Author's Notes: Get your tissues out, you’ll need them for this. For Miss Dincht for agreeing to make me a banner for my site.


By Purple Penguin

I stood in my dorm changing into my suit, I felt numb all over. I looked in the mirror checking my black attire, Squall always said I looked good in a suit. I smiled as I imagined his arms wrap around my waist and his head lay on my shoulder, I raised a hand to lay on top of his but of course the image vanished and I turned away from the mirror. I absently wiped the tear that fell down my cheek.

I picked up a photo from beside the bed; it was taken recently on our vacation. Squall stood in my arms with a slight smile on his face; Selphie called it a Squall grin, that slight upturning of his lips. Hard to believe that just last week I was able to hold him, touch him, see him.

The others watch me constantly, they’re afraid I’ll do something stupid, Zell’s confiscated my gunblade. I’m not going to kill myself, Squall wouldn’t want that. I still have Squall’s weapon though, I wouldn’t let hem have it, they’d have to pry it from my cold, dead hands before I let them have it. I picked up the Griever pendent from the bedside table and put it round my neck outside my clothing.

Perfect, I was ready to go.

If only he hadn’t gone on that mission, I was there with him, I was glad to be there, I wouldn’t have wanted him to be alone.

Squall, Irvine, Selphie and I were sent on a mission to Centra. It was supposed to be a routine easy job. I remember the light-hearted jokes and chatter on the Ragnarok. I smiled, thinking of what we were doing when Cid called us to the bridge, we flirted and teased each other all he way to Centra, he sat in my lap and Selphie joked about us being at it like rabbits. She was right but it wasn’t just the sex, I loved him more than anything else in the world. Now I was alone, he wasn’t coming back and I’d never get to kiss him again or touch him gain. He’d only been gone less than a week and I missed him so much it was killing me.

I sat on my bed, waiting for Quistis to come get me, trying not to think of what happened, it haunted me. The doctor had given me something to help me sleep but the dreams still woke me up and the dreams were just as bad. I dreamt that I’d saved him that he was still with me. They were so vivid that when I opened my eyes I expected him to still be there, curled up in my arms but of course he never was. It was worse that way, like he had died over and over again.

I let out a shaky breath as the past flooded back to me.

We had been walking for ages across vast plains of sandy, cracked ground looking for these so called mutants that had been sighted. If you ask me some stupid drunk idiot had wandered too far from town and seen a Jelleye.

Irvine kicked his feet on the ground. “This is stupid, can’t we go home?”

“We’ll get to the other side then we’ll go back if we find nothing.” Squall told him.

He sighed and grumbled under his breath.

We found a cave and went inside to search it. Inside we found a nest of strange looking monsters, a blue Marlboro with one giant in the centre of its head and loads of little lizardy type things that I hadn’t seen before.

“Finally something to do.”

The lizards were easy pickings; Squall and I took care of them while the other two killed the Marlboro. The last lizard sprayed some green goo all over Squall, he hacked it to pieces and wiped some stuff from his face so I didn’t think too much of it at first. The rest of the stuff seemed to disappear as I inspected him for damage, I made him take off his shirt, he laughed saying I was too over-protective. When he removed his shirt I found some of the stuff, it wasn’t disappearing it was being absorbed into his body. I hurriedly wiped the rest of the stuff off him, but he seemed to zone in and out so I lifted him into my arms and ran back to the ship.

I could just see it in the distance when I realized he was shaky badly and I could hear him breathing in strained pants.

“S-Seifer... I love you.”

“Don’t say that!” I held him tighter though.

“J-Just in case-”

I cut him off. “You’re going to be fine.”

I put him down on the ramp of the Rag like he asked me to and I held him, rocking him gently. I kept saying I wanted to go get an X-potion to help him but he wouldn’t let me leave him. I think he knew it wouldn’t help, I did too but I just didn’t want to admit it. I held his hand and whispered my love to him until I felt his grip loosen and then relax. I used my entire supply of Phoenix downs but they didn’t work, I guess you can’t restart organs that are covered in goo.

I placed him in one of the medical beds and wrapped a blanket round him; he looked like he was asleep. I left him there for the medical tem hen we got back to garden. I couldn’t stay there with him, I wanted to but I couldn’t.

I wiped away the tears as Quistis knocked on my door.

“Ready?” She offered me a sad smile, which became tight when she saw the Griever pendent around my neck.

I left garden with my friends to say goodbye to the man I loved.

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