Author's Notes: Uh...this fic took a lot on my part because I absolutely HATE the idea of rinoa and squall getting together...ewie


Part 1 - Rinoa's POV

By Pudumaga

//All I did was walk over and start off
by shaking your hand
that's how it went.//

I sat in the cafeteria at a corner table drinking my usual grande mocha frappaccino slowly. I thought about my relationship with Squall Leonhart, Acting Commander of Balamb Garden, Frigid Bitch, whatever. I thought about all that, and how we were failing. Badly.

I reminisced back to the first time I saw Squall...

~I walked in the ballroom searching for Headmaster Cid when my eyes fell on the gorgeous form of Squall Leonhart.

//I had a smile on my face
and I sat up straight
I wanted to know ya
I wanted to show ya//

I walked over to him leaning against the pillar and smiled hoping he'd ask me too dance. He didn't. So I acted slightly ditzy, everyone expects me to be like that, so I conform. He just stood there pretending I didn't exist. Inside I was going over things to say. In the end I spoke without thinking, and I came out looking even ditzier.

//You don't know me
Don't ignore me
You don't want me there
You just shut me out//

He still ignored me. Inside I was seething. I wanted to scream or yell or kick or hit something, but I didn't. Instead I acted even stupider. He still ignored me.

//You don't know me
Don't ignore me
If you had your way
You'd just shut me out//

In the end he came up with the lame excuse that he couldn't dance to try and deter me, It didn't work, I got him in the end. I always do. We danced and while we were, he tried to escape. I held him, ensnared. When The fireworks came on, I left him wanting more, I could tell. Little did I know that I would be spending the next 4 months of my life with him...~

I could see that it wasn't going to work out between the two of us. Whenever he smiled at me, it wasn't in his eyes. His eyes held a certain look of smug contempt. He was playing mind-games with everyone. It fueled an anger so deep within me that I had started cutting myself to keep from snapping and killing someone. I know you're thinking I couldn't do it, but you don't know me. No one does.

It was then that I made a decision. I had to end this. Immediately. I stood up before I lost my new-found nerve. I walked confidently to our- SQUALL's room. I knocked. I never knock.

//No I just don't understand why
you won't talk to me//

Hopefully Squall would take the hint and not make me get down and dirty. Maybe not, who knows when you're dealing with Squall? I should, people expect me to. I like to do what people expect. Thinking before I speak is not something people expect of me. So I do it in private.

When the door finally started to open, I chickened out and cast an invisibility spell on myself (one of the more useful things I can do). I walked away quickly before it wore off.

//It hurts I'm so unwanted for nothing
Don't talk words against me//

<Why can't I do this?> It's just one of those things I can't-WON'T do. I'll do it the easy way. Then I won't get hurt. Ever.

//I wanted to know ya
I wanted to show ya//

With that thought I started to the library, I was going to write a letter.

Some time later...

I sat in the damn library trying my darndest to ignore the pesky librarian, Rebecca. She kept trying to give me advice, since I accidentally let slip to her what I was doing about an hour ago. Once or twice, Squall had stepped in and I had to hide me and my stuff, that took a lot of concentration. Really, it did. But that's irrelevant.

Rebecca came over again telling me to just tell him instead of writing a letter. She said that if Zell ever did that to her, She'd maim him. That gave me some ideas.

I came up with this as my final product:

Dear Squall,

I don't know how to say this...There is no easy way. I don't think that we could ever work out properly. You know that you want this just as much as I do. That is to say none at all. I see the looks you give me when you think I'm not paying attention. I know far more about people then you or anyone else thinks. You know we could never love each other the way I would want to. Ever. This is best for everyone. I'm leaving. I will return eventually, but I feel like I need some time to myself. Alone. I know I'm stupid for even saying this, but don't try to find me.
Do something good with your life Squall. Don't stay like this forever. Find someone who could do what I couldn't. Fill that gap inside of you. Look past your paranoia of people. You're just afraid to admit that you're scared of getting hurt. You must understand, Squall, that getting hurt is part of the wonderfully intricate parts of love and life that everyone should experience. I feel that I am trying to explain hormones to a teenager, oh well... Don't be an empty shell of a man Squall. Do something.

With hope for the future, Rinoa Heartily

I sat back and basked in the glow of accomplishment. Folding the letter neatly into thirds I went to go see if Squall was in the dorm room. Luckily for me, he wasn't. I packed all my important possessions in my suitcase and left the letter on the bed. And with my head held high, I left Garden. I would return one day, but it's never good to think too far ahead. I'm going to live for today.

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