Final (I hope!) Fantasy -- A crossover that had better not happened! 8( -- Dedicated to Jin - a kitty I let down. Yes, it IS a Final Fantasy walkthrough! It is the game we all know, with the characters we all know! Yes, them! Now... What if instead of naming them in default, we gave them slightly different names? We get... Final - I hope! - Fantasy (music background: The prelude) Chapter 1... Music theme is the intro of Final Fantasy 7. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the alternative Final Fantasy universe! Starring, Kazuya Mishima! Kaz: Hey! What am _I_ doing here? That's not my game, I forbid this! Kazuya, my dear readers, is the hero of this epic saga. He is an ex-SOLDIER, currently working as a mercenary. His eyes, even though black, glow with Mako energy and his hair have the trademark spikes... Kaz: Look here, I'm not a swordsman! What's that junk you placed into my hands? Ease there, restless soldier. As the game advances and your level rises, new, improved weapons will come in your way. Kaz: You're getting me wrong here, lady. I don't want a weapon and I don't want to play in Final Fantasy! My way of dealing things is with my fists! (prepares to attack Sapfarah) Heihachi: Ooh, shut up you good for nothing, get on with the show! I want to see Tifa's bouncing breasts! Kaz: Father... you're embarassing me. Jinrey: Hey, farty old man! It's your son in there! Heih: Ahhh shuddup, you half a portion you! Jinrey: DARE YOU speak that way to me, you... While our beloved audience is already in the game, Kazuya finds himself in a train station... In the distance we see a black man shouting at him to go on... Ladies and gentlemen, mr Bruce Irvin! (crowd claps and cheers as the spotlights fall on Bruce Irvin wearing Barret's gatling gun glove. Bruce takes a theatrical bow with one hand on his chest and the other behind his back.) Kaz: What the Hell is going on! Bruce: C'mon! (hey, how's that? I've practiced it all day!) Kazuya, my dear friends, is following Bruce Irvin (I say _follows_! - Kazuya indeed goes to that direction, steaming and grumbling to oaths better not be repeated for the sake of underaged) when all of a sudden ~ Kaz: What's going on? Who are these people! (Shinra guy1): Psst! You're fighting us! Kaz: What? I didn't hear you! (Shinra guy2): YAAAAH! (attacks Kazuya) Kaz: Hey! (unfortunately for him, he has to wait for his bar to fill...) Kaz: This is ridicilus! It's as stupid as that Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat thing that you have to~ (A mob of Street Fighters and Kombatants go HEY! as they attack and a royal rumble begins on stage. Needless to say that the poor Shinra guys get whacked...) Shinra guy1: Sob... Enrol they said... enroll... Enough! You're not ruining this for me! Kazuya! Flaming follow Bruce! (Kazuya discovers his ice and lightning materia) Hey, those are fine marbles! What are they? Don't tamper with the materia yet! You need to save Magic Points! Kaz: Magic points? Me: HURRY!!! Kazuya leaps in a sprint at the voice: Wait till I get out of that stupid game and Sapfarah... (passes his thumb swiftly along his throat making a very demonstrative sound along!) Around the corner, my dear friends, Bruce and the AVALANCE, starring Wedge, Biggs and Jessie, are having a smoke... HEY! Put those things off! Bruce: Uhm? Well, figured that while Cloud is not here yet... Me: Put them off I say! You want to make a bad example for the younger? While Bruce throws his cigarette on the floor and mashes it under his Vermacht boot, Kazuya pulls a hitstring on the panther accompanying a beaten Shinra guy. Beaten Shinra guy: You were supposed to use the sword! Panther: Grrr... Jun: Darling! What are you doing to that poor animal! (strides on stage) Me: Miss Kazama, your line is not yet~ Jun: Honey... You will make me yell at you! Kaz: But this is what I am supposed to do! Jun: I won't hear another word! Apologise to the animal right away! Kaz: Alright, alright, I'll do that! I'm sorry mr Panther! Jun: Good! (turns to the camera) Hi Jin darling!! ^_^ From the audience Jin sits up and waves with glistering eyes: Hi mama! Hey everyone! That's my mother! I love you, mom! Hwoarang next to him winks at Jun. Jun: Awww... isn't our son so sweet? Honey, say hi to Jin... Kazuya is pulling dangerous faces to Jin, until Jun notices, at which stage he pretends to smile but Jun doesn't buy it. With a threatening scold, she leaves him on the stage. Kazuya walks on, turning his back on the panther who takes the chance to jump and bite his rump... Mileena: Hey, that's MY part! The crowd stares at her in shock... Mileena: Ooops! Kaz: YIAUH!! (in agony) - turns to attack the panther, but the panther has run away, snickering. The whole audience rolls helplessly, laughing their guts out. Kaz: THAT had it! Me: Help... someone! Bruce: YO! (waves at Kazuya - Wedge and Biggs hold neon signs of arrows and words like "OVER HERE" flashing while Jessie jumps up and down to draw attention. Kazuya goes to them, rubbing his butt. Bruce: Shit man, didn't you read the script last night? Kaz: [censored] Bruce: No matter, Biggs didn't read it either. We'll go on. Biggs (who turns out to be Kossak - a guy from Body Blows, an old beat em up game): I rEad it! Wedge (who turns out that he is Rock Adams): You DIDN't read your script, KooOOOSSAK! Biggs-Kossak: I rEAD IT! Wedge-Rock: Heheheheheee... Oh what will happen next to our virile heroes, you wonder? Those rebels against the Shinra Empire are about to blow up a Mako reactor at sector 1... They want to state their opposition this way... In through monsters they go, fighting in agony for their life but most probably for the city of Midgar... Biggs: I! READ! IT! Wedge: HAAAHahahaha! YOU DIIIIDN'T! Biggs: III! REAAD, IIIIIIIIT! Bruce: Hey Kaz, can I get the lightning materia? Kaz: What? No way! Bruce: Aww, come on! You have two, I have none! Kaz: That's not my problem! Bruce: Oh come on, don't be so selfish, give me one! Kaz: No way! Bruce: Jeez, you're weird. Jessie-Michelle (heck why not? I want some spotlight too!): Code deciphered! Biggs: I READ IIIT! Chun Li: God, this is awful! Ken: Yea! We want our money back! YEA! GIVE IT BACK, BOOOO! Cammy: BOOOO! Audience: SHUT UP! Ken and Cammy: ... Me: ... There they are in the reactor... Only the leaders, Cloud and Barret of Avalance... And Kazuya is having a flashback... Unfortunately, detonation is initiated... but will they make it? In a last attempt, Shinra unleashes every force they have against them! Whatch how our heroes fight... with each other? Kaz: Give it back, you thief! Bruce: You ain't using it, so let me have it! Kaz: It's mine! Bruce: It's mine now! Kaz: Mine mine mine! Bruce: Mine mine mine! Wedge: MIIIIIIINE!!! (roars) Jessie: Hurry to the exit, you idiots! (unfortunately, the lightning materia doubles Kazuya's powers who sends Bruce flying with a thunderbolt): That settles it! Bruce: Hehe... mine... Biggs: (to himself and sad) I read the script! Audience: AAAwwwwww.... In a run, our heroes rush to the exit. They split and run... Then, we see a pretty girl in pink, carrying a basket of flowers... (Jun Kazama dressed as Aeris poses cutely and waves - the crowd cheers) Jun (waving at Jin): Hi honey! Jin from the crowd: Hi mom!!! ^_^ Then, two very rude punks push the girl down. Kazuya sees the girl and goes to her rescue. He helps her up. Kaz: What are YOU doing here again! Jun (with a face of horror): Honey... that's not the line! Kaz: What are you talking about? I want to get out of this. Jun: Honey, we are on stage! Kaz: I DON'T CARE! Jun then says nothing but her eyes wobble: Once... just once I get the chance to become famous... I get the chance to do acting... and you have to ruin this for me! (goes into hysterical crying!) Kazuya cringes then tries to embrace Jun. Kaz: Now, honey... I didn't mean it like this, I~ Jun: WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! (cries very anime like, tears springing like fountains - Kazuya clenches his teeth) Kaz: Okay, I'll try! Jun sweeps her eyes and smiles again. Kaz (in a caring voice): Are you all right? Jun (lifts her brows in pleased amazement): Yes. What was that noise I've heard? Kaz: Um... nothing... uh... say, these are... Jun (giggles): Flowers? Oh hihi! You want one? It's one gil! Kaz: Yes, thank you... (buys flower) Jun: Thank you! (smiles) Audience: AAaaawww... Kazuya watches Jun walk away, smiling, playing with the flower in his hand, thinking what a sweet girl his wife is - did our beloved audience know that these two are married in real life? But what's that shade covering his face? Uhoh. I guess he realised he's being watched and brings back his usual, pissed off face. Our hero, with the flower and the love of a girl (Kaz: Will you quit it!) (Sap shows him contract and only when Kazuya sees the amount is more than eager to comply!) Kaz: Your hero is running through the streets, with a flower and a sword, fighting off soldiers on his way, then as he gets cornered on a bridge, he fearlessly jumps, right as the train passes - OOWWW! (Kazuya lands flat on his ass) Kaz: My ass... (whimpers) Bruce (from inside the train): Get down here! Scorpion: Hey, that's my line! Me: Hmm, Scorpion, you're not in this play... Scorpion: But it's my line, anyway! Johnny Cage: And speaking of which, that means that _I_ must appear now on stage! Get out of my way! (Johnny Cage tries to push his way through the crowd) Kaz: No way! I got to like this part! I'll play on! Cage: What this play needs is a real actor! Besides, Cloud was blonde! Me: But he had no sleek hair! What we need is a nasty spike there mister! (notices Kazuya obviously displeased by my regard of his appearance) and with a lot of attitude! Cage: I can do~ Mileena: And with a cute b~[BEEP!] Maxi: MAXIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! (he tends to yell at his name like a five year old kid, to draw attention) Mitzurugi: By Rayden! Rayden: Yes?