. That sense materia... Red XIII: Hey! Leave my materia down! Kaz: Wait... this is a play! This isn't supposed to be happening! But it is happening my friends... and so our heroes decide that they'll investigate at the attrocious thing... Mel: It's just a thought but why don't we just leave it there and get out? Kaz: There has been slaughter in the building and I will not rest until I find out who did it! Audience claps and Shinra guy 1 who now plays the torn corpse, raises his head: Hey, that was good! Did you make it up yourself? Shinra corpse 2: Mine was better. Hear this: I shall not rest, until my hands bathe in the blood of my enemies! Shinra corpse 1: I've heard that somewhere before... Shinra corpse 2: No way, I just made this up! Shinra corpse 1: But I did hear it! Shinra corpse 2: Did not! Shinra corpse 1: Did too! Shinra corpse 2: Did not! Shinra corpse 1: Did too! Kaz: *sighs* Okay everyone... let's go upstairs! Mel: My... I just Love the way he sighs! And our heroes go upstairs... in a creepily empty Tower that freaks us out... please, those who recall the awfully submissive music of that area, let it hum into your mind... for it is so befitting to our scene... When they finally get to the top floor... where the massacre stops... and the stillness is just as bad... In his desk he is... President Shinra, the respectable Gen Fu... dead. With Sephiroth's masamune through his back... Dead or Alive bunch: Hey! Why is our man the first to go? Various reactions come from the audience, regarding Kossak, Rock and the cameo appearance of Chun Li and an argument breaks out... Kaz: Sephiroth... All of them turn astounded to a gaping Kazuya... What is it that has shocked him so greatly and what is the word he pronounced? But wait! Someone is still alive! He's the disgusting Palmer! (Stryker plays Palmer because he's fat and with a decent make up, he'll do the job!) Palmer tries to run away but Cloud and Barret catch him... Palmer: Let me go! Bruce: Naw... Join us and have fun! Kaz: Was Sephiroth here? Palmer: What does it look to you? Bruce: Hmm... I think he's got a point... Kaz: Argh! Act a little! Just as I was getting to the point of this! Bruce: Oh. All right. Palmer: Ayieeee! Palmer manages to run away and resembles the swine he is... Aeris-Jun: Who's this Sephiroth? But before Cloud had the chance to explain... a helicopter is heard landing to the roof outside... Kaz: Let's go! Our heroes go outside to meet with the newcomers... and they see... Camera zooms to the man who has stepped out, starting from his feet in expensive white leather shoes, dressed in an Armani pair of trousers... the hem of his coat appears as the camera trails up to his beautiful body, wearing the rest of the white Armani suit and pausing at his attractive face... Red hair and sharp, hawky eyes, determination and boldness in his young face... it is the son of the President, Rufus Shinra, played by Hwoarang! Girls of the Audience: WEEEEEEE! HWOARANG! I LOVE YOU HWOARANG! HE'S SO SEXY! Kaz: WTF is it about HIM! Rufus: Hmm, what do we have here? Leon from Resident Evil 2: Hey! Just because you look like me, doesn't mean you can steal my lines! Hwoarang: Shuddup! Bruce: Yo! Your mother [beep] with a [beep]-[beep]! Jun: Mr Irvin! What language! Rufus: Hey, gorgeous! (to Jun) Jun blushes. Kaz: ... whaaaaAT? (glares madly at his wife and then Rufus) Jun: eheh, honey, it's not what you think... Kaz: Get out. Bruce: But... we are out! Kaz: GET OUT! I mean... get back in there! Mel: You're not fighting over _her_ are you? Kaz: Leave us! This is personal! Rufus: Attack me with all you've got. I have company! (the same panther that bit Kazuya's ass earlier appears, with the same grin...) Kaz: Leave us! Bruce: Oh well. Hey Red, let's go get the ladies some place cool, you know what I'm saying? Red XIII: Right atcha, partner. Bruce: You're learning fast, don'tcha! It is so that our friends part, leaving Kazuya to deal Rufus on his own... Mel: So. Jun... nice boy this Rufus, huh? Jun: (blushing) What do you mean? Mel: Come on now, you know, women stuff? (nudges Jun, the last elbow Hard!) Jun: OH! Red: I say we wait for Cloud? Mel: No, you go ahead. I'll stay back for him. Jun: He's my husband, I'll stay back. Mel: NO! I'm not going down with him (points at Bruce) again! Bruce (leering): Why not, pretty mama, you seemed to like it the last one... Mel: Argrgrgrrr... Red: Okay, I'll go for the elly. Bruce: The elly? Red: Elly. The elevator man! Chill out! Bruce: HoooBoy. We've gotta loooong way to go! Jun: Fine. I'll go. And so Mileena the fearless warrior is staying behind to wait for the brave hero to return and if not, avenge his death... (or actually, take advantage of his senseless body...) Kaz: Thanks for the encouragement! Me: Anytime dear!! But let us follow our three other friends, Jun, Red and Bruce who go ahead to clear the way... They step into the elevator when all of a sudden... Man1: Excuse me. Man2: Ghm. (coughs) Our heroes eye suspiciously the two men who entered. They're obviously Turks, their clothes and the music accompanying their appearance indicates so. They are Rude (played by Victor Sagat) and Reno (played by Adon). (Both actors are Muai Thai fighters... coincidence? Hardly I suppose... or not?) Bruce: Hey! I'm a Muai Thai fighter too! Zack: Yea! And so am I! Bruce: Shuddup! Hey! Why don't I get a suit like this! Me: Because you are Barret with the good guys and these are the Turks! Bruce: Not fair! I want to be a bad guy too! Me: Stick with the script I say! Director: Cut, cut, cut! That was horrible! Bruce baby, what came over you? Why didn't you say your lines? Bruce: I... Rock: HE FORGOT HIS LIIIINEEEES! All: SHUDDUP! Rock (mischievously): Heheheee... Director: Again! Start over again! And Jun, my god, you look in a mess! Red! What kind of a hair is that! Makeup! Someone please, I can't stand it!