Somewhat Damaged

Part Ten

By Scarlet Fever

Squall could taste the sweet metallic tinge of blood entering his mouth again as he continued to kiss Seifer. The blood was trickling from Seifer’s new gash into Squall’s eager mouth. He licked up more of the divine red liquid, Seifer sighing softly. The noise seemed so foreign from the usually hard, cold blonde. It was a gentle whisper against his lips, which sent an electrical wave throughout Squall’s body.

"Seifer…" Squall trailed off, muffling his own words against the sweet taste of Seifer’s throat, his collarbone.

"Squall…I…" Seifer couldn’t seem to speak. A dazed look dominated his god-like features.

"You what?" Squall asked playfully, nipping at Seifer’s earlobe.

"…shouldn’t we go to the infirmary? We are bleeding, you know…"

Squall just shook his head, his silky hair tickling Seifer’s cheek, causing him to softly giggle. Squall could feel the vibration in his own chest, which only compounded the waves that passed through him now. He captured Seifer’s mouth with his own again, needing the feeling of flesh against flesh. He wanted so much more, but was afraid to try, especially in a public place. The twinge he felt in his groin was more than enough to urge him to press on. He moved closer, until his chest was crushed against Seifer’s.


The blonde slowly licked across Squall’s jawbone, giving in to his own desires. "Why what?"

"Why did you cut me?" He didn’t really give a chance for an answer, as he pulled Seifer closer, kissing him again. He wrapped his tongue around the other’s, slowly massaging it. When he pulled away, Seifer answered.

"I don’t know. I didn’t mean to….." his response was breathless. He placed his hands on Squall’s slender hips, rocking Squall’s groin into his own. "It will make you tougher."

Squall didn’t really hear that last part. His mind was racing as he felt Seifer’s rather noticeable hardness pressing against his already throbbing erection. Squall knew that if there was much more motion, he would spill right there on the ground of the training hall. He smiled, grinding himself against the taller man, pulling at the soft fabric of his trenchcoat. He wanted so much more than he had ever admitted to himself. The bloodlust had fueled something in him, ignited a fire that he had been trying to extinguish for a long time, and now there was no way to put it out.

Seifer let loose another gentle sigh as Squall’s hand gently worked its way down under the waistband of Seifer’s trousers. Squall smiled teasingly as his fingertips lingered just above Seifer’s now hard erection. Seifer then moaned quietly into Squall’s warm mouth, rocking his hips upwards, urging Squall to go farther. This was all the motivation that the smaller man needed. He reached his hand down farther, cupping gently. He raised his eyebrow slightly, surprised at Seifer’s size.

Squall felt dizzy as Seifer began to do the same, gently massaging him as they continued to taste each other. Squall was the one to let out a sigh this time. He had never been this hard in his entire life. Seifer was working magic with his hands. They explored every inch of his shaft, tickled his testicles, did everything Squall had always fantasized about. It almost seemed a shame that Squall would be made to release here, instead of some place more private. Squall’s vision then began to go blurry. He figured it was a pleasure overload, but it was also the fact that he had lost a fair amount of blood. Squall bit gently on Seifer’s lip as his vision began to fail him. He was disappointed that he couldn’t see Seifer’s wonderful face anymore.

"Seifer…" Squall trailed off as he felt his body pitch forward, and he collapsed, unconscious against the body in front of him.

There was now haze everywhere, but it all felt so real, so much more real than what had happened in the training center. His temple was pressed against something warm. He could hear the gentle, mechanical rhythm of a heartbeat against his ear, feel it against his cheek. Squall opened his laser blue eyes slightly, his whole head hurting. He was being carried down a hallway, a familiar hallway. The warmth that his temple was against was the bare flesh of Seifer’s throat. He didn’t have to look up to know who it was. He could smell Seifer’s shampoo. He then smelled the faint tinge of medicine and disinfectant. They were in the infirmary. Squall suddenly felt dizzy again. He nuzzled his body against Seifer’s comfortable, inviting chest and slipped back into unconsciousness….

Squall woke up, his body tingling. He noticed that he was highly aroused. Luckily, a blanket covered him. The unfamiliar surroundings confused him for a moment, but he then remembered that he was in his father’s palace in Esthar. Squall and Rinoa had been there for two days now, and all he did was think about being in Galbadia with Seifer. Every night, he would dream about making love to him, touching him, falling asleep next to him. It made Squall feel badly, the fact that he would rather be with Seifer than with his own father. But Seifer had been there longer, and Squall wanted him so badly….

Squall sighed. He wasn’t even denying what he was feeling anymore, at least not to himself. He reached his hand down, slowly massaging his own throbbing shaft, imitating what Seifer was doing to him in his dream. When he had relieved the pressure, he closed his eyes. Why couldn’t that have been real? The part where Seifer had carried him to the infirmary had been, but Squall ached when he thought about what could have been.

"What time is it?" he asked himself, sitting up slowly. It was noon. He decided that he should have a shower, noting the fact that he had just jerked off.

When Squall finally made it to the dining room, Laguna, Rinoa and Kiros were already eating.

"About time, sleepy head." Laguna teased playfully, his laser blue eyes dancing.

Squall just shrugged, slumping into the seat across from his father. Kiros raised an eyebrow. Rinoa just stared at him.

"What is with you?" she asked, stuffing a forkful of pasta in her mouth.

Squall shrugged again. "What’s the date today?"

Laguna snorted. "Man, you’re really out of it. Even I know the date. It’s…..uh…"

"Oh my god!" Kiros muttered, shaking his head. "It’s December 22nd."

Squall sighed, lapsing into silence again. He ate his food slowly.

"Why? What’s today?" Laguna had a somewhat anxious look on his face, like he had forgotten something important.

"Don’t worry, man." Kiros muttered. "You didn’t forget anything."

Squall’s father sighed in relief.

"So, what is today?"

Rinoa’s face contorted to a mask of though. She sighed when she remembered. "Are you going to call him?"

Squall looked up at his "girlfriend". "I don’t know." The thought of hearing his voice sent shivers up Squall’s slouched spine.

"Huh? What’s going on?"

"You are so embarrassing." Sighed Kiros.

The rest of their meal was eaten in silence, except for Laguna, who chatted away carelessly. That man could talk through a nuclear attack.

An hour or so later, Squall was on a balcony that looked out across the city, a sea of metal and technology, losing himself in the gentle blue glow that emanated from everywhere. What was wrong with him? He was fine a few months ago. He sighed, his whole body throwing itself into it. He hadn’t been fine….he had just been pretending that everything was fine. Squall sighed again. He was so tired…. Is this how Seifer felt? Tired of pretending, living a lie?

"Are you okay?"

Squall jumped when he heard a voice over his shoulder. He turned to meet Rinoa’s calm brown eyes. They seemed sad, but resolved.

"Can we talk?" She rested her forearms on the railing, staring out into the city, just as he had been doing.

"About what?"

She sighed. "Everything."


She nodded, tucking her hair behind her ears. "Yeah. Don’t you think that we should?"

"I suppose. I guess we’ve just been putting it off."

She laughed. "You know what? When I was dating Seifer, he would act like such an ass, but he didn’t mean it. It was compensation…"

Squall began to ask why she was saying all this, but stopped, letting her continue.

"I couldn’t figure out what he was hiding, but now I realize that it was the fact that he hates himself. He always compared himself to you, you know…"

Squall looked down at his hands, feeling embarrassed.

"You were his ultimate goal, Squall. I thought he wanted to be better than you, mould himself to beat you, but really…. He was molding himself for you."

"What do you mean?"

"He puts you on a pedestal. You’re what he strives to be."

Squall said nothing, disbelief clouding his eyes.

"And I’ve finally realized that it’s the same for you."

"What?" Squall felt like an idiot. His responses were nothing but dumb questions.

"He’s what you strive to be like. That’s why you fight all the time. That and you were both trying to hide what you truly feel."

"Rinoa…" Squall trailed off.

"It’s kind of ironic, actually. I’ve fallen in love with two men, and they’re in love with each other." She smiled. It was free of sadness. Rinoa looked relieved.

Squall felt dizzy. "Huh? Seifer’s…"

She snorted. "You are so naïve."

"Did he ever tell you this?"


Squall sighed.

"Squall.." she took his hand. "I do love you, but it’s not the same kind of love that it was when we first started. I love you because you’re my best friend. And that’s not enough to keep us together." She smiled at him. It wasn’t sad.

Squall smiled again. "I love you, too."

"But not as much as you love Seifer. It’s his birthday today."

"I know. I can’t stop thinking about him, Rinoa. Why is this all coming up now? It’s so sudden…"

"It’s just that you let it boil over. It wasn’t sudden. You can only bury things so often or so long before it comes to the surface."

Squall just grumbled incoherently.

"You know I’m right, honey. I’m sure Laguna wouldn’t mind if you went to Galbadia. You’re miserable here."

"What about you?"

"Actually, I’ll go too, but I might come back here. I’m interested in doing research on sorceresses, and what better place to do it?"

"I don’t want to just leave.."

"Laguna will understand."

Squall sighed again, but he felt overjoyed. Was there a chance that his feelings weren’t in vain?

"There’s only one way to find out, you know…"

"When did you get so wise, Rinoa?"

Rinoa pouted mockingly. "I’ve always been wise!"

Squall smiled and gave her a small kiss on the lips, more friendly than romantic. "Thank you." He gave her a regretful look. "We’re still friends, right?"

"I wouldn’t have it any other way."

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