Author's Notes: Firstly ignore the shit title. Secondly this is a humour fic starring everyone’s two favourite blondes Seifer and Zell.

You and I

By Purple Penguin

“Class I think it would be important for you all to go on this ‘Character building’ trip that starts tomorrow. It would be good for you all as you all wish to become SeeDs.”

A student at the front of class put her hand put. “But Instructor Trepe we’re all adults we know how to behave properly-”

“Ahh, you bastard!”

“Zell please.” She glared at him.

The little blonde sat at the back in front of Seifer. “Sorry Instructor but he took my pen and he keeping poking me.”

The older man sat there looking innocent.

“Seifer you’re 17 please act like it and give Zell back his pen.”

The little blonde grinned smugly and stuck his tongue out as Seifer gave him back the pen.

“Don’t stick your tongue out at me unless you’re planning to use it.”

Zell did his impression of a goldfish, his mouth opening and closing rapidly. He turned away from Seifer quickly causing the older man to grin.

Zell stuck up his hand.

“What is it Zell?”

“Instructor Seifer’s flirting with me.”

The older man snorted. “Dream on Chickie.”

“This trip will be perfect for you two.”

“But isn’t it voluntary.”

The Instructor grinned evilly. “Not for you two it isn’t.”

“What? Look what you’re done now Chickie!”

“Me? This is all your fault!”

“Enough. I expect to see you both by the front gate tomorrow morning.”

“Cadets my name is Instructor Kinneas but you can all call me Irvine.” The longhaired ‘Character building’ Instructor paced up and down the dock. The site was set next to a great river. Several huts were laid out over the wooded area.

The Instructor winked at a group of girls and they all giggled swooned at his feet.

“Is this guy for real?” Seifer whispered to Zell.

“You’re just jealous because you can’t get that reaction from the ladies.”

Seifer snorted. “Like I’d ever want to get a reaction from the ‘ladies’ anyway.” He paused watching Irvine flaunt himself at the girls. “Bet he’s gay.”

“Bet he’s not.”

“How much?”


“5 Gil? 10 Gil?”

“3 Gil.”

Seifer laughed. “What? Are you afraid you’ll lose?”

“Never. Okay 10 Gil.”

“That’s my boy Chickie.” Seifer grinned at the longhaired man. There was no way he was straight he’d won this bet for sure.

“Now you’ve all been assigned cabins. Here’s the list of who gets to share with who. Angel and Laura.

Xu and Quistis.

Squall and Nida.

Seifer and Zell.


“No way man! I’ve got to share a hut with him?!”

Seifer glared at the shorter man and Zell returned it. This was going to be hell.

It was midnight the annoying Felix the cat glow in the dark clock that Zell had put up told him so. Seifer stared up at the top bunk. They were adults for god’s sake they should have beds of their own not bunk beds. He was bored and there was no way he could sleep with the lumpy bed and the creaking sound whenever Zell turned over.

“You awake?”


Seifer grinned and poked the top bunk.

“Stop it Seifer.”

He noticed there was a tiny gap between the frame and the side of the mattress. He curiously poked at it, making it wider and wider until....



The whole top bunk fell down on top of Seifer. Zell looked down at the pissed looking blonde who lay beneath the mattress.

“Get off me Chickie.”

“What the fuck’s the matter with you?! Where am I supposed to sleep?!”

“Er- On the floor.”

Zell settled down on his mattress. “Maybe I’ll stay right here.”

Seifer tipped the mattress to the floor. “Get off me, sleep on the floor!”

Zell jumped up. “This is you’re fault you ass! You sleep on the floor!”

“But I’ve still got my bed.”

“Well budge up then!”

“Excuse me?”

“Either me let me in your bed or I’ll sing at you all night.”

“You are not sleeping with me.”

“Fine.” He cleared his throat. “Oh the grand old duke of York, he had ten thousand men.....”

Seifer jammed a pillow over his head but Zell pulled it off and sang in his ear.

“Alright alright.” Seifer moved over and let Zell into his bed. “You better not move around as much as you did up there Chickie.”

“You better not molest me.”

“You wish Chicken.”

Instructor Trepe knocked lightly on Seifer and Zell’s hut. They were late for their first lesson with their new instructor. He unlocked the door with her master key and looked inside. She hoped they hadn’t killed each other. The room was still dark, a mattress lay on the floor, and the top bunk was missing. She frowned for a moment and then she saw them. Her eyes nearly fell out of her head. She had hoped they would get on but not that well. Seifer lay on his back, Zell lay half on top, half beside Seifer. It was a shame she had to wake them really.

“Boys wake up.”

Seifer stirred and unconsciously wrapped both arms tighter around Zell. The little blonde felt the gesture and opened his eyes.


Seifer’s eyes snapped open and he instantly let go of Zell. “What the hell?!”

“Ewww. Were you thinking of your crush?”

“Well you’re scrawny enough Chicken.”

“Who is she? I’ll have to warn her.”

Seifer tipped Zell out of bed. “Shut up Chickie!”


They both stopped and noticed the Instructor for the first time.

“You’re late for you’re lesson hurry down to the dock.”

“Glad you could join us gentlemen.”

All the other cadets got up and went off to do what they had been instructed to do. The two blondes looked at each other in confusion.

Irvine turned to them. “This is a little exercise in trust. I see you’re already in a pair.”

Zell stared at him. “Wait a minute. I have to trust this guy.” He pointed at Seifer.

“Zell an important part of being a Seed is trust, you must trust in your team mates and well... learn to love each other.”

“He sounds pretty gay to me.” Seifer whispered.

Zell just make a face.

Irvine moved them so that Zell stood a foot in front of Seifer. Zell in your own time I want you to relax, fall backwards and trust in Seifer to catch you.”

The tall blonde laughed.

“You’ve got to be kidding me?! I’ll hit the ground! He won’t catch me!”

“The others are getting along fine.”

“But they don’t have to put up with him.”

“Try it, okay?”

Zell scrunched up his eyes expected to hit the ground. Seifer stepped forward and caught him. The little blonde opened one eye, wondering where the floor had gone. Suddenly the strong arms disappeared and he fell the short way to the floor.

“Hey Seifer!”

“Sorry I couldn’t resist.”

Irvine sighed and put a cross on his clipboard. “His main pair were losing already.”

“Bastard.” Zell muttered as he picked himself up.

“Go and hunt some breakfast, I’m sure even you to can manage that.”

“Can we borrow your gun?”

“No one touches my baby.” Irvine hugged the gun to his chest.

“Oh yeah he definitely gay, I’ve won this.”

“We need proof.”

“Go touch him up Chickie see what he does.”

“Why don’t you do it? You were the one feeling me up.”

Seifer grabbed hold of Zell and ruffled his hair. “That’s different, you’re just too cute.” He put on a silly high-pitched voice that girls use when talking to babies or cute puppies.

“Get off me you ass.” He marched off through the forest, hearing Seifer follow him.

They couched behind a hedge watching a group of caterpichillers eating the grass. “Listen up Chicken this is what we are going to do.”

“Who put you in charge?”

“I did now shut up I have a plan. You go over there and stand around as bait and then I-”

“What? Bait? Me?”

“Yeah, you make real pretty bait Chickie.” He ruffled Zell’s hair.

“Why am I bait?”

“Because I’m the only one who can use a gunblade to shoot them with.”

“But those things eat vegetables, why not put down some lettuce?”

“Do you see any lettuce lying around here?”

“Er- no but-”

“No buts get out there Chickie!” Seifer shoved the little blonde out of the bush.

Seifer loaded up his gunblade ready for when Zell gave the signal. “Seifer!”

Three Caterpichillers had surrounded the little blonde, hitting him with they’re podgy arms. Seifer aimed ready when a pink cloud of mist shot out of one of them and surrounded the area.


The little blonde kicked one of the monsters causing them to scream and run away. “What happened? I feel strange.” Zell stumbled up to Seifer who was staring at the top of his head. “You took too long you ass! What’s happened to me? What are you staring at?”

Seifer looked amused as he stepped forward staring at Zell’s head. Zell ran a head over his hair, feeling something strange on his head. “What the hell?”

Seifer raised a hand to touch the pink antennae that had sprouted out of the top of Zell’s head. His body had a new pale pink colouring. It made him look very cute, more so than usual. The tall blonde’s hand stroked up one of the antennae, causing Zell to shudder unconsciously.

“Sorry, did I hurt you?”

“No.... er... we-er-should go get food.”

Seifer frowned. Was he blushing? Or was it just his new colouring? He shrugged it off and followed the strangely pink Zell through the trees. The little pink boy stopped in front of a fruit tree. “Look pears we can take those back to the camp.”

Before Seifer could stop him he was half way up the tree trunk and moving along a branch to reach the pears.

“Er- Zell are you sure you should be doing that?”

“My new bug appearance must be having an effect on you.”


“You called me Zell.”

The branch creaked dangerously. “Chickie -”

The branch snapped sending leaves, pears and Zell flying. The pink boy fell into Seifer’s arms. They both hit the floor with a thud.

They lay there panting for a moment before Seifer cocked his head round to see something waving behind Zell.

“This is new.” He ran a hand along the thin pink tail.

Zell shuddered again.

Seifer grinned. “You like that, Chickie?” He had meant it as a joke so he very surprised when a pair of warm lips landed on his own.

“What the hell are you-?”

Zell cut him off with another kiss.

He decided this wasn’t so bad.

“Okay campers. Breakfast should be here soon so-”

“Oh my god!” Someone pointed behind the cowboy.

The two blondes stood there looking guilty. Seifer handed Irvine the basket of pears. They’re clothes were rumpled and covered in grass stains. Zell had a pink colour to his skin, he had pink antennae growing from his head, and a thin pink tail that sprouted out of his lower back, just above his ass and long white whiskers grew from his slightly pink cheeks

“What happened to you?”

“He got sprayed by a caterpichiller I think he’s turning into one.” Seifer explained.

Irvine reached out a hand to touch the pink antennae but Zell ducked his head. “They’re a bit-er- sensitive.” He glanced at Seifer as he said that and the blonde meet the look.

“R-Right well you better go see the doctor then.”

The two blondes made their way through the crowd of curious cadets. The guys teased and laughed, while the girls giggled.

“Nice ears.”


Seifer tapped the new pink cat-like ears that had sprouted out of the top of Zell’s head.

“Let’s hurry.” He pushed Zell in the right direction faster.

Seifer lay on the bottom bunk watching the now normal looking Zell rubbing cream into his bald spots where the ears and antennae had been. He pulled the jeans down a little and tried to put some cream on the spot where the tail had been.

Seifer chuckled. He looked like a dog trying to catch it’s own tail. “Do you want a hand with that?”

Zell blush and shook his head.

Seifer sighed and took the cream out of the blonde’s hand. “Turn around.” He rubbed a little cream into the red area. Zell gasped.

“You still sensitive here?”

“Y-Yeah a little.”

Seifer smirked and pressed the area with his fingers.

Zell squeaked and pulled away. “Seifer, stop that.”

The tall blonde smiled and shook his head as Zell ran out of the door to avoid him.

Zell walked through the trees glad to be out of the hut and away from Seifer, it was too uncomfortable now to be around him.

“You’re human again then?”

Zell jumped.

“Sorry I didn’t man to scare you.” Irvine said as he leant on a nearby tree.

“Oh y-yes all human again now.”

“That’s a shame, do you know how cute you looked with those little ears and tail?” The cowboy leaned in close and Zell’s eyes widened.

“S-Sorry I just remembered I have to go.”

“So soon, did I scare you?”

Zell ran back to the hut. “What the hell is going on?”

“What happened to you?”

Zell threw 10 Gil at Seifer. “Here you won the bet!”

The taller man grinned. “Wait a minute he came onto you?”

“Yeah, am I putting out some sort of love spell or something?”

“He’s just a horny cowboy; at least he has good taste though.”

“But what about you? Everyone seems to think I’m cute all of a sudden.”

“I always thought you were cute Chickie.”

“What- Really?”

Seifer nodded. “And I really was flirting with you.”

“You never said anything. So when we.... you know... that wasn’t just for the fun of it?”

“The antennae made you look cute but then you always are cute.”

Zell blushed. “Thanks.”

Seifer moved over. “Now are you coming to bed or are you going to really sleep on the floor?”

Zell shrugged and sat on the edge of the be to remove his jeans, before he slipped in beside Seifer.

“Only because it’s more comfortable though.”

“Yeah right.”



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