Disclaimer: Don’t own them, as much as I’d like to. No money, so suing will get you nowhere! :)

Warnings: OOCness, sarcasm, mild swearing, gratuitous Rinoa-bashing (Rinoa fans, stop reading and press the back button on your browser NOW), a teeny bit of Zell, Selphie and Quistis-bashing, single-minded Squall & Seifer, shounen-ai (for the uninitiated, that’s boy-boy romance. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Flames will be ignored…=P)


* text – actions

text – speech

//text// – thoughts

What REALLY happened at the SeeD Ball

By lorien

* Squall stands in a corner drinking a glass of – something – and looking grumpy.

Squall: //Stupid Seifer, if you’d just followed instructions for once then you’d have passed the stupid SeeD test and then you’d be here with me now and I wouldn’t have to stand in a corner trying to pretend to look all cool and stuff just ‘cos I’ve never been to a bloody ball before and I have no idea what the hell I’m supposed to do.//

[Author’s note: Yes, Squall *thinks* a WHOLE lot more than he *talks*.]

* Zell walks up to Squall and talks to him.

Squall: //Damn you, Seifer. Now Zell’s trying to hit on me.//

* Zell extends his hand to shake Squall’s.

Squall: //Seifer…//

* Squall ignores Zell.

Squall: //Seiferrrrrr…//

* Zell talks some more and then runs off.

Squall: //Phew.//

* Selphie talks to Zell and asks him to join the Garden Festival committee.

Squall: (sees Selphie) //Damn, I hope she doesn’t see me. If I’m lucky, my SeeD uniform will blend nicely into this ugly pillar I’m leaning against.// (Takes deep breath) //I-am-a pillar. I-am-a-pillar. I-am-a-pillar…//

* Zell makes some excuse and then runs off to hide.

* Selphie comes up to Squall.

Squall: //NOOOOO!!!!! Guess it didn’t work then. Nope. Not my lucky day.//

* Selphie asks Squall to join the Garden Festival committee.

Squall: //SeiferSeiferSeiferSeifer…help meeeeee…I am a social retard…//

* Squall agrees to join.

* Selphie cheers and runs off.

Squall: //Seiferrrrr…heyyyy wait, did I just *agree* to join the…NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!//

* Squall sees some girl (i.e. Rinoa) grinning at him.

Squall: //Why is she looking at me…?//

* Rinoa comes up to Squall.

Squall: //…oh shit.//

Rinoa: You’re the best looking guy here.

Squall: //*Definitely* not my lucky day.//

Rinoa: Dance with me?

Squall: //Seifer.//

Squall: …

Squall: //I want Seifer.//

Rinoa: Let me guess…you'll only dance with someone you like.

Squall: //I’ll only dance with Seifer, yes.//

* Rinoa thinks. Hard.

Rinoa: Okay then…look into my eyes…

* Rinoa waves her finger in front of Squall.

Rinoa: You’re-going-to-like-me-you’re-going-to-like-me…

Squall: (sarcastic, ala the Black Adder) //Oh, God.//

Squall: //You’re-not-Seifer-you’re-not-Seifer-you’re-not-Seifer…//

Rinoa: Did it work?

Squall: //You think?!?//

Squall: …I can’t dance.

Squall: //…with anyone but Seifer.//

Rinoa: You'll be fine. Come on.

Squall: //Seifer, this is ALL YOUR BLOODY FAULT.//

* Rinoa gets a deathgrip on Squall and drags him onto the dance floor.

Squall: (sighs resignedly) //Maybe I can *pretend* she’s Seifer…hey, does that mean she gets to lead?//

* Seifer stands outside the ballroom door.

Seifer: //Squalllllll.//

Seifer: //Squaaaaallllllllllll…//

* Seifer gets bored.

* Seifer pokes his head into the ballroom.

* Seifer sees Squall dancing with Rinoa.

* Seifer turns purple.

Seifer: //RAGE!!!!//

Seifer: //I think I’ve been hanging around with Fuu a little too much.//

Seifer: //But Squall’s MINE…ya know?//

Seifer: //…dammit, Raijin!//

* Seifer glares at Squall.

* Squall looks up and sees Seifer glaring at him.

Squall: //…crap. Looks like I’m not getting any tonight…//

* Squall gets distracted.

* Squall bumps into another couple.

* The girl of the couple turns around and glares at Squall.

* Squall glares back.

Squall: //What’s your problem? *Your* boyfriend didn’t just catch you dancing with another *girl*!!//

* Rinoa makes a face at the other girl and pulls Squall away.

Squall: //Catfight! Catfight! …No? Ah, damn.//

* The dance goes on.

Squall: //Seifer.//

Seifer: //Squall.//

* And on.

Squall: //Seiferrr.//

Seifer: //Squallll.//

* And finally, the dance ends. The fireworks start.

Squall: //Screw the fireworks. I want Seifer.//

* Rinoa smiles, turns around and leaves.

Squall: //Haaaa-lleluuuuu-jah!//

* Seifer waits for Squall at the doorway of the ballroom.

* Seifer sulks.

* Squall walks up to Seifer.

* Seifer tilts his head and looks at Squall, still sulky.

Seifer: So did you have fun?

Seifer: //Grrr…you’d better not say that you had fun…you’re *mineeeee*!!!//

Squall: …

Squall: //Of course it wasn’t fun, you idiot. This whole night was completely terrifying. And to top it all off, I had to dance with that scary girl. It was about as fun as going to the Fire Cavern with Instructor Trepe and wondering whether *she* or Ifrit would jump me first. Hmph. It would’ve been fun if I’d been dancing with *you*.//

Squall: …whatever.

* Seifer grins.

Seifer: Good enough.

* Seifer grabs an unprotesting Squall and drags him off.

* Squall smirks and lets himself be dragged off. //Hehheh, at least I’ll get to have some fun *now*. Looks like I’m getting some tonight after all...//




Author’s notes:

Erm, I didn’t intend for this to be a Rinoa-bashing fic, it just turned out that way. Apologies to all Rinoa fans (although I’m not exactly very fond of Rinoa)…and I definitely didn’t intend to bash Zell and Selphie ‘cos I quite like them, but well…*shrugs* the muses work in funny ways sometimes. :) No hard feelings, yes? *smiles*


Additional notes (edited 5 Jun ’01):

Okay, just edited a couple of lines a tad and added in the bit about Quistis up there…*wrings hands* Argh!!! What did I do?!? I *like* Quistis!! …*shakes head* Evil, evil muses I’ve got…*pokes Heero and Duo*

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