Somewhat Damaged

Part Twelve

By Scarlet Fever

Squall jumped at the clap of lightning, bolting up in his bed. The rain was coming down hard on the stone room. He was in the orphanage. His small hands were shaking. Why did he have to have nightmares? It was the same one as it usually was. An evil sorceress, big and scary with white and black flesh and fire red hair was taking away Ellone. Squall would cry out to her, but what could a four year old do against a monster?

Squall looked over at the bed beside him. Seifer lay comfortably, lost in sleep. He looked so small, fragile while he slept, so unlike how he acted when he was awake. Squall’s small body still shook from the dream as he crawled out of the bed. He went to the bathroom, getting a drink of water. When he came back, Seifer was awake, staring at the ceiling.

"Why are you awake?" Seifer asked quietly.

"A nightmare…about Sis."

Seifer sighed. "I had a bad dream, too."

Squall tentatively sat on the edge of Seifer’s bed. "What was yours about?"

"My parents."

"I don’t remember my parents."

Seifer sighed. "I don’t either, really. Just bits and pieces."

"What happened to them?" Squall found himself curling up next to Seifer, who welcomed him by wrapping his thin arms around the younger boy.

"They were killed. I saw it."


"They were crucified."

Squall was silent. "I’m sorry."

"It’s okay. You didn’t do anything…" Seifer trailed off, troubled.

Squall sat up slightly, in order to look Seifer in the eyes. He couldn’t think of any comforting things to say. Instead, he leaned in and gently kissed Seifer’s small mouth. He then rested his head on the blonde’s chest. Seifer’s heartbeat was calming.


Squall murmured incoherently in response.

"Thank you…"

Squall held him tighter, falling under the veil of sleep.

Rinoa looked over, seeing Squall wake up. She put a bookmark in the page she was reading. "Ah, finally awake, I see?"

Squall rubbed his laser blue eyes. "Huh? Probably only for a few minutes."

"We’re almost there."

Squall nodded, falling back asleep.

Rinoa sighed. Now she didn’t have anyone to talk to. Being awake on a train ride was so boring. She looked across the aisle at a young man, who shyly made eye contact with her. When their eyes met, he blushed and turned away.

"Not bad," she thought to herself. She blushed as she felt warmth radiate through her body, originating from her crotch. It hadn’t been that she wasn’t interested in sex, but to her, it was a sacred trust. Her dark brown eyes swept over to Squall. Deep down, she hadn’t wanted to have sex with Squall because she knew it wasn’t the real thing, and she didn’t want to make that last committing step. She figured that it was easier for everyone to think she was a prude.

Rinoa sighed, putting her now waist length hair in a loose bun. She felt relieved that things had been straightened out, that at least her and Squall were finally being honest with each other, with themselves.

"Who are you kidding, Heartilly?" She asked herself silently. "Life isn’t a fairy tale." Rinoa figured that she put too many eggs in the basket of true and unending love. But it couldn’t be all bad, could it? Squall and Seifer had done it for fifteen years or so. Maybe she was just expecting too much too soon.

"We both have a lot of personal exploring to do, don’t we?" Rinoa asked the sleeping Squall quietly.

He shifted in response, falling back into a dream.

All Squall could see was black. He waited for his eyes to adjust. When they did, he was in a strange room that he had never seen before. It was dingy and empty. Probably a warehouse. The air was cold, and a chilling wind was coming in from somewhere. Squall reached his hand out, finding a cool concrete wall. He followed it, running his palm along the rough surface.

"Why am I here?" He asked himself quietly.

He stopped when he heard a noise. It sounded like footsteps. The steps became a mass of scuffling and struggling, followed by a few muffled curses and laughter. There were three voices. The first was muffled and sounded angry and frightened. It was shooting obscenities at the other two. The second one was a cackling laughter, and the third was gently whispering. Squall couldn’t make out what was being said.

"Fuck off!" The muffled voice cried, now clear and audible. It was Seifer.

The other two laughed, and the third voice mockingly cooed something, too quietly for Squall to hear. He tried to make his way towards where the voices were coming from, but it was too dark. He felt like a rat in a maze. He then heard what sounded like a body being thrown against a wall, followed by a low moan of pain. Squall followed the wall, desperate to find out what was going on. He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard a scream of agony. There was no doubt that the pained wail was torn from Seifer’s throat. He screamed again, the sound tearing at Squall’s heart. What the fuck was going on? Squall then heard the awful laughter again, which was mingled with sobbing.

Silence. Why was it so quiet now? When Squall got up the nerve to move again, another scream tore at his eardrums.


Squall froze as he heard Seifer call out his name. Seifer’s normally even voice was racked with sobs of pain. He tried to call back, to tell Seifer that he was there, but his voice failed him.

Another cry of pure agony shot through the dark, hitting Squall like a sledgehammer. He tried to find where they were coming from, but met a dead end.

"Squall…help me…"

Squall woke up again, this time with a jolt. Rinoa looked over, noticing the fierceness of his jump.

"Are you okay?"

He looked around, realizing that he was still in the train. Rinoa looked at him, concern written all over her heart shaped face. He reached up to touch his face, which was covered with a thin sheen of sweat. He wiped it away with the back of his hand.

"A nightmare?"

Squall nodded absently, thinking back. What did that mean? It may have only been a dream, but the sound of Seifer’s screams still filled Squall with frightened agony. He looked up as the train stopped in the Deling Station. He didn’t want to openly do a dance of glee, but he sure as hell felt like doing one.

"You look so giddy…" Rinoa trailed off, a laughing glint dancing in her eyes. Seeing Squall so happy was infectious.

"I’m not ‘giddy’."

She shook her head and stood up. "Come on. Let’s get our luggage."

Squall nodded, falling into a daze again. He followed his former girlfriend like a zombie out to where the bags were being unloaded.

"Are you going to be able to carry all of that shit to your dad’s?" He asked, eyeing her rather large pile of suitcases.

"I’ll call a taxi. Do you want to share?"

"Nah. I’ll walk." He picked up his carry on bag. "I’ll call you or something. I’m sure you won’t want to be cooped up with your father all day."

She smirked. "Just don’t call while I’m digging the shallow grave in my backyard."

He waved and walked towards where he knew Seifer’s building was. The cool air was refreshing against his sweat warmed skin. The dream was still haunting him, mainly because he couldn’t understand what it meant. As he walked, he played what he would say to Seifer over and over again, wanting it to sound intelligent, not like a bad soap opera. He wondered what Seifer would say. Would he welcome Squall with open arms, like Rinoa said he would, or shove Squall away? He turned his attention back to reality, afraid he would end up bumping into the wrong person or would walk in front of a bus. He looked around at the street names, noticing that he was getting closer. He felt a silly grin spread across his face. Was he really getting giddy? He sighed happily.

Squall’s heart then fluttered as he noticed a familiar figure walking ahead of him, his black trenchcoat flowing like a cape. Seifer had his arms locked around himself, and walked at a brisk pace.

"Seifer!" Squall called out, quickening his pace.

Seifer didn’t respond. He didn’t seem to be paying attention to his surroundings.

"Seifer!" Squall called again, breaking into a jog. When he finally caught up, he tapped Seifer on one broad shoulder.

Seifer turned slowly. When he realized it was Squall, a look of pure surprised crossed his beautiful features. "Squall? What are you doing here?"

"I came early. Are you heading to your place?"

Seifer nodded absently. "Yeah, you coming with?"

Squall nodded, holding back the urge to ram his tongue down Seifer’s throat right there on the sidewalk.

"Where’s Rinoa?"

"At her father’s."

"Why aren’t you with her?" Seifer half turned, studying Squall’s features. He was so good looking.

"We broke up."

Seifer’s heart almost stopped. He stopped walking. "You did?"

Squall smiled. "Yeah. It’s okay. It was totally mutual. I think we’re both relieved to be honest with each other now."

Seifer’s mouth still hung open in slight surprise. That’s when Squall noticed a reddish mark on Seifer’s pale cheek.

"What happened?"


Squall reached up and traced the mark with his finger, using it as an excuse to touch the other.

Seifer sighed in recognition, not shying away from Squall’s touch. "Oh, that. Raijin hit me."

Squall raised an eyebrow, falling into step beside Seifer, having to walk faster to keep up with his long strides. "Raijin hit you?"

"Yeah. I kinda deserved it. I called Fujin a lying bitch."

"What? Why?" He looked into Seifer’s eyes, noticing something different. "Are you high?"

Seifer paused. "Uh…yeah, I think I am."

Squall gave him a disapproving glance.

"Oh, come on. Don’t do that."

"But I thought you weren’t going to anymore." Squall remembered a phone conversation they had had a few weeks ago.

Seifer just shrugged. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Like what?" There was a bit of a flirtatious note in Squall’s voice.

Seifer noticed and grinned wryly. "Are you flirting with me?"

Squall pretended to be outraged. "Why would I flirt with you?" He scoffed.

Seifer became silent, darkness clouding his eyes.

"What did I say?" All the mirth had seeped away, leaving Squall feeling concerned.

The blonde waved his hand. "It’s nothing. Just me being myself."

Squall was silent for a long time. He couldn’t think of anything to say. He knew what Seifer was thinking about. After what seemed like an eternity, Squall said. "You’re not worthless."

Seifer turned to him, saying nothing.

Squall sighed as they approached Seifer’s building. "Why do you do this to yourself?"

Seifer unlocked the door, ushering Squall in ahead of him. "I don’t know. Do you think I like it?"

Squall pressed the button for the elevator. "I didn’t say that."

Seifer went into the elevator, pressing the button for his floor. "I don’t know how to be any different." All he could hear right now was the sound of his own heartbeat, mixed with the taunts made to him earlier in the evening by Phaelan.

Squall responded by wrapping his arms around Seifer’s waist, pulling him close for an embrace. He pressed his forehead to Seifer’s graceful neck, breathing in the smell of his skin. He craned his neck upward, his lips pressed against Seifer’s earlobe. He whispered, "I don’t believe that."

Seifer let his breath out slowly, shivering at the sensation of Squall’s breath on his skin. He nuzzled his cheek in Squall’s hair, not wanting to miss an opportunity to get this close to him. He moved his hand up, stroking the nape of Squall’s neck, massaging the delicate flesh with his fingertips. Squall curled his fingers into a fist, getting a tight grip on the fabric of Seifer’s coat. He could already feel the beginnings of an erection stirring in his boxers. The feel of Seifer’s warm breath on his cheek was driving him insane.

"Why did you and Rinoa break up?" The vibration of Seifer’s voice against Squall’s body sent an electrical charge throughout him, stirring his erection even further.

"We weren’t in love. We love each other, but not that way any more…." Squall trailed off.

"What were you going to say?" Seifer closed his eyes, blood quickly leaving his head.

Squall pushed his fingers into one of the belt loops on Seifer’s baggy black pants, planting a feather light kiss on Seifer’s neck. "I…" He trailed off, not able to find words to describe what he was feeling.

The elevator made an unwanted noise, signaling that they had stopped, killing the mood. Seifer blushed slightly, getting out of the elevator. He waited for Squall and together they walked to his door in complete silence. Once inside Seifer’s spacious apartment, Squall threw his bag on the ground.

"Do you want a drink or something?" Seifer called from the kitchen.

"No." Squall suddenly felt very nervous. Why was he acting like such a moron, getting all tongue-tied and stuff?

Seifer came back out. He held a hand to his forehead, letting his breath out noisily through his nose. "Oh, man."

"What?" Squall asked, sitting beside him on the couch.

"This is why I shouldn’t do drugs anymore."

Squall smirked. "Well, that’s what you get."

"Ha, ha. Thank you for your two cents." He leaned back against the overstuffed couch, closing his eyes.

Squall watched him for a few moments. Watched the way his chest rose and fell as he breathed, watched the way his lips parted ever so slightly as he gently sighed, watched as his long eyelashes gently fluttered. He couldn’t resist anymore. He leaned in, pressing his lips to Seifer’s gently, barely touching their soft surface. Squall could feel Seifer’s eyelashes move against his cheek as he opened his eyes in surprise.


Squall breathed across the blonde’s open lips. "Mmm?" His hands moved up, cupping Seifer’s face lovingly.

Seifer smiled, wrapping his arms around Squall’s hips, rolling them over so that his body covered the smaller one. He kissed Squall gently, parting Squall’s full lips with his own. Squall moved his arms so he could remove his jacket. It was entirely too hot in here. He then made quick work of removing Seifer’s coat, careful not to break the kiss.

Seifer had dreamed about this exact moment so many times, that he thought he would know what it would be like, but he was wrong. He wasn’t prepared for how wonderful it felt, how soft and warm Squall’s mouth was, how good it tasted, how eager he was. He playfully tugged on Squall’s bottom lip with his teeth, sucking it softly.

Squall let out a gentle moan, barely forming Seifer’s name with the breath. He arched his body upward, pressing its entire length against Seifer’s, smiling into the other’s mouth as their erections met. He slowly began to rock his hips into Seifer’s, which caused him to grip Squall’s hips harder. Squall slowly moved his tongue forward, pressing it into Seifer’s open mouth. Inside that mouth was so warm, and it tasted like honey. He felt his eyes roll in the back of his head as Seifer began to trace every square inch of his own mouth with the tip of his tongue, exploring him. At that moment, both wanted so much more, but didn’t want to break the kiss, break the heavenly connection that they were sharing.

Seifer was the first to move his mouth away, letting his wet lips trace lines down Squall’s throat and cheeks, tracing moist, abstract patterns along his collarbone with his tongue. Seifer frowned slightly when he reached the edge of Squall’s gray golf shirt, preventing him from tasting anymore of Squall’s smooth skin. He pulled away, removing the obtrusive garment in one fluid motion, wanting to be as close to the other man as quickly as possible. The removal caused Squall’s hair to become tousled in a sexy way, falling messily over one eye. The blonde then moved his mouth down, licking over the plains of Squall’s narrow chest, marking where he had been with slow trails of saliva.

Squall moaned deep in his throat when Seifer reached his nipples, a cry dying in his mouth as the taller man began to gently suckle at them. Squall was beginning to feel incapacitated, like his nervous system was failing. Where did Seifer learn how to do this? He moved his hands down to the hem of Seifer’s tank top, gently pushing his fingers underneath the thin black fabric. He flattened his shaking palms on the small of Seifer’s back, amazed at how soft his skin was. He explored more, finally reaching up to the tops of his muscular shoulders, the shirt bunched around Seifer’s armpits. He groaned, throwing away the shirt. Now their bare chests were against each other, a sensation that caused both men to shiver in anticipation and desire. Squall moved his hands around to the front of Seifer’s broad chest, the chill of the metal hoops hanging from his nipples sending a small spark through the fingers of the brown haired man. He tugged on the piercings, sighing as Seifer sharply took in his breath, causing a cold breeze to pass over Squall’s nipples.

Seifer took his attention away from suckling at Squall, deciding to explore further. He kissed a hasty trail down to Squall’s navel, smiling into the delicate flesh as Squall moaned loudly.

"Sensitive?" He asked lazily, sinking his teeth in.

Squall nodded absently, closing his eyes in pleasure. Seifer smiled again, nibbling at the skin, doing it a little harder every time Squall cried out.

"Oh my God!" Squall trailed off, his words coming out muffled. He slowly ground his tailbone into the couch, Seifer’s mouth driving him insane. He reached down, curling his fingers in Seifer’s hair, pulling as Seifer deliciously tortured him. Seifer sat up, knowing that Squall might not be able to last much longer, feeling his arousal against his collarbone. He sat up, which got a disappointed grunt from Squall. He bit his lip and began to make short work of Squall’s trio of belts. Squall mentally cursed himself for wearing so many. When they were left scattered on the floor, Seifer unbuttoned Squall’s pants. He hesitated.

"What?" Squall looked up at his soon to be lover quizzically, wondering why he stopped.

"Are you sure about this?" He raised an eyebrow, which caused Squall to melt. "I don’t want to push you…"

Squall snorted, pulling on the front of Seifer’s jeans. "If you stop again, I’ll kill you." He said jokingly, rocking his hips upward, inviting Seifer to continue.

Seifer didn’t need any more cajoling. He teased his fingers into the waistband of Squall’s boxers slowly, enjoying the way Squall softly moaned, knowing what was coming. He pushed his hand down, cupping Squall’s hard cock with his hand. Just touching Squall in this way made him dizzy. He pressed his lips hungrily against the flesh below Squall’s navel as his palm made compact circles on Squall’s already slick head.

"Seifer…" Squall breathed. He wasn’t sure if Seifer heard it. "I love you…"

Seifer looked up, surprised by what he had heard. "Huh?" He didn’t know if he had only heard what he wanted.

"I love you.." Squall repeated dreamily, his eyes closed in pleasure. He thrust upward, pushing himself against Seifer’s hand.

Seifer smiled, dazed. He pressed his cheek against Squall’s belly, emotion debilitating him for a moment. The flesh was warm and moist from his own mouth. "I love you, too." He repeated, pulling down Squall’s pants and boxers quickly, exposing his erection to the cool air in the room, which was already becoming warmer from the heat of their bodies.

Squall shivered, from the cold, and the sheer electrical emotion singing through his veins. He pressed his cheek into the couch cushion as Seifer’s mouth continued its slow descent down his torso, agonizingly close to his crotch. He bit his lip fiercely as he felt balmy breath move across the head of his penis. He could still taste Seifer’s lips on his own, and now it was mixed with the metallic sting of his own blood. The vice of his teeth slackened as Seifer gently nuzzled his cheek against his hard length. Squall was becoming a mess of raw arousal, barely able to form incoherent words.

"Seifer….." whispered Squall, the word dying on his lips as Seifer’s lips gently caressed his head, not yet taking it into his mouth.

Seifer trailed his tongue down the underside of Squall’s length, moving his lips to touch his scrotum lightly. His hands massaged the upper portion of Squall’s thighs, his thumbs gently kneading the fragile flesh of the junction of Squall’s legs and torso. He moved his attention back to Squall’s throbbing dick, just kissing the head again. Squall tried to thrust up into that honey mouth, but Seifer’s hands prevented it. The blonde wanted to milk this situation for all it was worth. Seifer continued with his kisses, his teasing maddening Squall. Seifer could tell that the man underneath of him was getting happily frustrated, so he began to go farther. He took Squall’s head into his mouth, careful not to bite. Squall sighed, the heat from Seifer’s mouth running through his entire body, lulling him into a pleasurable trance. He again tried to thrust into that mouth, but he was again denied, having to settle with having just the tip suckled on gently.

Seifer decided to let Squall have his way and eased his grip on Squall’s thighs. As soon as Squall realized this, he immediately thrust up again, this time his length was enveloped by the searing heat of Seifer’s mouth. He gripped Seifer’s hair again, this time tighter, burying himself within the blonde’s mouth to the hilt. Seifer enjoyed the way Squall was taking action, dictating the pace now. He massaged Squall’s testicles in rhythm with the motions of his mouth. Squall sighed loudly, his breath ragged. He rocked his hips, matching the pace Seifer had set, moving his hips into Seifer’s face. Together, they gradually increased the rate and pace, bringing Squall closer and closer to climax.

Seifer rolled his tongue along the head of Squall’s cock, enjoying the taste. He had never actually gotten severely aroused from giving oral sex, but this time, he felt as if he was about to ejaculate as well. He had never felt so hard in his life. He slightly winced as Squall’s short nails dug into his shoulders, signaling that he was about to come. Seifer brought his mouth off of Squall’s length, now just covering the head. This caused Squall to cry out loudly, furiously trying to push himself in all the way again. Seifer held his hips down once more, sucking on the head again, but with much more force.

Squall opened his eyes slowly, which was more of an effort than he thought it would be. He looked down at Seifer, and seeing himself in the blonde’s mouth made the feeling all the more real, all the more there. He threw his head back again, his desire and arousal heightening to a new plateau. All his nerves were on edge, crying out to be relieved.

"…Seifer.." Squall’s cry was barely audible as he felt the beginnings of an orgasm hitting him. He threw his head back, arching his body as far as his spine would let him, feeling the tremors of delight pass throughout him. One last roll of Seifer’s tongue pushed him into the full throws, causing him to release in Seifer’s mouth. He orgasmed so violently that his vision went black, pricked with little points of light.

Seifer sighed in content as he tasted Squall in his mouth. He tasted wonderful, his flavour made all the more sweet by the fact that it was Squall. He greedily swallowed down, licking at Squall’s cock, making sure that he got every drop. He continued to gently suckle at the now overly sensitive shaft, milking him for more. His reward was a few more drops of the thick fluid on his tongue, which he swallowed immediately. Seifer brought Squall fully into his mouth again, wanting to feel him grow soft.

"Seifer…. I can’t see." Squall whispered, his vision still dark.

When Squall had become completely soft, Seifer shifted so that he could nuzzle Squall’s cheek. The smaller man could feel Seifer hard against his hip as he wearily turned his head, his vision coming back. He kissed Seifer’s temple as he reached his hand down within the confines of his pants, cupping his lover’s large shaft. He slowly began to jerk Seifer off, his weary reflexes not allowing for a quicker pace. He let his breath out against the curl of Seifer’s ear. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Seifer rubbed his forehead against Squall’s throat, losing himself in the sensation of Squall’s hands on him. He unbuttoned his own pants so Squall could get a better grip. Seifer tilted his head down, meeting Squall’s lips with his own in a soft kiss. He opened his mouth, moaning into the younger man’s as Squall stroked him.

Squall kissed Seifer back eagerly, tasting himself on those lips. When he had thought about these sort of moments with Seifer, he had never imagined what he would taste like. The taste was bitter, but the fact that he had been on Seifer’s lips, and now his ejaculate was in Seifer’s stomach made the taste as sweet as sugar. Their tongues intertwined together as Squall’s hand began to work faster. Seifer crushed Squall’s body against his chest as he felt himself beginning to come. Squall sighed loudly as he felt the heat of Seifer’s release coat his hand.

"My God.." Seifer trailed off blissfully, collapsing against his lover, spent.

Squall smiled dreamily, bringing his hand to his mouth, licking it clean. He sucked his fingers repeatedly, making sure he got it all. When he was done, he wrapped his arms around Seifer’s long body, curling up against him. "You taste good." He kissed Seifer lazily. "Better than I do."

"I’m a vegetarian, that’s why." The blonde answered quietly, kissing Squall’s chin. "You taste good, too."

They lay in silence, just holding each other for a while, not needing to say anything, content with laying in the afterglow and listening to each other’s steady heartbeats. The silence was broken by a soft meowing, as Seifer’s cat came slowly prancing into the room. She disappeared into the kitchen.

"How long?" Squall asked, out of the blue.

"Huh?" Seifer looked at him, confused.

"How long have you been in love with me?"

"Oh…" Seifer trailed off, smiling. "I can’t remember not loving you." He traced lazy patterns on Squall’s chest with his fingers. "How long have you been in love with me?"

Squall sighed. "I don’t know. Probably a while, I just didn’t want to admit it. But it came on suddenly when I saw you in Timber."

"I need you around." Seifer admitted. "You make me feel better."

Squall smiled, kissing Seifer’s hair. He looked down at the floor beside the couch as the cat meowed loudly.

Seifer looked at her. "What?"

The cat meowed again, re-entering the kitchen.

"Must be hungry…" Seifer reluctantly got up to feed the cat. He pulled up his pants and went into the dark room, Squall’s eyes watching him, admiring him as he went.

"God, you’re hot." Squall cried, smiling hungrily. He was starting to get aroused again. He could hear Seifer scoff. He came out of the kitchen with a slight frown on his face.

Squall got up, pressing his nude body against Seifer, kissing his earlobe. "What?"

The blonde picked up his shirt. "I have to go buy cat food."

Squall made a disappointed noise in the back of his throat. "You won’t be long, right?" Squall gave him a meaningful look. He wanted to take things farther.

This caused Seifer to smile knowingly. "Nah. I won’t be long. But you shouldn’t just sit in the living room naked. Zell and them might come back."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about them. Where are they sleeping?"

"Selphie’s out here on the couch…" Seifer explained as he put on his coat. This caused Squall to snort, knowing that Selphie may not appreciate sleeping there now. Seifer continued, "and Quistis and Zell were in the other room, him on the floor, but I think that will change."

Squall raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"I think they’re a couple now. I’m not a hundred percent on that though, because I was fucking gone…"

Squall gave him a look, but then shoved him towards the door. "Go, go. Get the damn food, and then get your ass back here so I can fuck it."

Seifer rolled his sea-blue eyes. "That was beautiful." He opened the door, turning to kiss Squall again before he left. "I love you, Squall."

"I love you, Seifer." He murmured as the blonde left.

Now that Squall was alone, he sunk down on the couch, his energy leaving him completely. A large grin played on his beautiful features as complete happiness washed over him. Rinoa was right. He was getting giddy.

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