By Kursed SeeD
"Christmas used to be just another pain in the ass to me. It didn't depress me, it didn't make me feel like singing from the rooftops... it was just there. There was really nothing special about it, and I couldn't see why everyone made such a big fuss over it. So what if it was the time of 'giving' and all that crap? No one really gave a damn anyway... it didn't matter if they bought you something, because it didn't mean anything, except that they had fulfilled their moral obligation. Family member? Friend? Check, check. People don't really put any personal thought into gifts, and that's why they don't mean shit anymore.
This year, though, I want it to be different. I want to give a gift to someone, and have it mean the world... but... I don't know what to give. I want it to be from the bottom of my heart, to pour all of my feelings into it, but I'm really clue less as to what to get.
I have been Christmas shopping for exactly a month now. I started in November, at the insistence of Quistis, and I've still had no luck. I have been to shop after shop, city after city, and I've always left empty-handed. Even the most precious of gifts seem to be too little, too meaningless. When you want to give someone your heart, what do you wrap it in?
I think it might have been Selphie who suggested a song. "Oh, don't make that face... a song can be special. Just, think about it... I'm sure you'll come up with the perfect song in no time..." The thing is, I haven't. I've listening to melodies and screaming fits, but I still haven't exactly come across anything that even comes close to giving the message I want to give. Everything's just a little off, a little wrong, and I don't want to give something that wouldn't be entirely right.
It was Quistis who suggested a poem. "A nice little sonnet, you know... something deep and heartfelt. If you don't find one you like, you can just write one yourself." Well, I was never a poet. I poured through books after books, took suggestions and even tried to few verses myself. But the ones I read were meant for someone else, and the ones I wrote myself were just forced. I definitely didn't want to give some sweet serenade, balconies and candle light... it just wasn't me.
Suggestion after suggestion came. Books, small tokens, something made of memories, but nothing added up. I didn't have to give more than a passing glance before I could honestly say, "No. This is not it."
I had pretty much given up hope on actually getting a good present. Perhaps I was just kidding myself. Perhaps there would be no 'perfect' gift, no trinket to express my feelings. Perhaps I was simply shooting too high.
But then... I got to thinking. About the person I so wanted to give the perfect gift to. I know the person like I know the back of my hand, like I know myself... hell, better than I know myself. This person is my mirror image in every way, we've always understood each other in ways that no one else ever has or ever will. We've always been able to say a million words, without actually saying anything at all. We've got this... connection. One I've never been able to explain; one I doubt I ever will be able to explain. It's just... there.
After a lot of thinking, I knew what the perfect gift would be. I felt a bit foolish for not realising it before, when it had always been there, right in front of my eyes. He is a part of me, as I am a part of him. So why not give him his twin soul? Two beings together can be one, right? I know it sounds corny, and dumb as hell, but that's the way I feel about it. Apart, we're just two ordinary (all right, perhaps not entirely ordinary) people, but together... when we're together, we always merge... into one common voice, one common entity. There's nothing better than that feeling of being complete, of being united...
A gift truly from the heart... yes, I think I have it. I know I have it.
So, Merry Christmas, Seifer Almasy. I'm giving myself to you. Not in some cheap, whorish way, but entirely. Mind, body and spirit. I don't know how you feel, but I've always felt... (Ah, what's the word I'm looking for here...) complete with you. There's always been that something that only you could give me. I'm not saying this just to make it sound nice, but because it's true. I've tried, time and time again, with Rinoa and a few others, but there was always that lonliness, always that empty space destroying me from the inside. The space that only you were able to fill.
I suppose I can only hope you feel the same.
Anyways... if you want me... you know where to find me.
I'll be waiting.
He stared at the paper, unsure of what to think. He felt a bit foolish, a bit stupid. He thought he sounded like some bad movie, but what more could he do? He had re-written the letter at least ten times, and each time it got a little worse. He sighed to himself. This letter would never be perfect. He was getting too much into detail, too personal. (Wasn't it supposed to be personal, though?) He crumbled up the paper and started again. This time, he wanted to sound more like Squall, less like an emotional stranger.
I spent a lot of thought on what to get you for Christmas, but it was a little hard; I've never bought you a present before. Even though there were plenty of nice gifts, plenty of things I knew you'd absolutely die for, I decided to just give you myself. It's cheap and I'm a whore, something about feelings, blah, blah, blah-"
Squall lowered his head in defeat. He hadn't actually meant to write it, but he had been demeaning himself in his head and hadn't noticed his pen had picked up his thought.
Another crumbled sheet of paper to be thrown in the trash can.
'Okay, let's try this...... again....'
You want a Christmas gift? Come and get me. Selphie says I'd look great in a little bow.
Well, that was certainly direct and to the point. It wasn't everything he wanted to say; probably nothing close to it, but it would have to work. It was his last effort and the most he could do without sounding like a complete and utter moron.
He carefully folded the piece of paper, slipped it in an envelope and licked it shut. He then printed "Seifer Almasy" on the envelope. He pressed the intercom on his desk.
"I have a message I need you to deliver to Seifer Almasy, please."
"Yes, sir. I'll get it out right away, sir."
Squall sighed again. He was tired as hell, had been working for three days straight. A nap oughta do him good. It'd give Seifer time to read the letter and decide what to do, whether it be come to him in peace, with Hyperion or just run away completely.
He stood up and stretched. "Melinda?"
"Hold all of my calls... I'm going to bed."
The door opened suddenly, interrupting Quistis' speech on magic.
"Yes?" Quistis asked, obviously annoyed.
"I have a message for Seifer Almasy, ma'am!" The cadet said calmly. The boy must have had nerves of steel with the way Quistis was glaring at him.
"Then deliver it and be gone. I am trying to teach a class, you know."
"Yes, ma'am!" The cadet walked over to Seifer, handed him an envelope and walked out of the classroom. "Sorry to bother you, ma'am."
Quistis sighed and began to lecture again. "Now, the best magic to use on a T-Rexaur is..."
Seifer tuned her out as he stared at the envelope, which was simply addressed "Seifer Almasy". There was no way to know whom it was from. Who'd want to write him, anyways? Unless he was in trouble for some Hyne-be-known reason... but then, why would the Garden have written him? Wouldn't they have just spoken to him in person?
Without another thought, Seifer tore open the envelope. He unfolded the paper, letting his eyes skim down the page.
He had to read it a second time, he wasn't quite sure he believed what he read.
You want a Christmas gift? Come and get me. Selphie says I'd look great in a little bow.
What in the hell did Squall mean by that? Was he offering himself for Christmas? Since when had Squall Leonhart become that... kinky?
On a more important note; WHY was Squall Leonhart offering himself to him? Didn't Squall hate him? Wasn't Squall with Rinoa, therefore strictly not gay? It didn't make any sense.
"Come and get me." Alright, Seifer could do that. He raised his hand.
Quistis sighed in exasperation. "What, Seifer?"
"The Headmaster has requested my presence. May I leave?"
The instructor took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Yes, Seifer."
Seifer stood up, grabbing his trench coat and books. He needed to talk to Squall and find out what in the hell was up.
"Hello? Anybody home?" Seifer called out to the empty room. It was odd, usually the Headmaster's office was bustling with activity. Now it was if everyone had vanished; even the secretary was absent.
Seifer knocked on Squall's office. "You in there, Leonhart?" Receiving no reply, he tried the door, surprised to find it unlocked. He stepped inside and looked around. No Headmaster here, either.
Seifer walked over to the desk, hoping for perhaps some sign of where everyone had went. Seeing nothing, he started to walk away. He stopped when a small crumbled sheet of paper caught his eye. It was lying on the floor, which was very un-Squall like. Squall Leonhart was a man of order and tidiness, he always picked up after himself.
Curiously Seifer walked over and picked up the paper, smoothing it out. It looked like a letter, but to who Seifer wasn't sure. He decided it wouldn't hurt anything to read over it.
The letter was about Christmas; about how Squall had been trying to find some 'perfect, heartfelt gift' but to no avail. Then Squall started talking about someone, about how well they knew each other. Seifer felt a small stab of jealousy in his gut. Who was this letter written to? Who was actually that special to the Ice Prince? Whoever they were, Seifer wanted to both strangle them and congratulate them.
The small piece of paper fluttered to the ground a few moments later. Seifer's head spun. It had said... said... "So, Merry Christmas, Seifer Almasy." The letter was to him? No fucking way! Squall had been talking of connecting, of really caring... hell, it sounded like he was in love with whoever he had written it to. Squall didn't love Seifer. Squall couldn't love Seifer! They were sworn enemies! Arch rivals!
Seifer didn't even notice as he slipped to the floor, his back resting against the wall. Squall loved him? He hadn't actually said that, but it was damn well implied. It was surreal, like a dream or something. Yes, that was it. He must be dreaming. There's no way in hell that would have happened in real life. Squall was an emotional iceberg, not even capable of loving, yet alone loving Seifer.
The blonde did have to admit, though. If it was a dream, it was a helluva nice one. Seifer had had a few dreams like that, where Squall had announced his undyings and they had lived happily ever after, but none were as... real as this one. Why had Squall written this? Why had he crumbled it up and sent him a short note instead?
There was only one thing to do; find Squall. Dream or not, Seifer wanted some answers.
"Sir? You can't be in here, sir. The Headmaster is sleeping." The secretary said, rushing in the room from Hyne knows where.
"Sleeping, eh?" Seifer stood up, wavering slightly. His legs felt weak, like he had been walking for ages, but it wouldn't stop him. All he had to do was make it to Squall's dorm. After that... well, he'd just have to find out.
"Please, you must leave, sir." The girl said nervously, anxious to get the young man out of the office before the Headmaster woke up and returned.
"I'm going, I'm going." Seifer muttered.
"Wakey, wakey, Squally. We need to talk."
Squall groaned slightly and buried his head under his pillows. Just a few more minutes.
The pillows were lifted from his head, bright sunlight pouring into the room. "C'mon, Squally. Get up."
Squall opened his eyes, blinking a few times. "Seifer?" He asked, his voice still thick with sleep. "What do we need to talk about?"
"This." Seifer said flatly, placing a crumbled sheet of paper on the bed. Squall looked at Seifer curiously and then picked up the paper. He skimmed over it. Oh no. "It's against the rules to go snooping around the Headmasters' office, you know." He said after a few moments, frowning slightly.
Seifer shrugged and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I was looking for you. Just happened to find that instead."
"...." Squall didn't exactly know what to say to the older man. He knew how he felt. Everything was up to Seifer now.
"Did you mean it?" Seifer asked quietly.
Seifer lifted his hand and gestured to the paper that Squall was still holding. "That."
Did he mean it? Of course he meant it. He meant it with every inch of his being. But telling Seifer was another thing. Seifer could reject him, could laugh at him or hit him. Seifer could get up and walk away, never come back. Squall had handled a lot of rejections in the past, more than anyone would ever think he would have had to, but rejection of this kind from Seifer Almasy... well, he just didn't know.
"Hey, Earth to Leonhart." Seifer said, waving a hand in Squall's face.
"Huh? Oh." He hadn't meant to space off like that. He did it a lot without realising it, much to everyone's annoyance.
"So, did you mean it or not?" Seifer asked again, seemingly impatient.
Squall bit his lip. ".........Yes." He looked down at the floor, not wanting to see Seifer's response, afraid of revulsion and disgust.
Seifer wanted to take the younger man in his arms, but wasn't sure of whether or not he should. Squall looked tense, afraid. "There's no reason to be afraid, you know. I don't bite."
Squall still didn't look up, still didn't relax.
Seifer sighed to himself. If the boy wanted to be like that, fine. Didn't mean Seifer was going to stop now, though. Seifer had waited too long for this moment to quit. He inched closer to Squall, until they were practically touching. Then he took a finger and gently lifted up Squall's chin, so that they were face to face. Uncertainty shone in Squall's eyes. "Don't be afraid." Seifer whispered, brushing his lips against the brunettes'.
Squall shuddered as Seifer kissed him again. He had waited so long... so long... He wrapped his arms around the older man, drawing him in closer, kissing him back. It just felt so... right.
The world began to fade away in that kiss. Everyone and everything else disappeared. The only thing that mattered was the electricity flowing between them. For once in his life, Seifer Almasy didn't feel alone. The part he had been searching for had finally been found. He cursed himself for not realising it was there all along. Even if everything went wrong in his life, he knew he could take it now. He was complete and that was all that mattered. Finally, they were one. Then and forever.
'Hyne... I sound like a bad movie or something...'
"Say, has anyone seen Squall?"
Zell bit her lip. "He's not in his office. I went there earlier to talk to him about something. His secretary said that he had taken a nap, but no one answered his dorm room."
"You know, it's funny. I haven't seen Seifer, either, and he was summoned by Squall earlier." Quistis commented.
"Where do you think they're at?"
"Better yet, what do you think they're doing?!"
Everyone groaned at Selphie's not-so-subtle hint.
"Well, if they are, then good for them." Zell said, taking a bite out of his hot dog.
"Yeah. Now they can stop pouting and acting all mean!" Rinoa threw in.
"You're okay if they are?" Quistis asked in disbelief.
"Ah... Squall's not really my type anyways." Rinoa said, giggling.
Irvine raised his eyebrows, but said nothing.
"So... you're not going to try to watch them or shout about yaoi or anything?" Zell asked after a few moments of silence.
Selphie smiled sweetly. "Nah, it's a special moment for those two, I don't want to interrupt."
Zell patted her on the back. "I knew you'd grow up sooner or later."
Selphie's smile grew wider. "'Sides... it's Christmas. And you know what I got for Christmas?"
"What's that?" Quistis asked.
"A camera installed in Squall's room! So I'll never miss the action!" Selphie cried, throwing her fists up into the air.
Irvine lowered his head, trying to hide his smile. "You had to ask, didn't you Zell?"
Zell just shook his head sadly.
"Hey... do we get to see the tapes too?" Quistis asked.
"Of course! We can all watch it on Christmas! OH! I know! We'll use the projector to play it! That way every one can get in the spirit!"
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