By Alexis Logain
He's never asked me to stay before. Stay with him after we've fought ourselves bloody, after we've exchanged harsh words and even harsher blows. There's a thousand reasons I can come up with to justify it, too… Rinoa leaving - he's been acting odd ever since then…that's probably why. Maybe it's because his dad's in Balamb. Or maybe it's because nobody hates me for what happened, even though I explain to them that they should. But no, I'm not evil, I'm not a bastard; I'm a good, pure soul who was mind-raped by an evil sorceress. Yeah, right. And if you buy that one, I've got some land up in Trabia to sell you.
Maybe, somehow, he thinks tonight is different and that we can just pretend that everything never happened and that he and I were still a twisted sort of best friends. I suppose it is…after all, it is the one year anniversary of what all happened. One year ago, they killed Ultimecia and my dream of domination. One year ago, I crawled back to the only place I had left, was accepted.
We hadn't started back up exactly as we had left off before it all happened. We were nice, civil to each other, our friendship turning genuine. But then…then I remembered why I had always fought with him, remembered that his fire, his passion, was only accessible to me when I had my blade against his throat. That he would only consider me more than a friend when we were pressed against each other, blood and sweat dripping down our bodies before he realized what was going on and pulled away. He was in such denial…I'm surprised it took this long for Rinoa to leave him.
She claimed he was too quiet, too sullen. That he didn't love her enough.
She didn't know that he was a closet fag who loved raves and clubbing late, late at night when the moon was tired and low in the sky and when Ecstasy was passed freely. She didn't know that he loved being a creature of the night and glared at the sun - which, he was positive, merely glared back at him. She didn't know him. I do. I did. I always have.
I wonder if she'd be shocked, seeing us camped out on his couch; him sitting on one half and me sprawled across it with my head resting in his lap and my legs dangling over the edge. She probably would be. Or her precious innocence would be so insulted she'd run screaming, too hurt from seeing the connection he and I had to even be shocked. Two men, together. Who'd a thunk it? Certainly not Miss Heartily - she can't even come up with any fashion sense. I wonder how he could have even been seen in public with her.
I heard she's now in a very serious relationship. With her dog.
I told him that, not too long ago. He blinked at me then fell over, laughing his ass off. The whole fucking cafeteria stared at us like we were insane. Zell looked jealous - he can never get his precious Headmaster to react like that around him. Of course laughing isn't the reaction Zell wants - he wants something that resembles him dropping to his knees and sucking him off. Like that would happen. The only person he's ever gotten close to having a same-sex relationship with is me and I'm planning on keeping it that way. I told Zell to back off too. I didn't argue, didn't use loud, angry words…only cold certainty that I would keep my 'promises' of castrating Zell and then shoving said castrated dick up his scrawny little ass. Squall is mine, dammit, and I will be damned if Zell lays one filthy little paw on him.
I wonder what he would do if I kissed him. Just, sat up and pressed my lips against his. I wonder what he would taste like? Sweet and heady or…tangy and bitter? Would his lips mold to mine, would his tongue want to explore my mouth as much as mine did his? Or better yet…what would he do if I shifted and tugged down his zipper with my teeth, licking and sucking him until he was hard as steel and then just left him like that. He'd probably hit me and then make me finish. Or he'd turn beet red and scurry off to his room to beat off. Hehhehheh…beet and beat. Wow, that was scary. I'm starting to sound like Zell. That's just wrong.
Okay, I don't really have anything against the Chicken. He's just so damned annoying sometimes and sometimes it's just really frustrating to have the ideal cute blonde hitting on the object of your affection! Yeah, okay, so I do realize that I'm attractive too. I have a great ass, great abs, great pecs, great biceps…I'm tall, blonde, and have a damned near perfect complexion. I am a Norse God and damned proud of it. It's just too bad that the one person I want to be attracted to me is more content paying attention to a fucking teenybopper movie than the fact I have my head resting in his lap - that if I turned it just this much I could be face to face, er, head or…whatever. Dammit, now I'm sounding like him! What the fuck is going on: an experiment to see what would happen if Squall and Zell mated and had biological children?
'Oh, by the way Seifer, we were doing this one experiment when…'
No. Fucking. Way.
Maybe I should kiss him. Maybe I should just lean up and kiss him. But then, if I did, would that thought of being the product of his and Zell's DNA come up in my mind? Because that would be just…horrifying. No, I do not think I would enjoy that much at all. What goes on in his head anyway? I mean, how much can you just think? It's not like he has all that much stuff to do anyway. Paperwork…that's about it. But, I mean, seriously, how hard is it to read a few forms a day? I asked him that once and he gave me the dirtiest look I have ever seen in my life - and I've seen quite a few, trust me. Maybe that's why I was assigned to drag a bunch of cadets through the Fire Cavern the next day…nah, Squall isn't that cruel. He probably just figured that while most people would resist the temptation to kill them, if I did, I'd make sure I got all of them and say Ifrit ate them all or something.
That was something else that I asked him: why does he run a school full of mercenaries-in-training? Wouldn't training a bunch of delegates and negotiators and mediators do the world more good? Yes, I am suggesting peaceful solutions. Surprising, isn't it? The violent, murder-driving bastard that is Seifer Almasy thinks about peace. Squall's reaction was just as shocked, then he muttered something about fighting for peace. That makes no sense.
Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Why did Squall ask me to stay? Why did he ask me to come up to his quarters and hang out, watch movies, eat junk food - which he was doing plenty of by inhaling half a box of dark chocolates - and/or do whatever? Although the doing whatever sounds nice. He seemed so nervous when he opened the door and it was me. Maybe he doesn't want people to get the wrong impression. Or maybe he does. He knows that I know he prefers to pick up men when we go to clubs. Maybe…maybe I should just ask him. I mean, I've always gone for the direct approach, right? Isn't it about time that I do that? Be direct. 'Gee, while I've got my head on your crotch I figured I'd ask…so, uh, Squall…do you have the hots for me?' No, I don't think it'd go over very well.
Huh? What? Oh…Squall's talking to me. First time in, oh I don't know, three hours. His voice was quiet and a bit thick with disuse; hesitant but fading completely between that breath and the next.
"Are you in love with me?"
Okay, no, that's not what I expected Squall to ask. Holy shit. Um…wow, so this is how it feels when your mind blanks out completely. Wow.
"Possibly," I replied slowly. There was no reaction, just him still sitting there, staring straight ahead at the fucking television with my head cushioned in his lap. "Squall?"
"Possibly." Okay, so he was listening… "What do you mean, 'possibly'?"
"I mean exactly that." So my voice was a little harsher than I wanted, but at least he looked at me, if only for a split second.
"Okay. Well…me too." Oh. Um…Squall…possibly…oh. "Hand me the remote, will you? I hate this movie." I shifted and purposely rubbed my arm and shoulder against him, just to feel him shudder. He looked down at me and I knew he saw the impish grin I had. And maybe he even saw the little horns that I just knew popped up.
You know how I kept saying, maybe I should just kiss him and see what happens? See how he tastes? He tastes like sweet strawberries and bitter chocolate.
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