Somewhat Damaged

Part Eight

By Scarlet Fever

The dark turned into a glorious light. It was bright, but soft. Not harsh, like fluorescent lights. He was standing in the spanning flower field. It seemed endless. Seifer could feel the breeze of the ocean, but he couldn’t see it’s blue waves. He only knew it was there from familiarity. The comforting rhythm of the waves soothed his ears. He noticed that the Hyperion was in his hand, heavy with its weight. His trenchcoat billowed around him in the warm breeze, sending it cape-like behind him, wafting with the smell of roses and dahlias. The sun was beating down gently on his face, but it wasn’t the buttercup light that warmed him to his core. It was the sight of him standing among the flowers, the grass and petals dancing at his feet. He turned, seeing Squall standing there. He was leaning his weight on his own weapon, his hip jutted out in a suggestive manner. The fur on his collar brushed his face, framing its loveliness.

Squall smiled as their eyes met. He motioned over slightly, just a nod of his head. Seifer approached calmly, but he was in turmoil from within. His whole body was racked with nervous energy, his mouth felt dry, his limbs were tingling. Why did he always feel so uncomfortable around Squall? He tried to act cool, suave, dignified, but he always became tongue-tied. Seifer stopped in front of the shorter man, smiling at him. His smile faded slightly. It was Squall, but he was different, a stranger somehow.

"What’s wrong?" The voice was the same. Even, commanding. Squall’s lush lashes his hooding, covering his eyes as he looked downward.

"You seem different."

Squall moved closer, so close that their chests were touching. Their chests were moving together with each breath, their hearts beating together. Seifer’s seemed to skip, making up for the difference in tempo. His body shivered, even though it was hot, so hot. Squall’s breath tickled his throat, the fur tickled his collarbone. Seifer felt like he was being electrocuted, his senses being overloaded. Squall’s silken lips landed on his throat, kissing gently. Seifer closed his eyes blissfully, letting Squall run a trail along his jawbone, his mouth leaving crescent watermarks of passage, possession. When Squall’s mouth reached his own, he felt his knees becoming weak, congealed. The kiss was exploratory, a tasting, feeling experience. Squall’s mouth pressed against his in urgency, trying to get the most out of every touch. He opened his mouth to Squall, wanting more, wanting something deeper. Seifer wanted Squall. Right there and then. He didn’t just want to be in Squall, he wanted to be a part of him, wanted more than just their flesh to touch. He wanted their souls to mingle as they sated each other’s bodies.

Squall’s free hand moved between Seifer’s coat and shirt, resting on the small of his back, pulling the long body in for more. Seifer moved his hands up, flanking Squall’s face on each side, cupping it gently. He felt wholly aroused, the blood moving downward, making it obvious that he needed, wanted this. Squall’s response was to softly moan. A whisper rather than a cry. Seifer felt the younger man sharply intake his breath as their erections met. Seifer pushed his hips against the shorter man’s, smiling as Squall moaned, pushing against Seifer, as well, mimicking his motions. Seifer gripped Squall’s hips, digging his fingers in. Squall kissed him deeper, more desperately, tangling his tongue against the taller blonde’s. There was a hunger, an urgency about it. This urgency created an uneasy feeling in the pit of Seifer’s stomach. Like Squall knew something was going to happen….

The feeling of seeing a stranger earlier had disappeared. This was Squall, and Seifer knew it, but there was an ominous air hanging about the flower-dappled field. He pushed it out of his mind, concentrating on the body before him. Seifer broke the kiss, moving his mouth in a line across Squall’s cheekbone. He stopped, resting his face against Squall’s shoulder, wanting to hold him. Wanting to be held.

There were so many things that Seifer wanted to say, but he was at a loss for the words. The only thing he said was, "I love you."

A strangled cry emerged from Squall’s throat. Seifer felt it throughout his entire body. "Seifer…." It sounded mournful, wounded. He repeated this mantra again and again. As Squall repeated it, the word took on a new texture, a new sound. It sounded alien, not like Squall at all.

Seifer pulled away slightly, still keeping contact with Squall’s body. He tilted that beautiful face upwards, meeting the ice fields of Squall’s eyes for the first time. He was shocked. He pulled his hands away as if he had been burned. The hand at his back was now heavy and forceful. It pulled him in closer, making Seifer face those once tranquil blue eyes, now glowing like suns in their sockets, amber. The pupils were the hauntingly familiar hourglasses that had haunted him so many times before. The eyes he had hoped had died, been buried forever were now looking up at him.

"Seifer…" It was still Squall’s voice, Squall’s lips that formed the words, but the eyes were that of Ultimecia.

Seifer was silent. He jerked himself away from Squall, away from her. This caused him to lose his balance. He fell at Squall’s feet, looking up in shock. The urgency he had felt from Squall earlier now made sense to him. He had sensed it.

Squall just laughed. It was her laugh, like broken glass ripping in her throat.


Squall frowned. "Don’t you want me anymore? You’re my knight."

Seifer glowered at her, reaching quickly for his gunblade. He stood up, facing her, facing him.

Squall’s face was a mask of amusement. "What do you plan to do? Kill me? You’d only be hurting Squall." Squall’s hand ran down Seifer’s chest, stopping just above his groin. "You don’t want to hurt me, do you?" These last words were spoken in Squall’s voice.

The voice sounded lost, alone. Seifer closed his eyes, not wanting to look, knowing that he would be drawn in again by Ultimecia’s words, her mind control. The vessel she was controlling would also intensify this power, making it irresistible.


Squall’s hand traced its way along Seifer’s groin muscle, towards his crotch. He cupped Seifer’s throbbing erection, causing him to sigh despite himself. "You don’t want me to stop, do you?"

Seifer was at a loss for words. He didn’t want Squall to stop….but it wasn’t Squall. He jerked away. "I’m not falling for this." He turned away, not wanting to look into those amber eyes.

Squall’s hands snaked around his waist, the fingers moving up under Seifer’s vest. His fingers were now ice cold. He felt Squall rest his head between his shoulder blades. "Help me, Seifer." It was his voice again, Ultimecia ebbing away.

"How?" It was a whisper, for Seifer already sensed how.

"Help me." Squall repeated. His nails then dug into Seifer’s chest, cutting the delicate flesh, leaving bloody scratches, the crimson seeping into the fabric of his vest.

Seifer disentangled himself from the now painful embrace. He turned, his eyes immediately going to the gunblade in Squall’s hand. It was raised over his head, lazily, playfully.

"Don’t deny me, my love."

Seifer narrowed his eyes. He had always wanted to hear Squall call him something affectionate like ‘my love’, but now that he had said it, it was cruel, heartless, anything but affectionate.

"You’re not Squall. You can’t use him against me…"

The hard metal of Squall’s blade moved across his throat quickly. Seifer hadn’t had time to react, and now his life was spilling down the front of his body, a slow waterfall of demise. He fell to his knees, his vision blackening. Knowing that he had been slain by Squall’s hand made the bitterness all the more real. But it hadn’t been Squall. Seifer sighed, the surroundings becoming blurry. At least he had felt true happiness in Squall’s arms before he had died. Before the blackness took over forever, Seifer glimpsed the amber fading away, being replaced by the calm blue. The last thing he heard was the sound of Squall’s footsteps walking away, leaving Seifer in a pool of his own blood, leaving him forever………………..

Squall woke up. He sat up, the sheets twisting around his legs, creating a tight cocoon. His body was wet, covered in the sheen of sweat. He lay back down, curling up on his side. He didn’t care what time it was. Squall couldn’t understand why he would have a dream like this, why he would think about doing those things. Why did he dream he was Seifer?

"Is this what Seifer dreams?" Squall asked himself quietly. If he did, it would have explained a lot of things.

Squall had never been one of those people that took dreams very seriously, but this one left him feeling rattled. He began to replay it in his mind. A slight smile crept up to his lips. If this dream was accurate, did it mean that Seifer wanted him? Wanted him as much as he wanted Seifer?

A knock on Squall’s door broke his concentration. "Squall?" It was Rinoa.

"I’m sleeping."

"Yeah, right. Come on, we have to go."

Squall grunted in acknowledgement. Their train to Timber was leaving in a couple of hours. Then they would connect to the new train heading to Esthar. Squall couldn’t say that he was looking forward to spending so much time on a train. Or was it that he didn’t want to spend it with Rinoa? He pushed that thought out of his mind and headed for the shower. The thoughts of his dream began to creep across his mind as the water crept over his flesh. Squall became determined to ask Seifer about this dream. He smiled.

"I’ll be able to tell you in person." He and Rinoa had planned to go to Deling the day after Christmas. Squall had convinced her that she needed to at least see her father for a little bit, but Squall had actually wanted to go so that he could see Seifer. Rinoa had suspected an ulterior motive, and an argument had ensued. But, then again, what didn’t cause an argument between them?

Things with Rinoa actually seemed to be improving. That wasn’t necessarily a good thing. They seemed now to just be going through the motions. Squall still cared about her deeply. She was one of his best friends. But is that all it was? Friends? Then Squall thought of Seifer as he got out of the shower. Seifer was his friend, too. So, why could he think sexually about one friend, and not the other?

"One of them’s supposed to be your girlfriend…" he told his reflection as he combed his wet hair.

When did his life become such a mess? He was glad, however, that he wasn’t as troubled as Seifer. Whenever Squall thought of Seifer’s inner problems, he almost smiled, thinking about what it would be like to try and make them all disappear. He quickly got dressed, not wanting Rinoa to get on his case about missing their train. He chose a bright red golf shirt over top of a white, long sleeved waffle weave shirt and a pair of well-worn black jeans.

When he exited his room, Rinoa was standing in front of him. "You slept in."

"So? We still have plenty of time, you know…" he trailed off, not wanting to start anything. He began to walk down the dorm hall, Rinoa following.

"I got your present this morning."

Squall raised his eyebrows. "What is it?"

"I’m not telling!" She linked arms with him.

Squall smiled. At least they were having a nice moment. He just hoped that it would last. They went to the cafeteria. Squall was glad that Zell, Quistis and Selphie were sitting at a table. He sat down. "Where’s Irvine."

"Galbadia." Selphie looked sullen.


"Yes, Galbadia."

Zell groaned, looking up from a pamphlet. "Stop saying Galbadia."

"Why is he in Galbadia?" Rinoa asked, shooting Zell a teasing look.

He smacked her with the pamphlet, which Squall saw was a train schedule.

"He’s there because they finally finished fixing the Garden, and they’re having some sort of ‘student Christmas’ thing. He went there."

"Oh." Squall turned his attention to Zell. "So, what’s with the train schedule?"

Zell turned his attention away from a discussion he was having with Quistis. "We’re going away for Christmas."

Rinoa got up. "Want anything?"

Squall nodded. "Just whatever." He turned back to Zell. "Where’s away?"


"What’s in Deling?"

Zell and Quistis gave him a look. "What do you think?" she replied, rolling her eyes.

Squall’s heart skipped a beat. It was painful. His flesh suddenly felt wet, like he was drowning, drowning in that warm sea, aqua blue, inviting. He could smell pears and soap, that curious mixture that always lingered around him. "Seifer…" It was barely a whisper, but it reverberated within him, rattling his bones.

Zell looked at him, concern washing those blue eyes, eyes almost like Seifer’s.

"I’m going to go call the train station." He stood, shooting Quistis a look.

Now that Quistis, Squall and Selphie were alone, Selphie giggled. "I saw that!"

Squall blushed, but then realized that she was talking to Quistis.

"I don’t know what you mean." Her silken voice had taken on a nervous tone.

"I saw you checking out Zell’s ass."

"I was not!" Her protest was feeble.

"Oh, you sooooo were!" Selphie winked at her former instructor. "It’s cute, isn’t it?"

Quistis’s fair face was as red as the dress she wore. "Stop it!" She hissed, noticing Zell coming back.

"I got us tickets for tomorrow morning." He sat back down, pulling out a cellular phone. "Is that okay?"

Quistis nodded, still blushing, which caused Selphie to giggle, and Squall to roll his eyes knowingly.

"What’s going on?" The blonde man had a confused look on his face. "Why do I miss everything?" He thought for a moment before dialing.

"Who’re you calling?" Selphie asked, playing with her fingernails.

"Seifer." He held his finger to his lips, quieting her.

"Ask him."

He shot her a look, getting up. "I will."

"Since when does he have a cell phone?" Squall asked, hiding the fact that at the mere mention of Seifer’s name, he felt the butterflies working his stomach, felt an urge down lower. He shifted in his seat, making himself more comfortable.

Zell got up so he could hear Seifer talking. "Hey. It’s Zell."

"I figured. So, what’s up, pussy boy?"

"Grrrr, don’t call me that! Or I won’t come to see you!"

"Is that supposed to be a threat?"

"Shut up. Listen, we’re coming tomorrow morning. Can you meet us at the station?"

"Sure. Just call when you get in or something…."

"Yeah, I will," Zell cut him off. "Listen, can I ask you something?"

"Like what? I don’t like the sound of this… you’re not going to ask for a lung or something, are you?" Seifer’s voice was accented with a glint of mischief.

"No. Actually, it’s about Selphie…"

"Let me guess. Can she come too?"

"If you’re going to say no, tell her yourself…"

"I don’t really care. She’ll just have to…repay me…"

"That sounds so sick."

"It was supposed to." Seifer laughed.

"Cheating on Squall. Tsk, tsk."

Squall looked up when he heard his name. "What?"

Zell waved at him, silencing Squall. "Do you want to talk to him?"

"Who, Squall?" Zell could hear the hesitant note in Seifer’s sensual voice.

"Here." Zell thrusted the phone at Squall. "Tell him you’ll be in town."

"Did you ask?" Selphie questioned as Squall got up to have more privacy.

"He said you’d have to suck his dick if you wanted to come."

"That can be arranged." She grinned wickedly.

Squall turned away from their conversation, blushing profusely.


There was a pause on the other end. "Squall…" Seifer trailed off, a dreamy air in his voice.

"Look, Rinoa and me are going to be going to Deling to see her father the day after Christmas, so I’ll come and see you. I don’t really want to be there when they do their family shit. It’s too tense."

"You sure get to the point, don’t you?" Seifer laughed.

Squall felt his legs becoming weak. He sat at an empty table to avoid falling on his face. He sighed as he felt himself becoming hard.

"What?" Seifer’s voice was almost a whisper, as if he was feeling the same way Squall was.

"Seifer….I…" Squall trailed off, not finding the courage needed to say what he wanted to.

"Squall…I better go. I’ll see you then." There was an actual note of happiness in his voice.

"Yeah. Bye." He hung up, resting his forehead against his hands, waiting for himself to regain composure, waiting for the blood to come back to his face.

"You look happy."

Squall looked up, meeting Rinoa’s dark eyes.

"Who were you talking to?" Her heart shaped face was quizzical.


That face dropped. "Oh."

"Don’t get like that."

"Like what?"

He sighed. "All jealous and shit."

"Will you two stop?!" Selphie cried from the next table. "It’s Christmas, for fuck’s sake!"

Rinoa flipped her hair and walked away.

"Shit." He whispered under his breath. This season wasn’t turning out to be very jolly.

"Maybe that can change…" Squall told himself, the colour returning to his cheeks.

Quistis groaned, running her fingers through her loose blonde hair. "Gods, when did our lives turn into an episode of Days of Our Lives?"

"We’re not quite there yet," Selphie proclaimed, stuffing a piece of bread in her small mouth. "One of us needs to get amnesia and age ten years in a week."

Zell gasped. "Yeah. Can you believe that they made Belle a teenager?? She was, like, four the last time I watched it!"

Quistis just put her face in her hands.

"I know!" Selphie rolled her eyes. "And what’s with that Brandon guy?? He is soooo ugly!"

"Don’t you people read?" The willowy blonde asked.

Zell replied. "This show is so much more interesting, though."

"Jesus Christ…" Quistis muttered, sighing as Zell and Selphie began to discuss, in depth, the inner meanings of Stefano’s plan to kidnap Marlena.

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