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Part 1 - Asking for assistance...
I've never been a sexual person. The only time I get an erection is in the morning, when I wake up--nothing that a cold shower can't take care of. There was never any time to explore my sexuality; I always concentrated on taking care of myself, not my need.
The only person I'd been attracted to was Rinoa. I loved her beautiful, almond-shaped eyes, and her rose-petal lips that were always curved in a warm smile. She was wonderful and beautiful. It's a shame that our relationship didn't last. I couldn't provide for her the way she deserved. I'm not surprised that she's found someone else. In all honesty, I'm happy for her. A few weeks ago, she called to tell me she was marrying Zone. Her wedding will be in a few months, I'm still deciding whether or not to attend.
Irvine is the most sex-driven person I know. I'm not surprised that he and Selphie are dating. Selphie is a closet hentai, in case you didn't know. Zell has complained to me, on more than one occasion, about all the noise she and Irvine make late at night. Lucky for me, their room isn't next to mine. Zell keeps begging me to move him. Maybe I will...eventually.
Quistis seems to be the only sane one in our group. Occasionally, Zell will tell one of his sex stories during dinner; sometimes I think he provides _too_ much information. I don't think Quistis is a virgin, but at least she doesn't say anything about it. Rinoa and I were the only virgins in the group; I think they all assume that we lost it together--which is not true. Rinoa wants to wait till she's married, so pretty soon, I'll be the only one left.
I don't know why I care about this. I never really thought about it before. The only thing I'm concerned about is running the Garden and making sure another sorceress war doesn't happen. I kept my position as commander of Garden; the job occupies more than half of the day; effectively keeping me distracted.
So why has my world been turned upside down because of Seifer Almasy?
A few days ago, the headmaster asked me to deliver a message. He wanted Nida to train some students about piloting the Garden, so I was chosen as messenger for the day. Why does everyone turn me into a messenger? That's Selphie's job.
Anyway, I went to Nida's room but no one answered his door. I asked a couple of students if they knew where he was, and they all pointed at Seifer's door. Imagine my surprise. I thought Nida would never forgive Seifer.
Well, I knocked on Seifer's door, and again, there was no answer. But I heard a faint banging going on inside the room. I thought Seifer and Nida were going at it, so I opened the door and stepped inside.
They _were_ going at it, but they weren't _fighting_. Seifer had Nida pinned to the bed; his chest pressing against Nida's back. They were both naked, and sweaty, and moaning. I didn't know what to say, so I just stood there in shock.
I can't say I was disgusted by what I saw. I was just...surprised. I didn't know that two boys could do something like that.
In some ways, I guess I'm na´ve when it comes to things like sex. I knew that there were people who preferred dating the same sex, but I never really thought about it, or cared. I just never thought Seifer was one of those people.
When I walked in on them, Seifer turned around and looked at me in surprise. Nida nearly screamed. He crawled out from under Seifer and ran out of the room as fast as he could.
I followed soon after; the image of Seifer's well-muscled body still emblazed within my mind.
And even now, as I think about his sleek honey-colored body, I find myself growing aroused. I don't know why that is; no one has ever aroused me before. Like I said, the only time I got an erection was in the morning, when I woke up. But when I think of Seifer, my pants grow tighter and my body aches for some sort of...release; why is that? I never had thoughts about sex before. And what made it worse was: this was Seifer, my childhood rival. If he ever knew what I was thinking, he'd use it against me until the day I died.
This happened two days ago. I've been avoiding both of them, even though I know Seifer wants to speak with me; our confrontation will be inevitable. I just want to hold it off for as long as I can.
As soon as I think that, though, there's a strong knock on my door. Normally, students knock tentatively, almost as if I'm going to bite their heads off. Seifer is the only one who knocks with confidence.
For a moment, I remain silent. Maybe if I ignore the knock, he'll go away. But I have no such luck.
"I know you're in there, Leonhart!" He pounds on the door again, hard enough to make the entire door shake.
I swallow, hard. I've never dreaded seeing Seifer more than I did now. It annoys me that my body is trembling. I think I feared this moment more than I feared fighting Ultimecia.
It's better to get it over with now, I guess. Seifer is the most stubborn person I know.
I approach the door tentatively, and then turn the knob.
Seifer, already, is glaring at me. His short blond hair is slightly disheveled, and his emerald green eyes are boring holes through my soul. His gaze is so heated; my body reacts to its burning intensity--in a way that I don't necessarily like.
"Avoiding me, Leonhart?" He smirks and pushes me out of his way; the brief touch makes my body quiver undetectably.
How does he do this?
"Was it too much for your virgin mind to handle?" He flops onto the chair in front of my desk, reclining until he's practically lying down. I walk around the side of my desk and take a seat, not bothering to answer his question.
"So..." He trails off and folds his hands under his chin; it's so annoying. "Are you going to punish me and Nida for our, 'indecent behavior'?"
I glare at him. ".....Whatever."
If I were going to punish them, I would've done it by now.
"Are you gonna tell anyone about me being a 'homo'?" He tries to sound nonchalant, but I have a feeling that he's worried about it.
And why would I tell anyone that?
"It's not my business," I say it as well as think it. If Seifer wants to tell the world, why should I care? And if Seifer wants to keep it to himself, why should I care?
"Psh, you're such an asshole," he states.
"Don't tell anyone about Nida being 'gay'," Seifer says. "He's going crazy. He thinks everyone's calling him a faggot behind his back."
"Are you listening?" Seifer demands. He slams his fist down on the arm of the chair, glaring at me.
Why does everyone ask if I'm listening to them? Of course I'm listening; it doesn't mean I have anything to say to them.
Seifer shakes his head and stands from the chair. "You need to get laid, Leonhart."
My body reacts, instantly. Then my mind supplies me with images of Seifer, naked, and kissing me.
I force the images out of my mind and just watch as Seifer heads for the door; he stops when he has his hand on the doorknob.
"Maybe I can help you with that." He smirks and walks out the door, closing it behind him.
I groan and bury my face in my hands. If his words were meant to arouse me, it worked.
That night, I found myself staring up at the water-stained ceiling in my dorm room. I've done this many times before, just thinking. Usually, I thought about things like Edea, or Sorceress Ultimecia. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just afraid that it will happen all over again. Whatever the reason, I usually lay here for hours, trying to get to sleep. But tonight was different. Tonight, I was thinking about Seifer.
Headmaster Cid allowed Seifer to return four months ago. The students at Garden signed petitions of protest, but the headmaster ignored them. I guess he believes Seifer was brainwashed. I don't know what to think of it. As long as Seifer doesn't betray us, I won't protest against his stay here.
But now, I was having second thoughts. All I could think about was Seifer's smooth body. His finely chiseled muscles could make any Greek statue jealous; they were hard and flawless, and I could imagine it felt warm as well. His arrogant face always annoyed me, but somehow, in the midst of pleasure, he became a beautiful God: a God of Lust, and a God I wanted.
I didn't realize my hand strayed down to my stomach until I felt nimble fingers playing with the waistband. I've never touched myself before, but I could imagine it'd feel pleasurable. All these thoughts of Seifer had made me become impossibly hard. I've never felt so aroused in my life.
Unable to abandon my need, my right hand slipped beneath my boxers. Slim fingers brushed against my length; the sensation bringing tingles to my groin.
I wasn't sure what I was supposed do, but I figured I'd do whatever felt good. Almost tentatively, I wrapped my hand around my length, giving it a gentle squeeze. I gasped when I felt the warmth of sensation. I squeezed a little harder and made an experimental stroke.
I gave a loud gasp and closed my eyes. I couldn't believe I was doing this. I couldn't believe Seifer had brought me to this level. His gorgeous face loomed into mind, and I gave myself another stroke.
"Mmm!" I bit my lip and tried to silence my moans. I never thought this could feel so good; taking cold showers were painful and unsatisfying, especially when compared to this.
My left hand began to move by its own volition; slipping beneath my plain white shirt and running across the hard lines of my stomach. I continued to stroke myself slowly and teasingly, but my hand didn't get the freedom it wanted.
Even in the confines of my room, I blushed when I momentarily stopped my ministrations. I lifted my hips off of the bed, and slid off my boxers until they were around my ankles. I felt foolish for doing something like this, but my cock was still hard and my hands were bringing me pleasure.
I recaptured my arousal and continued my long strokes. I slid my thumb across the head and was surprised to feel a warm bead of liquid. I looked down at my exposed arousal; there was a clear substance smearing my thumb. Experimentally, I brought my thumb to my mouth and licked it.
It was salty and bitter, not too bad.
Then, I imagined that it was Seifer who I tasted. My cock twitched and I returned my hand to my erection. My other hand returned to its exploration of my stomach, and slid across my hardened nipples.
I gave another gasp and squeezed my arousal, harder. With one hand, I pinched my nipples, and with the other, I began to stroke up and down. With each stroke, I increased my speed. The pleasure running along my body continued to mount.
I began to wish that Seifer were touching me, squeezing my nipples and stroking my erection. What would it feel like to have his hands on me? I could imagine that they would be warm and talented; Nida seemed to enjoy his ministrations.
A flash of jealousy went through me; where had that come from?
The rapid strokes upon my arousal forced the question out of my head. I bit my lower lip to hold back a scream as the pleasure continued to mount and mount.
God, I wished Seifer were touching me.
My hips were thrusting up into my hand, shaking the small bed below me. I was moaning and panting from the exquisite sensation; nothing should have felt so good.
I gave my erection a few hard strokes. Then, I threw my pillow over my face as a scream ripped from my throat.
Pulse after pulse, hot-white liquid poured from my cock. I could feel ribbon after ribbon coat my hand and my stomach. I never imagined it could feel so good; it was like falling into a mindless oblivion, where ecstasy and pleasure only existed.
When my climax ebbed away, I was sweating and panting with exertion. I couldn't think about anything, for a long time. My body felt like it was floating amongst the clouds, oblivious to the planet everyone called, "Earth".
I pulled the pillow off of my face when my body decided to start functioning again. I looked at my hand and eyed the creamy substance covering it.
I wonder what it tasted like...
My tongue darted out to lap at the liquid; it tasted a lot like the clear substance.
It wasn't a bad taste.
I imagined that, it was, again, Seifer's passion. I licked at my hand until it was gone. I was a bit disappointed, but noticed my stomach.
I wonder if Seifer tasted the same.
When I cleaned myself off and pulled my boxers back on, I covered myself with the blanket and began mulling over my thoughts.
Why was I becoming so obsessed over Seifer? Why did he make me feel so...aroused? Was it lust? Or was it curiosity?
I didn't know whether or not I was attracted to boys, but I was pretty sure that I was attracted to Seifer. He was handsome and exotic. Sometimes, he reminded me of a Siberian Tiger. He had the grace and power of any great cat.
And I wanted to know what it'd be like to be with him.
I decided to talk to him tomorrow. Hopefully, he wouldn't laugh in my face and tell me to get lost.
Or maybe he and Nida were dating each other...
I think I'll just think about it for a while; maybe all these feelings will go away after this; maybe I just needed release...
I fell asleep thinking that.
The feelings didn't go away, even after several nights of masturbating. I thought it would. I _hoped_ it would. But they were still there, even after two weeks of my first release. In fact, my feelings towards Seifer only increased. Every time I looked at him, I had to turn away before I started blushing.
I didn't know if I had any feelings towards Seifer. I think it mainly dealt with lust; it could have been something more...
I also did a little investigating.
Seifer and Nida weren't a couple. I watched them both on the security monitors. Nida wouldn't even look at Seifer. And he wouldn't look at me, either. Or maybe they were having a fight. I don't know.
I've finally gotten up the courage to talk to Seifer. I asked Quistis a few moments ago to go fetch him.
I wonder if he was serious about his offer...
Did he hate me?
I hoped not.
I've never done anything like this before. Maybe it would be easier if it were anyone but Seifer. We've been childhood rivals ever since our 'orphanage' days.
But.....I think that a part of me has always been attracted to Seifer.
There was that familiar knock on the door; he was here. I couldn't back out of this now; if I tried, Seifer would probably beat the truth out of me.
"It's unlocked," I said, loud enough for him to hear me.
The door opened, and there he was, scowling at me.
"What'd I do now?" He demands.
"Close the door behind you," I managed to say.
God, why did all my thoughts revolve around Seifer?
'Because he's damn sexy,' an annoying voice tells me in the back of my mind.
I look down at my hands and I can see that they're trembling. Why'd I decide to do this again?
"Well?" Seifer says impatiently.
"Do you still want to help me?" I know he knows what I'm talking about. I can hear my heart pound as I wait for his answer.
To be continued...
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