Authors notes: Warning: Cross-dressing. Silly ficcy that I got the idea for after watching Miss Congeniality. Poor Squall he always suffers in my ficcies. Thanks to Djali Sanduleak for the Spanish phrase.

The Beauty Contest

By Purple Penguin

Selphie, Quistis and Rinoa huddled round a table near the stage in the quad.

“I can’t believe Squall agreed to let you host a beauty contest here. This’ll be so cool!”

“Yeah but we have to find ten girls to enter by tomorrow or he’ll cancel it for lack of interest.”

Rinoa’s face fell. “Oh. Where are we going to find 7 more girls by tomorrow to enter that are as pretty as us?”

“Well lets see we have us three, Xu, Fujin-”

“Wait! Fujin?” Quistis asked.

“Yeah she’s pretty.”

“And how are you going to convince her to join in?”

Selphie frowned. “She will love to join.”

The other two shared a look.

“Now where was I... oh yeah we can ask the library girl and Edea.”

Rinoa waited for more but that wasn’t any. “But that’s only seven we’re three short.”

“Um...well... Quistis can’t you ask some trepies to join in.”

“Trepie 11 and 24 are very pretty.”


“1 more needed Selphie.”

“Leave it to me, I’ll get us a girl for pretty she’ll win for sure.” She frowned in thought. Hmmm a pretty girl that they hadn’t mentioned in this garden was it possible? Who could they get?


Selphie entered the club. She was supposed to be meeting her two favourite guys here Zell and Irvine but she couldn’t see them anywhere. Trust Irvy to get himself lost and take Zell with him. She approached the bar to get a drink while she waited.

A scantily clad young girl walked into her.

“Oh I’m sorry.” She looked up at the girl in the red short leather top that exposed her stomach and the really short skirt that almost didn’t cover her ass. Delicate fingers brushed back a strand of black hair that fell over her storm coloured eyes. She blinked at Selphie then turned to flee but a large hand slapped her on the ass and a tall blonde handed her a drink.

“Here you go.”

Selphie grinned up at him. “Seifer!”

“Uh oh.” He whispered to his friend. “S-Selphie w-what are you doing h-here?”

“I was meeting the guys here.” She grinned. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?”

The girl answered in a strangely masculine voice. “No he’s not. Come on Seifer.”

The petite girl frowned. That voice was so familiar and those eyes. Her jaw fell open in realization. “Oh my god!”

The girl waited for her to say it.


There it was, the girl turned to run but before she could Selphie burst out laughing.

The brunette pouted, tugging at his lover’s sleeve. “Seifer she’s laughing at me.”

Selphie quickly swallowed her giggles. “I’m sorry Squall you look great!”

The brunette brightened. “Really?”

“Yeah I was just shocked; you’re the last person I expected to dress like this.”

Seifer wrapped a protective arm around the shorter man. “You’re not going to tell anyone are you? I can imagine what the cadets at garden would say.” He put on a high pitch voice to impersonate a female cadet. “That nasty lapdog knight has corrupted our dear commander.”

Selphie smiled. “You’re secret’s safe with me.”

“Selphie? Hello?”


“Where did you go? Are you okay?”

The petite girl slowly smiled. “I’m fine. I know who we can get, leave it to me.”

Selphie knocked on the door to Squall’s office.

“Come in.”

She opened the door and bounced up to the desk. “Squally.” She cooed.

The commander glanced up at her. “Don’t call me that. What do you want?”

She ignored him. “Squall I need to ask you a favour.”

He put down the pen and sat suspiciously. After all the times he’d agreed to do things while doing his paperwork while not listening to what it was they wanted. That’s how he and Seifer first had sex.

“What is it?”

“You know the beauty contest that me and girls are doing, well we only have nine contests we’re one short.”

“So? Do you want more time or something?”

“No I have someone in mind.”

“So why are you up here-?”

“Squally I remember how pretty you looked in that dress and just think how happy Seifer would be if you entered a beauty contest.”

“WHAT!?” The brunette leapt up from the desk. “You want me to enter the contest?”

“No one will know it’s you except me.... and Seifer.”

“No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no-”

“But Squally-”


She sighed in disappointment. “Ok then I’ll guess I’ll just go tell the guys what I saw that night in the club then. Bye!” She turned her back.


She grinned, looking back at him. “Yes?”

“I-” He paused not knowing what to say or do. He scurried round the desk. “That is so mean!”

She smiled. “So shall we go and find you a nice little female persona then?”

The brunette stood there for a moment undecided then ran back round his desk and hit the intercom button to talk to his receptionist.

“Sandy cancel anything I have to do today and get X- Qui-” He paused. Both his second in commands were female and in the contest. “Get someone male up here to cover for me.”

He stood straight looking professional at the Selphie. “Lets get this over with.”

Squall stood in front of a full-length mirror. Make-up fully applied, long black wig on and he wore a long red slinky dress that flowed around his freshly shaved legs. Red high-heels to match with a padded bra underneath and red lacy underwear.

“Ooh you look lovely!” Selphie cheered.

“I don’t know.” Squall clawed at the itchy bra straps that dug into his shoulders.

“Don’t doubt me I’m a genius. Now are you ready to meet the girls?”

Stormy eyes widened. “I can’t meet them, I open my mouth and they’ll know it’s me.”

She grinned and handed him a sheet on paper.

“What’s this?”

“This is you. Who you are, name, age, bra size, everything.”

Squall looked through the information. “Ola? What sort of fucked up name is that?”

Selphie hit his arm.

“Ow what was that for?”

“That was my mother’s name.”

“Oh I’m sorr- Wait a minute you don’t have a mother.”

“Well no but if I did then I’m sure that is what she would be called.”

Squall shook his head in confusion and didn’t even try to work that one out. “Wait it says I’m Spanish and I don’t speak English?”

“Yeah that solves the problem of you speaking to them.”

“B-But I can only say one thing in Spanish.”

“What’s that?”

He blushed. “Not anything I want to repeat.”

“Tell me.”

"cómeme el nabo"

“And that means what?”

He whispered it to her. She gave him a look. “You can say ‘Suck my dick’ in Spanish? Why? Where did you learn to say that? Wait I don’t want to know. It doesn’t matter they don’t speak Spanish either, you just smile and nod and I’ll explain that you can’t speak English.”

“B-But Selphie-”

She patted him on the back. “You’ll be fine, what can go wrong?”

All the girls in the contest gathered around Selphie as she introduced a new girl to them. The brunette girl nervously smiled at them.

“Everyone this is Ola, she doesn’t speak English and is very shy so please be nice to her.”

The girl in red waved feeling a little afraid even though he knew all these people, he used to date one of them.

Edea smiled in a mothering way. “Don’t be scared dear, you’ll be fine.”

Squall smiled in an uncomfortable way.

Selphie took charge. “Come on now people let’s start the dress rehearsal.”

Everyone except Squall got into position. The brunette just stood there till Rinoa took his arm and moved him into position.


Someone male stormed into the quad. “Hey Selphie!”

They all groaned and glared at the newcomer except Squall who turned his back and hid his face behind his hair.

“Seifer! You’re interrupting the dress rehearsal!”

The arrogant blonde stopped in mock horror. “Really? Oh no! What will you do now?” He rolled his eyes.

“Seifer I know you think this is just a silly contest but-”

“Yeah, yeah whatever I’m just here to deliver a message. Irvine and Zell want to judge your little contest.”

Rinoa wrinkled her nose. “Irvine judging our contest? Zell maybe but I’m not parading around for that cowboy’s amusement.”

Selphie stuck her tongue out. “Fine then don’t.” She turned to Seifer. “Yes tell them let’s fine.”

The blonde looked over at the only girl he didn’t know but she had her back turned to him so he was about to leave.

Fujin stopped him. “WAIT SEIFER MEET NEW GIRL?”

Squall winced. Why did she do that? Did Fujin know? The albino was expressionless but that didn’t mean anything as he well knew.

The blonde stepped towards him now and those green eyes studies him carefully.

“Seifer this is Ola.”

The brunette shook his hand while looking at the ground. Seifer frowned. Ola looked very familiar. He was going to turn away figuring he must have seen her in a club at some time until the girl looked up into his eyes. Seifer had to do a double take. His eyes widened in recognition. A slow sly smile spread over his features.

“Ola was it?”

The shy girl nodded batting her lashes at him and holding a finger to her lips to silently tell the blonde to keep quiet.

Rinoa looked between the two. Had they meet before? Was Ola flirting with Seifer?

Selphie suppressed a smile. “You know what girls? Let’s take a break.”

“But we haven’t started yet.”

“Yeah but I could do with a smoke.” She disappeared before Rinoa could reply.

“But you don’t smoke.”

Seifer dragged squall back into the make-up room. The door shut behind them and the blonde burst out laughing.

“I can’t believe you entered a beauty contest.”

His lover pouted in annoyance.

Seifer quickly corrected himself. “Though I’m sure you’ll win you’re the prettiest.”

“Nice save.” Squall said as Seifer wrapped his arms loosely around his neck in affection. “This was Selphie’s idea she blackmailed me.”

“Why Ola?”

“Again Selphie’s idea I don’t know why I think she was just being Selphie.”

The brunette frowned. “What are you grinning at?”

“I need a favour.”

“Wha-?” He stopped feeling his lover growing erection grinding into his leg. “I have a dress rehearsal to go to remember.”

“You should have thought about that before you put on the dress.”

Squall rolled his eyes. “Fine but watch the dress it’s the only decent one I have.”

Squall parted from his lover after a slap on the ass. Rinoa raised an eyebrow, looking over the rumpled dress and hair of the strangely familiar girl. Ola’s lipstick was smeared and a lot of it was on Seifer. The brunette cocked his head at Rinoa questioningly. She handed him a mirror.

“Do you know Seifer?”

Squall shook his head.

Fuijin walked up and studied him. “MAKE-UP SMUDGED.” Her grinned and ran a line down between her eyes, telling him that she could see the scar.

The horrified brunette turned and scurried back into the dressing room.

2 days later at the beauty contest. Seifer had a change of heart and joined the other two guys in judging the contest.

The trepies went first. Squall backstage fidgeted nervously watching the others pose and the judges write down their scores. The two girls finished and Edea and Quistis took their place.

“Oh god, oh god, oh god.”


He jumped. “AHH! I can’t go out there, what if they figure out who I am?”

Selphie tugged on his arm. “How could they?”

Fuijin and Rinoa went out next.

“We’re next so calm down it’ll be over soon.”

“Soon? What if I win I’ll be out there longer.”

Selphie laughed. “Oh don’t worry Squall, you won’t beat me.”

“I-What?” The brunette narrowed his eyes. “Why not?”

“Well you’re just a man in a dress whereas I’m all woman.”

The brunette folded his arms over his fake breasts. “Well sad for you that I’m still prettier than you are.”

Selphie meet Squall’s glare. “Fine let the best gir- er person win then.”

He nodded and together they walked out on stage glaring at each other and smiling sweetly at the judges. Seifer winked at his lover and Irvine gave Selphie a thumbs up. Irvine gave his girlfriend full marks and Seifer gave Squall full marks.

When all the girls had been out the top three were chosen. They were Quistis, Selphie and Ola. Zell strangled Zell until he stepped down and Quistis was out of the running.

The two remaining girls glared at each other. Selphie stepped down suddenly and ripped off Squall’s wig.

The whole crowd fell silent, whispering filed the room. “It’s a man!”



The brunette’s eyes widened then rolled back in his head and he collapsed. Seifer hurried over to pick up his lover.

Selphie grinned. “Is that it? Do I win?”

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